December 26, 2010

Ms.Cewsh's 2010 Year End Awards

Mrs. Cewsh: Oh kittens, where has the year gone? It seems like just yesterday I was making up my 2009 spreadsheet, cursing the fact that I did like 5 whole shows! I mean GOD, why would anyone willingly review all of this? 

Well I reviewed a lot more than five shows this year, and most of them were willingly. It's been a pretty good year, both personally, professionally, and whatever this is. I went to my first live event, saw some older things I never got to experience, and had to watch TNA. So, without further ado, let's get onto the first of the annual year end awards, mine!


December 19, 2010

WWE TLC 2010

World Wrestling Entertainment Proudly Presents…

WWE Tables, Ladders and Chairs 2010


Welcome, cats and kittens, to yet another installment of the newly matrimonied Cewsh Reviews! At long last, children, Mr. and Ms. Cewsh have tied the knot and made you all legitimate, and in doing so have been woefully absent from Cewsh Reviews Headquarters of late. Well that all stops now as we make our grand return as husband and wife to review WWE’s last PPV of the year, WWE TLC 2010! But if you think we’re any more likely to agree or be good tempered should this happen to be a bad or controversial show, then think again, because WWE has seen turbulent waters lately. From the extremely controversial non departure of John Cena, to the rise of the Miz to the main event, to the continuance of Kofi Kingston to have a job, there is more than enough to raise ire here. So let’s not keep you any longer from those rich shores and let’s get on with it!

So without any further ado, let’s do a motherfucking review!

November 7, 2010

TNA Turning Point 2010

Total Nonstop Action Proudly Presents…


TNA Turning Point 2010


Welcome, cats and kittens, to yet another installment of the late, great review that makes you wait, Cewsh Reviews! We have a special treat for you tonight as we heard down to Orlando Florida for a little shindig called TNA Turning Point 2010! Well Immortal has taken over, and the TNA landscape is pretty hopeless for any of the good guys now. Jeff Hardy, Abyss, Hulk Hogan, Eric Bischoff, Jeff Jarrett and Fortune have joined forces into a supergroup of unheard of scale and they have wrested control of TNA from the hands of Dixie Carter. With the sky dark and the prospects looking grim, can any blow be successfully struck against Immortal? Or will they continue to run rampant over TNA, and make it their own for good. And how the hell is Jeff Hardy supposed to be a bad guy anyway? Only one way to find out.

So without any further ado, let’s do a motherfucking review!

October 24, 2010

WWE Bragging Rights 2010

World Wrestling Entertainment Proudly Presents...

WWE Bragging Rights 2010


Welcome, cats and kittens, to yet another installment of the reviews so nice I’ve gotta say it twice, Cewsh Reviews, Cewsh Reviews! We have a special treat for you tonight as we witness the epic, all deciding clash between the two largest brands in wrestling today. Has TNA invaded WWE? Has Japan finally combined into one super company? Has some new promotion entered the fray with Paul Heyman riding a unicorn out front? Well no, actually it is WWE Bragging Rights 2010, and Raw and Smackdown are locking horns once again to determine which brand is superior, and who will get the prestigious Bragging Rights trophy. Will Raw’s team, led by the Miz, make up for Big Show’s betrayal and claim their stake as the number 1 show in WWE? Or will Smackdown, led by The Big Show, repeat last year’s shocking performance and take home the gol…err…silver? Plastic. Take home the plastic.

All that and we have Nexus swirling around behind the scenes with designs of the WWE title, and, oh yeah, somebody is going to be MURDERED ON THIS SHOW. Oh yeah, and it won’t even be the main event. THAT’S how nuts this show is. So kick back, relax, and snuggle up to your Ultimate Warrior pillow, it’s time to get buck. Whatever that means.

So without any further ado, let’s do a motherfucking review!

October 10, 2010

TNA Bound For Glory 2010


Total Nonstop Action Proudly Presents….

TNA Bound For Glory 2010


Welcome cats and kittens, to yet another installment of the thingiest thing of the thing, Cewsh Reviews! We have a special treat for you tonight, and for once I well and truly mean it, as we saddle on up for the second biggest wrestling show of the year, TNA’s Bound For Glory 2010! Now there are a lot of big wrestling shows during the course of the year. Hell WWE has 4 that could be said to be bigger than anything else in the wrestling world, and NJPW would surely have a ballot to cast in the “second biggest show of the year” sweepstakes. But for my money I look to TNA, the second biggest promotion in America, and the company that seems constantly on the cusp of a major breakthrough (or miserable failure, depending on the day). So we are here to honor them at their biggest show, and in order to do so we have assembled a motley crew of seasoned reviewing professionals.

We have Vice, recently off of a stint in a Vietnamese prison camp. What was he learning there? Unstoppable techniques! Ms. Cewsh, on the other hand, is a deadly assassin trained by the government to mercy kill any and all examples of sexism, chauvinism, or ugly shoes. Then we have Matthew, the wildcard. He’s a burly fighter from the great state of New York who is looking for a rumble or a good time, whichever his fists find first. At the core of the whole thing is me, Cewsh, the dashing ringleader. And together we’re going to show Bound For Glory how we do things around these parts. So stand back, civilians. We’re trained professionals. In fact, we’re the A-Team.

The B-Team consists of my cat and a blow up doll we found in the woods.

So without any further ado, let’s do a motherfucking review!

September 19, 2010

WWE Night of Champions 2010

World Wrestling Entertainment Proudly Presents…

WWE Night Of Champions 2010


Welcome, cats and kittens, to yet another installment to the verily gilded Cewsh Reviews! We have a special treat for you tonight, as World Wrestling Entertainment lifts the gold curtain and rolls out the red velvet for a one of a kind event, the Night of Champions. This is the one night of the year where we are guaranteed to see every single title on the line, and not only that, but we have ourselves a unification match, a 6 pack challenge, and match theoretically being contested over the copyright to some fictional magical powers. Add into that a special attraction match that is very attractive (Punk says rawr), a United States championship match I would have kicked myself in the nuts for suggesting 5 years ago, and a tag team title gauntlet, and you’ve got the makings of a very special show. That is, if they can actually put it together. Will this show go down in a spectacular glittery ball of flames like last year’s, or will it realize it’s potential as we plunge on towards the Road to Wrestlemania? There’s only one way to find out.

