TNA Sacrifice 2014

Total Nonstop Action Proudly Presents...

TNA Sacrifice 2014

Welcome, cats and kittens to yet another installment of the only reviews that still cover TNA shows, Cewsh Reviews! We have a special treat for you tonight as we go return once again to the wrestling mecca that is Orlando, Florida, to watch TNA's latest pay per view effort, TNA Sacrifice 2014! Now, if you haven't been following TNA since our Lockdown and have been thinking to yourself, "Well it's only been two months, how much could have changed?" then you are about to get hit in the face with a brick made of stupefication. Eric Young is the World Champion, MVP is the new owner of the company, Christopher Daniels and Chris Sabin no longer work here, and Samoa Joe, Austin Aries and Kazarian are nowhere to be seen. In their place, we have continuations of those white hot Gunner/Storm and Anderson/Shaw feuds, the return of Kurt Angle, and someone in a fake beard who has a major impact on this show. But, we're getting ahead of ourselves. Kick back, relax, and, as always, just be glad it's us watching it and not you.

So without any further ado, let's do a motherfucking review!

To Be Continued »

TNA Lockdown 2014

Total Nonstop Action Proudly Presents...

TNA Lockdown 2014

Welcome, cats and kittens, to yet another installment of the the reviews that draw better than TNA does, Cewsh Reviews! We have a special treat for you tonight, as, after a 6 month absence, TNA makes it's grand return to the Cewsh Reviews stage with TNA Lockdown 2014. Now, you might be aware that Lockdown and Bound For Glory are really the only conventional pay per views left standing on TNA's schedule, and so we will always make it our priority to check in with them for these two shows just to see what is going on. But this time is a little bit different. This time the winds of change are rising in TNA, and the entire promotion may be all but unrecognizable to the casual observer. After all, top stars have left the company, a new champion reigns over all, and the major storyline coming in is an ownership conflict between Dixie Carter and...MVP? Oh yes, and there's more. Which TNA star has adopted an alter ego that I referred to as "one of the top 5 most embarrassing things in TNA's history"? What major Japanese wrestler has shown up to add a little class to these proceedings? And what former TNA star makes his dramatic comeback here tonight, (you'll know when we get there because everything will be in caps)? Well there's only one way to find out.

So without any further ado, let's do a motherfucking review!

To Be Continued »

TNA Lockdown 2013

Total Nonstop Action Proudly Presents...

TNA Lockdown 2013

Welcome, cats and kittens, to yet another installment of the only reviews that have their own special room in the psych ward for when reviews go wrong, Cewsh Reviews! We have a special treat for you tonight, as we induct another show into the 5 Times Reviewed Club, namely TNA Lockdown 2013. Now we have had a long and sordid relationship with TNA over the years, as you well know. We've laughed, we've cried, we've cried more, we've thrown shoes at tvs, it's all very melodramatic. And last year we made the decree that we would only review the major TNA events because the product had become virtually unwatchable. TNA has obliged us by cutting their PPV schedule down dramatically, but this is still the first time that we've visited the house that Jarrett built in a good long time. And the last time we visited, (TNA Bound For Glory 2012,) it was probably the angriest review that we have ever done. But hey, 6 months can change quite a bit. So let's see what we've got here. Jeff Hardy as champion. Lethal Lockdown match featuring Eric Young as the dangerous wild card. Aces and Eights. Brooke Hogan. Chavo Guerrero. Okay. Um, right. Shit. Well, hell, let's just go for it and hope for the best. After all, if TNA has proven one thing again and again, for better and for worse, it's that they always have the ability to surprise us.

So without any further ado, let's do a motherfucking review!

To Be Continued »

WWE Over the Limit 2012 and WWE No Way Out 2012

World Wrestling Entertainment Proudly Presents…

WWE Over The Limit 2012 AND WWE No Way Out 2012

Welcome, cats and kittens, to yet another installment of the only review blog where the pen is mighty than the sword, and our cats eat all the pens, Cewsh Reviews! We have a special treat for you tonight as we completely cast off our normal structure for a one night engagement with the Comparison Fairy, and pit the past two WWE shows against one another in a 6 hour mish mash battle royal. Why are we doing this, you might ask? Simple. Because we have entered that special time in the WWE year that we charmingly refer to as the Summerslog. That winsome phrase refers to the generally dull and listless shows that crop up between Wrestlemania and Summerslam every year, and as we stand here flush in the middle of it, all we can do is slog through the muddy sameness until we reach the dry land of Summerslam. But this isn’t just an exercise in complaining, dag nabbit. We’re here to compare these two shows to see if anything of worth managed to come out of these two months, and most especially to see if things are for better or for worse going into Money in the Bank. And frankly, also to see if these two shows are the exact same matches shuffled up and shown twice as I have darkly suspected. If nothing else, we can pretend like it’s a big fight between two shows that really have no other significance whatsoever, and maybe that way we can all feel better about having watched them. So kick back, put on your Snuggie, and get ready, because we’re about to compare and contrast all over your faces.

