TNA Bound For Glory 2012

Total Nonstop Action Proudly Presents...

TNA BOUND FOR GLORY 2012

Welcome, cats and kittens, to yet another installment of the review blog that will absolutely agree to be a reference on your job application, Cewsh Reviews! We have a special treat for you tonight, for you see, every October as the temperatures grow cold and the trees begin to die, a day approaches associated with the very worst sort of horror, tricks and even the occasional treat. But this is no Halloween, oh no, this is TNA's Bound For Glory 2012, and not only is it much scarier on occasion, but there's way less candy involved. But yes, tonight is TNA's biggest show of the year, their Wrestlemania, their Super Bowl, their night of utter extravagance, and their time to prove that in the past year the positive changes they've made have really paid off big time. Remember, this is the first Bound For Glory under the new booking team, and this is the night all of their plots and devices have been leading to. So will we discover who is behind Aces and Eights? With 5 titles on the line, will we see a changing of the guard? And will TNA finally convert me back into a believer? There's only one way to find out.

So without any further ado, let's do a motherfucking review!

To Be Continued »

The 7 People You Meet As A Wrestling Fan

Afternoon, cats and kittens. Today, for our newest Sunday Supplement, we'll be examining the 7 different kinds of people that every open wrestling fan will encounter at some point in their life. These people may turn out to be relatives, friends, acquaintances, or the doctor who does the surgery to remove the cucumber after you challenge Mike Tyson to a fight in a farmer's market. Whoever they are, when they learn that you are a wrestling fan, (due to your super awesome Tatanka t-shirt no doubt,) it is more than likely that every single one of them will fall into one of these categories. And while up until now you just had to rely on your quick wit and charm to diffuse a potentially awkward situation, the social scientists here at Cewsh Reviews have devised a foolproof method for dealing with each of them.

Cewsh Reviews Research Social Sciences Department

So grab a pen and paper and prepare to take notes, because we're about to show you how to spot these conversational troublemakers quickly and easily. And with any luck, this will help you salvage that awkward conversation with your secretary next year when she asks why you're dressed as the Ultimate Warrior at the office Halloween party.

To Be Continued »

WWE Hell in a Cell 2012

World Wrestling Entertainment Proudly Presents...

WWE HELL IN A CELL 2012

Welcome, cats and kittens, to yet another installment of the blog that puts the "hell" in Helvetica, Cewsh Reviews! We have a special treat for you tonight, as the skies grow dark, the world grows cold and the demonic realm rises to the surface for one night to give you WWE Hell in a Cell 2012. So what does hell have on the docket for us tonight? Well we'll see a giant fight an Irishman, we'll see three women fight because one of them was pretending to like the others, we'll see a Punk get mauled by a monster and we might even see the Miz. I don't know what version of hell this is, but it sounds about right. But the real story here is, of course, Ryback. The big man is on a rocketship to his first ever main event here, and he has been tearing people limb from limb all the way. Will Punk be able to escape the biggest threat to his title yet? Or will Ryback steamroll Punk, win the title and promptly eat it? There's only one way to find out.

So without any further ado, let's do a motherfucking review!

To Be Continued »

Cewsh Scouts NXT

Welcome, cats and kittens, to a very special installment of our Sunday Supplements. See, where we'd usually go in for a list, or a detailed breakdown of some great feud, or just make fun of people's clothes, today we're here to provide a public service. Of all the things that we've ever been asked to do since we started Cewsh Reviews, easily the most often requested is that we shed some light on the men and women currently in development for WWE. It's long been an interest of mine to keep an eye on the people coming up through the system, but most people don't have the time or inclination to watch those shows and see what the future may hold for themselves.

"Like I Have Time For That. There's A Law And Order Marathon On."

So tonight, my scouting partner Psycho and I will be giving you a guided tour through the mysterious world of tomorrow, and we'll be grading the prospects with letters, like schoolteachers, that are based on their current value as potential stars. Hell, I'll even throw in a pros and cons list and a definitive answer on whether or not they're ready for the main roster. So put on your moon boots, and settle in, because tonight, for the first time, we're taking a magnifying glass to the denizens of NXT.

To Be Continued »

Kenta Kobashi And The Reign Of Excellence

Kenta Kobashi is the greatest professional wrestler who ever lived.

Do I have your attention?