So without any further ado, let’s do a motherfucking review!

September 13, 2010

The Shimmer Volume 33-36 Wrap Up Spectacular

Mrs. Cewsh: Good evening kittens, are you all tuckered out? Cewsh and I certainly are, for we've spent the whole weekend at SHIMMER! It was seriously the most fun, exciting thing I've done as a wrestling fan and I'm going to share! There will be HUGE MAJOR SPOILERS. I am not kidding. There will also be pictures! Everyone loves pictures!

So without further ado, let's do a family friendly, (except for Leva's entrance music,) supplement!

September 11, 2010

Shimmer Volume 33

Shimmer Women Athletes Proudly Presents…

Shimmer Volume 33


Mrs.Cewsh: Oh ducklings, we're home! We're back to that magic land of good wrestling, compelling storylines, and pictures of the wrestlers that won't get us TOSed. We're back for another Shimmer show, dears, and it's going to be awesome. Why is this show awesome? Because we're on it! Sort of.

Volume 33 marks the first of the four tapings that Cewsh and I went to back in September. You may recall that we were very high on the experience and the resulting matches. Let's see if they translated well to a taped product, shall we? (And in case you actually did want to play spot the Cewshes, I'm the brunette with glasses and the neon blue Ninjas shirt in the back left from hard camera. Cewsh would be the one making funny faces next to me.)

The Shimmer landscape was turned upside down on the taping before this, as Madison Eagles ended MsChif's almost two year reign to become the third ever Shimmer Champion. Even worse, MsChif suffered a shoulder injury warming up and had to miss her first ever Shimmer shows. What will this do to the main event landscape? Will the shows cease to exist without the Chif? I know, you should find out.

So, without further ado, let's do a motherfucking review!

September 5, 2010

TNA No Surrender 2010

Total Nonstop Action Proudly Presents...


TNA NO SURRENDER 2010


Welcome, cats and kittens to yet another installment of your very favorite stock option advice resource, Cewsh Reviews! We have a special treat for you tonight as we head on down to Florida for TNA's No Surrender 2010 PPV, and let me tell you, we are hyped. For many wrestling fans WWE is the only game in town, so they know well the phenomenon of the Road To Wrestlemania, the three months leading from the Royal Rumble to Wrestlemania. Well TNA doesn't have a road, persay, but it's safe to say that we are on the dirt road clogged with hillbillies selling moonshine out of the back of their broken down pick up trucks of Bound For Glory. TNA's show of shows is one month away, and after the major shakeup of recent weeks, with the invasion of EC...EV 2,0 and the reinvasion of Fortune, not to mention the vacant World Championship after Rob Van Dam was forced to vacate (because they used up all of the dates on his contract a month before their biggest show of the year), things are getting crazy. So how will this show do at getting us hyped for the big time next month? Only one way to find out.

So without any further ado, let's do a motherfucking review!

September 3, 2010

The Top 10 Biggest Surprises In Wrestling History

Aloha, cats and kittens, and welcome to a special Thursday edition of Sunday Supplements, with your dazzling, incorrigible, and entirely resplendent host, Victor Von Cewshenstein.  You may be wondering what has prompted such an unusual act of a Supplement being posted in place of a review, though more realistically you may really be wondering how a Supplement got posted at all.  Touche there, smart aleck, but the gist is this.  We, the captains of the S.S. Cewsh Reviews, are occasionally kind of dumb.  In this instance we were so absolutely certain that this was, in fact, already the second week of September, that we have been left entirely unprepared for this week's review.  Shameful, I know, but it has provided a unique opportunity for this Supplement to actually see the light of day and not sit wallowing in captive obscurity until the end of time.

So begging your pardon, I hope you will bear with us and enjoy this supplement.  It should be pretty self explanatory.  I have rounded up what I feel are the ten biggest surprises in wrestling history.  These are things that not only shocked us at the time, but were also total unforeseeable and left an impact on the wrestling business that reverberated throughout every aspect of it for years, and even generations, afterward.  These are the what the fuck moments that have defined the past 20 years.

And believe me, these don't even begin to cover it.

August 8, 2010

TNA HardCORE Justice 2010

Total Nonstop Action and Extreme Championship Wrestling (Sort Of) Proudly Present...



TNA HardCORE Justice 2010


Welcome cats and kittens, to yet another installment of the hardcorniest of the hardcore, Cewsh Reviews! We have a special treat for you tonight as TNA has opened the floodgates for an ECW reunion to (allegedly) end all ECW reunions. Tommy Dreamer has been given carte blanche to assemble a show of his very own, even though he can't use the letters “ECW” or half of the roster's known names, lest Jerry McDevitt and WWE sue the everyloving shitcookies out of everyone within a 10 mile radius. Regardless, the gang has all turned up, the tables are laid out, and the fans are ready to chant, so we're going to open our arms wide and let the scourge of Extreme into the Cewsh Reviews Headquarters. God only knows if we'll ever be the same.

So without any further ado, let's do a motherfucking review!

July 18, 2010

WWE Money In The Bank 2010

World Wrestling Entertainment Proudly Presents…


WWE Money In The Bank 2010


Welcome, cats and kittens, to yet another installment of the only review blog afraid of heights, spiders and certain kinds of foreign cheese, Cewsh Reviews! We have a special treat for you tonight as we bring you LADDERS. That is to say we’re reviewing WWE LADDERSLADDERSLADDERS. Err, Money in the LADDERS. THERE ARE LADDERS. YAY LADDERS!

