WWE Wrestlemania XXVII

World Wrestling Entertainment Proudly Presents…

WWE Wrestlemania XXVII

Welcome, cats and kittens, to yet another installment of the reviewers that bring in the viewers, Cewsh Reviews! We have a special treat for you tonight, as the culmination of the wrestling year (or the part of it your grandma may have actually heard of anyway) is nigh, and it is finally time for WWE Wrestlemania XXVII! Now the sheer media blitz of Wrestlemania (and our preview special if you’re a good little Cewshketeer) has probably made it abundantly clear what is on this show, so I’m not going to waste any more time hyping it for you. All I’ll say is that excitement is high among the CR Clan going in and we have champagne wishes and caviar dreams about how things may go. Will this Wrestlemania top last year’s above average show? What the fuck will the Rock actually be doing here? And for fuck’s sake, will anyone actually get made a star on the greatest stage of them all? Only one way to find out.

So without any further ado, let’s do a motherfucking review!

To Be Continued »

WWE Elimination Chamber 2011

World Wrestling Entertainment Proudly Presents…

WWE Elimination Chamber 2011

Welcome, cats and kittens, to yet another installment of everybody's favorite girlfriend, Cewsh Reviews! We have a special treat for you tonight as we take the final step on the Road (though considering it has about 2 steps, maybe its more of a path?) to Wrestlemania as we review WWE Elimination Chamber 2011. Ah, its that time of year again, boys and girls as a young man's fancy turns to thoughts of greased up musclemen (and women) vying for the opportunity to see their dreams come true in the main event of Wrestlemania. Tonight, those men that were unlucky enough to not win the Royal Rumble and get the easy road will try to take the hard way to the main event of Wrestlemania, through the ominous Chambers that await them. Locked inside will be their hopes and dreams, and only one man in each chamber match will survive (metaphorically) to see his dream come true. So with bated breath, and a surprise or two along the way, let's not leave you in suspense.

So without any further ado, let's do a motherfucking review!

To Be Continued »

WWE Night of Champions 2010

World Wrestling Entertainment Proudly Presents…

WWE Night Of Champions 2010

Welcome, cats and kittens, to yet another installment to the verily gilded Cewsh Reviews! We have a special treat for you tonight, as World Wrestling Entertainment lifts the gold curtain and rolls out the red velvet for a one of a kind event, the Night of Champions. This is the one night of the year where we are guaranteed to see every single title on the line, and not only that, but we have ourselves a unification match, a 6 pack challenge, and match theoretically being contested over the copyright to some fictional magical powers. Add into that a special attraction match that is very attractive (Punk says rawr), a United States championship match I would have kicked myself in the nuts for suggesting 5 years ago, and a tag team title gauntlet, and you’ve got the makings of a very special show. That is, if they can actually put it together. Will this show go down in a spectacular glittery ball of flames like last year’s, or will it realize it’s potential as we plunge on towards the Road to Wrestlemania? There’s only one way to find out.

So without any further ado, let’s do a motherfucking review!

To Be Continued »

WWE Summerslam 2010

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To Be Continued »

WWE Money In The Bank 2010

World Wrestling Entertainment Proudly Presents…

WWE Money In The Bank 2010

Welcome, cats and kittens, to yet another installment of the only review blog afraid of heights, spiders and certain kinds of foreign cheese, Cewsh Reviews! We have a special treat for you tonight as we bring you LADDERS. That is to say we’re reviewing WWE LADDERSLADDERSLADDERS. Err, Money in the LADDERS. THERE ARE LADDERS. YAY LADDERS!

Hmm.

Well I think you get the idea. Tonight we get to review a show fully and completely centered around people scaling a ladder to reach a guaranteed title match. What could be more simple or more excellent than that? Between those matches and Cena and Sheamus finally brining their feud to a head, this is a PPV so fully loaded with potential that it’s bursting at the seams and we’re going to have to find it new pants at goodwill. However let us remember, there’s a new group in town. One that cast a shadow over all of these proceedings. How will Nexus affect one of the most important nights of the year? Only one way to find out.

So without any further ado, let’s do a motherfucking review!

To Be Continued »

WWE Fatal Four Way 2010

World Wrestling Entertainment Proudly Presents…

WWE FATAL FOUR WAY 2010

Welcome, cats and kittens to yet another installment of the captivatingest reviews in all of the kingdom, Cewsh Reviews! We have a special treat for you tonight, as we are set to review the only WWE show of the year where you are guaranteed to have a fatal four way match, WWE Fatal Four Way! So, I mean, if that’s what you’re into, this is pretty much the greatest night of your entire life. If you, on the other hand, are mostly ambivalent towards four ways (I prefer foursomes myself, rawr) then this is still at least kind of exciting as WWE starts to rev its engines in preparation for the quickly oncoming Summerslam. Will the NXT rookies make their presence felt on this show? Why are there only like 4 matches on this card? And what on this show made Ms. Cewsh howl with rage? Only one way to find out.

