WWE TLC 2011

World Wrestling Entertainment Proudly Presents...

WWE TLC 2011

Welcome, cats and kittens, to yet another installment of the closest thing to Batman in the world of wrestling journalism, Cewsh Reviews! We have a special treat for you tonight as we review WWE TLC 2011, the final WWE show of the calender year that has brought so many crazy changes both large and small. As we investigate this most hardcore of pay per views we'll crack some jokes along the way, see some old friends and...

The following is a message paid for by the Scot World Order.

MichaelC: Muahahaah!

Yes, welcome to another heartwarming edition of

MichaelC Witters!

Yeah.


Cewsh: Oh god dammit.


MichaelC: If you wanted rambles that go nowhere, history lessons that seem vaguely pointless, Twitter references and the odd mention of wrestling, you are in the right place.

Cewsh: You know, you people could just ask to be in the reviews without freezing me in carbonite or something every time. Oh, very well then. Let's get on with it.

To Be Continued »

WWE Survivor Series 2011

World Wrestling Entertainment Proudly Presents...

WWE Survivor Series 2011

Welcome, cats and kittens, to yet another installment of the Wrestling Observer's favorite wrestling review blog, Cewsh Reviews! We have a special treat for you tonight as we review WWE Survivor Series 2011 wherein a lot of stuff is going to happen that is great and wonderful and yadda yadda yadda THE ROCK IS GOING TO WRESTLE A MATCH. Whether you're a fan of the man or not, this show represents a huge, huge deal as the Rock returns to wrestle his first honest to god match in 8 years, and teaming up with his Wrestlemania opponent John Cena to boot. The interest and hype surrounding this is truly massive, and that's without even pointing out that we're in Madison Square Garden, baby. The home of the WWE, and the birthplace of a million poorly thought out face turns. With the electricity of the Rock coming back, the excitement of CM Punk getting a crack at the WWE title, and with the widespread frustration over Zack Ryder being left off the card, this town is a geyser that is ready to explode. Anything can happen, and it will. Fucking hell, what are we waiting for?

So without any further ado, let's do a motherfucking review!

To Be Continued »

TNA Turning Point 2011

Total Nonstop Action Proudly Presents…

 
TNA Turning Point 2011

Welcome, cats and kittens, to yet another installment of the always prevalent and occasionally relevant Cewsh Reviews! We have a special treat for you tonight as we migrate south to Orlando seeking warmth and a good wrestling show, as we review TNA’s Turning Point 2011. Now this is TNA’s downtime of the year, much like WWE’s period after Wrestlemania, but apparently nobody told TNA this as things have developed rapidly since we last imbibed Aunt Dixie’s Jailhouse Road Show. After successfully defending his TNA World title against Robert Roode at Bound for Glory, Kurt Angle promptly lost it in a 5 minute match to Roode’s partner, James Storm. This incensed Roode so much that he turned heel on Storm and wrenched the title away from him, giving us a decidedly heel Roode as champion. At the same time, James Storm and Kurt Angle both found themselves injured and unable to wrestle Roode, so TNA looked to their eternal backup plan and tapped AJ Styles to fight Roode here to defend the honor of what is left of Fortune. Of course AJ ALSO got himself injured coming into the show, so who knows what might happen. Billy Gunn: main eventer? Sounding more and more likely.

But that’s just one of the various delicacies laid before us tonight, so let’s dig in and see if this show is as sweet as we’re hoping, or as rotten as we fear. Either way, it should be a culinary adventure.

So without any further ado, let’s do a motherfucking review!

To Be Continued »

CHIKARA High Noon 2011

CHIKARA Professional Wrestling Proudly Presents…

CHIKARA HIGH NOON 2011

Welcome, cats and kittens, to yet another installment of the only review blog still rocking a mullet until it comes back in style, Cewsh Reviews! We have a special treat for you tonight as we traverse new and completely uncharted territory for us, and cover our very first CHIKARA show in the 3+ years that we’ve been covering wrestling. So what makes this show so special that we would choose to highlight it first and foremost? Simple, this is CHIKARA’s debut on iPPV (thanks to the fine folks at Go Fight Live) and thus they have taken a step into wrestling world relevance that can not and will not be ignored by the likes of us. After all, who among us hasn’t heard tales of the ridiculous happenings in CHIKARA over the years? All kinds of dragons wrestling, an entire stable of demonic ice cream men, comedy matches so sublime that they defy description and everything else that you and your high buddies have spent the early hours of the morning giggling about on your computer screens can all be traced back to this collection of patently preposterous pugilists. So what’s going to happen when they open the door to a massive live audience? What will we think of the promotion as a whole? And what the shit is that bunny doing here? Welp, there really is only one way to find out.

So without any further ado, let’s do a motherfucking review!

