TNA Lockdown 2012

Total Nonstop Action Proudly Presents…

TNA Lockdown 2012

Welcome, cats and kittens, to yet another installment of the only blog that has a fully grown Sasquatch on staff, (he types like 75 words per minute,) Cewsh Reviews! We have a special treat for you tonight as we return to the scene of past crimes against wrestling to review TNA Lockdown 2012. It has been 3 months now since we elected to stop covering TNA’s PPVs on a monthly basis, and now we’re checking back in to see how they’ve been getting on without us. From the looks of things, everything has gotten real interesting in the TNA universe, with Bobby Roode running roughshod over the entire company as TNA champion, Bully Ray lovingly renaming himself Calfzilla, and with the Immortal Hulk Hogan having taken over as the man in charge on television. After alienating us with dreary booking before, will they be able to make us come crawling back begging for forgiveness? Or will we finally have to call things off with TNA permanently? Only one way to find out…

So without any further ado, let’s do a motherfucking review!

To Be Continued »

TNA Lockdown 2011

Total Nonstop Action Proudly Presents…

TNA LOCKDOWN 2011

Welcome, cats and kittens, to yet another installment of the fuzziest and wuzziest reviews in the known universe, Cewsh Reviews! We have a special treat for you tonight, as the time has finally come for the first shot from TNA post Wrestlemania, as we review TNA Lockdown 2011! See, every year TNA tries to make it seem like Bound for Glory is their biggest show, but inevitably it is Lockdown that contains the biggest moments, the best matches, and the most interesting storylines, so here at Cewsh Reviews we’ve just started accepting it as the biggest TNA show of the year. This year is no exception either, as a great many feuds are looking to be blown off here once and for all. Joe/Dinero, Angle/Jarrett, James/Rayne, and Immortal/Fortune are all going to get inside the six…err…four sides of steel and have themselves a war to settle the score. Will Immortal regain power in TNA? Will our champion be a senior citizen, a drug addict or an asshole? And just why in the hell is one of these matches only 30 seconds long? Only one way to find out.

So without any further ado, let’s do a motherfucking review!

To Be Continued »

AAA Triplemania 2009

Asistencia Asesoría y Administración Proudly Presents…

AAA Triplemania 2009

Welcome, cats and kittens, to yet another installment of the spicy and delicious Cewsh Reviews. Tonight we have a special treat for you, as we venture into hitherto unexplored territory. Namely the sunny, friendly, and Salma Hayek producing land of Mexico. Now during the time that we’ve been chasing this out of control Frankenstein we know as Cewsh Reviews, we’ve spent a lot of time discussing and covering Japanese wrestling and, obviously, American wrestling. We even went to Italy and South Korea. But Mexico, and lucha libre, have been oddly left out our far reaching net. Whether that’s because people don’t seem to be very interested in lucha these days, or simply because we don’t know it or understand it as well as other kinds of wrestling, the fact remains that we have been neglectful.

But no longer! As we follow our merry host Konnan south in search of the newness, we’re bound to come across things that even we experienced travelers are not prepared for. Little people team6ing with the devil to fight women? Hype videos entirely in anime? People taking bong hits out of urns? Oh it’s all here. Will we find a new favorite wrestler in this unexplored territory, or will the whole show be a case of Montezuma’s Revenge? Only one way to find out.

So without any further ado, permita que nosotros hacer una revisión de motherfucking!

To Be Continued »

ROH Seventh Anniversary Show 2009

Ring of Honor Proudly Presents…

ROH Seventh Anniversary Show

Welcome, cats and kittens, to yet another edition of the Pepsi Challenge Award winning Cewsh Reviews. We have a special treat for you tonight (is it special if I call them all special? Hmm.) in the form of Ring of Honor’s 7th Anniversary Show. Now we here at Cewsh Reviews Headquarters have been very, very hard on Ring of Honor for the past year of two (or three), and as a result, ROH has been terribly underrepresented in our reviews thus far. Times change, however, and things really seem to be turning around in a big way for the once proud company. Great new talent, interesting new feuds, and a general new atmosphere to the promotion makes it great fodder for us to sink our teeth into.

The Era of Gabe Sapolsky has ended. Cewsh Reviews will proudly champion the Adam Pearce Era as of today. Unless it sucks too. In which case we can be ice cold, motherfuckers. Ice cold.

So without any further ado, let’s do a motherfucking review!