So without any further ado, let’s do a motherfucking review!

To Be Continued »

WWE Wrestlemania XXVIII

World Wrestling Entertainment Proudly Presents…

WWE Wrestlemania XXVIII

Welcome, cats and kittens, to yet another installment of the always delightfully insane Cewsh Reviews! We have a special treat for you tonight as we finally come to the conclusion of the wrestling year with the single biggest event in professional wrestling, WWE Wrestlemania 28. This year WWE seem to have outdone themselves with stars aplenty and feuds galore. We’ll see two of the biggest names in wrestling history do battle to decide which is the bigger star, two legends duke it out to end an era, and two smark love affairs collide. There will also be a Kane match. This, along with all the pomp and circumstance implied therein, can be yours for the low low price of simply continuing to read after this paragraph is over.

Still with us?

Good. Because not only do we have the big show, (also The Big Show,) to consider, but we’ve rounded up the classic dream team of Cewsh and Vice to tackle it, as well as a very special guest viewing her very first ever pay per view. She’s seen the days of Wahoo McDaniel and Ric Flair, she’s perhaps the Rock’s biggest fan on this or any planet and hey, she gave birth to the greatest wrestling reviewer on the planet. I could only be talking about Mama Cewsh making her reviewing debut, and we have not told her anything about anyone on this show, so it’s all first impressions. Boy oh boy does she ever have some opinions to share. So lace up your boots and queue up your music, because it’s time for the show.

So without any further ado, let’s do a motherfucking review!

To Be Continued »

TNA Turning Point 2011

Total Nonstop Action Proudly Presents…

 
TNA Turning Point 2011

Welcome, cats and kittens, to yet another installment of the always prevalent and occasionally relevant Cewsh Reviews! We have a special treat for you tonight as we migrate south to Orlando seeking warmth and a good wrestling show, as we review TNA’s Turning Point 2011. Now this is TNA’s downtime of the year, much like WWE’s period after Wrestlemania, but apparently nobody told TNA this as things have developed rapidly since we last imbibed Aunt Dixie’s Jailhouse Road Show. After successfully defending his TNA World title against Robert Roode at Bound for Glory, Kurt Angle promptly lost it in a 5 minute match to Roode’s partner, James Storm. This incensed Roode so much that he turned heel on Storm and wrenched the title away from him, giving us a decidedly heel Roode as champion. At the same time, James Storm and Kurt Angle both found themselves injured and unable to wrestle Roode, so TNA looked to their eternal backup plan and tapped AJ Styles to fight Roode here to defend the honor of what is left of Fortune. Of course AJ ALSO got himself injured coming into the show, so who knows what might happen. Billy Gunn: main eventer? Sounding more and more likely.

But that’s just one of the various delicacies laid before us tonight, so let’s dig in and see if this show is as sweet as we’re hoping, or as rotten as we fear. Either way, it should be a culinary adventure.

So without any further ado, let’s do a motherfucking review!

To Be Continued »

TNA Hardcore Justice 2011

Total Nonstop Impact Wrestling Action Proudly Presents…

TNA Hardcore Justice 2011

Welcome, cats and kittens, to yet another installment of the only wrestling review blog with a pet dinosaur, no matter what those assholes at Tyrannosaurus Flex say, Cewsh Reviews! We have a special treat for you tonight as we investigate the second to last stop on the road the Bound For Glory, TNA’s Hardcore Justice 2011! Whereas the second to last stop on the road to Wrestlemania is the much anticipated Royal Rumble, here TNA takes a different approach by instead giving us a show where, grammatically at least, the justice exacted will be entirely hardcore in nature. So if you like your just hard with a well defined core (who doesn’t) then this is most certainly the show for you. But let’s not get ahead of ourselves, after all, we have several titles on the line, some stable in fighting, and some other people wrestling for reasons and purposes. REASONS AND PURPOSES I SAY. What more could you want?

So without any further ado, let’s do a motherfucking review!

