NJPW Invasion Attack 2013

New Japan Pro Wrestling Proudly Presents...

NJPW Invasion Attack 2013

Welcome, cats and kittens, to yet another installment of the only reviews that send you flowers after lariating you, Cewsh Reviews! We have a special treat for you tonight as we look to Japan for a big time follow up to one of the most incredible shows we've ever reviewed, and focus on NJPW Invasion Attack 2013! Now, if you remember our review of Wrestle Kingdom from this year, the first thing that jumps to mind is no doubt how completely over the moon we were for it. The matches were incredible, the rivalries were on fire, and the show was capped by the biggest match that money could buy, as we saw Hiroshi Tanahashi hold off the attack of the upstart challenger, Kazuchika Okada. Well now all of that is coming to a head one more time, as Okada gets one last shot at reducing the Empire of the Golden Abs to rubble and remaking it in his image. One more go round for the hottest feud to hit Japan since the 90s, and that's just one of the wild things on this show. We'll get a crazy heel turn, the strange return of the NWA, and the match that our Puro guy Defrost excitedly named "the greatest match of all time." What more can I say? Let's get this party started.

So without any further ado, let's do a motherfucking review!

To Be Continued »

WWE Summerslam 2012

World Wrestling Entertainment Proudly Presents...

WWE Summerslam 2012

Welcome, cats and kittens, to yet another installment of the best wrestling wrestling in the world that remind you of squishy toy balls you played with as a kid, Cewsh Reviews! We have a special treat for you tonight as we officially unveil a new member to our staff going forward. Yes, you've known her as Mrs. Cewsh's Sister and you've known her as the Turnip Queen, and now the much more reasonably named Fey will be joining me monthly to review the shenanigans and goings on in the world of WWE. She just started watching wrestling in June, and is here to provide some perspective to us battle hardened smarks as we trudge through the summer slog towards the bright lights of Wrestlemania off in the distance. But there's no time for wistfullness or grand introductions now! We have a Summerslam to review gosh darn it. Brock Lesnar and Triple H! CM Punk and John Cena and the Big Show! Other things too probably! Let's not waste any more time stretching this introduction out! On with the show!

So without any further ado let's do a motherfucking review!

To Be Continued »

DDT Peter Pan in Ryogoku 2011

Dramatic Dream Team Proudly Presents…

DDT Peter Pan In Ryogoku 2011

Welcome, cats and kittens, to yet another installment of the reviews that you can find in vending machines all over Japan next to the used panties, Cewsh Reviews!  We have a special treat for you tonight as we truck right along with the Puro Party, and cover our very first DDT show here with DDT’s Peter Pan in Ryogoku 2011.  Now, for this Panda Puro Party, we’re bringing you the biggest shows of the Japanese wrestling year, from company’s biggest events, to shows with matches of huge significance, to epic, industry changing shows from the past.  This one, well, at the very least I can say that it is by far DDT’s biggest show of the year, as they bring together wrestlers from all over Japan to compete in one of the most high profile events on the wrestling calendar.  There are great champions, up and comers, and some genuine big names.  Sounds like a credible show, right?  Sure, absolutely.  Lots of intrigue and story.  That’s…that’s what is in store for you here.

Look, I’ll level with you.  Things are going to get batshit up in here.  Buckle up.

So without any further ado, let’s do a motherfucking review!

To Be Continued »

WWE Night Of Champions 2011

World Wrestling Entertainment Proudly Presents…

WWE Night of Champions 2011

Welcome, cats and kittens, to the only review blog that is the dream of a dead civilization’s dream about the original dream’s evil monster dad (Tidus had a rough life, man), Cewsh Reviews! We have a special treat tonight, as WWE has gone all Goldfinger on us with WWE Night of Champions 2011! Every title in the company is on the line in one way or another, and there are actually feuds revolving around every single one for the first time in recorded history. Will Mark Henry achieve what has eluded him for longer than many of WWE’s fans have been alive? Will John Cena cut short the destiny of Alberto Del Rio? And perhaps most importantly in our main event, what will happen when Triple H puts his position as COO of WWE on the line to face CM Punk? If you can’t smell some shenanigans happening there then you probably think that macaroni and cheese smells like purple, but the question is WHAT shenanigans, and from whom? As always, there’s only one way to find out.

So without any further ado, let’s do a motherfucking review!

To Be Continued »

NJPW Dominion 2011

New Japan Professional Wrestling Proudly Presents…

 

NJPW Dominion 2011

Welcome, cats and kittens, to the review blog that is is only notably more muscular than any other review blog (except those assholes at Tyrannosaurus Flex again), Cewsh Reviews! We have a special treat for you tonight as we finally and officially kick of Panda Puro Party month with NJPW Dominion 2011. Its been a few months since we’ve checked in with the golden lion of New Japan, and in the time since we left, things have been evolving in a most interesting way. Naito is rising through the ranks rapidly and is being heralded as a future star in a manner very reminiscent of a certain ablicious champion of note. Hirooki Goto has lost his mind and decided to murder Hiroshi Tanahashi, Kota Ibushi has made himself a top name in junior heavyweight wrestling, and perhaps most important, Jeff Hardy isn’t here to fuck everything up. Guess which one makes us the happiest? So let’s jump back into the house that Inoki built (and then demolished and then built again and then demolished again and then…) and see the biggest stars in Japanese wrestling do their fucking thing up right.

So without any further ado, let’s do a motherfucking review!