Hmm.

Well I think you get the idea. Tonight we get to review a show fully and completely centered around people scaling a ladder to reach a guaranteed title match. What could be more simple or more excellent than that? Between those matches and Cena and Sheamus finally brining their feud to a head, this is a PPV so fully loaded with potential that it’s bursting at the seams and we’re going to have to find it new pants at goodwill. However let us remember, there’s a new group in town. One that cast a shadow over all of these proceedings. How will Nexus affect one of the most important nights of the year? Only one way to find out.

So without any further ado, let’s do a motherfucking review!

July 11, 2010

You All Surprise Me

Mrs. Cewsh: Welcome home ducklings. Did you miss me? Cewsh treated you alright while I was away? Feed you anything besides junk food? Is that a backyard wrestling ring I see out the kitchen window? What have you been up to?

No matter, we're all back together now and we're going to do this Supplement up right. You may recall, we kicked these amuse-bouche off nine months ago with a little post about how you're all perverts. Fast forward to today, and I can safely say, yes, you're all still perverts. BUT, you're also surprising perverts.

The number of sexual, bizarre, misspelled searches have been eclipsed by a boom of actual, thoughtful wrestling-related searches. Not only that, but searches like wrestle feminists have taken Feminism and Pro Wrestling to 124 views in four months, making it our third most popular page in history. It's really made me proud and inspired me to take a more vocal role in the wrestling community.

And as your reward for that, we're going to relieve the very first Supplement on this blog, the porniest, weirdest, and most illegal things Cewsh Reviews has been a result for in a search engine, (since May 26, 2010 when Google redid their webmaster tools and wiped all our search results):

TNA Victory Road 2010

This summary is not available. Please click here to view the post.

June 30, 2010

The Cewsh Reviews Super Mega Ultra Technicolor Dream Show.

Cewsh Reviews Proudly Presents…


THE CEWSH REVIEWS SUPER MEGA ULTRA TECHNICOLOR DREAM SHOW


Welcome, cats and kittens, to yet another installment of the dreamiest, ultraist, technocoloriest reviews in all the land, Cewsh Reviews! Now tonight we have a more than special treat for you as we do something that neither we, nor anyone we’re aware of, has done before. We gave Cewsh Reviews readers just like you the opportunity to submit matches that you wanted to see us review, and we stuck all the matches into Optimus Spud. After a vigorous shaking or two we were left with 8 matches to comprise our dream card review. Then we got our good buddy D1 to compile it all into a big ol’ show for us all to enjoy together.  A show which you can download and enjoy in its entirety for yourself by following the handy download links here, here, and here.

So here you have it. You guys picked the matches, you guys made the card, and now you guys can sit back and watch with us as we take a tour through crazy town. If nothing else, it should be one helluva ride.

So without any further ado, let’s do a motherfucking review!

June 28, 2010

Sunday Supplements: The Super Mega Ultra Technicolor Dream Card Drawing!

Welcome, one and all, to the very first drawing for the 1st Annualish Cewsh Reviews Dream Card Supershow Spectacular! 

Unless you're from the future, you're probably confused as to what all of this hooplah is about.  Well it shakes out like this.  A few weeks ago we took several of our readers at our parent site Rajah.com, and gave them the opportunity to nominate matches that they'd like to see us review.  Not entire shows, but instead individual matches from any point in wrestling history, and for any promotion they wished.  We got in tons of submissions, with some of them being more cringe worthy than others (The Wrestlicious Battle Royal Ms. Cewsh?  Really?), and we took all of the submissions and wrote them down on slips of paper.  Then Vice took them and stuck them in his Optimash Prime Mr. Potato Head (in place of a hat).  And tonight he's going to shaket hem up and let the magic spill out of the back of Optimash Prime like...err...magic.  Let's go with that.


At any rate, it's damn exciting already, so let's get  this party started, shall we?  Vice, take it away.

June 20, 2010

WWE Fatal Four Way 2010

World Wrestling Entertainment Proudly Presents…

WWE FATAL FOUR WAY 2010


Welcome, cats and kittens to yet another installment of the captivatingest reviews in all of the kingdom, Cewsh Reviews! We have a special treat for you tonight, as we are set to review the only WWE show of the year where you are guaranteed to have a fatal four way match, WWE Fatal Four Way! So, I mean, if that’s what you’re into, this is pretty much the greatest night of your entire life. If you, on the other hand, are mostly ambivalent towards four ways (I prefer foursomes myself, rawr) then this is still at least kind of exciting as WWE starts to rev its engines in preparation for the quickly oncoming Summerslam. Will the NXT rookies make their presence felt on this show? Why are there only like 4 matches on this card? And what on this show made Ms. Cewsh howl with rage? Only one way to find out.

So without any further ado, let’s do a motherfucking review!

June 19, 2010

ROH Death Before Dishonor VIII

Ring Of Honor Proudly Presents...

ROH DEATH BEFORE DISHONOR VIII


Welcome cats and kittens to yet another installment of the earth shatteringly brilliant Cewsh Reviews. We have a special treat for you tonight, as we batter down the hatches, damn the torpedoes, and set out onto the choppy waters of the Independent Sea again to catalog one of the biggest shows of the year for the little promotion that could, Ring of Honor's Death Before Dishonor VIII. If you've heard of the show, you no doubt have heard about why we're reviewing it, as the main event of this show is none other than a ROH World Heavyweight Championship match between Tyler Black and Davey Richards.

Oh yeah, you heard me. Cewsh Reviews is tackling Tyler Black vs. Davey Richards.

If you don't understand the significance there, we'll explain it better when the time comes, but let's just say that it is the most heralded and critically acclaimed independent match in years, and we'll have our say. But that isn't all we have on tap here. Christopher Daniels is back in ROH, making his way towards the title, we're having a number one contender's gauntlet match, and the blood feud between El Generico and Kevin Steen is finally about ready to blow. And all of that is great and all, but c'mon, lets face. You're here for the A-Double, baby. With cheese.

