7 Reasons Alberto Del Rio Should Stay Champion

Hey boys and girls. As we roll on toward the glory and splendor of WrestleMania, I'd like to take a moment to focus on a match that is being kicked under the carpet a bit in the lead up to the event. I'm talking about the WWE World Heavyweight Championship match between Jack Swagger and Alberto Del Rio, and more specifically, I'm talking about how and why Del Rio should retain his title next Sunday, against the powerful forces of Dr. America and his sidekick, The Mustache Kid.

Warning: This Man Is Not A Licensed Doctor Or Country.

I'm going to hit you with seven reasons why Alberto Del Rio should not only retain the title at WrestleMania, but should go right on holding it on into the future. And no, his dazzling smile didn't even make the list.

(This article was previously seen on Bleacher Report. It has been altered from that version.)

To Be Continued »

The 10 Best Performences of The Rock

Afternoon again, intrepid travelers of the internets, and welcome to yet another installment of the Cewsh Reviews Sunday Supplements. In the past we've done everything here from listing the worst outfits in wrestling history, to doing a minute by minute breakdown of 12 Rounds where John Cena is the villain. And while these are all good times, the one thing they aren't is rich with actual professional wrestling matches. So we ALSO have a series where we document the top 10 matches of a particular wrestler, to let you know which matches are required viewing if you're new to their work, or at the very least, to give you something to argue about. And so it's appropriate that today's subject of focus is going to be the man who has returned to the top of the wrestling world, the Rock.

He Is Training Diligently.

Now what makes the Rock an interesting case is that his actual in ring skill has debated hotly among wrestling fans ever since he first broke onto the scene. He's been praised, derided, insulted, and had his ass polished, all in equal measure. So today, we're going to put aside all of the baggage and nostalgia that comes from talking about this man, and break right on through to his 10 best performances inside of a wrestling ring. These are the moments where he shined the brightest and brought it the most. And if we're doing our job right, you're in for some surprises.

To Be Continued »

The 7 People You Meet As A Wrestling Fan

Afternoon, cats and kittens. Today, for our newest Sunday Supplement, we'll be examining the 7 different kinds of people that every open wrestling fan will encounter at some point in their life. These people may turn out to be relatives, friends, acquaintances, or the doctor who does the surgery to remove the cucumber after you challenge Mike Tyson to a fight in a farmer's market. Whoever they are, when they learn that you are a wrestling fan, (due to your super awesome Tatanka t-shirt no doubt,) it is more than likely that every single one of them will fall into one of these categories. And while up until now you just had to rely on your quick wit and charm to diffuse a potentially awkward situation, the social scientists here at Cewsh Reviews have devised a foolproof method for dealing with each of them.

Cewsh Reviews Research Social Sciences Department

So grab a pen and paper and prepare to take notes, because we're about to show you how to spot these conversational troublemakers quickly and easily. And with any luck, this will help you salvage that awkward conversation with your secretary next year when she asks why you're dressed as the Ultimate Warrior at the office Halloween party.

To Be Continued »

10 Things To Know Before Going To An Indy Show

Oh, hello. I didn't see you there. As I'm sure you've noticed, I'm Cewsh, from the amazingly successful blog "Cewsh Reviews" and yes, I am really this handsome. I'm here today to bring you fine, upstanding people some tips and tricks to help you navigate the strange and mysterious world of independent wrestling shows. For many years, countless young men and women have gone to attend their first indy show without any real concept of what it was they were getting themselves into. Today, we'll change all that by providing the internet's most definitive list of the items that will get you through a long day of watching fat old guys wrestle skinny young guys while they get heckled by fat young guys and skinny old guys. When you leave this webpage you'll be armed with all of the knowledge necessary to boldly walk into a wrestling show anywhere on this great planet of ours and declare, "PREPARATIONS ARE COMPLETE, BRING ME YOUR FINEST WRESTLINGS."

The Crown Will Be A Nice Touch.

Only, you know, don't.