To Be Continued »

All Together in Budokan 2011

New Japan Pro Wrestling, All Japan Pro Wrestling and Pro Wrestling NOAH Proudly Present…

All Together In Budokon 2011

Welcome, cats and kittens, to yet another installment of the only wrestling review blog that brings everyone together uncomfortably close, Cewsh Reviews! We have a special treat for you tonight, and we really, truly mean it this time. See, a few months ago there was this series of disasters in Japan. You may have heard of it, it was kind of a big deal. Nuclear power plants melted down, whole stretches of the nation flooded and earthquakes shook up everything in between as if the apocalypse was just doing some warm up stretching off the coast of Japan. After the storm had cleared, the Japanese people were left with the daunting task of resuming life as usual with spirits as low as could possibly be. So wrestling answered the call. All Japan Pro Wrestling, Pro Wrestling NOAH and New Japan Pro Wrestling joined together for the first time in a generation to do one supershow under one roof to raise money for the charity organizations that were scrambling to put their nation back together. For one night, wrestlers laced up their boots, walked out in front of thousands of eager fans, and brought a little sunshine into the hearts of people who needed it. It’s a proud moment in wrestling history, and that show is the very one we are reviewing for you here today.

Now such a special occasion couldn’t be handled by just myself, nor by just one co reviewer. For this All Together review, we brought together all 4 of our puro reviewers to converge on this show and give it the attention it deserves. We have Defrost, the scholarly curmudgeon, DDT, the enthusiastic historian, Vice, the incredulous chronicler, and of course, yours truly. We’ll join our power rings together and go all Captain Planet on this fucker.

But before we start, a little soft shoe history lesson from Professor Defrost.

To Be Continued »

The 8 Least Intimidating Monsters In Wrestling History

Top of the morning to you, my fabulous readers.  I've gathered you here to talk about something very near and dear to my heart.

Goddamit Vice, Stay Out Of My Subconscious.

Well no, not Optimus Prime, but point taken.  No, today, in honor of last week's Halloween fun, we're here to talk about monsters.  Specifically those crazed men in wrestling designed, through one gimmick or another, to scare us and inspire our wrestling favorites to greater feats of heroism.  Over the years there have been almost too many to count, ranging from the truly frightening (Abdullah the Butcher) to the insane (Luther) to the downright odd (the Boogeyman), and they are a big part of the spectacle that makes wrestling so special.  Men in these roles like Vader and the Undertaker have shaken the foundations of federations and made the entire wrestling industry tremble at their passing.  But this list isn't about those people.  Those people were awesome.  No, THIS list is about the men who were set up to be big, scary, intimidating monsters and somewhere along the way they just...weren't.  The laughable, the cheesy, the inept and the clumsy, here is our list of the top 8 least intimidating monsters in wrestling history.

And here's hoping none of them are hiding in your closet ready to jump out and ask for bus fare.

To Be Continued »

JCW Legends And Icons 2011

Juggalo Championship Wrestling Proudly Presents…

JCW LEGENDS AND ICONS 2011

Welcome, cats and kittens, to yet another installment of the only review blog that makes you walk like the scurvy dog ye be, Cewsh Reviews! We have a special trea…hmm. Well I guess “special” would be more accurate than “treat” actually now that I think about it. Because I’m going to level with you boys and girls, tonight we intrude upon untouched ground as we review the wrestling highlight of the annual Gathering of the Juggalos, JCW Legends and Icons 2011. We have a motley crew of legends from the 80s, drug addicts from the 90s, various amusing hangers on and, well, Juggalos on tap for tonight to flay us with untold pleasures of the mind until we beg them to stop. It sounds like a great time. I mean the Cewsh Reviews team, and a promotion run by evil, rapping clowns in the same place at the same time. What can go wrong, right?

Right?

So without any further ado, let’s do a motherfucking review!

To Be Continued »

TNA Bound For Glory 2011

Total Nonstop Action Proudly Presents…

 

TNA Bound For Glory 2011

Welcome, cats and kittens, to yet another installment of the reviews that are best accompanied by the song Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins, Cewsh Reviews! We have a special treat for you tonight and I really mean it as the second biggest night in the American wrestling year has come at last. TNA’s premiere PPV, Bound For Glory has come upon us with all of its splendor and whatzits to cap the TNA year with a bang. So what has TNA produced in the past year leading to this moment to give it that big show importance? Well that would be the Bound For Glory Series, a competition where members of the roster vied for points to make it to the main event of Bound For Glory. Bobby (formerly Robert, formerly Bobby) Roode came out on top ultimately, and now he’ll square off with the Olympic Gold Medalist Kurt Angle to try to cement himself atop the roster and finally make with World Championship dreams come true. But wait, that’s not all! We also have a Sherpa, a Witch, a Bully and a Felon to enjoy! You may have paid for your entire office chair, but you’ll only need the edge!

So without any further ado, let’s do a motherfucking review!

To Be Continued »

The Top 10 Matches Of John Cena

Hola amigos and amigettes, welcome to yet another Sunday Supplement.  Now in the past we've done all sorts of things with the mostly legal supplements, but by far my favorite is lists and you guys seem to agree as they're many of our most beloved Supplements.  So this week we'll be pairing something beloved (lists) with something...shall we say less beloved (Mr. John Cena).  All through the allustrious career of Mr. Cena, he's had his share of critics (and everyone else's share too) who knocked everything from his moveset, to his lack of selling, to his inability to understand ring psychology.  If you asked one of these critics to name a good John Cena match, many would be hard pressed to, whether out of genuine distaste or just stubborness.  We here at Cewsh Reviews have been as harshly critical of the man as anyone, including Vice's 17 verse long epic poem entitled "Sell the Fucking Leg, You Twat", but here tonight we'll be looking back at the matches that show that there's more to the man than fluorescent colors and jorts.  So here they are, the 10 best matches of the Doctor of Thuganomics as categorized by yours truly.