So without any further ado, let's do a motherfucking review!

June 13, 2010

TNA Slammiversary VIII.

Total Nonstop Action Proudly Presents…

TNA SLAMMIVERSARY VIII


Welcome, cats and kittens, to yet another installment of the only review blog that turns pink when you enter the Konami Code, Cewsh Reviews! We have a special treat for you all tonight, as we put on our fancy penguin suits and prepare to herald the eight anniversary of Total Nonstop Action. The red carpet has been rolled out, the lights are on bright, and I’m typing this on a golden keyboard with diamond keys. That shit’s fancy. Now over the past eight years, TNA has given us many things. Great matches, memorable rivalries, terrific memories, and all the unintentional humor that we can stuff in a sack. So here, tonight, we’ll take the time to look back on the old days as we march through this years offering. It’s a chance to treasure those memories that we’ll never forget. Like the time that Monty Brown called Samoa Joe a “Hippophant” (half hippo, half elephant) and that time where Rhino had a good match.

But that’s the past, and this year TNA is moving into the future, so we will not neglect the current goings on in the fast paced world of TNA. Will Rob Van Dam be able to withstand Sting’s wrath? Is Mr. Anderson’s loyalty to Jeff Hardy a ploy by the world’s biggest asshole? And what the hell is Dixie Carter’s big announcement all about? All this and partial nudity are right ahead of you. And there’s only one way to find out.

So without any further ado, let’s do a motherfucking review!

May 23, 2010

Dear John Cena

Hello there, boys and girls, and welcome to yet another Sunday Supplement to brighten up your dreary Sunday nights.  We here at Cewsh Reviews are aware that it's the only night of the weekend that you can't drink yourself into a pleasant stupor, and we sympathize, and are here to entertain you throughout your regrettably sober hours.

This week i'm going to tackle a somewhat different strategy with our Supplements, and instead of making a top 10 list or writing a hard hitting article on discrimination in wrestling, i'm instead going to reach out to a member of the wrestling community who I think could well and truly use my help.  Though he has achieved some success thus far, this individual still may have a long road ahead of him, and through this open letter, I can let him know the thoughts of myself and others, and perhaps help him understand how he could change and improve his craft from here forward.  If nothing else, it will help to ease my conscience that I know that I tried.

Dear John Cena,

WWE Over The Limit 2010

World Wrestling Entertainment Proudly Presents….

WWE OVER THE LIMIT 2010


Welcome, cats and kittens, to yet another installment of the live event attendingest (according to me) review blog in the galaxy, Cewsh Reviews! We’ve got a special treat for you tonight as we rev our engines, throw the gear into drive, and try not to stall out because we never learned how to drive stick and get off on our way to WWE’s Over The Limit 2010! Now I know there’s some controversy because the name of this PPV is very close to the one Owen Hart died at approximately 10 years ago, but we’re going to try not to dwell on that, and if anything, enjoy the show in his honor. And hell, if the show is terrible, we can call it one final practical joke by the King of Ribbers (not rubbers).

But all of the unpleasantness aside, tonight we’re going to see the end of some feuds (Punk/Mysterio, Cena/Batista) and the flowering of some new ones (Edge/Orton, Dibiase/Truth). And along the way, we might even cement some new stars at the top of the food chain (Swagger, Hart Dynasty). So come along with us on the ride, and don’t forget to buckle up. When Vince McMahon is behind the wheel, god knows what is in store.

So without any further ado, let’s do a motherfucking review!

May 16, 2010

TNA Sacrifice 2010

Total Nonstop Action Proudly Presents…

TNA Sacrifice 2010


Welcome, cats and kittens, to yet another installment of the only bunch of manly men (and women) classy enough to wear gowns to the Monster’s Ball, Cewsh Reviews! Tonight we have a special treat for you, as we review the pay per view that is all about Sacrifice. The sacrifices you need to make in order to make it in the wrestling business. The sacrifices you need to make to be the best at your chosen craft. The sacrifices you and your family endure as you strive towards perfection every day of your life. Ultimately, all you can hope for is that once you realize your goals and pass the finish line, all that will matter is the satisfaction of knowing that your sacrifices were worthwhile.


Of course, whether or not sacrificing our brain cells on the alter of TNA’s booking will prove worthwhile remains to be seen. But, as always, there’s only one way to find out.

So without any further ado, let’s do a motherfucking review!

May 8, 2010

NJPW Super J Tag Tournament 2010

New Japan Professional Wrestling Proudly Presents...


NJPW Super J Tag Tournament 2010


Welcome, cats and kittens to yet another installment of the ever late, ever magnificent Cewsh Reviews! We have a special treat for you tonight as we head over to visit our friends in the land of the rising sun once again, and review NJPW’s Super J Tag Tournament 2010. A show full of nothing but tag matches between small flippy guys is not exactly what you may expect from a team containing a guy who is a self confessed hater of tag team wrestling and flippy spotfests, but we yearn to please here at Cewsh Reviews and we realized that this sort of wrestling had really been brutally underrepresented by us thus far in our reign of terror, so now with the Super Juniors flourishing in Japan again, the fact of the matter is that enough is enough and it is time for a change. Of course, as you may be aware, Japanese wrestling is not our specialty here at Cewsh Reviews. We have some knowledge of it, and in some areas quite a lot, but when it comes to something like this you’re going to need more firepower than that. It’s like microwaving a potato. Just pressing buttons that seem familiar isn’t going to get the job done.

Luckily for us, on the Cewsh Reviews microwave we just have to hit Defrost.

So without any further ado, let’s do a motherfucking review!