To Be Continued »

The 5 Best Feuds From Before You Were Born

Welcome, cats and kittens, to yet another Sunday Supplement from your glorious benefactors here at Cewsh Reviews Headquarters.  Tonight we're going to be dealing with something a little different, and rather than turning back the clock to when we were teenagers or when we were kids, we're going to turn the clock all the way back to when we weren't anything at all whatsoever.  See, its a common fallacy of people to only really regard the things that have happened in your lifetime as important, and not to factor in things that went on before, and wrestling is no different.  If you think back to the days before Hulkamania it probably seems like sort of  a big empty period of random title changes and aimless matches, but there were storylines even back in those barbaric times when nobody had started wearing codpieces yet.  So today we'll be celebrating the 10 best storylines that took place before we were born (using 1985, when I was born, as a frame of reference).  Maybe we'll learn something that will give us all new respect for the old timers who paved the way for the wrestling we enjoy today, and if not we can at least all look at how weird people looked back in the day.

Either way, its time for an adventure and off we go!

To Be Continued »

The 5 Greatest Feuds In TNA History

Welcome, cats and kittens, to yet another Sunday Supplement to perk you up and help you get those crooked abs that the ladies like so much.  Today we're going to be looking TNA and more specifically at the good side of TNA, which is not always an easy thing to do but which occasionally needs to be done.  Now last year we did a countdown list of the Top Ten Greatest Moments In TNA History (Part 1 and Part 2) which helped to shine a light on the good times in the history of this much maligned company, and tonight we'll do it again, focusing instead this time of the 5 best feuds that the company ever produced.  In all probability at least one of the feuds on this list is the reason why you have stuck through TNA through thick and thin , hoping all the while that things will get better (mine is number 1), and for the rest of you, these will serve as incontrovertible proof that even if TNA died tomorrow, they still accomplished things to be proud of.

Hey, even a broken clock is right twice a day, right?

To Be Continued »

10 Of The Worst Looks In Wrestling History

Aloha there, boys and girls.  Welcome to another installment of the best thing to happen to Sunday since Doug went off the air, your very favorite Sunday Supplements.  Now let me open this by acknowledging the obvious: wrestling fans generally seem to know as much about fashion as they do about, say, particle physics.  Believe me when I tell you that I am certainly in that group as well.  But over the years the wrestling industry has created some of the most obscene crimes against eyes that anyone has ever dared to wear, and its time we all had ourselves a chuckle over it.  From tassels to the tightest tights to bizarre animal heads to colors that would blind Sauron, there is so much to choose from that half the fun of a list like this is realizing how many awful selections didn't even make it on.

Seriously, This Didn't Even Make The Cut.

So with that in mind, I have called in our resident fashion expert Mrs. Cewsh and together we'll do our very best Tom and Lorenzo imitation in selecting the 10 looks that even Lady Gaga would giggle at and break down just what in the fuck they were thinking.

To Be Continued »

The Top 5 Joshi Wrestlers of All Time

Welcome welcome, boys and girls.  I've gathered you all here today for a very special history lesson very near and dear to my heart.  That subject is Joshi (of Japanese Women's) Wrestling, and the list is of the greatest stars of that particular wrestling genre.  Now I know that Japanese wrestling isn't everyone's cup of sake, and women's wrestling is much the same, so when you read the title of this list you might have thought to yourself "Ugh, another Puro review and now its about chicks?" or perhaps even sadly "Joshwhatnow?"  Its a fair point that in North America, women's wrestling still struggles on for credibility, especially among casual fans of WWE, but these are no Barbie dolls or models, my friends.  These women represent some of the greatest wrestlers that the industry has ever beheld.  These women showed that you could be beautiful (or not) and still not only be as good as the men, but could completely make them look silly by comparison.  These women built a national sensation from scratch and made it so beloved that its stars are still revered in Japanese culture to this day.  These women are absolute fucking badasses.

And They Aint Hard To Look At, Either.

Don't believe me?  See how you feel after you've met the five best.  So clear some time in your busy day of Angry Birds and masturbation, and pay some attention and some damn respect to the five greatest Joshi wrestlers of all time.

To Be Continued »

The 8 Least Intimidating Monsters In Wrestling History

Top of the morning to you, my fabulous readers.  I've gathered you here to talk about something very near and dear to my heart.

Goddamit Vice, Stay Out Of My Subconscious.

Well no, not Optimus Prime, but point taken.  No, today, in honor of last week's Halloween fun, we're here to talk about monsters.  Specifically those crazed men in wrestling designed, through one gimmick or another, to scare us and inspire our wrestling favorites to greater feats of heroism.  Over the years there have been almost too many to count, ranging from the truly frightening (Abdullah the Butcher) to the insane (Luther) to the downright odd (the Boogeyman), and they are a big part of the spectacle that makes wrestling so special.  Men in these roles like Vader and the Undertaker have shaken the foundations of federations and made the entire wrestling industry tremble at their passing.  But this list isn't about those people.  Those people were awesome.  No, THIS list is about the men who were set up to be big, scary, intimidating monsters and somewhere along the way they just...weren't.  The laughable, the cheesy, the inept and the clumsy, here is our list of the top 8 least intimidating monsters in wrestling history.