To Be Continued »

WWE Summerslam 2011

World Wrestling Entertainment Proudly Presents…

WWE SUMMERSLAM 2011

Welcome, cats and kittens, to yet another installment of the only review blog with more hoes than rakes, Cewsh Reviews! We have a special treat for you tonight as we jump off the diving board and cannon ball our way into the biggest party of the summer with WWE Summerslam 2011. It’s the second (or third, depending on who you ask) biggest show of the year and they’ve done it up nice this year as we continue on down the road of the biggest storyline of the year, with When Cena Met Punk II. We’re walking into this show with two WWE champions and we’re walking out with just one, and the COO himself is going to have his hands all over it as the special guest referee. Does Triple H have less than honorable intentions (like always)? Will CM Punk complete his improbable ascension to the very top of the card? Will John Cena BRABADOO another BRABADOO? These are heavy questions, suitable for only the most experienced and prepared reviewers to handle. Which is why we went out and got the Turnip Queen herself and Ms. Cewsh’s sister to boot, Michelle. What are her qualifications for this all important role? Well she has never watched a complete wrestling match before ever in her entire life and she has only ever heard of John Cena and Rey Mysterio. We’ve all wondered what seeing these events through the eyes of someone completely free of any bias or foreknowledge would be like, and it may very well be more than you bargained for, sports fans. All name misspellings and misunderstandings have been left in to keep the experience as pure as possible.

So without any further ado, let’s do a motherfucking review!

To Be Continued »

NOAH Departure 2004

Cewsh: This is DDT's debut as a first run contributor to Cewsh Reviews and he had been begging me for months to review this show. Once we finally did I could definitely see why. (And if you want to meet DDT and see what a wrestling fan that is also a physicist looks like, attend any Shimmer show. He'll be the skinny one talking about the complexities of the Japanese independent scene.)

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Pro Wrestling NOAH Proudly Presents…

NOAH Departure 2004

Welcome, cats and kittens, to yet another installment of the only reviews that take a lariat from Kobashi and live to tell the tale, Cewsh Reviews! We have a special treat for you tonight as we travel back to our very first classic show outside of American borders. The reason for the occasion, you ask? Well just a little thing called KENTA FUCKING KOBASHI. Also other various things that have names I’d be more than happy to put into caps and yell at you, but the point is that this was an exciting show by any standards, even for people are aren’t conventional fans of Japanese wrestling. Here we have the conclusion to a rivalry between two of Japan’s biggest stars 5 years in the making, an appearance by my favorite tag team in wrestling history, and generally a card loaded up with the pick of the litter back when NOAH was the hottest promotion on the planet hosted in the historic Tokyo Dome. How does this all play out? How did NOAH fall apart from here? Where are they now? To answer these questions and gives all the backstory your heart can desire, we’ve brought in noted Pro Wrestling historian DDT. Any thoughts DDT?


DDT: Pro Wrestling NOAH from 2000 to 2006 was quite possibly the greatest wrestling promotion on Earth in terms of match quality and “big fight feels”. They were what all the American Indy’s tried to copy, and what all big Japan promotions wanted to be. Eventually, they squandered that with lack of building stars and poor booking, but those six years were jaw-dropping amazing, and still remain a sight to behold. So what are we waiting for, mon capitan? Let’s do a motherfucking review!


Cewsh: Whoa. Bro, BRO.


DDT: Yeah, I stole your line. Deal with it.

To Be Continued »

WWE Wrestlemania XIX

World Wrestling Entertainment Proudly Presents...

WWE Wrestlemania XIX

Welcome, cats and kittens, to yet another installment of the only reviews that spend more time in the past than a your grandfather, Cewsh Reviews! We have a special treat for you tonight, as we do our final review in the lead up to the biggest show of the year, Wrestlemania 30. As usual, our final review before the big one has to be a Wrestlemania from the past, so I put it to you, the Cewsh Reviews faithful, to choose which one you wanted to see. And when the dust settled, the overwhelming winner was Wrestlemania 19, and I assume because this is the only Wrestlemania where someone gets hit with a frying pan. Oh wait, that's 18? You guys have weird priorities. Anyway, now we'll tackle the show that gave us the conclusion to one of the greatest feuds in Wrestling history, the match that will forever be held against Triple H's legacy and quite possibly the worst Wrestlemania match of the Undertaker's career, (yes, including the Giant Gonzales one.) And let's not forget about Version 1, a retirement match, a big man going splat, some half naked ladies and so much more.

So without any further ado, let's do a motherfucking review!

To Be Continued »

WWF In Your House: Breakdown 1998

The World Wrestling Federation Proudly Presents...

WWF In Your House

Breakdown 1998

MichaelC: So, a long, long time ago, in a galaxy far far away, an event even more shocking than Disney buying Star Wars occurred. That's right. Cewsh challenged me to a bet over the Royal Rumble result (Cewsh Note: He picked Sheamus, Barrett or McIntyre, I picked everyone else on the entire roster. It seemed like a solid bet at the time.) And failed miserably. As a result of my victory, I got to cash in a Review on any subject over the course of the next 12 months. It could be on anything. Kennel from Hell! Bread Eating Matches! Something TNA related! The possibilities were endless. Hell, I could have even gotten him to review the whole 10 hour Youtube version of "They're taking the hobbits to Isengard". (This actually exists!)

I'm Not Going To Tell You What To Do, But Seriously, Click At Your Own Risk.

To Be Continued »