I think some of these may surprise you.

To Be Continued »

WWE Hell in a Cell 2011

World Wrestling Entertainment Proudly Presents…

 

WWE Hell in a Cell 2011

Welcome, cats and kittens, to yet another installment of the rip roaring, loud snoring, runaway bear that is Cewsh Reviews! We have a special treat for you tonight as we cover the only show of the year that FORCES us to curse just talking about it (aside from IWA:MS shows), WWE Hell in a Cell 2011. Tonight 5 men will enter the cell structure in which so much brutality has been done over the years. The images are so vivid and brutal that they’ve reached unforgettable status. Foley being thrown off of the cell, Lesnar atop the cell over the broken body of the Undertaker, a beaten and battered Triple H lifting the sliedgehammer for one last desperation shot before being Batista Bombed into oblivion. These matches are greatest among all those in WWE when it comes to instilling a sense of brutality and destruction. And tonight, we will have two. But that’s not all we have here on this magical night. Many titles are on the line, a few feuds are kicking into to overdrive, and what’s this I hear about a new title belt…? As always, there’s only one way to find out.

So without any further ado, let’s do a motherfucking review!

To Be Continued »

DDT Peter Pan in Ryogoku 2011

Dramatic Dream Team Proudly Presents…

DDT Peter Pan In Ryogoku 2011

Welcome, cats and kittens, to yet another installment of the reviews that you can find in vending machines all over Japan next to the used panties, Cewsh Reviews!  We have a special treat for you tonight as we truck right along with the Puro Party, and cover our very first DDT show here with DDT’s Peter Pan in Ryogoku 2011.  Now, for this Panda Puro Party, we’re bringing you the biggest shows of the Japanese wrestling year, from company’s biggest events, to shows with matches of huge significance, to epic, industry changing shows from the past.  This one, well, at the very least I can say that it is by far DDT’s biggest show of the year, as they bring together wrestlers from all over Japan to compete in one of the most high profile events on the wrestling calendar.  There are great champions, up and comers, and some genuine big names.  Sounds like a credible show, right?  Sure, absolutely.  Lots of intrigue and story.  That’s…that’s what is in store for you here.

Look, I’ll level with you.  Things are going to get batshit up in here.  Buckle up.

So without any further ado, let’s do a motherfucking review!

To Be Continued »

WWE Night Of Champions 2011

World Wrestling Entertainment Proudly Presents…

WWE Night of Champions 2011

Welcome, cats and kittens, to the only review blog that is the dream of a dead civilization’s dream about the original dream’s evil monster dad (Tidus had a rough life, man), Cewsh Reviews! We have a special treat tonight, as WWE has gone all Goldfinger on us with WWE Night of Champions 2011! Every title in the company is on the line in one way or another, and there are actually feuds revolving around every single one for the first time in recorded history. Will Mark Henry achieve what has eluded him for longer than many of WWE’s fans have been alive? Will John Cena cut short the destiny of Alberto Del Rio? And perhaps most importantly in our main event, what will happen when Triple H puts his position as COO of WWE on the line to face CM Punk? If you can’t smell some shenanigans happening there then you probably think that macaroni and cheese smells like purple, but the question is WHAT shenanigans, and from whom? As always, there’s only one way to find out.

So without any further ado, let’s do a motherfucking review!

To Be Continued »

NJPW Dominion 2011

New Japan Professional Wrestling Proudly Presents…

 

NJPW Dominion 2011

Welcome, cats and kittens, to the review blog that is is only notably more muscular than any other review blog (except those assholes at Tyrannosaurus Flex again), Cewsh Reviews! We have a special treat for you tonight as we finally and officially kick of Panda Puro Party month with NJPW Dominion 2011. Its been a few months since we’ve checked in with the golden lion of New Japan, and in the time since we left, things have been evolving in a most interesting way. Naito is rising through the ranks rapidly and is being heralded as a future star in a manner very reminiscent of a certain ablicious champion of note. Hirooki Goto has lost his mind and decided to murder Hiroshi Tanahashi, Kota Ibushi has made himself a top name in junior heavyweight wrestling, and perhaps most important, Jeff Hardy isn’t here to fuck everything up. Guess which one makes us the happiest? So let’s jump back into the house that Inoki built (and then demolished and then built again and then demolished again and then…) and see the biggest stars in Japanese wrestling do their fucking thing up right.

So without any further ado, let’s do a motherfucking review!

To Be Continued »

Defrost Reviews - Mutoh vs. Tanahashi

You're in store for a treat, boys and girls.

A Frosty Treat.

For some time now, whenever we've intruded onto the vast and often overwhelming landscape that is puroresu in our reviews, we have called upon our very own incredible fountain of puro information Defrost to guide us safety through to the safe shores on the other side.  We've always more or less sat back and let him drop knowledge on you with impunity, and its resulted in some of the best reviews we've been a part of in my humble (and right) opinion.  So to officially bang the wine bottle against the boat for this month's Puro Party adventure, we're giving you the good stuff unadulterated, as Defrost does his favorite thing. taking 3 matches and examining how a feud grows and shapes itself through the matches, starting with the feud that culminated in the first Japanese wrestling show we ever reviewed here at Cewsh Reviews, Hiroshi Tanahashi vs. Keiji Mutoh (or the Great Muta to you WCW fans).  Its informative, interesting, and you'll be smarter when you're done.  So grab your Trapper Keeper and get ready to take notes.  Its time for your Lesson In Lariats.