And here's hoping none of them are hiding in your closet ready to jump out and ask for bus fare.

To Be Continued »

The Top 10 Matches Of John Cena

Hola amigos and amigettes, welcome to yet another Sunday Supplement.  Now in the past we've done all sorts of things with the mostly legal supplements, but by far my favorite is lists and you guys seem to agree as they're many of our most beloved Supplements.  So this week we'll be pairing something beloved (lists) with something...shall we say less beloved (Mr. John Cena).  All through the allustrious career of Mr. Cena, he's had his share of critics (and everyone else's share too) who knocked everything from his moveset, to his lack of selling, to his inability to understand ring psychology.  If you asked one of these critics to name a good John Cena match, many would be hard pressed to, whether out of genuine distaste or just stubborness.  We here at Cewsh Reviews have been as harshly critical of the man as anyone, including Vice's 17 verse long epic poem entitled "Sell the Fucking Leg, You Twat", but here tonight we'll be looking back at the matches that show that there's more to the man than fluorescent colors and jorts.  So here they are, the 10 best matches of the Doctor of Thuganomics as categorized by yours truly.

I think some of these may surprise you.

To Be Continued »

The Top 5 Nobodies In America Who Made It Big In Japan

Welcome back to the ever shifting sands of the Sunday Supplements, cats and kittens.  Tonight we're going to talk about the wacky land of Japan.  Not just anything about Japan, though, because god knows we could be here all night just discussing why they sell used girl's panties in vending machines next to the soda.  No, today, inspired by TAJIRI's new promotion that we're reviewing for this week, we'll be talking about people who never made it in the rat race of American pro wrestling, who nonetheless hit it big in the far east for one reason or another.

Sorry Murdoch, None For You.
 

So call them gaijin, call them legends, or call them radiculous.  These are 5 men that went nowhere in America, and hit it big in Japan.  So saddle up your sushi, and buy some Hello Kitty merchandise.  It's time to head to the other side.

To Be Continued »

The 10 Greatest Moments In TNA History

Welcome cats and kittens, to yet another Sunday Supplement coming at you LIVE (not live) from Cewsh Reviews Headquarters here in Jetpackistan.  You know, we kid around a lot here at Cewsh Reviews, and we poke fun at anything with a pulse (and some things without them), and probably by far our most prolific target of criticism and jokes is Total Nonstop Action.  They've been around since 2002, and somehow i've been busting their balls since 2001, while rooting for them all the same.  So tonight i'd like to head a little bit of a different direction and honor the things that TNA has done right, by naming the 10 greatest moments in TNA history.  Some of them you may be familiar with, and some of them may be new to you, but these are the great moments that have defined TNA's comparatively short history in the wrestling world.

So grab some popcorn and kick back.  Its time to take a tour of history.

To Be Continued »

The Top 10 Biggest Surprises In Wrestling History

Aloha, cats and kittens, and welcome to a special Thursday edition of Sunday Supplements, with your dazzling, incorrigible, and entirely resplendent host, Victor Von Cewshenstein.  You may be wondering what has prompted such an unusual act of a Supplement being posted in place of a review, though more realistically you may really be wondering how a Supplement got posted at all.  Touche there, smart aleck, but the gist is this.  We, the captains of the S.S. Cewsh Reviews, are occasionally kind of dumb.  In this instance we were so absolutely certain that this was, in fact, already the second week of September, that we have been left entirely unprepared for this week's review.  Shameful, I know, but it has provided a unique opportunity for this Supplement to actually see the light of day and not sit wallowing in captive obscurity until the end of time.

So begging your pardon, I hope you will bear with us and enjoy this supplement.  It should be pretty self explanatory.  I have rounded up what I feel are the ten biggest surprises in wrestling history.  These are things that not only shocked us at the time, but were also total unforeseeable and left an impact on the wrestling business that reverberated throughout every aspect of it for years, and even generations, afterward.  These are the what the fuck moments that have defined the past 20 years.