To Be Continued »

WWE Over The Limit 2011

World Wrestling Entertainment Proudly Presents…

WWE Over The Limit 2011

Welcome, cats and kittens, to yet another installment of the only wrestling review blog that isn’t pro puppy kicking (its true, I have pictures) Cewsh Reviews! We have a special treat for you here tonight as we are off and running into the summer of wrestling, and are well on our way to extending an entire year’s worth of driving metaphors with WWE’s Over the Limit 2011. Tonight, the Miz finds himself trapped in what has become John Cena’s signature match, the I Quit, Randy Orton and Christian will clash again to see who the better man really is, and in the main event, Sin Cara will do his best to battle against the indestructible force that is Chavo Guerrero. It’s a stacked show (so is your mom) and more importantly, its our first WWE show back from vacation. So, you know, exciting!

So without any further ado, let’s do a motherfucking review!

To Be Continued »

TNA Sacrifice 2011

Total Nonstop Impact Wrestling Action Federation Justice League Proudly Presents…

TNA Sacrifice 2011

Welcome, cats and kittens, to the only wrestling blog that leaves you for a week to get busy in foreign countries and forgets to call, Cewsh Reviews! We have a special treat for you tonight as we, belatedly, cover the first TNA PPV at the dawn of a new era for them, in TNA Sacrifice 2011. You see, TNA is rebranding themselves to some unknown extent from the ground up starting now and leading into the summer and fall, and nobody seems to know exactly what is going to come from the changes. Now you MAY say something like “Hey Cewsh, doesn’t that mean they’ll be padding their shows with filler until they figure it out and give us a big reveal for ratings?” To which I heartily pish posh your dish dosh. TNA would never give filler where great content would do, and this show is positively stacked with great matches such as… Mexican America vs. Ink Inc…and…and…Brian Kendrick vs. Robbie E…oh right. Hmm. Welp, fair enough then.

So without any further ado, let’s do a motherfucking review!

To Be Continued »

THE CRIHAOCSMUTDC2: EB

Cewsh Reviews and I Have An Opinion Proudly Present…

The Cewsh Reviews/I Have An Opinion Crossover Super Mega Ultra Technicolor Dream Card 2: Electric Boogaloo

Welcome, cats and kittens, to yet another installment of the sexiest thing on four legs, Cewsh Reviews! We have an ESPECIALLY special treat for you tonight, no doubt about it, as tonight we finally review the show over a month in the making. See, about a year ago we decided that we should do something to satiate the people who were asking us to review individual matches and not full shows, while at the same time sticking to our guns about only reviewing full shows. The result was the Cewsh Reviews Super Mega Ultra Technicolor Dream Card which was supplied by having all of our fans suggest matches and them selecting them at random, lottery style, out of an Optimus Prime Mr. Potato Head. Which is exactly as awesome as it sounds. It turned out to me a great success, and now it has become a tradition here for us to let you guys in on the party from time to time. Which brings us here to the sequel which we’re doing in conjunction with the video review by our buddy Deewun at his blog, I Have An Opinion. Just like the first time, our fans suggested the matches and we compiled them into an actual Dream Card show of the best, worst and strangest wrestling has to offer. The last one nearly broke us with its batshittery. I’m afraid. Please hold me.

So without any further ado, let’s do a motherfucking review!

To Be Continued »

WWE Wrestlemania XXVII

World Wrestling Entertainment Proudly Presents…

WWE Wrestlemania XXVII

Welcome, cats and kittens, to yet another installment of the reviewers that bring in the viewers, Cewsh Reviews! We have a special treat for you tonight, as the culmination of the wrestling year (or the part of it your grandma may have actually heard of anyway) is nigh, and it is finally time for WWE Wrestlemania XXVII! Now the sheer media blitz of Wrestlemania (and our preview special if you’re a good little Cewshketeer) has probably made it abundantly clear what is on this show, so I’m not going to waste any more time hyping it for you. All I’ll say is that excitement is high among the CR Clan going in and we have champagne wishes and caviar dreams about how things may go. Will this Wrestlemania top last year’s above average show? What the fuck will the Rock actually be doing here? And for fuck’s sake, will anyone actually get made a star on the greatest stage of them all? Only one way to find out.

So without any further ado, let’s do a motherfucking review!

To Be Continued »

TNA Victory Road 2011

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To Be Continued »

TNA Genesis 2011

Total Nonstop Action Proudly Presents…

 
TNA GENESIS 2011

Welcome, cats and kittens, to yet another installment of the most electrifying reviews in blog entertainment, Cewsh Reviews! We have a special treat for you tonight as we head on down south to a nice little hacienda down Orlando way, to review TNA’s first pay per view offering of the year, TNA Genesis 2011. A lot has changed in the world of action since this time last year when Hulk Hogan had just made his arrival and AJ Styles made his dramatic heel turn. Since then lots has gone down, but nothing so important as the rise of Immortal and our heel World Champion Jeff Hardy. He isn’t actually wrestling on this show, but his presence will be felt in not one but TWO number one contendership matches (we will call them number 1a and number 1b). Not only that but we have a mystery debut and rumors of a mysterious end of show shocker on our hands, so buckle up, cowpokes, its time to get this rodeo started.