To Be Continued »

TNA No Surrender 2011

Total Nonstop Action Proudly Presents...

 
TNA No Surrender 2011

Welcome, cats and kittens, to yet another installment of the ever misleading Cewsh Reviews! We have a special treat for you tonight as we make use of the very most concise and accurate reviewing tool at our disposal and as such provide to you a review with the absolute focus and precision of a laser beam. TNA No Surrender 2011 is the show in question, and I say this with the utmost solemnity and seriousness. It deserves every inch of what we are about to do to it.

So without any further ado, let's do a motherfucking review!

To Be Continued »

The Results of The Cewsh Reviews Arto Contestico!

FINALLY, we have laboriously found a winner to our logo submission contest. We got several submissions ultimately and they ranged everywhere from lazy crap and oddly classy tributes. But after letting Vice have a free hand in choosing the winner, he harshly criticized all of the entries (it was like Simon Cowell nasty) before settling on the only one in the whole bunch that made him laugh when he saw it.

So with no further ado, here is the winner of the very first Cewsh Reviews Arto Contestico, and the winner of a t-shirt with his design on it and a warm Yoohoo through the mail...

To Be Continued »

WWE Summerslam 2011

World Wrestling Entertainment Proudly Presents…

WWE SUMMERSLAM 2011

Welcome, cats and kittens, to yet another installment of the only review blog with more hoes than rakes, Cewsh Reviews! We have a special treat for you tonight as we jump off the diving board and cannon ball our way into the biggest party of the summer with WWE Summerslam 2011. It’s the second (or third, depending on who you ask) biggest show of the year and they’ve done it up nice this year as we continue on down the road of the biggest storyline of the year, with When Cena Met Punk II. We’re walking into this show with two WWE champions and we’re walking out with just one, and the COO himself is going to have his hands all over it as the special guest referee. Does Triple H have less than honorable intentions (like always)? Will CM Punk complete his improbable ascension to the very top of the card? Will John Cena BRABADOO another BRABADOO? These are heavy questions, suitable for only the most experienced and prepared reviewers to handle. Which is why we went out and got the Turnip Queen herself and Ms. Cewsh’s sister to boot, Michelle. What are her qualifications for this all important role? Well she has never watched a complete wrestling match before ever in her entire life and she has only ever heard of John Cena and Rey Mysterio. We’ve all wondered what seeing these events through the eyes of someone completely free of any bias or foreknowledge would be like, and it may very well be more than you bargained for, sports fans. All name misspellings and misunderstandings have been left in to keep the experience as pure as possible.

So without any further ado, let’s do a motherfucking review!

To Be Continued »

TNA Hardcore Justice 2011

Total Nonstop Impact Wrestling Action Proudly Presents…

TNA Hardcore Justice 2011

Welcome, cats and kittens, to yet another installment of the only wrestling review blog with a pet dinosaur, no matter what those assholes at Tyrannosaurus Flex say, Cewsh Reviews! We have a special treat for you tonight as we investigate the second to last stop on the road the Bound For Glory, TNA’s Hardcore Justice 2011! Whereas the second to last stop on the road to Wrestlemania is the much anticipated Royal Rumble, here TNA takes a different approach by instead giving us a show where, grammatically at least, the justice exacted will be entirely hardcore in nature. So if you like your just hard with a well defined core (who doesn’t) then this is most certainly the show for you. But let’s not get ahead of ourselves, after all, we have several titles on the line, some stable in fighting, and some other people wrestling for reasons and purposes. REASONS AND PURPOSES I SAY. What more could you want?

So without any further ado, let’s do a motherfucking review!

To Be Continued »

WSU 4th Anniversary Show

Women Superstars Uncensored Proudly Presents…

WSU 4th Anniversary Show

Hello ducklings and welcome to a very exciting review. As has become tradition, if Mrs. Cewsh is hosting, we must be watching women beat the hell out of each other. Tonight is no exception, as we depart from the safe, comforting shores of Shimmer to sail across the country to Cewsh's favorite state, New Jersey!

Women Superstars Uncensored, or WSU, is Shimmer's main competition in the US. This show marks their 4th anniversary, so they're sure to pull out all the stops. They'll be some familiar faces, some new, and even some we wish we'd forgotten. What are Uncensored rules? Who announces for this place? Who gave Jazz a run in 2011? No, seriously, we don't know. You'll have to read along and find out with us.

So without further ado, let's do a review!

To Be Continued »

WWE Money in the Bank 2011

World Wrestling Entertainment Proudly Presents…

WWE Money in the Bank 2011

Welcome, cats and kittens, to yet another installment of the review blog that learned everything they know about wrestling from 2XL, Cewsh Reviews! We have a special treat for you tonight, and for once we mean it, as we find ourselves smack dab in the middle of the most intriguing wrestling storyline in recent memory. CM Punk has held the imagination of the collective internet wrestling community hostage for the past month after his incredible promo on Raw where he buried the company and threatened to take the title and leave simply because he can. Weeks of hype and confusion followed and here and now we’ll find out what happens when this all comes to a head in Punk’s hometown of Chicago, on his very last night as a WWE employee, here at WWE Money in the Bank 2011. Will Punk truly be able to beat John Cena and take the WWE title hostage? Will this just be another “Cena pulls out the improbable win” sort of occasion? What the hell will the Money in the Bank winners do? Only one way to find out, boys and girls.

