Empty Budokan: How AJPW and NOAH Survived The 00s To Die In The 10s

Nothing lasts forever.

No matter how mighty or unassailable something may seem in the peak of it's strength, it can easily crumble and fall apart if not properly tended to. Staying on top in any industry is all about changing with the times, keeping an eye towards the future and ensuring that your company has everything it needs to keep performing at the highest possible level. As you might have guessed from the title of this post, this is the story of two companies who did not take these lessons to heart. And now, despite both being, at various times, the top promotion in all of Japan, they now both sit on the precipice of obscurity and failure.

How did things get this way? How did the fertile ground that birthed the Four Pillars, (Kenta Kobashi, Mitsuharu Misawa, Toshiaki Kawada and Akira Taue,) later become known for fights in the locker room? How did a company founded by the most popular wrestler in the nation, and built in his image, lead all of wrestling in failed main event pushes? Today, we'll do our best to answer those questions.

To Be Continued »

7 Reasons Alberto Del Rio Should Stay Champion

Hey boys and girls. As we roll on toward the glory and splendor of WrestleMania, I'd like to take a moment to focus on a match that is being kicked under the carpet a bit in the lead up to the event. I'm talking about the WWE World Heavyweight Championship match between Jack Swagger and Alberto Del Rio, and more specifically, I'm talking about how and why Del Rio should retain his title next Sunday, against the powerful forces of Dr. America and his sidekick, The Mustache Kid.

Warning: This Man Is Not A Licensed Doctor Or Country.

I'm going to hit you with seven reasons why Alberto Del Rio should not only retain the title at WrestleMania, but should go right on holding it on into the future. And no, his dazzling smile didn't even make the list.

(This article was previously seen on Bleacher Report. It has been altered from that version.)

To Be Continued »

The 10 Best Performences of The Rock

Afternoon again, intrepid travelers of the internets, and welcome to yet another installment of the Cewsh Reviews Sunday Supplements. In the past we've done everything here from listing the worst outfits in wrestling history, to doing a minute by minute breakdown of 12 Rounds where John Cena is the villain. And while these are all good times, the one thing they aren't is rich with actual professional wrestling matches. So we ALSO have a series where we document the top 10 matches of a particular wrestler, to let you know which matches are required viewing if you're new to their work, or at the very least, to give you something to argue about. And so it's appropriate that today's subject of focus is going to be the man who has returned to the top of the wrestling world, the Rock.

He Is Training Diligently.

Now what makes the Rock an interesting case is that his actual in ring skill has debated hotly among wrestling fans ever since he first broke onto the scene. He's been praised, derided, insulted, and had his ass polished, all in equal measure. So today, we're going to put aside all of the baggage and nostalgia that comes from talking about this man, and break right on through to his 10 best performances inside of a wrestling ring. These are the moments where he shined the brightest and brought it the most. And if we're doing our job right, you're in for some surprises.

To Be Continued »

The Official 2013 Royal Rumble Betting Guide

Evening, cats and kittens. I've brought you here today because we sit on the eve of one of the greatest nights in the entire wrestling year, the Royal Rumble. And while all week you'e no doubt been inundated by countless previews and predictions and all that jazz, our voice has been very carefully quiet on the issue. That is because the statistical geniuses at Cewsh Reviews Headquarters have been crunching the numbers to determine what the odds of each member of the WWE roster winning the Royal Rumble really is.

Look, Science Is A Process Okay?

Through this studious research, we have been able to separate the entire roster of the WWE, (and likely potential surprise entrants,) into four categories. Category 1 is "Yeah, Probably" and includes everyone with better than 10/1 odds. Category 2 is "Not So Much" and includes everyone with better than 20/1 odds. Category 3 is "Not Unless Everyone Else Gets Hit By A Bus" and includes everyone with better than 100/1 odds. And Category 4 is "Ahahahahahahahaha No" which includes everyone else. By keeping an eye on these categories and the logical advice they offer, you should be in great shape to win whatever bets that your friends force on you. And if using the advice and reasoning contained here results in you winning millions of dollars from back alley gambling rings, don't forget to cut your boy a little taste. I'd hate to have to rat you out to the mob.

