Sunday Supplements: The Super Mega Ultra Technicolor Dream Card Drawing!

Welcome, one and all, to the very first drawing for the 1st Annualish Cewsh Reviews Dream Card Supershow Spectacular! 

Unless you're from the future, you're probably confused as to what all of this hooplah is about.  Well it shakes out like this.  A few weeks ago we took several of our readers at our parent site Rajah.com, and gave them the opportunity to nominate matches that they'd like to see us review.  Not entire shows, but instead individual matches from any point in wrestling history, and for any promotion they wished.  We got in tons of submissions, with some of them being more cringe worthy than others (The Wrestlicious Battle Royal Ms. Cewsh?  Really?), and we took all of the submissions and wrote them down on slips of paper.  Then Vice took them and stuck them in his Optimash Prime Mr. Potato Head (in place of a hat).  And tonight he's going to shaket hem up and let the magic spill out of the back of Optimash Prime like...err...magic.  Let's go with that.

At any rate, it's damn exciting already, so let's get  this party started, shall we?  Vice, take it away.

Vice:  Oh it's about to happen, people.

There's nothing quite like spending a Saturday putting things into, and pulling things out of, an Optimus Prime Mr. Potato Head's ass.

We should probably start this now. Why, you ask?

...BECAUSE HE'S LOADED, OKAY?!






I crack myself up sometimes.

Cewsh:  Draw forth thy bounty o mashed one!

MATCH #1

Shawn Michaels vs. The Undertaker - Hell In A Cell

WWF Badd Blood 1997

Cewsh:  What a first pick!  For fuck's sake, not only are we talking about a match heralded as one of the best in the history of professional wrestling, but we're talking about one that  I have never actually watched to completion.  Shawn Michaels, in the midst of his original run with D-Generation X has to defend his WWE title in a match built for The Undertaker.  Suffice to say that the self proclaimed boy toy has his work cut out for him here in the match that  set the bar not only for future Hell in a Cell matches, but for  the entire wrestling business as a whole from this point on.

See the history between the two legends who clashed before your very eyes this year at Wrestlemania, and learn about the origins of the feud that led to Shawn's inevitable retirement at the hands of the phenom.  

Fucking amazing way to kick things off.

MATCH #2

Al Snow vs. The Big Boss Man - Kennel From Hell

WWF Unforgiven 1999

Cewsh:  ...

Okay, this is a significantly less inspiring drawing. 

This is the match that sprung out of the feud between the Big Boss Man and Al Snow, which featured Boss Man kidnapping (dognapping?) Al Snow's dog Pepper, and then feeding it to him.  This feud for the ages culminated in a match that managed to combine a cage match, a Hell in a Cell match, and dog shit in new and innovative ways.  

Legendary?  More like infamous, but we don't shy away from a challenge.  Bring it on!

MATCH #3

The Hardy Boyz vs. Edge and Christian - Ladder match

WWF No Mercy 1999

Cewsh:  Honestly, we would have watched this match for fun, with absolutely no reviewing neccesary.

When you talk about this match, you're talking about the very first ever mainstream tag team ladder match, and you're also talking about the night that spawned four superstars that would go on to drive the wrestling business in various ways throughout the next decade.  Here they are as kids trying to make a name for themselves, and their passion comes at you through the screen.  This is a can't miss, both to watch and to read about.

MATCH #4

Sheamus vs. Goldust

WWE ECW 9/1/09

Cewsh:  *scratches head*

I guess somebody really likes Goldust?  It takes all sorts I suppose.

MATCH #5

Rey Mysterio vs. Psicosis

WCW Bash at the Beach 1996

Cewsh:  Oh baby, here's the sexy stuff right here.

Not only is this a match between two guys who wrestle fun matches in their sleep after so many years of working together, this is when they were still hungry and trying to make a name for themselves, so you know they brought their A games that night.  And at last, we have a true opening match for our dream card.  WCW luchadores?  Yes please.

BONUS MATCH

Vice/McLovin/DevilDog I, II & III vs. Matthew/Jeet/Mikzdx I, II & III - Halo 3 deathmatch

Xbox Live 8/14/09

Cewsh:  I have no idea what this is about.  Vice?

Vice:  I had a few surprise "matches" lined up that Cewsh did not know about, and I was going to select one at random, but Matthew's lawyers intervened and forced this one.

MATCH #6

Booker T vs. Buff Bagwell

WWF RAW 7/1/01

Cewsh:  OH FOR FUCK'S SAKE, COME ON!

MATCH #7

Owen Hart vs. Edge

WWF Breakdown 1998

Cewsh:  Ah, the late great Owen Hart.  If for the sake of remembrance alone, i'm glad this is here.

Aside from that, though, this is one of Edge's earliest matches in the WWE, and it's the one that really put him on the map as a singles star in the making.  Here he goes up against one of the most talented wrestlers of the day in an opportunity to prove himself worthy to all of the WWE fans.  And, as it happens, to us.

MATCH #8

Bryan Danielson vs. Takeshi Morishima

ROH Manhattan Mayhem II

Cewsh:  And a little classic Ring of Honor will round things out.  

This one is bound to cause some controversy, both due to recent events involving Mr. Danielson, and also due to our noted and well documented views on Gabe Sapolsky and anything he ever touched.  But this is an opportunity to go back and visit a time when ROH really looked like it had what it took to be the number three promotion in America and take ECW's place.

Will it have aged well?  Well we're the experts.  Leave that to us.

Alright, so that makes the final listing of matches shake out like this:

The Cewsh Reviews Ultra Mega Technicolor Dream Card (Not In Order):



Sheamus vs. Golddust - ECW 2009

Al Snow vs. Big Boss Man - Kennel From Hell - Unforgiven 1999
The Hardy Boyz vs. Edge and Christian - Ladder Match - No Mercy 1999

Takeshi Morishima vs. Bryan Danielson - Manhattan Mayhem II

Booker T vs. Buff Bagwell - Raw 2001

Shawn Michaels vs. The Undertaker - Hell In A Cell - Badd Blood 1997

Owen Hart vs. Edge - Breakdown 1998

Rey Mysterio vs. Psicosis - Bash At The Beach 1996

So there you have it ladies and gents.  That's the card you guys chose, and I have to say that it isn't nearly as painful as it might have been when it comes right down to it.   So feel free to download the show yourself (formatted by the mad genius himself D1 from Rajah.com), and follow along with us on Wednesday as Cewsh Reviews goes interactive!  We promise we'll be gentle since this is your first time.  I mean, don't we look trustworthy?