So without any further ado, let’s do a motherfucking review!

To Be Continued »

WWE Extreme Rules 2010

World Wrestling Entertainment Proudly Presents…

WWE Extreme Rules 2010

Welcome, cats and kittens, to yet another installment of the Extremeist macaroni and cheese review on these fine internets, Cewsh Reviews! Tonight we have a special treat for you, as WWE takes their yearly trip down the highway of the extreme, and this year everyone is getting their gimmick match boots on to blow off feuds from Wrestlemania. In effect, this is Backlash, except more EXTREME, which I assume means that they drink more Mountain Dew and skateboard without the use of a helmet. Hardcore. Anyway, tonight is the night for some serious blow offs to the feuds that propelled Wrestlemania to such great heights. Cena and Batista are going to see who can be the slowest to stand up, Edge and Jericho are going to play inside of a very inefficient sandbox together, and CM Punk and Rey Mysterio are going to fight over Rey’s desire to be a beauty school dropout (beauty school dropouuuuut). All this and more as, for one night, World Wrestling Entertainment takes them both, because they’re hardcore.

So without any further ado, let’s do a motherfucking review!

To Be Continued »

Shimmer: Volume 29

Shimmer: Women Athletes Proudly Presents…
 

SHIMMER: VOLUME 29

Welcome, cats and kittens, to yet another installment of the stylishly feminized Cewsh Reviews! We have a special treat for you tonight, as we take a detour from our usual surroundings of Divas and Knockouts and set out in pursuit of some Women Athletes. Our search has led us back to the doorstep of the almighty Shimmer, home of female wrestlers in the purest form of the word, and hopefully Allison Danger and Dave Prazak’s girls can sufficiently buffer us from the sadness and woe of mainstream women’s wrestling today. But I’m getting ahead of myself. Tonight we will see a cheerleader go goth to fight some ninjas, a Japanese woman who worships Hello Kitty wrestle Rob Van Dam’s weed smoking soul mate, and more Australian accents than you can shake one of those sticks that makes that warbly noise at. What are they called? Didgeridoos? Yeah, those.

Unfortunately, as a proud bearer of a set of genitals you can see from space on clear days (big hit with the lady astronauts, believe it), I’m not the right choice to host these festivities. But wouldn’t you know it, we do have a gender appropriate member of the ol’ team here, and I’m not talking about the time that Vice dressed up like a Burmese hooker to get out of that traffic ticket. So Ms. Cewsh? It’s your show from here. Fire it up!


Ms. Cewsh: So without any further ado, let’s do a motherfucking review!

To Be Continued »

WWE Wrestlemania XXVI

World Wrestling Entertainment Proudly Presents…

WWE Wrestlemania XXVI

Welcome, cats and kittens, to yet another installment of the Showcase of the Incorrigibles, Cewsh Reviews! Tonight we don’t just have A special treat for you, we have THE goddamn special treat, as we are here to review and bask in the glow of WWE Wrestlemania XXVI. Well we’re finally here, at the culmination of both the wrestling year, and our reviewing year. It’s been a long road, with ups and downs, things that were Ian Rotten, and things that were Beautiful People, and here we stand, in year two of Cewsh Reviews, and going strong, ready to celebrate and culminate the wrestling world as a whole on this biggest of nights.

But yeah, yeah, yeah, we’re awesome, blah blah blah. Let’s get to the fucking show, shall we? This is one of the most ridiculously stacked cards in recent memory (possibly in ANY memory) and all three of us are dying to dig our teeth into it. What will we think about Shawn/Taker? What will Vice think of having to watch John Cena wrestle Batista? Will Ms. Cewsh attack the screen when Kofi comes on (and when Randy Orton comes on for a very different reason?) There’s only one way to find out, kids. And damned if we won’t try to make it fun along the way.

Also, Vice’s Awards are back. Yeah, you heard me. This is THE SHIT right here. So without any further ado, let’s do a motherfucking Wrestlemania review!

To Be Continued »

WWE Elimination Chamber 2010

World Wrestling Entertainment Proudly Presents…

WWE Elimination Chamber 2010

Welcome, cats and kittens, to yet another installment of the incredibly literally named Cewsh Reviews! This week we have a treat for you, as we make our last pit stop (gosh kids, didn’t I ask if you needed to go before we left the house?) on the Road to Wrestlemania, as we review WWE’s Elimination Chamber 2010. This is the last chance for everyone who didn’t win the Royal Rumble (that being everyone who isn’t Edge) to cement their spot in one of the two main events of Wrestlemania. That’s a definite plus. The slight negative may be that they have to get their asses trucked over by a metric ton of steel chains and grating, as they step into the Elimination Chamber to find their destiny.

The Only Way To Wrestlemania Is Through The Steel.