So without any further ado, let’s do a motherfucking review!

To Be Continued »

TNA Destination X 2011

Impact Wrestling Proudly Presents…

TNA Destination X 2011

Welcome, cats and kittens, to yet another installment of future one hit wonder Cewsh Reviews! We have a special treat for you tonight, as we seek out TNA’s Destination X 2011, where assumedly the treasure is buried. Now we’re deep into summer now, boys and girls, so this is the downiest down time on the wrestling calendar. Wrestlemania is far, far off, and consequently most American wrestling is subdued, waiting for Wrestling Season to come back again, bringing with it the interest of the majority of wrestling fans. As such, summer is the time for experimental booking, and new things to begin, and nowhere is this truer than here tonight, as TNA devotes an entire pay per view broadcast to a division they could barely be bothered to dedicate 8 minutes of television time to 6 months ago, as we get ourselves an all X Division PPV. Will the X Division guys step up and make the effort worthwhile? Will the experiment fail horribly and kill off the division once and for all? At what moment, exactly, did Vice mark out like an 80s child for a Cabbage Patch doll? Only one way to find out.

So without any further ado, let’s do a motherfucking review!

To Be Continued »

TNA Slammiversary 2011

Total Nonstop Action Or Impact Wrestling Whatever Works For You Proudly Presents…

TNA Slammiversary 2011

Welcome, cats and kittens to yet another installment of the Tony award winning Cewsh Reviews! We have a special treat for you tonight, as we celebrate the 8th anniversary of the glorious collection of greatness and failure that can only be categorized by whatever name we’re going with today. Tonight is a special night for TNA, as they officially close the book on the first half of the year, and turn on the jets for the sprint to Bound For Glory in October. As such we have the blow offs (theoretically) to numerous feuds here, and the birth of many more growing right in front of our eyes. Will this show represent all that has been right with TNA for these long years? Will it disappoint horribly as has also been the case? Will it do both, seeking the creamy center of batshittery like only TNA can? Only one way to find out.

So with no further ado, let’s do a motherfucking review!

To Be Continued »

WWE Over The Limit 2011

World Wrestling Entertainment Proudly Presents…

WWE Over The Limit 2011

Welcome, cats and kittens, to yet another installment of the only wrestling review blog that isn’t pro puppy kicking (its true, I have pictures) Cewsh Reviews! We have a special treat for you here tonight as we are off and running into the summer of wrestling, and are well on our way to extending an entire year’s worth of driving metaphors with WWE’s Over the Limit 2011. Tonight, the Miz finds himself trapped in what has become John Cena’s signature match, the I Quit, Randy Orton and Christian will clash again to see who the better man really is, and in the main event, Sin Cara will do his best to battle against the indestructible force that is Chavo Guerrero. It’s a stacked show (so is your mom) and more importantly, its our first WWE show back from vacation. So, you know, exciting!

So without any further ado, let’s do a motherfucking review!

To Be Continued »

TNA Sacrifice 2011

Total Nonstop Impact Wrestling Action Federation Justice League Proudly Presents…

TNA Sacrifice 2011

Welcome, cats and kittens, to the only wrestling blog that leaves you for a week to get busy in foreign countries and forgets to call, Cewsh Reviews! We have a special treat for you tonight as we, belatedly, cover the first TNA PPV at the dawn of a new era for them, in TNA Sacrifice 2011. You see, TNA is rebranding themselves to some unknown extent from the ground up starting now and leading into the summer and fall, and nobody seems to know exactly what is going to come from the changes. Now you MAY say something like “Hey Cewsh, doesn’t that mean they’ll be padding their shows with filler until they figure it out and give us a big reveal for ratings?” To which I heartily pish posh your dish dosh. TNA would never give filler where great content would do, and this show is positively stacked with great matches such as… Mexican America vs. Ink Inc…and…and…Brian Kendrick vs. Robbie E…oh right. Hmm. Welp, fair enough then.

So without any further ado, let’s do a motherfucking review!

To Be Continued »

Dear Randy Savage

Dear Randy Savage,

Hi Mr. Savage.  My name is Cewsh.  I'm sure you don't know me (despite that one time I was totally sure I bumped into you in the bathroom of a Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles Rock Concert in the early 90s) but in case you weren't aware you passed away recently, and before you left for good I wanted to send you a letter to let you know what you've meant to me over the years.  You may have more important things to do at the moment like choosing a cool house to haunt, or seeing if you can possess Hulk Hogan, but take some time aside, if you will, to go back in time with me.  I promise we wont talk about the rap thing.  Honest.

