WWE Money in the Bank 2011

World Wrestling Entertainment Proudly Presents…

WWE Money in the Bank 2011

Welcome, cats and kittens, to yet another installment of the review blog that learned everything they know about wrestling from 2XL, Cewsh Reviews! We have a special treat for you tonight, and for once we mean it, as we find ourselves smack dab in the middle of the most intriguing wrestling storyline in recent memory. CM Punk has held the imagination of the collective internet wrestling community hostage for the past month after his incredible promo on Raw where he buried the company and threatened to take the title and leave simply because he can. Weeks of hype and confusion followed and here and now we’ll find out what happens when this all comes to a head in Punk’s hometown of Chicago, on his very last night as a WWE employee, here at WWE Money in the Bank 2011. Will Punk truly be able to beat John Cena and take the WWE title hostage? Will this just be another “Cena pulls out the improbable win” sort of occasion? What the hell will the Money in the Bank winners do? Only one way to find out, boys and girls.

So without any further ado, let’s do a motherfucking review!

To Be Continued »

TNA Destination X 2011

Impact Wrestling Proudly Presents…

TNA Destination X 2011

Welcome, cats and kittens, to yet another installment of future one hit wonder Cewsh Reviews! We have a special treat for you tonight, as we seek out TNA’s Destination X 2011, where assumedly the treasure is buried. Now we’re deep into summer now, boys and girls, so this is the downiest down time on the wrestling calendar. Wrestlemania is far, far off, and consequently most American wrestling is subdued, waiting for Wrestling Season to come back again, bringing with it the interest of the majority of wrestling fans. As such, summer is the time for experimental booking, and new things to begin, and nowhere is this truer than here tonight, as TNA devotes an entire pay per view broadcast to a division they could barely be bothered to dedicate 8 minutes of television time to 6 months ago, as we get ourselves an all X Division PPV. Will the X Division guys step up and make the effort worthwhile? Will the experiment fail horribly and kill off the division once and for all? At what moment, exactly, did Vice mark out like an 80s child for a Cabbage Patch doll? Only one way to find out.

So without any further ado, let’s do a motherfucking review!

To Be Continued »

TNA Slammiversary 2011

Total Nonstop Action Or Impact Wrestling Whatever Works For You Proudly Presents…

TNA Slammiversary 2011

Welcome, cats and kittens to yet another installment of the Tony award winning Cewsh Reviews! We have a special treat for you tonight, as we celebrate the 8th anniversary of the glorious collection of greatness and failure that can only be categorized by whatever name we’re going with today. Tonight is a special night for TNA, as they officially close the book on the first half of the year, and turn on the jets for the sprint to Bound For Glory in October. As such we have the blow offs (theoretically) to numerous feuds here, and the birth of many more growing right in front of our eyes. Will this show represent all that has been right with TNA for these long years? Will it disappoint horribly as has also been the case? Will it do both, seeking the creamy center of batshittery like only TNA can? Only one way to find out.

So with no further ado, let’s do a motherfucking review!

To Be Continued »

WWE Over The Limit 2011

World Wrestling Entertainment Proudly Presents…

WWE Over The Limit 2011

Welcome, cats and kittens, to yet another installment of the only wrestling review blog that isn’t pro puppy kicking (its true, I have pictures) Cewsh Reviews! We have a special treat for you here tonight as we are off and running into the summer of wrestling, and are well on our way to extending an entire year’s worth of driving metaphors with WWE’s Over the Limit 2011. Tonight, the Miz finds himself trapped in what has become John Cena’s signature match, the I Quit, Randy Orton and Christian will clash again to see who the better man really is, and in the main event, Sin Cara will do his best to battle against the indestructible force that is Chavo Guerrero. It’s a stacked show (so is your mom) and more importantly, its our first WWE show back from vacation. So, you know, exciting!

So without any further ado, let’s do a motherfucking review!

To Be Continued »

TNA Sacrifice 2011

Total Nonstop Impact Wrestling Action Federation Justice League Proudly Presents…

TNA Sacrifice 2011

Welcome, cats and kittens, to the only wrestling blog that leaves you for a week to get busy in foreign countries and forgets to call, Cewsh Reviews! We have a special treat for you tonight as we, belatedly, cover the first TNA PPV at the dawn of a new era for them, in TNA Sacrifice 2011. You see, TNA is rebranding themselves to some unknown extent from the ground up starting now and leading into the summer and fall, and nobody seems to know exactly what is going to come from the changes. Now you MAY say something like “Hey Cewsh, doesn’t that mean they’ll be padding their shows with filler until they figure it out and give us a big reveal for ratings?” To which I heartily pish posh your dish dosh. TNA would never give filler where great content would do, and this show is positively stacked with great matches such as… Mexican America vs. Ink Inc…and…and…Brian Kendrick vs. Robbie E…oh right. Hmm. Welp, fair enough then.