To Be Continued »

The 7 People You Meet As A Wrestling Fan

Afternoon, cats and kittens. Today, for our newest Sunday Supplement, we'll be examining the 7 different kinds of people that every open wrestling fan will encounter at some point in their life. These people may turn out to be relatives, friends, acquaintances, or the doctor who does the surgery to remove the cucumber after you challenge Mike Tyson to a fight in a farmer's market. Whoever they are, when they learn that you are a wrestling fan, (due to your super awesome Tatanka t-shirt no doubt,) it is more than likely that every single one of them will fall into one of these categories. And while up until now you just had to rely on your quick wit and charm to diffuse a potentially awkward situation, the social scientists here at Cewsh Reviews have devised a foolproof method for dealing with each of them.

Cewsh Reviews Research Social Sciences Department

So grab a pen and paper and prepare to take notes, because we're about to show you how to spot these conversational troublemakers quickly and easily. And with any luck, this will help you salvage that awkward conversation with your secretary next year when she asks why you're dressed as the Ultimate Warrior at the office Halloween party.

To Be Continued »

Kenta Kobashi And The Reign Of Excellence

Kenta Kobashi is the greatest professional wrestler who ever lived.

Do I have your attention?

How about if I told you that the man who might well be the greatest babyface ever to draw breath once held a World Championship for 2 straight years, and that that reign is considered by people smarter even than me to be the greatest accomplishment involving gold since 4 old ladies decided to live together and keep it real? What follows here is a chronicle, a review, and an accounting of this reign, and not only what it accomplished, but what it meant to the history of Japanese wrestling as a whole. And if you're the type who immediately dismisses anything that happens in a ring on the other side of whatever ocean or landmass Japan is from where you are, just this once let that wall down and let the incredible battles, triumphs and sacrifices of the man who wields the Burning Hammer wash over you. DDT and Defrost will be your tour guides through the strange and exhilarating world the awaits you, and will tell you everything from the years and years of backstory leading through the matches, to the very specific reason why the way the reign ended may have been the death knell for Pro Wrestling NOAH, even years before the cracks began to show.

So ice your knees in sympathy and lariat the cat, because the greatest reign of Kenta Kobashi is coming. And the world it left behind was forever changed.

To Be Continued »

10 Things To Know Before Going To An Indy Show

Oh, hello. I didn't see you there. As I'm sure you've noticed, I'm Cewsh, from the amazingly successful blog "Cewsh Reviews" and yes, I am really this handsome. I'm here today to bring you fine, upstanding people some tips and tricks to help you navigate the strange and mysterious world of independent wrestling shows. For many years, countless young men and women have gone to attend their first indy show without any real concept of what it was they were getting themselves into. Today, we'll change all that by providing the internet's most definitive list of the items that will get you through a long day of watching fat old guys wrestle skinny young guys while they get heckled by fat young guys and skinny old guys. When you leave this webpage you'll be armed with all of the knowledge necessary to boldly walk into a wrestling show anywhere on this great planet of ours and declare, "PREPARATIONS ARE COMPLETE, BRING ME YOUR FINEST WRESTLINGS."

The Crown Will Be A Nice Touch.

Only, you know, don't.

To Be Continued »

CR Fantasy Warfare

Top of the morning to you, boys and girls. And welcome back to the warm and loving embrace of yet another Sunday Supplement. This week we have something very different for you, and it is an idea that was born out of boredom and nachos, like most great ones. Yes, tonight we will be engaging in the very first ever Cewsh Reviews Fantasy Warfare competition!

Not What I Meant, Though That Would Be Awesome.