To Be Continued »

WWE Extreme Rules 2011

World Wrestling Entertainment Proudly Presents…

WWE Extreme Rules 2011

Welcome, cats and kittens, to yet another installment of the misfits who make the biscuits, Cewsh Reviews! We have a special treat for you tonight, as we take the first step back out onto that long, long road to the next Wrestlemania. This is the time of the year when the most change occurs, and that is clearly evident here, as the draft has shaken things up in WWE considerably, creating two rosters that look very different indeed than they did a few weeks ago. This PPV, therefore, is like a jelly filled doughnut, except instead of jelly, INTRIGUE. All of the Wrestlemania feuds will be blown off as the competitors are physically separated by being on different shows, all of the matches will be extreme in some abstract way, and an event will happen on this show (and later in the week) that would send shockwaves throughout the wrestling industry. Not bad for a Sunday.

So without any further ado, let’s do a motherfucking review!

To Be Continued »

TNA Lockdown 2011

Total Nonstop Action Proudly Presents…

TNA LOCKDOWN 2011

Welcome, cats and kittens, to yet another installment of the fuzziest and wuzziest reviews in the known universe, Cewsh Reviews! We have a special treat for you tonight, as the time has finally come for the first shot from TNA post Wrestlemania, as we review TNA Lockdown 2011! See, every year TNA tries to make it seem like Bound for Glory is their biggest show, but inevitably it is Lockdown that contains the biggest moments, the best matches, and the most interesting storylines, so here at Cewsh Reviews we’ve just started accepting it as the biggest TNA show of the year. This year is no exception either, as a great many feuds are looking to be blown off here once and for all. Joe/Dinero, Angle/Jarrett, James/Rayne, and Immortal/Fortune are all going to get inside the six…err…four sides of steel and have themselves a war to settle the score. Will Immortal regain power in TNA? Will our champion be a senior citizen, a drug addict or an asshole? And just why in the hell is one of these matches only 30 seconds long? Only one way to find out.

So without any further ado, let’s do a motherfucking review!

To Be Continued »

THE CRIHAOCSMUTDC2: EB

Cewsh Reviews and I Have An Opinion Proudly Present…

The Cewsh Reviews/I Have An Opinion Crossover Super Mega Ultra Technicolor Dream Card 2: Electric Boogaloo

Welcome, cats and kittens, to yet another installment of the sexiest thing on four legs, Cewsh Reviews! We have an ESPECIALLY special treat for you tonight, no doubt about it, as tonight we finally review the show over a month in the making. See, about a year ago we decided that we should do something to satiate the people who were asking us to review individual matches and not full shows, while at the same time sticking to our guns about only reviewing full shows. The result was the Cewsh Reviews Super Mega Ultra Technicolor Dream Card which was supplied by having all of our fans suggest matches and them selecting them at random, lottery style, out of an Optimus Prime Mr. Potato Head. Which is exactly as awesome as it sounds. It turned out to me a great success, and now it has become a tradition here for us to let you guys in on the party from time to time. Which brings us here to the sequel which we’re doing in conjunction with the video review by our buddy Deewun at his blog, I Have An Opinion. Just like the first time, our fans suggested the matches and we compiled them into an actual Dream Card show of the best, worst and strangest wrestling has to offer. The last one nearly broke us with its batshittery. I’m afraid. Please hold me.

So without any further ado, let’s do a motherfucking review!

To Be Continued »

The Top 5 Nobodies In America Who Made It Big In Japan

Welcome back to the ever shifting sands of the Sunday Supplements, cats and kittens.  Tonight we're going to talk about the wacky land of Japan.  Not just anything about Japan, though, because god knows we could be here all night just discussing why they sell used girl's panties in vending machines next to the soda.  No, today, inspired by TAJIRI's new promotion that we're reviewing for this week, we'll be talking about people who never made it in the rat race of American pro wrestling, who nonetheless hit it big in the far east for one reason or another.

Sorry Murdoch, None For You.
 

So call them gaijin, call them legends, or call them radiculous.  These are 5 men that went nowhere in America, and hit it big in Japan.  So saddle up your sushi, and buy some Hello Kitty merchandise.  It's time to head to the other side.

To Be Continued »

Cewsh Interviews - Xavier

Top of the evening to you, boys and girls.  Cewsh here with a treat and a half for all of you.  See, we have the best, smartest and handsomest fans in the world, that goes without saying.  But sometimes, despite them being so smart and amazing, and despite us being face meltingly great, on occasion our fans have a tendency to believe that there are things we cannot do.  Build a life size replica of the Louvre out of marshmallows?   Probably not.  Obtain morally questionable photographs of famous celebrities with inanimate objects?  Yeah, not so much our thing.  But when some of you wondered what had become of the former Ring of Honor World Heavyweight Champion Xavier, some of you didn't believe we had the journalistic prowess to find out.  Well thanks to some friendly probing and one incredibly nice and rad former wrestler who has a great appreciation for his fans, we did just that very thing.

 We Mean Xavier, If That Wasn't Obvious.

So without any further ado, allow me to present our one of a kind exclusive interview, as we go 5 rounds with the man they call X.

To Be Continued »

WWE Wrestlemania XXVII

World Wrestling Entertainment Proudly Presents…

WWE Wrestlemania XXVII

Welcome, cats and kittens, to yet another installment of the reviewers that bring in the viewers, Cewsh Reviews! We have a special treat for you tonight, as the culmination of the wrestling year (or the part of it your grandma may have actually heard of anyway) is nigh, and it is finally time for WWE Wrestlemania XXVII! Now the sheer media blitz of Wrestlemania (and our preview special if you’re a good little Cewshketeer) has probably made it abundantly clear what is on this show, so I’m not going to waste any more time hyping it for you. All I’ll say is that excitement is high among the CR Clan going in and we have champagne wishes and caviar dreams about how things may go. Will this Wrestlemania top last year’s above average show? What the fuck will the Rock actually be doing here? And for fuck’s sake, will anyone actually get made a star on the greatest stage of them all? Only one way to find out.