To Be Continued »

NKPWA Impact 2009

New Korean Professional Wrestling Association Proudly Presents…

NKPWA IMPACT 2009

Welcome, cats and kittens, to yet another installment of the only review supported by Tom Zenk Fanatics everywhere, Cewsh Reviews… Today we have yet another special treat as we head out to the Far East for another foreign wrestling spectacular. Rather than go all the way to Japan, however, we’re going to be lazy about it, and park our review plane on the runways of Seoul, South Korea, as we review our very first show for NKPWA. Now NKPWA are an organization still trying to find their footing in comparison to their gargantuan Japanese counterparts, so we thought we’d give them a bit of the Cewsh Boost by giving them some attention here, and see just what exactly is going on in the land of beautiful women and Starcraft pwners alike. It also doesn’t hurt that a mini American invasion is going on here, as TNA stars like Christopher Daniels and Petey Williams are here to rock the Oriental party.

Did Cewsh agree to this just for the potential possibility of scantily clad Korean women? He’s not answering that. But he is winking suggestively. Verrrry suggestively.

So without any further ado, let’s do a motherfucking review!

To Be Continued »

TNA Against All Odds 2009

Cewsh: This show made us all extremely sad pandas. Why must you hurt us like this TNA? Only our intrepid adventuring spirit, and some ancient Incan spirit stones got us through this one boys and girls.

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Total Nonstop Action Proudly Presents...

TNA AGAINST ALL ODDS 2009

Welcome yet again, cats and kittens, to the Grammy nominated Cewsh Reviews…. Now you may be wondering, “Cewsh, how are you guys so funny AND insightful?” Which is a fine question, and the answer involves some Tibetan monks, a strict diet of grape jelly, and a membership to the YMCA. But we here at Cewsh Reviews…aren’t about to give away all of our secrets just yet, and now with fun and games behind us, it is time to get down to business.

For those who don’t watch TNA regularly, the story going into the show is that the Frontline, comprised of Team 3D, Samoa Joe, AJ Styles, Rhino, Jay Lethal, Eric Young, Consequences Creed, and occasionally Mick Foley, Jeff Jarrett, and ODB, and the Main Event Mafia, composed of Kurt Angle, Booker T, Kevin Nash, Scott Steiner, and the TNA World Heavyweight Champion Sting, are clashing in a huge stable war for the future of TNA. Despite their greater numbers, the Frontline have been losing this war badly, and Joe, Styles, Jarrett, Rhino, Bubba Ray, and Foley have all been injured by the Mafia at one point or another. This is the show where Team 3D gets their chance of payback at the Mafia.

With that said, on with the show!

To Be Continued »

TNA Genesis 2009

Cewsh: The first TNA show of the new year, and it was a definite doozie, as Mick Foley had just come to TNA, and nobody really knew what he was going to wind up doing with the company. This is the start of what I would later call the "Meh" period of TNA PPVs. Meh. A three letter word that means "not worth your money or time." Also, this review was powered entirely by Taco Bell and sleeplessness.

Good times.

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Total Nonstop Action Proudly Presents...

TNA GENESIS 2009

Well here we are again boys and girls, here for another TNA review, but also here for the very first big (US) show of the new year. TNA jumps out of the gate first with the first PPV of the year, so will they set the pace, and the standard for 2009, and give us a show to give us faith for the coming year? Only time will tell, and time we have. So let’s get to it.

To Be Continued »

The Pro Wrestling Summit

Cewsh: Take 1 member of every wrestling promotion in the Land of the Rising Sun, put them in a blender along with traditional Japanese wackiness, and a good dose of fun, and what do you get? A good mix of wily veterans, and youngsters looking for their chance to succeed, and a ton of fun for the Cewsh Reviews Team.

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Every Japanese Promotion Ever Proudly Presents…

THE PRO WRESTLING SUMMIT 2008

Welcome, cats and kittens, to another edition of the Razzy award winning Cewsh Reviews. Tonight we have the special privilege of covering a very unique event in professional wrestling. The Pro Wrestling Summit. Every Japanese wrestling promotion that anyone has ever heard of came together and offered one of their wrestlers to this mini supershow. Its mainly chock full of up and comers, and people that each promotion wants to push, so it’s a good indicator towards who the future of Japanese wrestling is. So yeah, this show is verrrry intriguing, and one of those rare times when we get the chance to sample a lot of different promotions at once. The Cewsh Reviews Team loves that shit.