And believe me, these don't even begin to cover it.

To Be Continued »

The 6 Best (Worst) Wrestler Side Projects

What better time than now to roll this one out?

In the wake of rumors that Mickie James and Maria Kanellis were released due to their desire to pursue their music outside of WWE, and in the wake of today's rumors that Batista may not even be a WWE employee by the end of tonight due to his wish to pursue his acting career, what better time to take a look back at other times that members of the distinguished brotherhood of professional wrestling dabbled in other forms of media?  After all, wrestlers in music, movies, and television are a proud and well established tradition dating back to the earliest days of spandex, and some performers have even managed to cross over from one to the others.  So it is these proud, brave people that we salute today, for their ups, their downs, and the amusement value that will never cease rewarding us.  Amusement like...

To Be Continued »

The Top 10 Wrestling Moves Of All Time.

Admit it.  You missed us.

Welcome cats and kittens to the end of our vacation, and the first Sunday Supplement of the new wrestling year.  We got tans, kicked back, and got banned from more tropical countries than the Chupacabra, and now we're back and ready for some action.  Well, I am at least.  You won't see Vice back until we post our review of TNA's Lockdown 2010 on Wednesday, and Ms. Cewsh doesn't grace us with her presence until our review of WWE Extreme Rules the Wednesday after that, but hey, it's a start.

Anyway, we're here today to talk about wrestling moves.  Fucking rad wrestling moves.  Moves with flips, moves that hurt and moves that are so face blistering radtacular that even reading this supplement might give you a sunburn that will be embarrassing to explain to your coworkers.  Are you sure you're ready to see the 10 greatest moves in wrestling history (or just my ten favorite)?  Well ready or not, grab some sunscreen, because off we go!

To Be Continued »

The Top 5 Weddings In Wrestling History

Welcome, cats, kittens and other assorted members of the Zoo, and welcome to the first Sunday Supplement of the new year. Now you may be wondering about the gap in time between this one and the last one. Laziness, mostly, is the answer, but also a factor is the fast paced planning of the wedding of me, Sir Cewsh of Cewshshire, to her loveliness, the Lady Ms. Cewsh of the neighboring Cewshinwillows. Now much goes into any wedding, and ours is no different, and since it is weddings that have cost you our excellent presence, it's weddings that I'll offer up to dig us out of the hole.

There have been a ton of weddings in the history of professional wrestling. Some of them were serious and romantic, some of them were ridiculous and comical, and some of them were just downright odd. Here today, we'll celebrate all of the above, and name the definitive list of Cewsh Reviews' Top 5 Weddings of All Time.

To Be Continued »

The 5 Matches To Thank/Blame For Cewsh Reviews

Throughout everyone's lives, there are a number of pivotal moments where the path ahead forks based on whether one thing happens or another. Think of it like Back To The Future. Marty McFly goes back in time, almost has sex with his mother, and BOOM everything is awesome back in time where he lives. Believe it or not, even something like a wrestling review blog is subject to the whims of fate (or Marty McFly fucking with things), so i'm here to document the 5 matches that directly, or indirectly, led to the reviewing sexiness we all enjoy today. Some of the matches are great, some are awful, and some are pretty much forgotten by anyone but us. But without them, your Wednesday's would be just that much emptier. And i'd probably have taken up needlework.

Or crack. Whichever's cheaper.

5. WWE Raw 8/10/2001 - The Rock and Chris Jericho vs. Rob Van Dam and Shane McMahon.

Wayyyyy back before the was even a Cewsh and Vice, much less a Ms. Cewsh, Vice and I were simply two kids who didn't know each other much and were stuck in a history class together filled with the kind of people who think President John Adams is the guy who makes that awesome beer. As a result, since we vaguely knew each other, we became tentative acquaintances. But the moment where we actually became friends is when it spilled out that we were both wrestling fans, a fact we were both surprised to learn about the other. Indeed, it was this match that really kicked off the friendship that would culminate in us yelling at each other about John Cena every Tuesday morning. Notably it was the seemingly small event of Shane McMahon bulldogging my favorite wrestler Chris Jericho on the steps that he lived to mock me about, going so far as to draw me an awesome picture of this allegedly glorious event.

Yep, the whole thing start with us cracking on each other from the very beginning. We come by it naturally.