How about if I told you that the man who might well be the greatest babyface ever to draw breath once held a World Championship for 2 straight years, and that that reign is considered by people smarter even than me to be the greatest accomplishment involving gold since 4 old ladies decided to live together and keep it real? What follows here is a chronicle, a review, and an accounting of this reign, and not only what it accomplished, but what it meant to the history of Japanese wrestling as a whole. And if you're the type who immediately dismisses anything that happens in a ring on the other side of whatever ocean or landmass Japan is from where you are, just this once let that wall down and let the incredible battles, triumphs and sacrifices of the man who wields the Burning Hammer wash over you. DDT and Defrost will be your tour guides through the strange and exhilarating world the awaits you, and will tell you everything from the years and years of backstory leading through the matches, to the very specific reason why the way the reign ended may have been the death knell for Pro Wrestling NOAH, even years before the cracks began to show.

So ice your knees in sympathy and lariat the cat, because the greatest reign of Kenta Kobashi is coming. And the world it left behind was forever changed.

To Be Continued »

NJPW/AJPW We Are Pro Wrestling Love

New Japan Pro Wrestling and All Japan Pro Wrestling Proudly Present....

NJPW/AJPW We Are Pro Wrestling Love 
40th Anniversary Spectacular

Welcome, cats and kittens, to yet another installment of the only wrestling reviews that challenge your mind, and irritate your pancreas, Cewsh Reviews! We have a special treat for you tonight as we review a show a full 40 years in the making. See, after the resounding success of the All Together dream shows, and with he 40th anniversary of both companies going on, All Japan and New Japan decided to team up again to bring the house down in a major way. So once again we'll have the best of All Japan going up against the best of our friends in New Japan in all kinds of fancy dream matches of the sort that make fantasy bookers quiver the world over. We'll have two World title matches, all kinds of matches featuring the best young talent in Japan and some of the greatest legends in wrestling history, and even Lance Hoyt. Tremendous draw that he is. And to cap it all off, we will be visited once again by the golden abed god of wrestling himself, Hiroshi Tanahashi, as he attempts to extend his record as the only wrestler in the history of Cewsh Reviews to get a Seal of Approval on every match we've reviewed. Can he continue his incredible streak? Will this show top the feel goodness of All Together? Only one way to find out.

So without any further ado, let's do a motherfucking review!

To Be Continued »

10 Things To Know Before Going To An Indy Show

Oh, hello. I didn't see you there. As I'm sure you've noticed, I'm Cewsh, from the amazingly successful blog "Cewsh Reviews" and yes, I am really this handsome. I'm here today to bring you fine, upstanding people some tips and tricks to help you navigate the strange and mysterious world of independent wrestling shows. For many years, countless young men and women have gone to attend their first indy show without any real concept of what it was they were getting themselves into. Today, we'll change all that by providing the internet's most definitive list of the items that will get you through a long day of watching fat old guys wrestle skinny young guys while they get heckled by fat young guys and skinny old guys. When you leave this webpage you'll be armed with all of the knowledge necessary to boldly walk into a wrestling show anywhere on this great planet of ours and declare, "PREPARATIONS ARE COMPLETE, BRING ME YOUR FINEST WRESTLINGS."

The Crown Will Be A Nice Touch.

Only, you know, don't.

To Be Continued »

WWE Summerslam 2012

World Wrestling Entertainment Proudly Presents...

WWE Summerslam 2012

Welcome, cats and kittens, to yet another installment of the best wrestling wrestling in the world that remind you of squishy toy balls you played with as a kid, Cewsh Reviews! We have a special treat for you tonight as we officially unveil a new member to our staff going forward. Yes, you've known her as Mrs. Cewsh's Sister and you've known her as the Turnip Queen, and now the much more reasonably named Fey will be joining me monthly to review the shenanigans and goings on in the world of WWE. She just started watching wrestling in June, and is here to provide some perspective to us battle hardened smarks as we trudge through the summer slog towards the bright lights of Wrestlemania off in the distance. But there's no time for wistfullness or grand introductions now! We have a Summerslam to review gosh darn it. Brock Lesnar and Triple H! CM Punk and John Cena and the Big Show! Other things too probably! Let's not waste any more time stretching this introduction out! On with the show!

So without any further ado let's do a motherfucking review!

To Be Continued »

CRSMUTDC3

YOU Proudly Present...