So without any further ado, let’s do a motherfucking review!

To Be Continued »

WWE Bragging Rights 2010

World Wrestling Entertainment Proudly Presents...

WWE Bragging Rights 2010

Welcome, cats and kittens, to yet another installment of the reviews so nice I’ve gotta say it twice, Cewsh Reviews, Cewsh Reviews! We have a special treat for you tonight as we witness the epic, all deciding clash between the two largest brands in wrestling today. Has TNA invaded WWE? Has Japan finally combined into one super company? Has some new promotion entered the fray with Paul Heyman riding a unicorn out front? Well no, actually it is WWE Bragging Rights 2010, and Raw and Smackdown are locking horns once again to determine which brand is superior, and who will get the prestigious Bragging Rights trophy. Will Raw’s team, led by the Miz, make up for Big Show’s betrayal and claim their stake as the number 1 show in WWE? Or will Smackdown, led by The Big Show, repeat last year’s shocking performance and take home the gol…err…silver? Plastic. Take home the plastic.

All that and we have Nexus swirling around behind the scenes with designs of the WWE title, and, oh yeah, somebody is going to be MURDERED ON THIS SHOW. Oh yeah, and it won’t even be the main event. THAT’S how nuts this show is. So kick back, relax, and snuggle up to your Ultimate Warrior pillow, it’s time to get buck. Whatever that means.

So without any further ado, let’s do a motherfucking review!

To Be Continued »

TNA Bound For Glory 2010

Total Nonstop Action Proudly Presents….

TNA Bound For Glory 2010

Welcome cats and kittens, to yet another installment of the thingiest thing of the thing, Cewsh Reviews! We have a special treat for you tonight, and for once I well and truly mean it, as we saddle on up for the second biggest wrestling show of the year, TNA’s Bound For Glory 2010! Now there are a lot of big wrestling shows during the course of the year. Hell WWE has 4 that could be said to be bigger than anything else in the wrestling world, and NJPW would surely have a ballot to cast in the “second biggest show of the year” sweepstakes. But for my money I look to TNA, the second biggest promotion in America, and the company that seems constantly on the cusp of a major breakthrough (or miserable failure, depending on the day). So we are here to honor them at their biggest show, and in order to do so we have assembled a motley crew of seasoned reviewing professionals.

We have Vice, recently off of a stint in a Vietnamese prison camp. What was he learning there? Unstoppable techniques! Ms. Cewsh, on the other hand, is a deadly assassin trained by the government to mercy kill any and all examples of sexism, chauvinism, or ugly shoes. Then we have Matthew, the wildcard. He’s a burly fighter from the great state of New York who is looking for a rumble or a good time, whichever his fists find first. At the core of the whole thing is me, Cewsh, the dashing ringleader. And together we’re going to show Bound For Glory how we do things around these parts. So stand back, civilians. We’re trained professionals. In fact, we’re the A-Team.

The B-Team consists of my cat and a blow up doll we found in the woods.

So without any further ado, let’s do a motherfucking review!

To Be Continued »

TNA HardCORE Justice 2010

Total Nonstop Action and Extreme Championship Wrestling (Sort Of) Proudly Present...

TNA HardCORE Justice 2010

Welcome cats and kittens, to yet another installment of the hardcorniest of the hardcore, Cewsh Reviews! We have a special treat for you tonight as TNA has opened the floodgates for an ECW reunion to (allegedly) end all ECW reunions. Tommy Dreamer has been given carte blanche to assemble a show of his very own, even though he can't use the letters “ECW” or half of the roster's known names, lest Jerry McDevitt and WWE sue the everyloving shitcookies out of everyone within a 10 mile radius. Regardless, the gang has all turned up, the tables are laid out, and the fans are ready to chant, so we're going to open our arms wide and let the scourge of Extreme into the Cewsh Reviews Headquarters. God only knows if we'll ever be the same.

So without any further ado, let's do a motherfucking review!

To Be Continued »

The Cewsh Reviews Super Mega Ultra Technicolor Dream Show.