Using the very latest and most advanced booking simulator technology, (or not,) we will pit the great minds of Cewsh Reviews against one another in a bid for fantasy warfare supremacy and bragging rights forevermore. To be more specific, we'll be doing a draft of any active wrestler and forming our own dream promotions, and then simulating a year in the life of our wacky promotions in Total Extreme Wrestling, (click here to learn more about the game,) to see which promotion will reign supreme at the end. So how will it go down? Will Mrs. Cewsh stock her entire promotion with people who look like Randy Orton? Will Vice go back on his principals and draft John Cena? Will I lose this horribly like I have every other competition the three of us have ever competed in? There's only one way to find out...

To Be Continued »

A 3 Step Guide For Fixing TNA

Good evening, boys and girls.  Here at the Cewsh Reviews Institute For Higher Learning we believe in furthering the betterment of all aspects of the wrestling industry.  So when we heard that Vince Russo would be stepping down as the head writer of Total Nonstop Action Impact Championship Wrestling Funtime Jamboree, we immediately tracked down leaders in numerous fields to compile this step by step guide to fixing the mammoth mess that TNA has become (or perhaps has always been).  They have done their research, and the guide that we have compiled is both definitive and absolutely scientifically proven.  With this list in hand, there is nothing that can stop Dixie Carter and Bruce Pritchard from tearing up the wrestling world, annihilating Vince McMahon and the WWE, and sitting themselves atop the wrestling industry in an eternal monopoly.  Or, barring that, it can be used to insure that people stop laughing whenever they walk into rooms.  Nevertheless, we have crunched the numbers, done the legwork and took a good long look at things.

Cewsh Reviews Research Department

So okay, TNA, just imagine that we're all in a conference room and I'm standing in front of you with one of those stands where the pages flip up while I'm giving my presentation. Are you picturing that? Okay, now picture me flipping up the first page to start my presentation, and on the first page in giant red letters is written...

To Be Continued »

The 5 Best Feuds From Before You Were Born

Welcome, cats and kittens, to yet another Sunday Supplement from your glorious benefactors here at Cewsh Reviews Headquarters.  Tonight we're going to be dealing with something a little different, and rather than turning back the clock to when we were teenagers or when we were kids, we're going to turn the clock all the way back to when we weren't anything at all whatsoever.  See, its a common fallacy of people to only really regard the things that have happened in your lifetime as important, and not to factor in things that went on before, and wrestling is no different.  If you think back to the days before Hulkamania it probably seems like sort of  a big empty period of random title changes and aimless matches, but there were storylines even back in those barbaric times when nobody had started wearing codpieces yet.  So today we'll be celebrating the 10 best storylines that took place before we were born (using 1985, when I was born, as a frame of reference).  Maybe we'll learn something that will give us all new respect for the old timers who paved the way for the wrestling we enjoy today, and if not we can at least all look at how weird people looked back in the day.

Either way, its time for an adventure and off we go!

To Be Continued »

The Life And Times Of Mildred Burke

Afternoon, boys and girls. I've gathered you here for a special purpose, and an entirely educational one, but I promise not to keep you too long so you can get back to your porn and your cat macros.  The topic today is one close to my heart as, in honor of Women's History Month, we honor Mildred Burke, the greatest female draw in wrestling history and the mother of women's wrestling worldwide.

 

Also An Alternative Transportation Enthusiast.

The funny thing is that you may not have heard of her, and you may never see any of her work, yet she is one of the most influential wrestlers to ever live and is almost solely responsible for women's wrestling becoming a reality.  So who is this lady who grabbed the wrestling world by the balls and held on? As with so many stories like hers, it’s not about who she was. It's about what.

To Be Continued »

The 5 Greatest Feuds In TNA History

Welcome, cats and kittens, to yet another Sunday Supplement to perk you up and help you get those crooked abs that the ladies like so much.  Today we're going to be looking TNA and more specifically at the good side of TNA, which is not always an easy thing to do but which occasionally needs to be done.  Now last year we did a countdown list of the Top Ten Greatest Moments In TNA History (Part 1 and Part 2) which helped to shine a light on the good times in the history of this much maligned company, and tonight we'll do it again, focusing instead this time of the 5 best feuds that the company ever produced.  In all probability at least one of the feuds on this list is the reason why you have stuck through TNA through thick and thin , hoping all the while that things will get better (mine is number 1), and for the rest of you, these will serve as incontrovertible proof that even if TNA died tomorrow, they still accomplished things to be proud of.