April 25, 2010

WWE Extreme Rules 2010

World Wrestling Entertainment Proudly Presents…

WWE Extreme Rules 2010


Welcome, cats and kittens, to yet another installment of the Extremeist macaroni and cheese review on these fine internets, Cewsh Reviews! Tonight we have a special treat for you, as WWE takes their yearly trip down the highway of the extreme, and this year everyone is getting their gimmick match boots on to blow off feuds from Wrestlemania. In effect, this is Backlash, except more EXTREME, which I assume means that they drink more Mountain Dew and skateboard without the use of a helmet. Hardcore. Anyway, tonight is the night for some serious blow offs to the feuds that propelled Wrestlemania to such great heights. Cena and Batista are going to see who can be the slowest to stand up, Edge and Jericho are going to play inside of a very inefficient sandbox together, and CM Punk and Rey Mysterio are going to fight over Rey’s desire to be a beauty school dropout (beauty school dropouuuuut). All this and more as, for one night, World Wrestling Entertainment takes them both, because they’re hardcore.

So without any further ado, let’s do a motherfucking review!

The 6 Best (Worst) Wrestler Side Projects

What better time than now to roll this one out?

In the wake of rumors that Mickie James and Maria Kanellis were released due to their desire to pursue their music outside of WWE, and in the wake of today's rumors that Batista may not even be a WWE employee by the end of tonight due to his wish to pursue his acting career, what better time to take a look back at other times that members of the distinguished brotherhood of professional wrestling dabbled in other forms of media?  After all, wrestlers in music, movies, and television are a proud and well established tradition dating back to the earliest days of spandex, and some performers have even managed to cross over from one to the others.  So it is these proud, brave people that we salute today, for their ups, their downs, and the amusement value that will never cease rewarding us.  Amusement like...

April 18, 2010

The Top 10 Wrestling Moves Of All Time.

Admit it.  You missed us.

Welcome cats and kittens to the end of our vacation, and the first Sunday Supplement of the new wrestling year.  We got tans, kicked back, and got banned from more tropical countries than the Chupacabra, and now we're back and ready for some action.  Well, I am at least.  You won't see Vice back until we post our review of TNA's Lockdown 2010 on Wednesday, and Ms. Cewsh doesn't grace us with her presence until our review of WWE Extreme Rules the Wednesday after that, but hey, it's a start.

Anyway, we're here today to talk about wrestling moves.  Fucking rad wrestling moves.  Moves with flips, moves that hurt and moves that are so face blistering radtacular that even reading this supplement might give you a sunburn that will be embarrassing to explain to your coworkers.  Are you sure you're ready to see the 10 greatest moves in wrestling history (or just my ten favorite)?  Well ready or not, grab some sunscreen, because off we go!

TNA Lockdown 2010

Total Nonstop Action Proudly Presents…

TNA Lockdown 2010


Welcome, cats and kittens, to the wrestling review that, despite all it’s rage, continues to still be just rats in cages, Cewsh Reviews. We have a special treat for you tonight, and we begin part one of our two part April = Gimmick matches run here, first with tonight’s TNA Lockdown 2010 review, and next week with WWE’s Extreme Rules 2010 show, because according to Hobo Jim, who hoards bread crust in a bucket behind the grocery store, if anyone bleeds in a month other than April, they will be given a evil ham by the Devil. So, I guess that’s to be avoided then.

Anyway, this is TNA’s unofficial second biggest show of the year, and is generally the night when they shine the brightest. Every match on this show will be contested inside of a steel cage, in various ways, and, as such, this is TNA’s most violent, and most barbaric show every year, as Lockdown is where the biggest feuds get settled amidst the steel. D’Angelo Dinero gets his chance to ascend to the main event as he faces the World Champion, AJ Styles. Ken Anderson and Kurt Angle blow off the feud that has been setting TNA on fire for months now. Team Flair and Team Hogan get Lethally Locked Down to settle their grudges once and for all. This is a night of excitement and potential. Can TNA back it up? Only one way to find out.

So without any further ado, let’s do a motherfucking review!

April 10, 2010

Shimmer: Volume 29

Shimmer: Women Athletes Proudly Presents…
 
SHIMMER: VOLUME 29


Welcome, cats and kittens, to yet another installment of the stylishly feminized Cewsh Reviews! We have a special treat for you tonight, as we take a detour from our usual surroundings of Divas and Knockouts and set out in pursuit of some Women Athletes. Our search has led us back to the doorstep of the almighty Shimmer, home of female wrestlers in the purest form of the word, and hopefully Allison Danger and Dave Prazak’s girls can sufficiently buffer us from the sadness and woe of mainstream women’s wrestling today. But I’m getting ahead of myself. Tonight we will see a cheerleader go goth to fight some ninjas, a Japanese woman who worships Hello Kitty wrestle Rob Van Dam’s weed smoking soul mate, and more Australian accents than you can shake one of those sticks that makes that warbly noise at. What are they called? Didgeridoos? Yeah, those.

Unfortunately, as a proud bearer of a set of genitals you can see from space on clear days (big hit with the lady astronauts, believe it), I’m not the right choice to host these festivities. But wouldn’t you know it, we do have a gender appropriate member of the ol’ team here, and I’m not talking about the time that Vice dressed up like a Burmese hooker to get out of that traffic ticket. So Ms. Cewsh? It’s your show from here. Fire it up!


Ms. Cewsh: So without any further ado, let’s do a motherfucking review!

March 28, 2010

WWE Wrestlemania XXVI

World Wrestling Entertainment Proudly Presents…

WWE Wrestlemania XXVI


Welcome, cats and kittens, to yet another installment of the Showcase of the Incorrigibles, Cewsh Reviews! Tonight we don’t just have A special treat for you, we have THE goddamn special treat, as we are here to review and bask in the glow of WWE Wrestlemania XXVI. Well we’re finally here, at the culmination of both the wrestling year, and our reviewing year. It’s been a long road, with ups and downs, things that were Ian Rotten, and things that were Beautiful People, and here we stand, in year two of Cewsh Reviews, and going strong, ready to celebrate and culminate the wrestling world as a whole on this biggest of nights.

