The Shimmer Volume 55 Wrap Up (Even More) Spectacular

Evening, cats and kittens, and welcome back for another episode of SHIM WORLD. When we last left you, intrigue had begun to abound about what the rest of the Shimmer weekend would hold. After she was left lying once again by the underhanded tricks of Jessicka Havok and her minions, will Serena Deeb be able to summon the fire necessary to ward off this giant outsider? Or would she be the first of many conquests on Havoks road to Shimmer dominance. DUN DUN DUN! The Global Green gangsters have worked their way into the tag team title scene, only to come against the champions, who know every trick in the book. Will Skater and Nakagawa be able to channel their own heelish demons to overcome one of the greatest tag team obstacles the wrestling world? Or will yet another babyface dream die to the tune of Funky Cold Medina? DUN DUN DUN! And as she rides a wave of momentum that could make or break her career, will Courtney Rush capitalize on her number one contendership victory and unseat the reigning queen of independent wrestling? Or will she just wind up as just one more smear on the curb? DUN DUN DUN AGAIN!

Just Imagine This Small Child Is Courtney Rush.

It's Shimmer weekend part two, boys and girls. And it's about to get ROWDY.

To Be Continued »

The Shimmer Volume 54 Wrap Up Spectacular

Good afternoon, boys and girls. You may not be aware of this, but this past weekend one of the most hotly anticipated indie wrestling events of the year took place, as the finest women's wrestlers from all over the world converged on Berwyn, IL for the Spring Shimmer tapings. If you've never seen Shimmer before and have no idea what I'm talking about, Shimmer is the biggest all female promotion in the United States and has become one of the most important hubs of international wrestling in the country. Competitors from Japan, Australia, New Zealand, England, Ireland, and Canada came to meet America's best that you might be familiar with from promotions like WWE, TNA, ROH, CZW and pretty much everywhere else that people kick each other in the face.

In Japan, Face Kicking Is How Women Say Hello.

So yeah, Shimmer is pretty much completely awesome, and since there are only two Shimmer events a year, (they tape 4 shows at each one,) it's a pretty significant event. So since Mrs. Cewsh, DDT and I were at the shows, just like we are pretty much every single time, we're bringing you a snazzy report on what the women of Shimmer got up to over the weekend. This is the first of four recaps you'll be getting this week, going from today to Sunday, documenting the events of each show and letting you in on the worst kept secret in independent wrestling.

Spoiler Alert: IT'S FUCKING FANTASTIC.

To Be Continued »

WWE Wrestlemania XXIX

World Wrestling Entertainment Proudly Presents...

WWE Wrestlemania XXIX

Welcome, cats and kittens, to yet another installment of the coolest cats this side of a serial killer's refrigerator  Cewsh Reviews! We have a special treat for you tonight, as we all don our tuxedos and evening dresses for the fanciest and most prestigious night of the wrestling year. Come be thrilled as our monocles pop out in amazement, come be dazzled as our silken fans flutter to calm our enraged emotions, and come be confused as you try to figure out how you feel about Vice in an evening gown. However you come join us, and for whatever reason, we have our most jam packed, star studded gala event of the season ready and waiting for you to partake of. Will John Cena embrace the hate and finally get redemption for his greatest failure? Will Triple H's career survive the horrific machination of a deranged monster? Will CM Punk be the man who forever tarnishes the greatest statistic in wrestling history? Is anyone else even on this show? There's only one way to find out.

So without any further ado, let's do a motherfucking review!

To Be Continued »

Wrestlemania 29 Preview

Hey boys and girls. So I hear that there's this big show coming up tomorrow. Kind of sort of the biggest wrestling show of the year or something? Well as odd as it might be to think of for some of us, not everyone follows the Road To Wrestlemania with the level of scrutiny and poetic craftsmanship as we do, and they might be looking at this card wondering what in the hell is going on and why they should care.

"Seriously, Is This More Of A Nacho Cheese Show, Or A Cool Ranch Show?"

As professional blog journalists, we've made it our goal to be there for you in times of great strife and uncertainty, just like this one. But while we could easily bang out 10,000 words about why Big E Langston's pecs look like someone stuffed watermelon in sideways and covered it with balloons; we're going to take this opportunity to highlight a terrific up and coming blogger named G9Z as he leads us through the Wrestlemania build up for some of the biggest matches, and gives you his thoughts on who will win and why. This guy is no joke, and we consider his blog, (which you will read by clicking on this link BECAUSE I SAID SO,) to be the more respectable brother to Cewsh Reviews. He'll be examining the match ups this year based on the guys with prior performances, and how they got here. So now I'll leave you in G9Z's capable hands, and go drink myself into the kind of stupor normally reserved for back to back TNA shows. God I love delegating.

To Be Continued »

WWE Elimination Chamber 2013

World Wrestling Entertainment Proudly Presents...

WWE ELIMINATION CHAMBER 2013

Welcome, cats and kittens, to yet another installment of the blog that is still a rat in a cage despite all of it's rage, Cewsh Reviews! We have a special treat for you tonight as we take the last speed bump on the Road To Wrestlemania at full speed and cover WWE's Elimination Chamber 2013. As the biggest wrestling show of the year comes up quickly, the hopefuls who would like to secure their spot in history have to pass through enormous challenges and physical peril in order to get there, and that's including the ones who don't have to be in a ring with Brodus Clay. We have CM Punk, on the brink of insanity, battling to regain the championship that he held for all of 2012, the Rock looking to hold onto his newly found validation, and a whole bunch of guys ready to suffer through the elimination chamber for a last chance shot at history. Bodies will be broken, spirits will be crushed, and remotes will be throw at tvs, because this is the night that means everything for these boys and girls. Who will be left out in the cold? Only one way to find out.