The Cewsh Reviews Super Mega Ultra Technicolor Dream Card 3

Welcome, cats and kittens, to yet another installment of the only blog on the internet that is interactive in any capacity whatsoever, as long as you don't include all the others, Cewsh Reviews! We have our very most special treat for you tonight, boys and girls, because the biggest night of the reviewing year has finally come. All year long we review shows from all over the world, from all sorts of promotions, and from all different eras, but only ONCE a year do we open up the floodgates and allow you, our dear readers, to decide what we review. If this is your first go round on the Dream Card train, it works like this. Back in June we opened up submissions to anyone who wanted to suggest a match, and let them choose any match ever contested so long as a) we could find it to watch it and b) we'd never reviewed it before. You crazy bastards turned out in droves and submitted matches from all over the spectrum, from fictional matches to absolute classic to random matches you liked on a tv show in 1998. We stuck them all in an Optimus Prime Mr. Potato Head, (Optimash Prime,) and pulled out 8 lucky winners at random and sent them all a DVD prize. Those eight matches are what we'll be reviewing here today, and man, they're all over the spectrum, and truly representative of the randomness that comes out of your collective brains when given free reign to suggest anything. And man, do we ever love you for it.

Though It Wouldn't Kill You To Send In A Bobby Lashley Match For Me, You Know.

But this is our premiere event, our gala spectacle. We can't half ass this. So the original triad of Cewsh Reviews, Cewsh, Vice and Mrs. Cewsh have joined their power rings together and gotten totally swanked out, in order to bring you a review utterly unlike anything you've ever seen before, (unless you read the first two.) So get ready to yell at the submitters for what they chose, and yell at us for what we think, and remember, next year a winner could be you.

So without any further ado, let's do a motherfucking review!

To Be Continued »

The 2012 CRL 100

Tonight I am proud to unveil the debut CRL 100. What is this mysterious conglomeration of numbers and letters, you ask? Well that's very simple. It stands for Cewsh Reviews List 100, and it is the first in a yearly reckoning of the best wrestlers of the past year as determined by, naturally, Cewsh. Wait! I can see you closing this tab and moving on to another one featuring the kind of porn that it would be weird to even talk about. And that's understandable, because when it comes to wrestling related lists, let's be honest. They suck. If they aren't comprised entirely of WWE guys with a token indy guy thrown in, then they're based on criteria so bafflingly vague that it's impossible to figure out why in the hell they ever bothered in the first place. I know, believe me. I've suffered right along with you through lists that keep men and women segregated, and lists that actually have the balls to declare the Miz the best wrestler on Earth in a given year.

But that all ends today.

You see, with my CRL 100, I have painstakingly whittled down every single active wrestler in this industry until I got the 100 most ass kicking, body rocking, shit talking, walk walking sons (and daughters) of bitches walking the Earth today. Some will come from WWE, but others will proudly represent New Japan, All Japan, DDT, Pro Wrestling NOAH, CMLL, AAA, Shimmer, Ring of Honor, CHIKARA, WSU, Anarchy, Dragon Gate and even more than that. Every effort has been made to remove personal bias and nonsensical notions from the making here, and with any luck what I have crafted here is a list you can look to and be proud of, born of research, hard decisions and experience.

And hey, if that fails, lists are great for killing time, right?

To Be Continued »

WWE Monday Night Raw #1,000

World Wrestling Entertainment Proudly Presents...

WWE Monday Night Raw

1,000th Episode

Welcome, cats and kittens, to yet another installment of the blog that is always incisive and ever divisive, Cewsh Reviews! We have a special treat for you tonight, as we have gathered today to review an episode of Monday Night Raw for only the third time in Cewsh Reviews history. But why tonight, you ask? Because it's the 1,000th time the show has come on, and 1,000 is, like, a really big number and stuff. But tonight isn't just about reaching a symmetrical number in the history of WWE programming. It's also being branded as a new beginning for WWE and a night to enjoy the twin spectacles of nostalgia and whatever you would call nostalgia for things that will happen in the future. Possibly Futalgia, though that sounds like a kind of Athlete's Foot.  Joining me on this journey through time, is our very own Professor of Wrestling History and full time Doctor Who enthusiast MichaelC, and our special guest making his return to Cewsh Reviews, Psycho! So you can tell for tonight's special review, we'll be doing it up proper, and although you can't tell, we're all wearing tuxedos and pretty dresses and are gesturing wildly with out top hats and monocles for the show to get on with it already.

So without any further ado, let's do a motherfucking review!

To Be Continued »

TNA Destination X 2012

Total Nonstop Action Proudly Presents...

TNA Destination X 2012

Welcome, cats and kittens, to yet another installment of the blog that is responsible for everything having an X in it in the 90s, Cewsh Reviews! We have a special treat for you tonight, as we take a fancy little ride down the East Coast to Orlando and once again enter a world full of color, wonder and ire.

And Of Course I Mean The New Sitcom Announcin' Buddies, Starring Jeremy Borash And Mike Tenay.

