This week i'm going to tackle a somewhat different strategy with our Supplements, and instead of making a top 10 list or writing a hard hitting article on discrimination in wrestling, i'm instead going to reach out to a member of the wrestling community who I think could well and truly use my help. Though he has achieved some success thus far, this individual still may have a long road ahead of him, and through this open letter, I can let him know the thoughts of myself and others, and perhaps help him understand how he could change and improve his craft from here forward. If nothing else, it will help to ease my conscience that I know that I tried.
Dear John Cena,
Hello John. You may not know me, and that's okay. I'm one of the millions of individuals who watch you perform on a nearly daily basis from all around the world. I may very well run the single greatest wrestling review blog of all time, but still, I understand that we've never crossed paths. It happens. I'm sending you this letter for one simple reason. I want to help. I want to help you without insulting you, without degrading you, and without pretending that I am nearly the authority on wrestling that many of your co workers clearly are. I'm simply a (brilliant) fan who wants the best for you and for everyone who watches you from this point forward.
Here's the thing, John. We've been watching you. Not just the three of us, but the entire WWE Universe. We've been watching you ever since that first day when you walked out to interrupt Kurt Angle and answered his open challenge in your brightly colored pants and your adorable flat top.
See For Yourself.
Now, you didn't take off right away. Let's face it, the whole "Ruthless Aggression" thing wasn't exactly the most compelling character around, and you still seemed like you were getting used to being on the big stage. Especially since you had only been in the wrestling business a comparatively short amount of time leading up to your debut. You were new and you tried you best, but you weren't quite ready to take off just yet. You bounced around for awhile, shaking hands and kissing babies, until you teamed up with Billy Kidman in a tag team title tournament. Like all of Kidman's partners, you turned on him, and shortly thereafter revealed the side of you that would catapult you to the top.
From there, your star took off like a rocket and there was no stopping your incredible momentum. You feuded with Brock Lesnar and got in his head like few others ever could, you had amazing matches with the likes of Eddie Guerrero and Chris Benoit that made people think that you had come a long, long way in the ring from your debut, and you captured the United States title, and not even stabbed in a nightclub by Jesus would stop you from making your way to the top (wink wink). If you ask anyone who was watching during that time, you will not find a single rational individual with anything negative to say about it. You were edgy, you were witty, you were fresh and new and cool, and everything that the WWE needed. When you finally overtook JBL for the WWE Championship at Wrestlemania 21, the match and feud were entirely secondary to your momentum. You could have beaten Funaki and we would have paid to see it. You even turned the WWE title into a spinner belt like you had with the US title, to cement your legacy and status as the new big thing in wrestling. You were the man.
Then you came over to Raw. Holy shit, what a shocker that was, and the buzz was off the charts. You feuded with Christian, and Chris Jericho, and Kurt Angle and had great matches that all the fans had desperately wanted to see. But somewhere along the line, something started to happen. While you were feuding with Kurt and beating him decisively, the fans started to turn on you. Not all of them, just the vocal "smarks" and some of the older men in the audience started to recent your lightning fast rise to the top and the way that you so definitively beat every single opponent that you encountered. This isn't your fault, obviously. WWE knew you were their new top guy and they wanted to establish you quickly, but many fans took this askance. Then you met another up and coming star, by the name of Edge. He cahsed in his title shot to pin you cheaply after the Elimination Chamber match that year, and you embarked on a two month feud with him that was possibly the most exciting and compelling television that WWE had put on in years. You were the perfect foils for one another, and had a chemistry that resounded so incredibly that to this day your names are still put together in excited whispers and speculation. You had found a nemesis.
After beating him, you moved on to Triple H, who made the claim that you couldn't wrestle, and unfortunately he was echoing a thought that many fans had had by that point. The fans turned on you then, and at Wrestlemania 22 they loudly cheered for Triple H, even though he was the biggest heel in the company. But you kept your nose to the grindstone, beat him, and continued on. For the next several years, you played out the same scenario again and again. The male fans would boo and boo, and the women and children would cheer and cheer, and you would let it roll right off your back. Ever smiling in the face of the haters, you went on about your business, and somewhere along the way, you started consistantly putting on main event level matches that were far and away greater than anything anyone thought that you were capable of. Matches with Shawn Michaels and Edge and Umaga and Randy Orton showed a side of you that nobody expected. You were becoming a veteran.
But along the way, too, you erased every trace of that rebellious, edgy and cool character that you had potrayed that made us love you in the first place. Gone went the guy we wanted to see, and wanted to be, and on came the Marine. The smiling, cheerful, but inevitably one dimensional guy who makes movies, poses with kittens, and beats every single person he feuds with. And as time has gone on, even huge fans of yours, of which I have proudly always been, had trouble getting excited to see you. It was the same story, week in and week out, and while you clearly tried to spice up the scripts, you could only do so much as your career became, for the most part, an endless succession of victories and celebration speeches.
But none of this, not the winning or the kittens or the movies (though we really didn't like Twelve Rounds) is the problem. If it were just that, I would gladly and loudly fight the good fight defending your talents, abilities, and potential. But recently, something else has come to the forefront.
John, did you forget how to sell?
I don't mean merchandise, because you still do that just fine, but I mean making moves look like they hurt, and making your opponent look credible by making his offense look painful not just in the short term, but in the long term as well. Recently you've taken to getting beaten up for an entire match, and then hopping up like nothing ever happened and winning, before wandering off totally unscathed. It doesn't take a Ricky Steamboat to notice this or to see how it is damaging long term to both you and anyone you face. Fuck man, everybody does it sometimes, but you've elevated it to an art form. All you have to do is limp a little after the Big Show spends 8 hours kicking you in the leg, or act like you have a headache after Triple H gives you 13 Pedigrees. That's all it takes to keep us into the story you're trying to sell. That's all, and it's so simple. I can't defend this, and I wont, now or ever.
A problem you need to solve now.
You may never see this, Mr. Cena, and hell, the odds of you reading it all the way down here to the bottom are slim at best. But if you do, I just want you to know that I respect you (no salutes necessary), I enjoy your abilities, and I look forward to being a fan of your again when things change. You can make that happen. You have it in you I know it. I wish you the best of luck.
Sincerely,
Cewsh Von Cewshenstein.
P.S. Could you send an autographed photo of yourself for my compatriot, Vice. It's his birthday soon, and he's your very biggest fan. Thank you.
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