Cewsh Reviews Proudly Presents…

THE CEWSH REVIEWS SUPER MEGA ULTRA TECHNICOLOR DREAM SHOW

Welcome, cats and kittens, to yet another installment of the dreamiest, ultraist, technocoloriest reviews in all the land, Cewsh Reviews! Now tonight we have a more than special treat for you as we do something that neither we, nor anyone we’re aware of, has done before. We gave Cewsh Reviews readers just like you the opportunity to submit matches that you wanted to see us review, and we stuck all the matches into Optimus Spud. After a vigorous shaking or two we were left with 8 matches to comprise our dream card review. Then we got our good buddy D1 to compile it all into a big ol’ show for us all to enjoy together.  A show which you can download and enjoy in its entirety for yourself by following the handy download links here, here, and here.

So here you have it. You guys picked the matches, you guys made the card, and now you guys can sit back and watch with us as we take a tour through crazy town. If nothing else, it should be one helluva ride.

So without any further ado, let’s do a motherfucking review!

To Be Continued »

NJPW Super J Tag Tournament 2010

New Japan Professional Wrestling Proudly Presents...

NJPW Super J Tag Tournament 2010

Welcome, cats and kittens to yet another installment of the ever late, ever magnificent Cewsh Reviews! We have a special treat for you tonight as we head over to visit our friends in the land of the rising sun once again, and review NJPW’s Super J Tag Tournament 2010. A show full of nothing but tag matches between small flippy guys is not exactly what you may expect from a team containing a guy who is a self confessed hater of tag team wrestling and flippy spotfests, but we yearn to please here at Cewsh Reviews and we realized that this sort of wrestling had really been brutally underrepresented by us thus far in our reign of terror, so now with the Super Juniors flourishing in Japan again, the fact of the matter is that enough is enough and it is time for a change. Of course, as you may be aware, Japanese wrestling is not our specialty here at Cewsh Reviews. We have some knowledge of it, and in some areas quite a lot, but when it comes to something like this you’re going to need more firepower than that. It’s like microwaving a potato. Just pressing buttons that seem familiar isn’t going to get the job done.

Luckily for us, on the Cewsh Reviews microwave we just have to hit Defrost.

So without any further ado, let’s do a motherfucking review!

To Be Continued »

TNA Lockdown 2010

Total Nonstop Action Proudly Presents…

TNA Lockdown 2010

Welcome, cats and kittens, to the wrestling review that, despite all it’s rage, continues to still be just rats in cages, Cewsh Reviews. We have a special treat for you tonight, and we begin part one of our two part April = Gimmick matches run here, first with tonight’s TNA Lockdown 2010 review, and next week with WWE’s Extreme Rules 2010 show, because according to Hobo Jim, who hoards bread crust in a bucket behind the grocery store, if anyone bleeds in a month other than April, they will be given a evil ham by the Devil. So, I guess that’s to be avoided then.

Anyway, this is TNA’s unofficial second biggest show of the year, and is generally the night when they shine the brightest. Every match on this show will be contested inside of a steel cage, in various ways, and, as such, this is TNA’s most violent, and most barbaric show every year, as Lockdown is where the biggest feuds get settled amidst the steel. D’Angelo Dinero gets his chance to ascend to the main event as he faces the World Champion, AJ Styles. Ken Anderson and Kurt Angle blow off the feud that has been setting TNA on fire for months now. Team Flair and Team Hogan get Lethally Locked Down to settle their grudges once and for all. This is a night of excitement and potential. Can TNA back it up? Only one way to find out.

So without any further ado, let’s do a motherfucking review!

To Be Continued »

WWE Royal Rumble 2010

World Wrestling Entertainment Proudly Presents…

WWE Royal Rumble 2010

Welcome, cats and kittens, to yet another installment the Academy Award nominated (even though we’re just going to lose to Avatar), Cewsh Reviews! Tonight we have a special treat for you as we roll up our sleeves and prepare to get busy with our favorite event of the year, the WWE Royal Rumble 2010. There’s a mystique about the Royal Rumble that has been built through years and years of amazing and unforgettable memories that surround the event, and in preparation for this year to provide us with even more, we’ve bolstered our ranks with a guest reviewer. We are joined this night by none other than the Bodacious Bookworm himself, the Prodigious Prognosticator, the Scottish Scholar, our beloved MichaelC, and he’s here to be our official Royal Rumble historian for the evening.

There's At Least A 36% Chance This Is What He Looks Like.

Naturally that’s not all, though, as we here at Cewsh Review Headquarters do things up right at this time of year, and Ms. Cewsh and Vice will be joining us as well to provide their unique view on events as they unfold.

So is Shawn Michaels going to get his shot at the Undertaker at Wrestlemania? Will the Undertaker even still be champion after tonight? And who will step up to be the standout performer in this year’s Rumble, giving us a moment we’ll never forget? As always, for you, and for us, there’s only one way to find out.

So without any further ado, let’s do a motherfucking review!

To Be Continued »