Of course we could only be talking about Total Nonstop Action, and tonight we review what many are beginning to regard as the centerpiece of their wrestling year, Destination X. Tonight the entire show, (or most of it anyway,) is based entirely around the fabled X-Division, and at the top of the card, arguably the greatest X-Division champion of all time, Austin Aries, will do battle with Bobby Roode to not only become the World Heavyweight Champion, but also to bring the X-Division into manhood at last. But we're getting ahead of ourselves. We've got bitter feuds, a whole host of newbies and a beloved feud from the past to see on our way to the end. So kick your feat up, and start feeling EXTREME, and let's get this show on the road.

So without any further ado, let's do a motherfucking review!

To Be Continued »

CR Fantasy Warfare

Top of the morning to you, boys and girls. And welcome back to the warm and loving embrace of yet another Sunday Supplement. This week we have something very different for you, and it is an idea that was born out of boredom and nachos, like most great ones. Yes, tonight we will be engaging in the very first ever Cewsh Reviews Fantasy Warfare competition!

Not What I Meant, Though That Would Be Awesome.

Using the very latest and most advanced booking simulator technology, (or not,) we will pit the great minds of Cewsh Reviews against one another in a bid for fantasy warfare supremacy and bragging rights forevermore. To be more specific, we'll be doing a draft of any active wrestler and forming our own dream promotions, and then simulating a year in the life of our wacky promotions in Total Extreme Wrestling, (click here to learn more about the game,) to see which promotion will reign supreme at the end. So how will it go down? Will Mrs. Cewsh stock her entire promotion with people who look like Randy Orton? Will Vice go back on his principals and draft John Cena? Will I lose this horribly like I have every other competition the three of us have ever competed in? There's only one way to find out...

To Be Continued »

WWE Over the Limit 2012 and WWE No Way Out 2012

World Wrestling Entertainment Proudly Presents…

WWE Over The Limit 2012 AND WWE No Way Out 2012

Welcome, cats and kittens, to yet another installment of the only review blog where the pen is mighty than the sword, and our cats eat all the pens, Cewsh Reviews! We have a special treat for you tonight as we completely cast off our normal structure for a one night engagement with the Comparison Fairy, and pit the past two WWE shows against one another in a 6 hour mish mash battle royal. Why are we doing this, you might ask? Simple. Because we have entered that special time in the WWE year that we charmingly refer to as the Summerslog. That winsome phrase refers to the generally dull and listless shows that crop up between Wrestlemania and Summerslam every year, and as we stand here flush in the middle of it, all we can do is slog through the muddy sameness until we reach the dry land of Summerslam. But this isn’t just an exercise in complaining, dag nabbit. We’re here to compare these two shows to see if anything of worth managed to come out of these two months, and most especially to see if things are for better or for worse going into Money in the Bank. And frankly, also to see if these two shows are the exact same matches shuffled up and shown twice as I have darkly suspected. If nothing else, we can pretend like it’s a big fight between two shows that really have no other significance whatsoever, and maybe that way we can all feel better about having watched them. So kick back, put on your Snuggie, and get ready, because we’re about to compare and contrast all over your faces.

So without any further ado, let’s do a motherfucking review!

To Be Continued »

TNA Slammiversary 2012

Total Nonstop Action Proudly Presents…

TNA Slammiversary 2012

Welcome, cats and kittens, to yet another installment of the only bacon flavored blog on the internet, (go ahead, lick your monitor,) Cewsh Reviews! We have a special treat for you tonight, as we do something that we swore we would never do. Despite the fact that I’m sure you trust and believe in our very word implicitly, I’m afraid we’re going to have to go back on it and cave to the enormous pressure that our readership has been putting on us this week. Yes, that’s right boys and girls, tonight we’re returning to Orlando, Florida and lifting our embargo on TNA that has seen us review only one of their shows since February. Tonight, we will review TNA Slammiversary, AND GODS HELP YOU IF IT TURNS OUT TO SUCK.

But let’s not get ahead of ourselves. We’re talking about TNA’s 10th anniversary show, and also TNA’s most attended live event in their history. On this special night we’ll see such titanic clashes as Kid Kash vs. Hernandez and Bobby Roode vs. one half of the Blade Runners. Probably some other stuff too. But we’re not just here to glad hand old timers. Gosh darn it, this is a wrestling show! So with a ten year burden of responsibility to live up to and make up for, it’s time for the denizens of the House of Impact to show us something, in what may be the best chance they will ever have again to change the perception that has plagued them. Can they do it? There’s only one way to find out.