Hey, even a broken clock is right twice a day, right?

To Be Continued »

25 Years Of Overlooked Rumble Performances

MichaelC:  Who loves Royal Rumbles? Yep, everybody. So many legendary performances over the years. Austin in the 90s, Flair 92, DiBiase 90, Punk 2010, Diesel 94. All brilliant. But also well remembered by most fans, so we’re not looking at them.

What I’m interested in here are the great Rumble performances that get overlooked. So, in honour of the “25th anniversary” of the Rumble match, let’s go looking for Rumble performances you ought to love... if only you’d remember them. (Except in 1989, where, on trying on find a forgotten gem of a performance between Ron Bass and Nikolai Volkoff, I gave up and read some R.L. Stine instead).

Less Scary Than Watching Ron Bass Wrestle.

Some might be obvious. Some might be left field. Others still might need reappraising. All of them are awesome.

To Be Continued »

10 Of The Worst Looks In Wrestling History

Aloha there, boys and girls.  Welcome to another installment of the best thing to happen to Sunday since Doug went off the air, your very favorite Sunday Supplements.  Now let me open this by acknowledging the obvious: wrestling fans generally seem to know as much about fashion as they do about, say, particle physics.  Believe me when I tell you that I am certainly in that group as well.  But over the years the wrestling industry has created some of the most obscene crimes against eyes that anyone has ever dared to wear, and its time we all had ourselves a chuckle over it.  From tassels to the tightest tights to bizarre animal heads to colors that would blind Sauron, there is so much to choose from that half the fun of a list like this is realizing how many awful selections didn't even make it on.

Seriously, This Didn't Even Make The Cut.

So with that in mind, I have called in our resident fashion expert Mrs. Cewsh and together we'll do our very best Tom and Lorenzo imitation in selecting the 10 looks that even Lady Gaga would giggle at and break down just what in the fuck they were thinking.

To Be Continued »

The Top 5 Joshi Wrestlers of All Time

Welcome welcome, boys and girls.  I've gathered you all here today for a very special history lesson very near and dear to my heart.  That subject is Joshi (of Japanese Women's) Wrestling, and the list is of the greatest stars of that particular wrestling genre.  Now I know that Japanese wrestling isn't everyone's cup of sake, and women's wrestling is much the same, so when you read the title of this list you might have thought to yourself "Ugh, another Puro review and now its about chicks?" or perhaps even sadly "Joshwhatnow?"  Its a fair point that in North America, women's wrestling still struggles on for credibility, especially among casual fans of WWE, but these are no Barbie dolls or models, my friends.  These women represent some of the greatest wrestlers that the industry has ever beheld.  These women showed that you could be beautiful (or not) and still not only be as good as the men, but could completely make them look silly by comparison.  These women built a national sensation from scratch and made it so beloved that its stars are still revered in Japanese culture to this day.  These women are absolute fucking badasses.

And They Aint Hard To Look At, Either.

Don't believe me?  See how you feel after you've met the five best.  So clear some time in your busy day of Angry Birds and masturbation, and pay some attention and some damn respect to the five greatest Joshi wrestlers of all time.

To Be Continued »

The 8 Least Intimidating Monsters In Wrestling History

Top of the morning to you, my fabulous readers.  I've gathered you here to talk about something very near and dear to my heart.

Goddamit Vice, Stay Out Of My Subconscious.