4. WWE Survivor Series 2001 - Winner Take All Match.

Being friends is one thing, but getting to the part where we review shows is another. That road started here, as for the first time, we actually ordered a PPV at his house and watched it together. There was no reviewing, though judgments were certainly pronounced, and during the main event, arguably one of the most important matches of all time, we did actually turn on an episode of Jackass and watch that instead, but this was the beginning of the two of us watching wrestling together. A thing which has remained common in all the years since, to the point where doing the reviews almost just became a transcription of our AIM chats.

Still though, Jackass? Shit man. Being 16 makes you make some bad decisions.

3. WWE Summerslam 2005 - Grudge Match - Matt Hardy vs. Edge.

Its all well and good to talk about Cewsh and Vice and how things led us down the path to reviewing, but since there wouldn't be a Cewsh Reviews without the lovely Ms. Cewsh, she deserves her moment in the sun here as well. See, back when she and I first got together, I started exposing my love of wrestling to her little by little, trying not to scare her off with my massive nerddom. She nodded politely most of the time, but nothing about it really grabbed her, until one night while I was watching Raw I heard her say "Oooh, who's HE?!". The man she was referring to was Edge, and this just so happened to be right smack in the middle of an arena full of "We Want Matt" chants.

In explaining that story to her, I saw the light of interest spark in her eyes, and from then on it was all downhill for her as she started down the road of becoming a huge wrestling fan all on her own. This match, though, was the one that clinched it, as she loved the feud and the craziness so much that we simply had to buy it, and it was the first, but not the last, show that we bought and watched together.

And then we had some sex, and she called me "Edge" about 400 times, and "Lita" at least once. Totally worth it.

2. ROH Unforgettable - Kenta Kobashi and Homicide vs. Samoa Joe and Low Ki.

(Also, I apologive for the video. Its the only one I could find.)

KOBASHIIIIII! Before we were the well informed pillars of wrestling knowledge that we pretend to be today, we were just young men finding things out on our own, and Japanese wrestling, while known about, was something of a mystery to us. Hell, Ring of Honor was somewhat of a mystery to me personally. Vice loved it, and had gone and seen Austin Aries beat Samoa Joe for the title, and called it one of the coolest experiences of his life, so we were set to go to another show together. In the interim we were introduced to a man called Kenta Kobashi, who was so awesome that speaking his NAME is a ward against the weaker cancers. When we saw he wrestled Samoa Joe in the match of the year for that year, we were blown away. When we found out that he was wrestling again within driving distance, we were there man. We were fucking there.

What resulted was one of the coolest experiences of MY life, as I learned more about Japanese and Independent wrestling in one night than I had ever learned before that, and I got to see some amazing matches. But when that main event started it was all over for me. Wrestling took me over at that moment, and it turned from a nice hobby into a borderline obsession that still burns to this day.

I mean, its fucking KOBASHI. The man gave cancer the middle finger and has getting dropped on his head THE SAME YEAR. If you were that awesome, these reviews might have been about you.

1. IWA:MS Ted Petty Invitational 2008

Finally, all of that stuff led, unerringly, to this. One night I couldn't fall asleep so I decided to tackle this 5 hour monstrosity in one night. Getting bored by this about halfway, I for some reason decided to do a fun little review thing to document the ridiculous things I was seeing. When I posted it, the response was overwhelmingly positive. So I roped Vice into doing one. That one was less positive (due the it being a show only its mother could love) so Ms. Cewsh jumped in on a review. Then Vice came back to the fold as a huge waves of support rolled in for all three of us to continue down this road. A year later, and here we are.

To think, all of this got started thanks to a show that was main evented by Drake Younger. It just goes to show, boys and girls, no matter how bad you are at something, you still may possess the power to inspire someone. Even if what you're inspiring them to do is mock you for the rest of your life.

Oh, and yes that IS Egotistico Fantastico in that video, and yes he IS the single worst wrestler ever to lace up a pair of boots. He inspired nothing but venom and hatred, and the true inspiration for these reviews was my desire to tell someone other than Vice just how absolutely awful he was. True story.

Suck on that you Ego Fanny blubbercunt you. Suck on it hard.



Well that'll do it for this jaunt down memory lane. Without these matches and what they meant for us, we wouldn't be here and neither would you. When you look at it like that, maybe there's a little Marty McFly in all of us. Just not as much as there is in his mother.

I hope.

So until next time, kiddos, have a good life, make the right choices, and for fuck's sake, close your browser window. Your boss is watching!