So without any further ado, let’s do a motherfucking review!

To Be Continued »

A 3 Step Guide For Fixing TNA

Good evening, boys and girls.  Here at the Cewsh Reviews Institute For Higher Learning we believe in furthering the betterment of all aspects of the wrestling industry.  So when we heard that Vince Russo would be stepping down as the head writer of Total Nonstop Action Impact Championship Wrestling Funtime Jamboree, we immediately tracked down leaders in numerous fields to compile this step by step guide to fixing the mammoth mess that TNA has become (or perhaps has always been).  They have done their research, and the guide that we have compiled is both definitive and absolutely scientifically proven.  With this list in hand, there is nothing that can stop Dixie Carter and Bruce Pritchard from tearing up the wrestling world, annihilating Vince McMahon and the WWE, and sitting themselves atop the wrestling industry in an eternal monopoly.  Or, barring that, it can be used to insure that people stop laughing whenever they walk into rooms.  Nevertheless, we have crunched the numbers, done the legwork and took a good long look at things.

Cewsh Reviews Research Department

So okay, TNA, just imagine that we're all in a conference room and I'm standing in front of you with one of those stands where the pages flip up while I'm giving my presentation. Are you picturing that? Okay, now picture me flipping up the first page to start my presentation, and on the first page in giant red letters is written...

To Be Continued »

WWE Extreme Rules 2012

World Wrestling Entertainment Proudly Presents….

WWE Extreme Rules 2012

Welcome, cats and kittens, to yet another installment of the blog that is illegitimate in every sense of the word, Cewsh Reviews! We have a special treat for you tonight as big Brock Lesnar has come to the WWE to cast his impressive shadow across the entire wrestling landscape. Here, tonight, he is going to wrestle his first match in nearly 5 years and he’s doing it against the face of World Wrestling Entertainment himself, John Cena. When these two men collide, shit is going to go down in a big, big way, and that’s not even remotely all that this show has to offer. We have brawling brutes fighting mat generals, giants fighting crazies and I think there may even be some time to see a monster fight a snake. As far as circuses go, this one sounds pretty awesome, but since we grade wrestling shows I guess we’ll have to see how this show is at being one of those.

So without any further ado, let’s do a motherfucking review!

To Be Continued »

The 5 Best Feuds From Before You Were Born

Welcome, cats and kittens, to yet another Sunday Supplement from your glorious benefactors here at Cewsh Reviews Headquarters.  Tonight we're going to be dealing with something a little different, and rather than turning back the clock to when we were teenagers or when we were kids, we're going to turn the clock all the way back to when we weren't anything at all whatsoever.  See, its a common fallacy of people to only really regard the things that have happened in your lifetime as important, and not to factor in things that went on before, and wrestling is no different.  If you think back to the days before Hulkamania it probably seems like sort of  a big empty period of random title changes and aimless matches, but there were storylines even back in those barbaric times when nobody had started wearing codpieces yet.  So today we'll be celebrating the 10 best storylines that took place before we were born (using 1985, when I was born, as a frame of reference).  Maybe we'll learn something that will give us all new respect for the old timers who paved the way for the wrestling we enjoy today, and if not we can at least all look at how weird people looked back in the day.

Either way, its time for an adventure and off we go!

To Be Continued »

TNA Lockdown 2012

Total Nonstop Action Proudly Presents…

TNA Lockdown 2012

Welcome, cats and kittens, to yet another installment of the only blog that has a fully grown Sasquatch on staff, (he types like 75 words per minute,) Cewsh Reviews! We have a special treat for you tonight as we return to the scene of past crimes against wrestling to review TNA Lockdown 2012. It has been 3 months now since we elected to stop covering TNA’s PPVs on a monthly basis, and now we’re checking back in to see how they’ve been getting on without us. From the looks of things, everything has gotten real interesting in the TNA universe, with Bobby Roode running roughshod over the entire company as TNA champion, Bully Ray lovingly renaming himself Calfzilla, and with the Immortal Hulk Hogan having taken over as the man in charge on television. After alienating us with dreary booking before, will they be able to make us come crawling back begging for forgiveness? Or will we finally have to call things off with TNA permanently? Only one way to find out…

So without any further ado, let’s do a motherfucking review!

