TNA Lockdown 2011

Total Nonstop Action Proudly Presents…

TNA LOCKDOWN 2011

Welcome, cats and kittens, to yet another installment of the fuzziest and wuzziest reviews in the known universe, Cewsh Reviews! We have a special treat for you tonight, as the time has finally come for the first shot from TNA post Wrestlemania, as we review TNA Lockdown 2011! See, every year TNA tries to make it seem like Bound for Glory is their biggest show, but inevitably it is Lockdown that contains the biggest moments, the best matches, and the most interesting storylines, so here at Cewsh Reviews we’ve just started accepting it as the biggest TNA show of the year. This year is no exception either, as a great many feuds are looking to be blown off here once and for all. Joe/Dinero, Angle/Jarrett, James/Rayne, and Immortal/Fortune are all going to get inside the six…err…four sides of steel and have themselves a war to settle the score. Will Immortal regain power in TNA? Will our champion be a senior citizen, a drug addict or an asshole? And just why in the hell is one of these matches only 30 seconds long? Only one way to find out.

So without any further ado, let’s do a motherfucking review!

To Be Continued »

IWA:MS King of the Deathmatches 2009 Night 2

IWA: Mid South Proudly Presents…

IWA:MS KING OF THE DEATHMATCHES 2009

NIGHT 2

Welcome cats and kittens, to yet another installment of the Tony Nominated Cewsh Reviews… Today we have a special treat for you, as we turn this bad boy around for another pass at the great ship, the S.S. Horrible Burning Pain In My Eyes. Its been two weeks since we last left these stalwart warriors engaged in their deadly (well, more dorky than deadly) game to see who the king of the deathmatches really is, but some of the images remain with me still. Tank, with chopsticks stuck so far into his skull that he looks like Ruadolph the Nazi Reindeer. xOMGx, inspiring us with his tales from the battlefield, among them the time some guy got his nutsack shot off. The sideways swanton, which will forever fill our hearts with wonder.

We, the Cewsh Reviews Team, have elected to take a big ol’ kick to the balls on your behalf and review Night 2 here, giving voice to the agony that previously only 100 people in a high school gym had experienced. Savor our pain and avenge our deaths. Its really all that we ask.

So without any further ado, let’s do a motherfucking review.

To Be Continued »

IWA:MS King of the Deathmatches 2009 Night 1

IWA: Mid South Proudly Presents…

IWA:MS KING OF THE DEATHMATCHES 2009

NIGHT 1

Welcome, cats and kittens, to yet another installment of the Jim Thorpe Award winning Cewsh Reviews. Tonight, we tackle what may very well be the biggest challenge of our short but magnificent reviewing careers. You’ve seen us review IWA:MS shows before, and we’re not exactly huge fans of theirs, but this is different, and by “different”, we of course mean, “worse”. We’re talking blood, we’re talking weapons, and we most exquisitely are talking the sweet, sweet language of the snark. So strap in and get your Incredulity Boots on, because we’re going on the world’s least exciting adventure, together.

And with no further ado, let’s do a motherfucking review, shall we?

To Be Continued »

IWA:EC A Need To Bleed 2009

IWA: East Coast Proudly Presents…

IWA:EC A NEED TO BLEED 2009

Welcome, cats and kittens, to yet another installment of the ass kickingest review in all the land. We’re also in the top 10 for ocean fairing reviews as well, which is nothing to sneeze at. Tonight, we have something a little different in store for you. It’s been a few months since we rolled out a review of an independent show, what with Japanese wrestlers lariating each other and Dixie and Vince fighting over the spotlight. Now, we have plucked an easily missed gem from the wreckage heap of the American independent scene, and boy is it a doozy. This is what happens when you pick shows at random, boys and girls. Be advised. Here, we will be reviewing IWA: East Coast’s Need to Bleed. I’m not exactly sure who has said need to bleed, but seeing as this is an “east coast” promotion stationed in northern West Virginia; I’m pretty sure the whole title is a lie out the gate.

Sometimes we enjoy the responsibility of assigning words to the greatest matches ever wrestled. At times, we here at Cewsh Reviews… are faced with matches and feuds so epic, so tremendously well done, it’s almost troubling attempting to do them justice. Sometimes, the immortals of the wrestling world deliver performances that echo through the ages and make us feel every emotion possible throughout their industry changing performances. And then, on the other hand, sometimes we watch shows like this.

So with that, barely adequate advisory in place, let’s do a motherfucking review, shall we?

To Be Continued »

TNA Final Resolution 2008

Cewsh: As we moved towards the end of the first calender year of Cewsh Reviews..., Vice made his triumphant return here, and things started to settle in to a groove. Vice debuted his Awards here, which have remained probably the most popular part of the reviews to this day. I briefly attempted to talk Ms. Cewsh into doing this show as well, and the laughter rose through the air, sailed through the wind current down to Florida, and settled into the ears of a Mr. Jarrett, who shed a single tear.

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Total Nonstop Action Proudly Presents...

TNA Final Resolution 2008

Welcome to the show, ladies and gents. Cewsh here; ready to delight you, excite you, and buy your girlfriend some flowers, (because you always forget). As you may have noticed, the ever curmudgeonly Vice has rejoined us this review. He’s here to shine a little of his purple light on our dreary, washed-out lives. While you may have gotten your hopes up for another edition of Ms. Cewsh, wittily telling you about the women she would like to fornicate with, you’ll just have to wait until she makes her triumphant return at the Royal Rumble. Much like John Cena, this part year.

Here we are to review Final Resolution, the last TNA pay-per-view of 2008. It’s been a long year for TNA, fraught with many successes and far more failures. As usual, they seem to be on the cusp of greatness. Will this be the night they put it all together? Or will they crash and burn, like we all expect them to?

To Be Continued »