Oh, and fair warning. There will be rhyming. Oh yes, there will be rhyming. I apologize in advance.

So without any further ado, let's do a motherfucking review!

To Be Continued »

TNA Lockdown 2013

Total Nonstop Action Proudly Presents...

TNA Lockdown 2013

Welcome, cats and kittens, to yet another installment of the only reviews that have their own special room in the psych ward for when reviews go wrong, Cewsh Reviews! We have a special treat for you tonight, as we induct another show into the 5 Times Reviewed Club, namely TNA Lockdown 2013. Now we have had a long and sordid relationship with TNA over the years, as you well know. We've laughed, we've cried, we've cried more, we've thrown shoes at tvs, it's all very melodramatic. And last year we made the decree that we would only review the major TNA events because the product had become virtually unwatchable. TNA has obliged us by cutting their PPV schedule down dramatically, but this is still the first time that we've visited the house that Jarrett built in a good long time. And the last time we visited, (TNA Bound For Glory 2012,) it was probably the angriest review that we have ever done. But hey, 6 months can change quite a bit. So let's see what we've got here. Jeff Hardy as champion. Lethal Lockdown match featuring Eric Young as the dangerous wild card. Aces and Eights. Brooke Hogan. Chavo Guerrero. Okay. Um, right. Shit. Well, hell, let's just go for it and hope for the best. After all, if TNA has proven one thing again and again, for better and for worse, it's that they always have the ability to surprise us.

So without any further ado, let's do a motherfucking review!

To Be Continued »

7 Reasons Alberto Del Rio Should Stay Champion

Hey boys and girls. As we roll on toward the glory and splendor of WrestleMania, I'd like to take a moment to focus on a match that is being kicked under the carpet a bit in the lead up to the event. I'm talking about the WWE World Heavyweight Championship match between Jack Swagger and Alberto Del Rio, and more specifically, I'm talking about how and why Del Rio should retain his title next Sunday, against the powerful forces of Dr. America and his sidekick, The Mustache Kid.

Warning: This Man Is Not A Licensed Doctor Or Country.

I'm going to hit you with seven reasons why Alberto Del Rio should not only retain the title at WrestleMania, but should go right on holding it on into the future. And no, his dazzling smile didn't even make the list.

(This article was previously seen on Bleacher Report. It has been altered from that version.)

To Be Continued »

NJPW Wrestle Kingdom VII

New Japan Professional Wrestling Proudly Presents...

NJPW Wrestle Kingdom VII

Welcome, cats and kittens, to yet another installment of the only reviews that take 2 months to get Japan and back, Cewsh Reviews! We have a special treat for you tonight, as we travel back to Japan for what has become easily the second largest and most significant event of the wrestling year, NJPW Wrestle Kingdom VII. Over the past few years, New Japan Pro Wrestling has transformed itself from the least rotten apple in a rotten bunch of Japanese promotions to I don't even know man. Some kind of super apple? An apple stuffed with diamonds or something? I'm not Dr Analogy, guys. Anyway, New Japan has been on a roll completely unmatched by any wrestling company since the Attitude Era, and now we've come to their version of the Rock vs. Steve Austin at their version of Wrestlemania. Yeah, it's that on. Okada and Tanahashi are going to meet tonight in one of the biggest and most important matches of this decade. But hey, that's only one match on one of the most stacked cards of the year. Want to see if this is all just empty hype? Well then read on, boys and girls. You won't be disappointed.

So without any further ado, let's do a motherfucking review!

To Be Continued »

The 10 Best Performences of The Rock

Afternoon again, intrepid travelers of the internets, and welcome to yet another installment of the Cewsh Reviews Sunday Supplements. In the past we've done everything here from listing the worst outfits in wrestling history, to doing a minute by minute breakdown of 12 Rounds where John Cena is the villain. And while these are all good times, the one thing they aren't is rich with actual professional wrestling matches. So we ALSO have a series where we document the top 10 matches of a particular wrestler, to let you know which matches are required viewing if you're new to their work, or at the very least, to give you something to argue about. And so it's appropriate that today's subject of focus is going to be the man who has returned to the top of the wrestling world, the Rock.

He Is Training Diligently.

Now what makes the Rock an interesting case is that his actual in ring skill has debated hotly among wrestling fans ever since he first broke onto the scene. He's been praised, derided, insulted, and had his ass polished, all in equal measure. So today, we're going to put aside all of the baggage and nostalgia that comes from talking about this man, and break right on through to his 10 best performances inside of a wrestling ring. These are the moments where he shined the brightest and brought it the most. And if we're doing our job right, you're in for some surprises.

To Be Continued »

WWE Royal Rumble 2013

World Wrestling Entertainment Proudly Presents...

WWE ROYAL RUMBLE 2013

Welcome, cats and kittens, to yet another installment of the reviews that will hide under the ring until all the other reviews are eliminated, Cewsh Reviews! We have a special treat for you tonight as we have finally reached what many people consider to be the funnest and most interesting wrestling event of the year, the Royal Rumble. And this one is shaping up to be a doozy, which 30 men ready to enter and seemingly 10 odds on favorites to win. Will the monster Ryback destroy everything in his first Rumble match? Will John Cena erase the stink of 2012 with some redemption? Will Heath Slater make it all the way to the ring before someone beats him up? All great questions. And, for once, the Rumble isn't the only place for rampant speculation and interest. Because we will also see the match up that would have blown 2003 Cewsh's mind out of his ears, CM Punk vs. The Rock. Will Punk rise to the challenge and hold off the greatest threat to his title in his entire 400+ day reign? Or will The Rock find his inner champion one more time and show that he's still as good as it gets? How many more questions can I pack into this intro? I don't know?!

So without any further ado, let's do a motherfucking review!

To Be Continued »