To Be Continued »

WWE Wrestlemania XXVIII

World Wrestling Entertainment Proudly Presents…

WWE Wrestlemania XXVIII

Welcome, cats and kittens, to yet another installment of the always delightfully insane Cewsh Reviews! We have a special treat for you tonight as we finally come to the conclusion of the wrestling year with the single biggest event in professional wrestling, WWE Wrestlemania 28. This year WWE seem to have outdone themselves with stars aplenty and feuds galore. We’ll see two of the biggest names in wrestling history do battle to decide which is the bigger star, two legends duke it out to end an era, and two smark love affairs collide. There will also be a Kane match. This, along with all the pomp and circumstance implied therein, can be yours for the low low price of simply continuing to read after this paragraph is over.

Still with us?

Good. Because not only do we have the big show, (also The Big Show,) to consider, but we’ve rounded up the classic dream team of Cewsh and Vice to tackle it, as well as a very special guest viewing her very first ever pay per view. She’s seen the days of Wahoo McDaniel and Ric Flair, she’s perhaps the Rock’s biggest fan on this or any planet and hey, she gave birth to the greatest wrestling reviewer on the planet. I could only be talking about Mama Cewsh making her reviewing debut, and we have not told her anything about anyone on this show, so it’s all first impressions. Boy oh boy does she ever have some opinions to share. So lace up your boots and queue up your music, because it’s time for the show.

So without any further ado, let’s do a motherfucking review!

To Be Continued »

The Shimmer Volume 46 Wrap Up Spectacular

HI I'M THE INTRO!

I'M CUTE AND AM LEADING YOU FURTHER INTO THE POST!

To Be Continued »

The Shimmer Volume 45 Wrap Up Spectacular

Wrestling!  Yay!  Shimmer!  Yay!  Reviews!  Yay!  Saraya!  Boo!

Hello muffins.  For some people March is basketball, but around here March is for Shimmer.  And once again we are here to bring you our post taping coverage.  Who retained?  Who lost the belts?  And who is SHOCKINGLY photogenic?  All this and more to come from a weekend that contained the best that wrestling has to offer.  Tonight we'll recap the very first Volume that was taped over the weekend (out of four) and all week long we'll be recapping the other shows as Shimmer week rolls on.  Would we say we're excited?  We're more than just excited.  We're My Little Pony excited.

To Be Continued »

Cewsh Interviews - Chris Masters

Good evening, boys and girls.  We have an incredibly special treat for you tonight, as we officially forgo our usual reviews and instead take an opportunity to interview one of the most interesting figures in wrestling this decade.  I could, of course, only be talking about the Masterpiece himself, Chris Masters!  Tonight, Chris takes time from his busy schedule to sit down with us to talk about his career, his future and what he thinks of sites just like this one.

To Be Continued »

The Life And Times Of Mildred Burke

Afternoon, boys and girls. I've gathered you here for a special purpose, and an entirely educational one, but I promise not to keep you too long so you can get back to your porn and your cat macros.  The topic today is one close to my heart as, in honor of Women's History Month, we honor Mildred Burke, the greatest female draw in wrestling history and the mother of women's wrestling worldwide.

 

Also An Alternative Transportation Enthusiast.

The funny thing is that you may not have heard of her, and you may never see any of her work, yet she is one of the most influential wrestlers to ever live and is almost solely responsible for women's wrestling becoming a reality.  So who is this lady who grabbed the wrestling world by the balls and held on? As with so many stories like hers, it’s not about who she was. It's about what.

To Be Continued »

The 5 Greatest Feuds In TNA History

Welcome, cats and kittens, to yet another Sunday Supplement to perk you up and help you get those crooked abs that the ladies like so much.  Today we're going to be looking TNA and more specifically at the good side of TNA, which is not always an easy thing to do but which occasionally needs to be done.  Now last year we did a countdown list of the Top Ten Greatest Moments In TNA History (Part 1 and Part 2) which helped to shine a light on the good times in the history of this much maligned company, and tonight we'll do it again, focusing instead this time of the 5 best feuds that the company ever produced.  In all probability at least one of the feuds on this list is the reason why you have stuck through TNA through thick and thin , hoping all the while that things will get better (mine is number 1), and for the rest of you, these will serve as incontrovertible proof that even if TNA died tomorrow, they still accomplished things to be proud of.

Hey, even a broken clock is right twice a day, right?