And without any further ado, let’s review this bitch, shall we?

To Be Continued »

TNA Final Resolution 2008

Cewsh: As we moved towards the end of the first calender year of Cewsh Reviews..., Vice made his triumphant return here, and things started to settle in to a groove. Vice debuted his Awards here, which have remained probably the most popular part of the reviews to this day. I briefly attempted to talk Ms. Cewsh into doing this show as well, and the laughter rose through the air, sailed through the wind current down to Florida, and settled into the ears of a Mr. Jarrett, who shed a single tear.

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Total Nonstop Action Proudly Presents...

TNA Final Resolution 2008

Welcome to the show, ladies and gents. Cewsh here; ready to delight you, excite you, and buy your girlfriend some flowers, (because you always forget). As you may have noticed, the ever curmudgeonly Vice has rejoined us this review. He’s here to shine a little of his purple light on our dreary, washed-out lives. While you may have gotten your hopes up for another edition of Ms. Cewsh, wittily telling you about the women she would like to fornicate with, you’ll just have to wait until she makes her triumphant return at the Royal Rumble. Much like John Cena, this part year.

Here we are to review Final Resolution, the last TNA pay-per-view of 2008. It’s been a long year for TNA, fraught with many successes and far more failures. As usual, they seem to be on the cusp of greatness. Will this be the night they put it all together? Or will they crash and burn, like we all expect them to?

To Be Continued »

NWE Power Catch: 19/04/08

Cewsh: In an attempt to represent wrestling from all over the world, Vice and I decided to take a look at the Italy based promotion run by former WWE star Rikishi. We knew that many former WWE castoffs had found work there, but what we found was nothing like what we expected. And so began the Cewsh Reviews love affair with Orlando Jordan.

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Nu Wrestling Evolution Proudly Presents…

NWE Power Catch: 19/04/08

Welcome, cats and kittens, to yet another installment of the only review brought to you in part by PBS and readers like you, Cewsh Reviews... Tonight we have a special treat for you, as we cross one of the oceans (take your pick) to arrive on the sunny beaches of Spain to review NWE’s Catch Direct 8: Episode 1. Now we’ve reviewed shows from all over the world before, but we’ve never visited our brothers in Europe, and with NWE causing quite a stir in those parts, their time has finally come.

Frankly, though, it’s a surprise we’ve never done them before. Orlando Jordan? Booked by Rikishi? Ultimate Warrior shows up sometimes? Yeah, you can count us in anytime, if for nothing else, then for the sheer absurdity of it all. Can Rikishi book? Will we have any idea what is going on? Will Cewsh blow a gasket at seeing Orlando Jordan again? Only one way to find out, and lucky for you, its to keep right on reading.

So without any further ado, let’s do a motherfucking review!

To Be Continued »

WWE December To Dismember 2006

World Wrestling Entertainment Proudly Presents...

WWE DECEMBER TO DISMEMBER 2006

Welcome, cats and kittens, to yet another installment of the only reviews that come around less often than spontaneous three ways with buxom celebrities, Cewsh Reviews! We have a special treat for you tonight, as after years and years of people asking me, begging me, and occasionally outright threatening me, I have finally broken down and agreed to review the consensus choice for the worst mainstream PPV in wrestling history. Of course, I can only be talking about WWE December To Dismember. After 8 years of healing, it is finally time for us to investigate just what the hell it is about this show that makes people bleed out of their eyeballs whenever they remember seeing it. Was it the Elimination Chamber match that killed the ECW concept in one fell swoop? Was it the undercard full of matches even their mothers couldn't love? Or was it some wonderful tidbit that has been blocked from my memory that will come tearing out with the force and fury of a runaway supernova? As always, there's only one way to find out.

So without any further ado, let's do a motherfucking review!

To Be Continued »

WCW New Blood Rising 2000

Cewsh: This is my favorite review. If you're reading through the archives and you find another review that I've said is my favorite review then forget about that one, because that's Future Cewsh's favorite, and that guy is almost always drunk.