But yeah, yeah, yeah, we’re awesome, blah blah blah. Let’s get to the fucking show, shall we? This is one of the most ridiculously stacked cards in recent memory (possibly in ANY memory) and all three of us are dying to dig our teeth into it. What will we think about Shawn/Taker? What will Vice think of having to watch John Cena wrestle Batista? Will Ms. Cewsh attack the screen when Kofi comes on (and when Randy Orton comes on for a very different reason?) There’s only one way to find out, kids. And damned if we won’t try to make it fun along the way.

Also, Vice’s Awards are back. Yeah, you heard me. This is THE SHIT right here. So without any further ado, let’s do a motherfucking Wrestlemania review!

The Wrestlemania 26 Preview Spectacular

Welcome Cewsh Reviewiphiles, to the one and only Cewsh Reviews Wrestlemania Preview Spectacular!

Well here we all are at last, on the very doorstep of the Showcase of the Immortals, WWE Wrestlemania XXVI. It’s been a long fun road to get here to the culmination of both the wrestling industry’s year and ours as well, and like any good final boss battle, this bad boy is going to require the proper amount of preparation and consideration. There will be plenty of that here as I run down all of the matches for you, taking a look at who has momentum, who is due for a great match, and who has the best hair, (not Sheamus.)

But if that was all we were here for, we’d be rotten party hosts, so we’re also all going to be predicting the winners of each match in our own ways. I’ll be using a fancy computer simulation to predict the winner, Ms. Cewsh will be utilizing our unsuspecting cat to divine the future, and Vice watched a lot of porn. Apparently these random and assorted methods are meant to determine how the show will shake out. How will porn and cats (hopefully not used together) divine the future?

Err…I better let them explain.

March 26, 2010

SMASH.1

SMASH Proudly Presents…


SMASH.1


Welcome, cats and kittens, to yet another installment of the best globetrotters not located in Harlem, Cewsh Reviews! Tonight we have a special treat for you, as we travel back to the land of the rising sun and check out the grand debut opening of Yoshihiro Tajiri’s new promotion SMASH. Now we’ve covered all kinds of wrestling through the years, from mainstream WWE stuff, to European stuff, Mexican, Korean, Japanese, and everything in between, but this will be the first time that Cewsh Reviews will ever be able to say that it covered the opening of a brand new promotion happening here and now. To be honest, we couldn’t be more honored to put our faith in the hands of TAJIRI, a wrestler who has captivated each of us over the years and now stands to create something special of his own.

But worry not. This wont be one of those stodgy reviews where all we talk about is tradition and history and the like. We’ll save that for another day, because this is a card filled with rookies, serial killers, blimps, and Tommy Dreamer (or was that repetitive?) and we’re going to have all the fun in the world bringing it to you. So set your phasers to stun, and strap in boys and girls. It’s going to be a wacky ride.

March 21, 2010

TNA Destination X 2010

Total Nonstop Action Proudly Presents…

TNA Destination X 2010


Welcome, cats and kittens, to yet another installment of the most widely read wrestling review blog in Heidi Klum’s bedroom, Cewsh Reviews! Tonight we have a special treat for you as we make our last stop on our glorious path to WWE Wrestlemania XXVI, as we cover TNA’s Destination X 2010. Now it may be a little unfair to TNA to just go ahead and ASSUME that Wrestlemania will overshadow their offering here, just because it’s Wrestlemania, but let’s not be naive. This show is being main evented by Abyss fighting to protect a ring. This isn’t Showcase of the Immortals stuff here.

But with that said, there’s plenty to be excited about here as TNA rolls out the official PPV of the X Division. We’ve got a ladder match, and Ultimate X match, and even, be still my heart, a SHANNON MOORE match. Some dreams do come true, if you wish hard enough. If you BELIEVE. Aside from that we’ve got Kurt Angle trying to cripple Mr. Anderson, Ric Flair in a wheelchair, and something mysterious going on with Abyss’ clothes. Will TNA put on a show worthy of notice at this crazy time of year? Or will they crash and burn and leave WWE to fill the void will the year’s biggest spectacle? Only one way to find out.

So without any further ado, let’s do a motherfucking review!

March 14, 2010

Feminism and Pro Wrestling

Ms. Cewsh: Greetings muffins, and welcome to a special Sunday Supplement. Usually I come out and give you some fluff about web stats or bad fan-art. Today, I'm bringing you a serious essay on the difficulties of being a feminist and a wrestling fan. This is a topic that's very near to my heart. If you're here for jokes, boobs, or to leave comments about how "women spelled backwards is kitchen", move on now.

Women are a huge part of the wrestling business, both as performers and as fans. You doubt me? Statistics of WWE.com show that the split between male and female viewers isn't as great as you think. 39% of people viewing WWE.com are women. That's more than 1/3. I am not an anomaly.

March 8, 2010

The Monday Night Wars Take Two: The Rehappening

World Wrestling Entertainment and Total Nonstop Action Proudly Present…

The Monday Night Wars Take Two: The Rehappening.


Welcome, cats and kittens, to yet another installment of the responsibly time traveling Cewsh Reviews. Tonight we have a special treat for you as we cover the beginning of the new Monday Night Wars between TNA Impact and WWE Raw. “But wait, Mr. McCewsh,” you may say is hushed tones of respect and admiration, “you already did the new Monday Night Wars back in January.” Well this is true, Ms. Cewsh and I tackled that very thing back in the olden days of 2 months ago. But a lot can change in that time, including TNA getting a permanent slot going head to head with Raw on Monday nights (the show in January was a one off event).