To Be Continued »

WWE Elimination Chamber 2012

World Wrestling Entertainment Proudly Presents…

WWE Elimination Chamber 2012

Welcome, cats and kittens, to yet another installment of the blog that heavily endorses an Astro Crag match, Cewsh Reviews! We have a special treat for you tonight as we skip right along on our way to Wrestlemania XXVIII. With only a month and a half to go, things are now shaping themselves into the Mania mold and tonight especially will have huge ramifications of that day of days as we cover WWE Elimination Chamber 2012. In the beginning of its existence, the Elimination Chamber represented suffering and danger on a massive scale, but of late it has also come to represent that most valuable of virtues. Opportunity. You see, whoever walks out of this pay per view with a World title over their shoulder is all but guaranteed to find themselves in a main event come Wrestlemania time, and when you get 6 hungry men in one match with that dangling carrot on the line you’ve got yourself a recipe for drama. When you throw in a dozen intersecting feuds and rivalries on top of it and a midcard held down by John Cena attempting murder, you have something else altogether. So batten down the hatches and prepare for the storm, because these waters are about to get choppy.

So without any further ado, let’s do a motherfucking review!

To Be Continued »

NJPW Wrestle Kingdom VI

New Japan Professional Wrestling Proudly Presents…

NJPW Wrestle Kingdom VI

Welcome, cats and kittens, to yet another installment of the only thing more popular in Japan than Hello Kitty, Cewsh Reviews! We have a special treat for you tonight, as we once again take a trip on over to see what our friends in the Land of the Rising Lariat are up to. But if you’re new to the Japanese wrestling game, or can’t tell one show apart from another, rest assured that this is not just any show. Wrestle Kingdom is the show of shows, the night of kings, and the things that every Japanese wrestler works towards every day of the year until the 4[SUP]th[/SUP] of each January. You could liken it to Wrestlemania, but even that wouldn’t quite say it, because Wrestlemania is just the gala event of WWE, whereas this show features the best from companies all over Japan and America, packed into one supercard to kick off the new year in style so fierce that RuPaul would give it two snaps. This night will see incredible legends meet the challenge of fiery upstarts, the two biggest promotions in Japan clashing and Hiroshi Tanahashi fighting for his life against the world’s biggest dickhead (and he’d take that as a compliment) Minoru Suzuki. But will any of this be any good? Well, the card is great and the deck is stacked, so with our resident Puro Professor Defrost as the benevolent dealer, let’s ante up, and find out.

So without any further ado, let’s do a motherfucking review!

To Be Continued »

WWE Royal Rumble 2012

World Wrestling Entertainment Proudly Presents...

WWE Royal Rumble 2012

Welcome, cats and kittens, to yet another installment of the only wrestling blog that gives you Rumbles while making you wait for the Rumble, Cewsh Reviews!  We have a special treat for you tonight as we take the first solid step towards Wrestlemania with WWE Royal Rumble 2012.  Now for us at Cewsh Reviews, the Royal Rumble is a special time of year.  Parties are had, wagers are struck and along with hundreds of thousands of others we hunker down in front of our tvs to be sucked in by the kickoff to the Road to Wrestlemania and what is possibly the biggest single match of the wrestling year.  And if you like unpredictability, boy is this year right down your alley, because there is no certain winner or even any real favorite for the first time in recent memory as numerous guys bucking for that top spot arrive here ready to take the spotlight.  So for a match, and an event, of this magnitude, we roped in a ragged band of outlaws to review with us this year, including our always crotchety historian of these dusty trails, Maverick MichaelC, our former Raw reviewer who is so bad his name includes his body count, Killer Kyle_242 and the man so crazy they just call him Psycho.  We're here to russell up some varmints and maybe even review some wrestling matches along the way.  So kick back, tip your saloon waitress and enjoy the show.  Its Rumble season, baby!

So without any further ado, let's do a motherfucking review!

To Be Continued »

25 Years Of Overlooked Rumble Performances

MichaelC:  Who loves Royal Rumbles? Yep, everybody. So many legendary performances over the years. Austin in the 90s, Flair 92, DiBiase 90, Punk 2010, Diesel 94. All brilliant. But also well remembered by most fans, so we’re not looking at them.

What I’m interested in here are the great Rumble performances that get overlooked. So, in honour of the “25th anniversary” of the Rumble match, let’s go looking for Rumble performances you ought to love... if only you’d remember them. (Except in 1989, where, on trying on find a forgotten gem of a performance between Ron Bass and Nikolai Volkoff, I gave up and read some R.L. Stine instead).

Less Scary Than Watching Ron Bass Wrestle.

Some might be obvious. Some might be left field. Others still might need reappraising. All of them are awesome.

To Be Continued »

The 3rd Annual CR Year End Awards

Welcome cats and kittens to the third annual Cewsh Reviews End of Year Awards.  Quite a bit has happened to Cewsh Reviews in the past year, from getting on the Rajah mainpage to finding a dollar on the sidewalk that we bought a Snickers with and everything in between.  So now we'll take this time to look back on the year that was, now that we're a few weeks safely removed from it.  So what sets our end of year awards apart from the ones you were endlessly spammed with in December?  Simple.  SCIENCE!

