TNA Destination X 2011

Impact Wrestling Proudly Presents…

TNA Destination X 2011

Welcome, cats and kittens, to yet another installment of future one hit wonder Cewsh Reviews! We have a special treat for you tonight, as we seek out TNA’s Destination X 2011, where assumedly the treasure is buried. Now we’re deep into summer now, boys and girls, so this is the downiest down time on the wrestling calendar. Wrestlemania is far, far off, and consequently most American wrestling is subdued, waiting for Wrestling Season to come back again, bringing with it the interest of the majority of wrestling fans. As such, summer is the time for experimental booking, and new things to begin, and nowhere is this truer than here tonight, as TNA devotes an entire pay per view broadcast to a division they could barely be bothered to dedicate 8 minutes of television time to 6 months ago, as we get ourselves an all X Division PPV. Will the X Division guys step up and make the effort worthwhile? Will the experiment fail horribly and kill off the division once and for all? At what moment, exactly, did Vice mark out like an 80s child for a Cabbage Patch doll? Only one way to find out.

So without any further ado, let’s do a motherfucking review!

To Be Continued »

SMASH.1

SMASH Proudly Presents…

SMASH.1

Welcome, cats and kittens, to yet another installment of the best globetrotters not located in Harlem, Cewsh Reviews! Tonight we have a special treat for you, as we travel back to the land of the rising sun and check out the grand debut opening of Yoshihiro Tajiri’s new promotion SMASH. Now we’ve covered all kinds of wrestling through the years, from mainstream WWE stuff, to European stuff, Mexican, Korean, Japanese, and everything in between, but this will be the first time that Cewsh Reviews will ever be able to say that it covered the opening of a brand new promotion happening here and now. To be honest, we couldn’t be more honored to put our faith in the hands of TAJIRI, a wrestler who has captivated each of us over the years and now stands to create something special of his own.

But worry not. This wont be one of those stodgy reviews where all we talk about is tradition and history and the like. We’ll save that for another day, because this is a card filled with rookies, serial killers, blimps, and Tommy Dreamer (or was that repetitive?) and we’re going to have all the fun in the world bringing it to you. So set your phasers to stun, and strap in boys and girls. It’s going to be a wacky ride.

To Be Continued »

TNA Against All Odds 2010

Total Nonstop Action Proudly Presents…

TNA Against All Odds 2010

Welcome, cats and kittens, to yet another installment of the most accurate and unbiased review blog on all of the internets, and also the best, Cewsh Reviews! Tonight we have a special treat for you as we summon forth our reserves and bring you our second review this week. Normally we can hardly be convinced to put up one review a week, but this week we’re operating on previously untapped reserves (black tar heroin) andwith Cewsh, Ms. Cewsh and Vice all together to tackle the show for the first time in ages, we have all the energy we need to tackle TNA’s Against All Odds pay per view.

Now this show is rather interesting, as it is essentially comprised of one tag match, a World title match, and the rest is the conclusion of the Eight Card Stud tournament, to determine the number one contender to the TNA World Heavyweight Championship at Lockdown in April. What will we think of this King of the Ring like tournament and the unusual format for TNA? Will TNA be able to pull off a successful show built around mostly midcarders? Will The Nasty Boys be so bad in the ring that we will research ways to travel back in time to stop it from annihilating the human race? Naturally, there’s only one way to find out.

So with no further ado, let’s do a motherfucking review!

To Be Continued »

TNA Final Resolution 2009

Total Nonstop Action Proudly Presents…

TNA FINAL RESOLUTION 2009

Welcome cats and kittens to yet another installment of the universal winner for wrestling blog of the year (from our mothers, and even then it was close). Tonight we have a special treat as we shuffle our sexy asses on down to Orlando to cover TNA’s Final Resolution PPV. This is the last big PPV of the year here in America, and it caps off what has truly been a year or turbulent and trying times for TNA. From the success (and subsequent failure) of the Main Event Mafia, to the rise of AJ Styles and the fall of Samoa Joe. And from the fall of Jeff Jarrett to the rise of Hulk Hogan, this has been perhaps the most important and memorable year in the history of TNA, and with the ground ever shifting under their feet they’ve come to a crossroads.