Well no, not Optimus Prime, but point taken.  No, today, in honor of last week's Halloween fun, we're here to talk about monsters.  Specifically those crazed men in wrestling designed, through one gimmick or another, to scare us and inspire our wrestling favorites to greater feats of heroism.  Over the years there have been almost too many to count, ranging from the truly frightening (Abdullah the Butcher) to the insane (Luther) to the downright odd (the Boogeyman), and they are a big part of the spectacle that makes wrestling so special.  Men in these roles like Vader and the Undertaker have shaken the foundations of federations and made the entire wrestling industry tremble at their passing.  But this list isn't about those people.  Those people were awesome.  No, THIS list is about the men who were set up to be big, scary, intimidating monsters and somewhere along the way they just...weren't.  The laughable, the cheesy, the inept and the clumsy, here is our list of the top 8 least intimidating monsters in wrestling history.

And here's hoping none of them are hiding in your closet ready to jump out and ask for bus fare.

To Be Continued »

The Top 10 Matches Of John Cena

Hola amigos and amigettes, welcome to yet another Sunday Supplement.  Now in the past we've done all sorts of things with the mostly legal supplements, but by far my favorite is lists and you guys seem to agree as they're many of our most beloved Supplements.  So this week we'll be pairing something beloved (lists) with something...shall we say less beloved (Mr. John Cena).  All through the allustrious career of Mr. Cena, he's had his share of critics (and everyone else's share too) who knocked everything from his moveset, to his lack of selling, to his inability to understand ring psychology.  If you asked one of these critics to name a good John Cena match, many would be hard pressed to, whether out of genuine distaste or just stubborness.  We here at Cewsh Reviews have been as harshly critical of the man as anyone, including Vice's 17 verse long epic poem entitled "Sell the Fucking Leg, You Twat", but here tonight we'll be looking back at the matches that show that there's more to the man than fluorescent colors and jorts.  So here they are, the 10 best matches of the Doctor of Thuganomics as categorized by yours truly.

I think some of these may surprise you.

To Be Continued »

Dear Randy Savage

Dear Randy Savage,

Hi Mr. Savage.  My name is Cewsh.  I'm sure you don't know me (despite that one time I was totally sure I bumped into you in the bathroom of a Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles Rock Concert in the early 90s) but in case you weren't aware you passed away recently, and before you left for good I wanted to send you a letter to let you know what you've meant to me over the years.  You may have more important things to do at the moment like choosing a cool house to haunt, or seeing if you can possess Hulk Hogan, but take some time aside, if you will, to go back in time with me.  I promise we wont talk about the rap thing.  Honest.

To Be Continued »

The Top 5 Nobodies In America Who Made It Big In Japan

Welcome back to the ever shifting sands of the Sunday Supplements, cats and kittens.  Tonight we're going to talk about the wacky land of Japan.  Not just anything about Japan, though, because god knows we could be here all night just discussing why they sell used girl's panties in vending machines next to the soda.  No, today, inspired by TAJIRI's new promotion that we're reviewing for this week, we'll be talking about people who never made it in the rat race of American pro wrestling, who nonetheless hit it big in the far east for one reason or another.

Sorry Murdoch, None For You.
 

So call them gaijin, call them legends, or call them radiculous.  These are 5 men that went nowhere in America, and hit it big in Japan.  So saddle up your sushi, and buy some Hello Kitty merchandise.  It's time to head to the other side.

To Be Continued »

The 10 Greatest Moments In TNA History

Welcome cats and kittens, to yet another Sunday Supplement coming at you LIVE (not live) from Cewsh Reviews Headquarters here in Jetpackistan.  You know, we kid around a lot here at Cewsh Reviews, and we poke fun at anything with a pulse (and some things without them), and probably by far our most prolific target of criticism and jokes is Total Nonstop Action.  They've been around since 2002, and somehow i've been busting their balls since 2001, while rooting for them all the same.  So tonight i'd like to head a little bit of a different direction and honor the things that TNA has done right, by naming the 10 greatest moments in TNA history.  Some of them you may be familiar with, and some of them may be new to you, but these are the great moments that have defined TNA's comparatively short history in the wrestling world.

So grab some popcorn and kick back.  Its time to take a tour of history.

To Be Continued »