Who will be the champions of Raw and Smackdown when the smoke clears? What will we find out about the future for Wrestlemania? And is there actually anything on this show that doesn’t take place in an Elimination Chamber? As always, there’s only one way to find out.

So without any further ado, let’s do a motherfucking review!

To Be Continued »

TNA Against All Odds 2010

Total Nonstop Action Proudly Presents…

TNA Against All Odds 2010

Welcome, cats and kittens, to yet another installment of the most accurate and unbiased review blog on all of the internets, and also the best, Cewsh Reviews! Tonight we have a special treat for you as we summon forth our reserves and bring you our second review this week. Normally we can hardly be convinced to put up one review a week, but this week we’re operating on previously untapped reserves (black tar heroin) andwith Cewsh, Ms. Cewsh and Vice all together to tackle the show for the first time in ages, we have all the energy we need to tackle TNA’s Against All Odds pay per view.

Now this show is rather interesting, as it is essentially comprised of one tag match, a World title match, and the rest is the conclusion of the Eight Card Stud tournament, to determine the number one contender to the TNA World Heavyweight Championship at Lockdown in April. What will we think of this King of the Ring like tournament and the unusual format for TNA? Will TNA be able to pull off a successful show built around mostly midcarders? Will The Nasty Boys be so bad in the ring that we will research ways to travel back in time to stop it from annihilating the human race? Naturally, there’s only one way to find out.

So with no further ado, let’s do a motherfucking review!

To Be Continued »

WWE Tables, Ladders and Chairs 2009

World Wrestling Entertainment Proudly Presents…

WWE TLC: Tables, Ladders and Chairs 2009

Welcome, cats and kittens, to yet another installment of the death defyingest wrestling review in the blogosphere (whatever that is), Cewsh Reviews! Today we have a special treat for you all as we take a break from the sober trappings of our Mitsuharu Misawa tribute reviews and, instead, review the latest in WWE’s theme PPV’s, the vaguely named Tables Ladders and Chairs 2009. Will there be tables? Will there be ladders? Will there be chairs? Will there be ponies? Will there be Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles action figures? Will anyone lay a finger on my Butterfinger? We have the answers and the only way to get them is to give us each a pony in the color of our choosing. I’d like orange. Or I guess you could read on. If you have no holiday spirit. GRINCH.

This Is You.

What I do know is that we are three deep (minds out of the gutter, people) this week, with the lovely Ms. Cewsh joining Vice and I to break down a night that just might change the WWE as we know it. Or not. You know, whichever. Regardless, make sure, after the review, that you hop on over to the Cewsh Reviews blog to check out the lovely Ms. Cewsh's End of Year Awards if you hadn't already. And keep an eye out this Sunday for mine and next Sunday for Vice's as we roll on towards the new year.

So without any further ado, let’s do a motherfucking review!

To Be Continued »

WWE Royal Rumble 2009

Cewsh: This review is probably my favorite that we had ever done to this point. It was Ms. Cewsh's second foray into reviewing (And the first time that she actually WANTED to do it), and the first time we got her and Vice in the Review Room at the same time, together. The chemistry isn't all there yet, and the format is still changing and shifting towards its current glory, but this is the review that best captured the fun of the early days and the (ha) professionalism of our later work.

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World Wrestling Entertainment Proudly Presents...

WWE ROYAL RUMBLE 2009

Welcome to yet another edition of Cewsh Reviews…; boy do we have a treat for you tonight. Not only have we reviewed the WWE Royal Rumble 2009, arguably the second most important show of the year in professional wrestling, but we’ve also turned this sexy party into a down and dirty three way. That’s right, back from her long hiatus to lend this lowly manuscript some class, is the ever delicious Ms. Cewsh. Don’t worry your little heads, boys and girls, we’ve still got the good ol’ Cewsh/Vice action that you’ve come to know and love. Is this intro getting anyone else hot? No? Right! Me either!

Now, before we get on with tonight’s festivities, allow me to first take a moment to explain how the Royal Rumble works, just in case anyone reading this has never seen one. I can’t imagine whom that could possibly include, but humor me. We try to be thorough here. The Royal Rumble match is a 30 man, Over-The-Top-Rope, Battle Royal. The idea is to eliminate the other wrestlers by throwing them over the top rope, causing their feet to hit the floor. 30 men will eventually enter, two starting, and a new man entering every 90 seconds. The last man left in the ring gets an automatic shot at the Heavyweight Championship of his choosing in the main event of Wrestlemania. Everyone clear? Alright, good. Also, understand that these matches take an hour, sometimes more, so there aren’t going to be a lot of matches on this card. Just roll with it.

As always, we go into this review with nothing (intentionally) spoiled for us. We don’t read the spoilers, the news, and for the most part, the Rajah threads leading up to the PPVs.

On with the show!

To Be Continued »