Last month, their PPV actually beat out WWE’s for the first time this year, and with a lackluster offering from WWE’s TLC, they have the potential tonight to do it again. Are we seeing the beginning of a true wrestling war? Can TNA keep up this momentum and ride it to ultimate success? Will Kevin Nash whisk Ms. Cewsh off in the night to his decadent palace of lovemaking? Only one way to find out.

So without any further ado, let’s do a motherfucking review!

To Be Continued »

TNA Turning Point 2009

Total Nonstop Action Proudly Presents…

TNA Turning Point 2009

Welcome, cats and kittens, to yet another installment of the only wrestling review that can please the eye and the mind and other places for a negotiable fee, Cewsh Reviews. This week we have a special treat as TNA comes to town, and like the Grinch deciding that he really was a nice guy all along, this month’s show has a bounty of goodness that is so tempting, I’m almost suspicious that the show will stop 5 minutes in to show nothing but a 3 hour video of Ron Jeremy shaving his back. I’ll let you process that bad boy for a second. Sex drive gone? Good. Now that I have your complete attention, let me show you the riches in store for you. Joe/Styles/Daniels for the World title. Nigel McGuiness (Err…Drake Fox? Dirk Duck? Derrick Zoolander?) against Kurt Angle. Bobby Lashley against Scott Steiner. Truly, these are match ups for the ages, and we’re here to bring them to you in all their salty glory.

So without any further ado, let’s do a motherfucking review!

To Be Continued »

NOAH Great Voyage In Tokyo 2009 (Misawa Tribute 1)

Pro Wrestling NOAH Proudly Presents…

NOAH Great Voyage In Tokyo 2009
(Misawa Tribute Show 1)

Welcome, cats and kittens, to yet another installment of the unusually somber Cewsh Reviews. This week, and also the last week in December, we will be celebrating the life of Mitsuharu Misawa, who sadly passed away this year, leaving behind a legacy of greatness and quality of the highest order. As we’re not exactly the classiest people on the planet, we’ve chosen to do this by letting the man’s legacy, Pro Wrestling NOAH, do the tributing for us, as we review the two tribute shows they put on in his honor. We also got our good friend Defrost, who knows more about Japanese wrestling than anyone else we’ve ever met, to give some back story to the momentous career of one of the greatest wrestling careers and lives that any man could ever have, as well as telling us the stories behind the matches here, and why they are so meaningful in the wake of Misawa’s passing. His knowledge is vast, and his telling of the story is long and rewarding. Frankly, we’re all very, very fortunate to have him to tell the tale.

Never fear, though. This isn’t going to be a huge downer review. Vice and I are here to put on the old razzle dazzle and send the Emperor of King’s Road off on his final journey with the humor, pizzazz, and style he deserves. And failing that, pictures of Captain Planet and cat macros. We’re still us, after all.

See?

So without any further ado, let’s do a motherfucking review!

To Be Continued »

WWE Summerslam 2002

Cewsh: This show is really, really fucking good. Seriously, that's what you need to take away from this. We were just trying to get out of its way.

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World Wrestling Entertainment Proudly Presents…

WWE Summerslam 2002

Welcome, cats and kittens, to yet another installment of the only review team with a functioning time machine, Cewsh Reviews. We have a special treat for you this week, as we’ve taken the aforementioned time machine, and let the denizens of our favorite wrestling discussion forum, Rajah.com, choose the destination. Earlier this year they voted on the Best Show of the Decade, and the winner wound up being Wrestlemania XVII. Since we were already totally saving that for another time, we instead took at look at the runner up, and were surprised to find that it was one of the first shows that Vice and I ever watched together. Inspired by this mixture of nostalgia and selfishness, we chose that show, which turned out to be WWE Summerslam 2002.

Now aside from Vice and I having seen it when we were adorable little marky marks, this show has a lot to recommend it. Not only does it have one of the most stacked sounding undercards in wrestling history, but it also features the in ring return of Shawn Michaels against his former best friend turned enemy Triple H, and the rise of a young man named Brock Lesnar to prominence, as he faces the Rock for his first chance at WWE Heavyweight gold. It’s a big fucking show, that sounds even bigger, and with the nostalgia train going full throttle, it ought to be damn fun to stand on the tracks. Unless you don’t like that sort of thing. In which case you can stand aside and wait for the lame, nancyboy train, which should be arriving at eleven.

So without any further ado, let’s do a motherfucking review!

To Be Continued »