What can you expect from this sequel that will make it better than the original? How about Criss Angel, magician extraordinaire? No? How about not one but TWO Hulk Hogan matches. No again? Well how about MAGIC? Yeah, we knew that one would get you. Now you may have been excited at the prospect of Vice and I reviewing this show together and letting our conflicting views on these two shows start a war that would never wane in intensity, and we were too. Unfortunately, our Vicey come down with a serious case of "Has to work a shit ton of overtime to catch up on work" with a few side symptoms like "Has No Free Time" and "Curses The Day That Currency Was Ever Invented In The First Place". It sounds serious. He'll do his best to chip his two cents in when time allows, but in the meantime let's all wish him a speedy, and financially rewarding recovery.

Let's All Support Him As Enthusiastically As These Two.

In the meantime, come watch me, as I cover a historic event in the history of professional wrestling. The true rebirth of the Monday Night Wars. Again. But more so.

Sort of.

So without any further ado, let’s do a motherfucking review!

February 21, 2010

WWE Elimination Chamber 2010

World Wrestling Entertainment Proudly Presents…

WWE Elimination Chamber 2010


Welcome, cats and kittens, to yet another installment of the incredibly literally named Cewsh Reviews! This week we have a treat for you, as we make our last pit stop (gosh kids, didn’t I ask if you needed to go before we left the house?) on the Road to Wrestlemania, as we review WWE’s Elimination Chamber 2010. This is the last chance for everyone who didn’t win the Royal Rumble (that being everyone who isn’t Edge) to cement their spot in one of the two main events of Wrestlemania. That’s a definite plus. The slight negative may be that they have to get their asses trucked over by a metric ton of steel chains and grating, as they step into the Elimination Chamber to find their destiny.


The Only Way To Wrestlemania Is Through The Steel.

Who will be the champions of Raw and Smackdown when the smoke clears? What will we find out about the future for Wrestlemania? And is there actually anything on this show that doesn’t take place in an Elimination Chamber? As always, there’s only one way to find out.

So without any further ado, let’s do a motherfucking review!

February 14, 2010

TNA Against All Odds 2010

Total Nonstop Action Proudly Presents…

TNA Against All Odds 2010



Welcome, cats and kittens, to yet another installment of the most accurate and unbiased review blog on all of the internets, and also the best, Cewsh Reviews! Tonight we have a special treat for you as we summon forth our reserves and bring you our second review this week. Normally we can hardly be convinced to put up one review a week, but this week we’re operating on previously untapped reserves (black tar heroin) andwith Cewsh, Ms. Cewsh and Vice all together to tackle the show for the first time in ages, we have all the energy we need to tackle TNA’s Against All Odds pay per view.

Now this show is rather interesting, as it is essentially comprised of one tag match, a World title match, and the rest is the conclusion of the Eight Card Stud tournament, to determine the number one contender to the TNA World Heavyweight Championship at Lockdown in April. What will we think of this King of the Ring like tournament and the unusual format for TNA? Will TNA be able to pull off a successful show built around mostly midcarders? Will The Nasty Boys be so bad in the ring that we will research ways to travel back in time to stop it from annihilating the human race? Naturally, there’s only one way to find out.

So with no further ado, let’s do a motherfucking review!

Ms. Cewsh's Valentine's Day Art Gallery

Mrs. Cewsh: It's Valentine's Day, darlings! Inspired by the valentines on wwe.com, and how god fucking awful they are, I was going to offer you some valentines to take home to your special someone.
And then I spent an hour going through the WWE tag on DeviantArt. Now you're getting a rant. Just get your girlfriend/wife/mother some grocery store flowers and Easter candy. Put in vase/on platter. She won't know the difference and you'll save like $30 bucks.

First, I'd like to say there are some very talented artists on DA. There are some less talented ones, too. I'm not mocking artistic skill, (much,) because my own talents lie elsewhere. HOWEVER. When you use someone else's characters and make them unrecognizable, you are a bad person and a worse "artist".

February 6, 2010

The Top 5 Weddings In Wrestling History

Welcome, cats, kittens and other assorted members of the Zoo, and welcome to the first Sunday Supplement of the new year. Now you may be wondering about the gap in time between this one and the last one. Laziness, mostly, is the answer, but also a factor is the fast paced planning of the wedding of me, Sir Cewsh of Cewshshire, to her loveliness, the Lady Ms. Cewsh of the neighboring Cewshinwillows. Now much goes into any wedding, and ours is no different, and since it is weddings that have cost you our excellent presence, it's weddings that I'll offer up to dig us out of the hole.

There have been a ton of weddings in the history of professional wrestling. Some of them were serious and romantic, some of them were ridiculous and comical, and some of them were just downright odd. Here today, we'll celebrate all of the above, and name the definitive list of Cewsh Reviews' Top 5 Weddings of All Time.

January 31, 2010

WWE Royal Rumble 2010

World Wrestling Entertainment Proudly Presents…

WWE Royal Rumble 2010


Welcome, cats and kittens, to yet another installment the Academy Award nominated (even though we’re just going to lose to Avatar), Cewsh Reviews! Tonight we have a special treat for you as we roll up our sleeves and prepare to get busy with our favorite event of the year, the WWE Royal Rumble 2010. There’s a mystique about the Royal Rumble that has been built through years and years of amazing and unforgettable memories that surround the event, and in preparation for this year to provide us with even more, we’ve bolstered our ranks with a guest reviewer. We are joined this night by none other than the Bodacious Bookworm himself, the Prodigious Prognosticator, the Scottish Scholar, our beloved MichaelC, and he’s here to be our official Royal Rumble historian for the evening.

There's At Least A 36% Chance This Is What He Looks Like.

Naturally that’s not all, though, as we here at Cewsh Review Headquarters do things up right at this time of year, and Ms. Cewsh and Vice will be joining us as well to provide their unique view on events as they unfold.