Famous Last Words.

Each match that we reviewed this year was compiled and averaged out to determine the score for each wrestler's full year.  We only included wrestlers who had at least 3 matches this year that we reviewed, and for the purposes of these awards we used my (meaning Cewsh's) ratings.  For reference, anyone recieving a cumulative average score of 60 - 69 is considered to have passed in terms of having been part of enjoyable matches in the past year.  An average of 70 - 79 means that your matches were consistently good, if not particularly special, and a score of 80 - 89 means you had really good to great matches so consistently that your entire year qualifies for a Download Seal of Approval.  Should anyone crest the diamond mountains of the 90 - 100 range, it should probably go without saying that they are some kind of goddamn sorcerer.

Alright, everybody good? Nobody fall asleep during that? Well then let's let down the curtains, fire up the band, and get this jungle party started!

To Be Continued »

10 Of The Worst Looks In Wrestling History

Aloha there, boys and girls.  Welcome to another installment of the best thing to happen to Sunday since Doug went off the air, your very favorite Sunday Supplements.  Now let me open this by acknowledging the obvious: wrestling fans generally seem to know as much about fashion as they do about, say, particle physics.  Believe me when I tell you that I am certainly in that group as well.  But over the years the wrestling industry has created some of the most obscene crimes against eyes that anyone has ever dared to wear, and its time we all had ourselves a chuckle over it.  From tassels to the tightest tights to bizarre animal heads to colors that would blind Sauron, there is so much to choose from that half the fun of a list like this is realizing how many awful selections didn't even make it on.

Seriously, This Didn't Even Make The Cut.

So with that in mind, I have called in our resident fashion expert Mrs. Cewsh and together we'll do our very best Tom and Lorenzo imitation in selecting the 10 looks that even Lady Gaga would giggle at and break down just what in the fuck they were thinking.

To Be Continued »

TNA Genesis 2012

Total Nonstop Action Proudly Presents… 

TNA Genesis 2012

Welcome, cats and kittens, to yet another installment of the elastic, bombastic and fantastic Cewsh Reviews! We have a special treat for you tonight, as we join Total Nonstop Action Impact National Wrestling Alliance in smashing a bottle of champagne on the year 2012 and setting sail with TNA Genesis 2012. Tonight we will see the very best that TNA has to offer (and also Jeff Hardy) and will get a chance to assess where the company stands going into its tenth year of existence. This will also serve as a sort of milestone in Cewsh Review history, as it will serve as the final time that we review a TNA show simply because it has occurred. If you didn’t see the messages earlier, we are pursuing a download free environment for Cewsh Reviews, and as such, will not pay to be stabbed in the eye by Dixie Carter’s massive dong of mediocrity on a monthly basis (we’ll still review important shows and significant happenings). So the pressure is on for TNA to produce one heullva show and provide answers to some of the most burning questions that nobody is actually asking. Like will Bobby Roode continue to take strides towards main event credibility? Will Samoa Joe and Magnus make some semblance of sense as a team? Will Devon somehow find a way to reach his sons before its too late? As has been and as yet may be, there is only one way to find out.

So with no further ado, let’s do a motherfucking review!

To Be Continued »

The Top 5 Joshi Wrestlers of All Time

Welcome welcome, boys and girls.  I've gathered you all here today for a very special history lesson very near and dear to my heart.  That subject is Joshi (of Japanese Women's) Wrestling, and the list is of the greatest stars of that particular wrestling genre.  Now I know that Japanese wrestling isn't everyone's cup of sake, and women's wrestling is much the same, so when you read the title of this list you might have thought to yourself "Ugh, another Puro review and now its about chicks?" or perhaps even sadly "Joshwhatnow?"  Its a fair point that in North America, women's wrestling still struggles on for credibility, especially among casual fans of WWE, but these are no Barbie dolls or models, my friends.  These women represent some of the greatest wrestlers that the industry has ever beheld.  These women showed that you could be beautiful (or not) and still not only be as good as the men, but could completely make them look silly by comparison.  These women built a national sensation from scratch and made it so beloved that its stars are still revered in Japanese culture to this day.  These women are absolute fucking badasses.

And They Aint Hard To Look At, Either.

Don't believe me?  See how you feel after you've met the five best.  So clear some time in your busy day of Angry Birds and masturbation, and pay some attention and some damn respect to the five greatest Joshi wrestlers of all time.

To Be Continued »