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World Championship Wrestling Proudly Presents…

WCW New Blood Rising 2000

Welcome, cats and kittens, to yet another installment of the time traveling, whirling dervish we call Cewsh Reviews! Tonight we have a special treat for you as we set the clock back to the year 2000 to take in the splendid aroma of WCW’s New Blood 2000 PPV. Now we’ve traversed these dangerous waters before, with our review of WCW Superbrawl a few months ago, but WCW at the end was something that can’t be summed up in just one installment. Oh no. To do a decent reckoning of the biggest train wreck to ever contain the words “professional” and “wrestling” (not necessarily in that order) we had to go back and give ourselves over to the sheer experience of Vince Russo’s mad whims. 12 matches? Why not?! Two KroniK matches? Bring ‘em on! Judy Bagwell on a pole? YEA…wait, what? Seriously?

Fuckhumping McJesus. What have we done?

So without any further ado, let’s do a motherfucking review!

To Be Continued »

WCW Superbrawl 2000

Cewsh: We could base this entire blog around just reviewing WCW shows from 2000 - 2001. Actually, I don't know why we haven't already done that. It's not like they're going to sue us or anything.

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World Championship Wrestling Proudly Presents…

WCW Superbrawl 2000

Welcome, CATS AND kittens to yet another installment of the consistently prefaced Cewsh Reviews. Tonight we’re playing the part of Doc Brown, and we’re strapping you into the DeLorean and setting the dial to the year 2000. There was so much of interest that year, as we narrowly dodged the Y2pocalypse, boy bands ran rampant all over our collective faces, and we elected George Bush, or didn’t, depending on who you ask. However, since we run a wrestling review ditty here, we’re going to zero in on something we can make fun of, and if we’re talking jokes, we’re talking WCW in its final year.

We’ve plucked this random PPV from their last year open as a company, just to be a window in to the often discussed downfall of WCW. Was the quality really so bad as people always say? Are there really 12 goddamn matches on this show? Which of us will have an aneurysm from laughter first? Only one way to find ouuuuuut…

So without any further ado, let’s do a motherfucking review!

To Be Continued »

WWE Wrestlemania XIV

Cewsh: This is the first classic show that Mrs. Cewsh had ever seen. After having seen it, she spent weeks genuinely perplexed as to what people see in nostalgia at all.

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World Wrestling Entertainment Proudly Presents...

WWE Wrestlemania XIV

Hola everyone, instead of your usual Cewsh, you’re getting me, Ms. Cewsh, popping my Attitude Era cherry to bring you another lovely review. While some girls get dinner and dancing on a Saturday evening, I get a Wrestlemania from elementary school and Smirnoff. That’s right intrepid readers, Cewsh and I are on board for a pre-Mania review of…Mania! XIV, that is. Picked by a complex algorithm involving my kills in Fallout, Cewsh’s diet soda intake, and the Wrestlemanias we already own, we've selected a show neither of us had really seen. This’ll be fun. Right?

To Be Continued »

WCW Bash At The Beach 1996

Cewsh: We've covered a lot of historic events here at Cewsh Reviews, from Hogan vs. Andre to that time that Stacie Keibler had wrestling's first mid-match miscarriage. But among all of the great moments, this is perhaps the most important, so you know we had to cover it eventually. Adding to the fun, though, was that it was the first time either Mrs. Cewsh or I had actually seen this show. So our thoughts here are those of two people watching history unfold for the first time.

But mostly we just remember the crab camera.

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World Championship Wrestling Proudly Presents...

WCW Bash at the Beach 1996

Welcome, cats and kittens, to yet another installment of the historically relevant Cewsh Reviews! We have a special treat for you tonight as we plunge headfirst through the endless voids of time, emerging unkempt yet stoic in the fine year 1996. And oh, what a spectacular view it is. In 1996 Braveheart won the Academy Award for Best Picture, that whole OJ Simpson thing happened, Boris Yeltzin became Russia's first president, some dudes cloned a sheep and the pop charts were ruled by the Spice Girls and the fucking Macarena. And now we have traveled back to this magical year in search of another historical moment that helped to define 1996 in the minds of millions of wrestling fans around the world. July 7th, 1996 to be exact. The day the New World Order was born. A moment that has been written about time upon time upon time. But tonight is different. Tonight, it will be reviewed by two people who have not only never seen it before, but who have only a passing relationship with World Championship Wrestling in the first place. So get ready for the formation of the now, and indeed, for all of WCW in 1996, tackled from a different perspective. If nothing else, at least i'll finally have a chance to use this:

WEEP FOR THE FUTURE YE PERILOUS SOULS.

So without any further ado, let's do a motherfucking review!

To Be Continued »