So without any further ado, let’s do a motherfucking review!

To Be Continued »

The Wrestlemania 27 Preview Spectacular

Welcome, cats and kittens, to our little ditty of a preview special for the biggest wrestling show of the calender year, Wrestlemania.  Now before anything else, believe me, I know what you're thinking.  "Oh man, c'mon Cewsh, everyone and their one legged mother does a Wrestlemania Preview.  You'll say who you think will win, who you think SHOULD win, and probably crack some bad jokes about how Snookie is the downfall of the wrestling industry."  Well that is very astute, dear reader, as that is what many of our peers do very much indeed.  But in case you haven't noticed, we here at the Cewsh Reviews do things a little differently.  Yes indeed, we will talk about the matches, but we're going to give you the skinny on the backstories to these little beauties and catch you up on anything you missed along the Road.  Yes, we will predict the shows, but we will use the best in predictive equipment, including actual software, a goddamned cat and whatever the hell batshit system Vice has worked out for us this year.  And of course, then there's Sakura, the Psychic Cat.

So if you're ready to delve into a preview world that makes all the others look totally lame (with all due respect), then buckle your seat belts to spare us the lawsuits, and take the fucking plunge.

To Be Continued »

The CRSMUTDC2 Match Drawing

 Okay boys and girls, the time is here. Vice, Deewun and I are in the process of setting up for the big CRIHAOCSMUTDC2: EB Match Drawing Chattacular. What we're going to do is we'll all three be chatting together as Vice draws the matches from Optimash Prime and i'll post the drawings, the person who picked it, and our reactions to them, so you can find out just how much we hate you all for torturing us.

Before that occurs though (because we're still waiting on Deewun) I have a big Cewsh Reviews related announcement to make.

After discussing it with Rajah himself, starting at Wrestlemania, you will now be able to read Cewsh Reviews on the main page of Rajah.com.

There wont be any pictures, naturally, so it wont be as totally batshit awesome as the reviews you know and love, but you'll still be getting them here on the blog as well. Just many MORE of you will be getting them now, and with any luck more eyes will be headed our way in the near future.

But that's for then and this is for now.  So without any further ado, here are the matches submitted by you!

To Be Continued »

The Shimmer Volumes 37-40 Wrap Up Spectacular

Hello darlings, we're home from Shimmer! It was even more fun than last time! Would you like some results, thoughts, and pictures? Of course you would. So without further ado, SHIMMER!

To Be Continued »

TNA Victory Road 2011

This summary is not available. Please click here to view the post.

To Be Continued »

TNA Against All Odds 2011

Total Nonstop Action Proudly Presents…

TNA Against All Odds 2011

Welcome, cats and kittens, to yet another installment of the only reviews defended by the champion of Redwall, Cewsh Reviews! We have a special treat for you tonight as we take a trip down to Orlando and ride the rides at Universal Studios, shed a tear at the office space where Nickelodeon Studios used to be, and, if there’s time, review TNA’s Against All Odds 2011! Now when last we left TNA, Immortal had all the titles in TNA except for the very most prized one which Ken Anderson had won in shocking fashion. He’s managed to hold onto it all month despite the best attempts of Fortune to get it back and tonight Jeff Hardy will have to try to take it away himself, all alone, in the match that he made Extreme, a ladder match. Meanwhile, Immortal is in turmoil as Fortune (AJ Styles, Kazarian and Beer Money) have split from the group to find their own spotlight, and Kurt Angle, Scott Steiner and Amazing Red really tall brother have come together with them to even the odds. Tonight things wont be settled, but people will punch each other over issues, which is good enough for me.

So without any further ado, let’s do a motherfucking review!

To Be Continued »

WWE Elimination Chamber 2011

World Wrestling Entertainment Proudly Presents…

WWE Elimination Chamber 2011

Welcome, cats and kittens, to yet another installment of everybody's favorite girlfriend, Cewsh Reviews! We have a special treat for you tonight as we take the final step on the Road (though considering it has about 2 steps, maybe its more of a path?) to Wrestlemania as we review WWE Elimination Chamber 2011. Ah, its that time of year again, boys and girls as a young man's fancy turns to thoughts of greased up musclemen (and women) vying for the opportunity to see their dreams come true in the main event of Wrestlemania. Tonight, those men that were unlucky enough to not win the Royal Rumble and get the easy road will try to take the hard way to the main event of Wrestlemania, through the ominous Chambers that await them. Locked inside will be their hopes and dreams, and only one man in each chamber match will survive (metaphorically) to see his dream come true. So with bated breath, and a surprise or two along the way, let's not leave you in suspense.

So without any further ado, let's do a motherfucking review!