So is Shawn Michaels going to get his shot at the Undertaker at Wrestlemania? Will the Undertaker even still be champion after tonight? And who will step up to be the standout performer in this year’s Rumble, giving us a moment we’ll never forget? As always, for you, and for us, there’s only one way to find out.

So without any further ado, let’s do a motherfucking review!


January 30, 2010

PWG KURT RUSSELLMANIA 2010

Pro Wrestling Guerilla Proudly Presents…
 PWG Kurt Russellmania 2010


Welcome, cats and kittens, to yet another installment of the often deceiving Cewsh Reviews. Now to some of you we promised a mano e mano battle of wills between Vice and I in a debate to the finish. That won’t be happening until later (though we have the final list of debate topics determined and we’ll be posting those later), so to apologize for getting your hopes up, we’ll be instead delivering a review of a show of such awesome proportions that it defies the powers of mere mortals to comprehend. Luckily, as Cewsh Reviews fans, you are endowed with superhuman intelligence and taste, and therefore can understand that this show is what would happen if you took the combined awesomeness of Kurt Russell and Wrestlemania and threw them together at high speed. You may recall that we previously reviewed a PWG show a year or so ago, and you may have considered it our definitive word on the promotion but not so fast my friend (as Mel Kiper might say), this time, for THIS show, we have Jushin Thunder Liger, the Great Muta, Rob Van Dam, Super Crazy and the one night only reuniting of Paul London and Brian Kendrick. Yeah, you just read that. This show has more awesome on it than ACTUAL Wrestlemania.

In other words, the mere touching of your monitor while reading this review may cause the sprouting of chest hair and the growth of an extra testicle. We do not apologize for these effects, even in females, because YEAH MAN KURT RUSSELLMANIA WOOOO.

So without any further ado, let’s do a motherfucking review!

January 17, 2010

TNA Genesis 2010

Total Nonstop Action Proudly Presents…

TNA GENESIS 2010

Welcome cats and kittens, to yet another installment of the Golden Globe winningest (as if anybody cares) review blog in all the land, Cewsh Reviews! We’ve got a special treat for you tonight, as on the heels of that electric Monday night at the beginning of the month where TNA and WWE did battle head to head, TNA will try to capitalize on that momentum tonight with their first PPV of the year, TNA Genesis 2010. Now we here at Cewsh Reviews were pretty hard on their Monday Night offering, thinking it was pretty much an unqualified mess all around, but TNA does still have a streak of two phenomenal pay per views in a row to build on, and excitement remains high for the first show of the Hogan administration. Will they be able to keep up their incredible momentum? Will Hogan put his stamp on this show in some definitive way? Will anybody actually do any wrestling this time? There’s only one way to find out.

So without any further ado, let’s do a motherfucking review!

January 13, 2010

The Monday Night Wars Take Two

World Wrestling Entertainment and Total Nonstop Action Present…

Raw vs. Impact
The Monday Night War: Take Two.

Welcome, cats and kittens, to yet another installment of the sexiest wrestling reviews this side of the Rio Grande, Cewsh Reviews. Tonight we ACTUALLY have a special treat for you as we analyze and break down perhaps one of the most important (and certainly one of the most hyped) nights in wrestling history, as TNA steps up to the plate and formally challenges WWE for the first time ever. On that Monday night, on January 4th, the wrestling industry changed. But did it change for the better? Did TNA establish themselves as credible contenders to the throne? Did WWE stave off their hungrier counterparts? Well questions like that are why you have such clever and amazing people to watch this stuff for you. Even if they aren’t here, and you’re stuck with us.

The basic idea here is that we’ll review the shows chronologically, starting with TNA (which went 3 hours instead of 2 and started an hour before WWE), and compare the two shows side by side as they happen, comparing segments and determining which show was superior in head to head segments. Bear in mind as we go through that our copies of these shows have no commercials, so the times may not line up with what you watched on television. We’ll also rate the matches, and at the end form our definitive conclusions as to who won the first battle of this wrestling war. Make sense? Excellent.

So tonight we shrug off our usual format and our usual trappings and embrace a (one time only) change, just as the wrestling industry has. Tonight we break down a night for the ages minute by minute to cover every last detail of this historic evening. Tonight we review and muse upon the acts of immortals locked in the battle of a generation.

Tonight, we do a motherfucking review.

January 4, 2010

NJPW Wrestle Kingdom IV

New Japan Professional Wrestling and Pro Wrestling NOAH Proudly Present…
NJPW Wrestle Kingdom IV

Welcome, cats and kittens, to yet another installment of the most valuable (only in mint condition) wrestling review blog on all of the interwebs, Cewsh Reviews! Tonight we have a special treat for you, as we travel to the mysterious land of Japan in search of more wrestling greatness and wrestling oddities in a show called NJPW Wrestle Kingdom IV. You might be thinking to yourself “Cewsh, you review Japanese wrestling shows all the time, and I have no idea who these people with the funny names are. What makes this such a special treat?” Well let me try to put this in context for you. Imagine the WWE Invasion of the early 2000’s. Remember how we got a few dream matches like Hogan/Rock, Hardy/RVD, and Booker T/Rock, but they spread them wayyyy out until they lost all context? Well imagine if they threw all those matches on one fucking show and there was literally no tomorrow, as there would be one winner and one definite loser decided in one place on one night.

Such is the situation here as NJPW, the king of wrestling in Japan, is attempts to stave off the invasion of promotion number two, Pro Wrestling NOAH, in a series of matches pitting the top stars and best of the best against each other to decide which promotion is truly the greatest Japanese wrestling promotion of today. It may be under the NJPW banner here, but this is no foregone conclusion, and it all makes for one of the most exciting wrestling shows of the year.

Don’t believe me? Well kick back, relax, and let the immortal Defrost and I take you on a rollercoaster of thrills and excitement, that may make occasionally stops at Dunkin Donuts to placate Team 3D.

So without any further ado, let’s do a motherfucking review!