So without any further ado, let’s do a motherfucking review!

To Be Continued »

Dear Randy Savage

Dear Randy Savage,

Hi Mr. Savage.  My name is Cewsh.  I'm sure you don't know me (despite that one time I was totally sure I bumped into you in the bathroom of a Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles Rock Concert in the early 90s) but in case you weren't aware you passed away recently, and before you left for good I wanted to send you a letter to let you know what you've meant to me over the years.  You may have more important things to do at the moment like choosing a cool house to haunt, or seeing if you can possess Hulk Hogan, but take some time aside, if you will, to go back in time with me.  I promise we wont talk about the rap thing.  Honest.

To Be Continued »

WWE Extreme Rules 2011

World Wrestling Entertainment Proudly Presents…

WWE Extreme Rules 2011

Welcome, cats and kittens, to yet another installment of the misfits who make the biscuits, Cewsh Reviews! We have a special treat for you tonight, as we take the first step back out onto that long, long road to the next Wrestlemania. This is the time of the year when the most change occurs, and that is clearly evident here, as the draft has shaken things up in WWE considerably, creating two rosters that look very different indeed than they did a few weeks ago. This PPV, therefore, is like a jelly filled doughnut, except instead of jelly, INTRIGUE. All of the Wrestlemania feuds will be blown off as the competitors are physically separated by being on different shows, all of the matches will be extreme in some abstract way, and an event will happen on this show (and later in the week) that would send shockwaves throughout the wrestling industry. Not bad for a Sunday.

So without any further ado, let’s do a motherfucking review!

To Be Continued »

TNA Lockdown 2011

Total Nonstop Action Proudly Presents…

TNA LOCKDOWN 2011

Welcome, cats and kittens, to yet another installment of the fuzziest and wuzziest reviews in the known universe, Cewsh Reviews! We have a special treat for you tonight, as the time has finally come for the first shot from TNA post Wrestlemania, as we review TNA Lockdown 2011! See, every year TNA tries to make it seem like Bound for Glory is their biggest show, but inevitably it is Lockdown that contains the biggest moments, the best matches, and the most interesting storylines, so here at Cewsh Reviews we’ve just started accepting it as the biggest TNA show of the year. This year is no exception either, as a great many feuds are looking to be blown off here once and for all. Joe/Dinero, Angle/Jarrett, James/Rayne, and Immortal/Fortune are all going to get inside the six…err…four sides of steel and have themselves a war to settle the score. Will Immortal regain power in TNA? Will our champion be a senior citizen, a drug addict or an asshole? And just why in the hell is one of these matches only 30 seconds long? Only one way to find out.

So without any further ado, let’s do a motherfucking review!

To Be Continued »

THE CRIHAOCSMUTDC2: EB

Cewsh Reviews and I Have An Opinion Proudly Present…

The Cewsh Reviews/I Have An Opinion Crossover Super Mega Ultra Technicolor Dream Card 2: Electric Boogaloo

Welcome, cats and kittens, to yet another installment of the sexiest thing on four legs, Cewsh Reviews! We have an ESPECIALLY special treat for you tonight, no doubt about it, as tonight we finally review the show over a month in the making. See, about a year ago we decided that we should do something to satiate the people who were asking us to review individual matches and not full shows, while at the same time sticking to our guns about only reviewing full shows. The result was the Cewsh Reviews Super Mega Ultra Technicolor Dream Card which was supplied by having all of our fans suggest matches and them selecting them at random, lottery style, out of an Optimus Prime Mr. Potato Head. Which is exactly as awesome as it sounds. It turned out to me a great success, and now it has become a tradition here for us to let you guys in on the party from time to time. Which brings us here to the sequel which we’re doing in conjunction with the video review by our buddy Deewun at his blog, I Have An Opinion. Just like the first time, our fans suggested the matches and we compiled them into an actual Dream Card show of the best, worst and strangest wrestling has to offer. The last one nearly broke us with its batshittery. I’m afraid. Please hold me.

So without any further ado, let’s do a motherfucking review!

To Be Continued »

The Top 5 Nobodies In America Who Made It Big In Japan

Welcome back to the ever shifting sands of the Sunday Supplements, cats and kittens.  Tonight we're going to talk about the wacky land of Japan.  Not just anything about Japan, though, because god knows we could be here all night just discussing why they sell used girl's panties in vending machines next to the soda.  No, today, inspired by TAJIRI's new promotion that we're reviewing for this week, we'll be talking about people who never made it in the rat race of American pro wrestling, who nonetheless hit it big in the far east for one reason or another.

Sorry Murdoch, None For You.
 

So call them gaijin, call them legends, or call them radiculous.  These are 5 men that went nowhere in America, and hit it big in Japan.  So saddle up your sushi, and buy some Hello Kitty merchandise.  It's time to head to the other side.

To Be Continued »