To Be Continued »

WWE Royal Rumble 2011

World Wrestling Entertainment Proudly Presents…

WWE Royal Rumble 2011

Welcome, cats and kittens to yet another installment of the reviews so royal that they rumble, Cewsh Reviews! We have a special treat in store for you tonight as we kick of the exciting Road to Wrestlemania tonight with one of the most anticipated and prestigious shows of the year, WWE Royal Rumble 2011. Now if you’ve been reading Cewsh Reviews for any length of time ( and really, why would any other option be acceptable?) you know that we are huuuuuuge fans of the Royal Rumble, dating back to when we were little Cewshs. As a result, every year when this beloved event rolls around we roll out the red carpet in kind and give this bad boy the love and attention it deserves. We have a guest reviewer covering this year’s installment of what is possibly the biggest single match in the wrestling year, and he is that incorrigible Royal Rumble historian himself, Michael C. He is the Howard Finkel of our reviews, and with him dropping knowledge on you, dear readers, you wont miss a thing.

Any words, Michael?

MichaelC: Wow, I’m back in a Cewsh Review. I’d like to thank all my fans who cheered for my return. I don’t know how I’d have done it without [strike]me[/strike] you.

So without any further ado, let’s do a motherfucking review!

To Be Continued »

NJPW Wrestle Kingdom V

New Japan Professional Wrestling Proudly Presents…

 

NJPW WRESTLE KINGDOM V

Welcome, cats and kittens, to yet another installment of the only reviews know to cause Frostbite (heh, get it), Cewsh Reviews! We have a special treat for you tonight, as the reason I’m making cold related puns is because we’ve got our very own Puro Pal Defrost in the house tonight as we tackle the biggest Japanese wrestling show of the year, NJPW Wrestle Kingdom V. For those of you Cewshkateers who have followed us from the very beginning, you will remember that this is the 3rd year in a row that we have reviewed the very greatest that our neighbors to the Far East have to offer, and each year it sets the benchmark for greatness in wrestling that every other promotion in the world strives to compete with. With any luck this will be no different and Defrost will be here to make sure none of us misses a beat.

So what are we waiting for? This is Wrestle Kingdom night motherfuckers! Put on your best suit, grab a date (immediate family members not allowed), and prepare for a classy evening of having your socks lariated off. Its puro time!

So without any further ado, let’s do a motherfucking review!

To Be Continued »

The 10 Greatest Moments In TNA History

Welcome cats and kittens, to yet another Sunday Supplement coming at you LIVE (not live) from Cewsh Reviews Headquarters here in Jetpackistan.  You know, we kid around a lot here at Cewsh Reviews, and we poke fun at anything with a pulse (and some things without them), and probably by far our most prolific target of criticism and jokes is Total Nonstop Action.  They've been around since 2002, and somehow i've been busting their balls since 2001, while rooting for them all the same.  So tonight i'd like to head a little bit of a different direction and honor the things that TNA has done right, by naming the 10 greatest moments in TNA history.  Some of them you may be familiar with, and some of them may be new to you, but these are the great moments that have defined TNA's comparatively short history in the wrestling world.

So grab some popcorn and kick back.  Its time to take a tour of history.

To Be Continued »

TNA Genesis 2011

Total Nonstop Action Proudly Presents…

 
TNA GENESIS 2011

Welcome, cats and kittens, to yet another installment of the most electrifying reviews in blog entertainment, Cewsh Reviews! We have a special treat for you tonight as we head on down south to a nice little hacienda down Orlando way, to review TNA’s first pay per view offering of the year, TNA Genesis 2011. A lot has changed in the world of action since this time last year when Hulk Hogan had just made his arrival and AJ Styles made his dramatic heel turn. Since then lots has gone down, but nothing so important as the rise of Immortal and our heel World Champion Jeff Hardy. He isn’t actually wrestling on this show, but his presence will be felt in not one but TWO number one contendership matches (we will call them number 1a and number 1b). Not only that but we have a mystery debut and rumors of a mysterious end of show shocker on our hands, so buckle up, cowpokes, its time to get this rodeo started.

So without any further ado, let’s do a motherfucking review!

To Be Continued »

The 2nd Annual CR Year End Awards

Welcome cats and kittens to the second annual Cewsh Reviews End Of Year Awards extravaganza. Now if you're a good little member of the Vice Brigade, you already read Ms. Cewsh's awards last week and got an idea for how this sort of thing goes, but just in case, here's a refresher We've reviewed dozens of matches and shows from all over the world this year to come to these conclusions, so if you were wondering whether or not we pulled them entirely out of our asses, we didn't.  Except for where we did.

The basic idea, for those of you late to the party, is that all three of us will use the same awards from the first two categories (Good and Bad), and then go off on whatever wackiness we want for the final category (The aptly named Tanooki). The complicated bits are the Best and Worst Male and Female Wrestler of the Year, Best and Worst Tag Team, and More Impressive and Most Disappointing awards, so listen up. I took the scores I gave every single match had this year, and averaged the scores of every eligible wrestler. To become eligible you must have wrestled at least 3 matches that we reviewed.

By the end of the process there were over 74 candidates for Best and Worst, and you can do the math for yourself (or wait until then end where I will list the cumulative score of every candidate). The wrestlers are ranked in order by the their average scores from the Best of the Year, to the bitter end.

Alright, everybody good? Nobody fall asleep during that? Well then let's let down the curtains, fire up the band, and get this jungle party started, motherfuckers!

To Be Continued »