Cewsh Scouts NXT 2013

Why hello, I didn't see you there. Welcome to the Cewsh Institute for Careful Observation and Contextual Knowledge. Here at COCK we take our jobs very seriously as the foremost wrestling scouts on the internet. Previously, we have brought you detailed breakdowns of both the NXT roster and the New Japan Pro Wrestling roster, and today we're here a year later to retrace our steps and evaluate the new recruits and blossoming prospects of WWE's developmental program, as well as revisiting our evaluations from last time.

We have 16 men and women here who will be judged by their pros and cons, and will be assigned a grade based on their potential as WWE prospects. We will also be rendering judgement on whether or not these individuals are ready for full time main roster competition. Today we'll be breaking down the first four of these, focusing on everyone holding gold in NXT at the moment. Joining me in the venture are my esteemed colleagues: Psycho, Artie and Dennis. Psycho joined us last time, Artie is new to NXT but is very enthusiastic about it, and Dennis is so familiar with the product that eating the cupcakes he brings to shows has become a rite of passage for new talent. Together we will put our lab coats on, carefully evaluate strengths and weaknesses, and try to find out just exactly who the stars of tomorrow will be. Are you ready for some hardcore fact mining and grueling tape watching? No? Well then lucky for you that we did it all for you.

To Be Continued »

WWE Elimination Chamber 2013

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WWE ELIMINATION CHAMBER 2013

Welcome, cats and kittens, to yet another installment of the blog that is still a rat in a cage despite all of it's rage, Cewsh Reviews! We have a special treat for you tonight as we take the last speed bump on the Road To Wrestlemania at full speed and cover WWE's Elimination Chamber 2013. As the biggest wrestling show of the year comes up quickly, the hopefuls who would like to secure their spot in history have to pass through enormous challenges and physical peril in order to get there, and that's including the ones who don't have to be in a ring with Brodus Clay. We have CM Punk, on the brink of insanity, battling to regain the championship that he held for all of 2012, the Rock looking to hold onto his newly found validation, and a whole bunch of guys ready to suffer through the elimination chamber for a last chance shot at history. Bodies will be broken, spirits will be crushed, and remotes will be throw at tvs, because this is the night that means everything for these boys and girls. Who will be left out in the cold? Only one way to find out.

Oh, and fair warning. There will be rhyming. Oh yes, there will be rhyming. I apologize in advance.

So without any further ado, let's do a motherfucking review!

To Be Continued »

Cewsh Scouts NXT

Welcome, cats and kittens, to a very special installment of our Sunday Supplements. See, where we'd usually go in for a list, or a detailed breakdown of some great feud, or just make fun of people's clothes, today we're here to provide a public service. Of all the things that we've ever been asked to do since we started Cewsh Reviews, easily the most often requested is that we shed some light on the men and women currently in development for WWE. It's long been an interest of mine to keep an eye on the people coming up through the system, but most people don't have the time or inclination to watch those shows and see what the future may hold for themselves.

"Like I Have Time For That. There's A Law And Order Marathon On."

So tonight, my scouting partner Psycho and I will be giving you a guided tour through the mysterious world of tomorrow, and we'll be grading the prospects with letters, like schoolteachers, that are based on their current value as potential stars. Hell, I'll even throw in a pros and cons list and a definitive answer on whether or not they're ready for the main roster. So put on your moon boots, and settle in, because tonight, for the first time, we're taking a magnifying glass to the denizens of NXT.

To Be Continued »

WWE Monday Night Raw #1,000

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WWE Monday Night Raw

1,000th Episode

Welcome, cats and kittens, to yet another installment of the blog that is always incisive and ever divisive, Cewsh Reviews! We have a special treat for you tonight, as we have gathered today to review an episode of Monday Night Raw for only the third time in Cewsh Reviews history. But why tonight, you ask? Because it's the 1,000th time the show has come on, and 1,000 is, like, a really big number and stuff. But tonight isn't just about reaching a symmetrical number in the history of WWE programming. It's also being branded as a new beginning for WWE and a night to enjoy the twin spectacles of nostalgia and whatever you would call nostalgia for things that will happen in the future. Possibly Futalgia, though that sounds like a kind of Athlete's Foot.  Joining me on this journey through time, is our very own Professor of Wrestling History and full time Doctor Who enthusiast MichaelC, and our special guest making his return to Cewsh Reviews, Psycho! So you can tell for tonight's special review, we'll be doing it up proper, and although you can't tell, we're all wearing tuxedos and pretty dresses and are gesturing wildly with out top hats and monocles for the show to get on with it already.

So without any further ado, let's do a motherfucking review!

To Be Continued »

WWE Royal Rumble 2012

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WWE Royal Rumble 2012

Welcome, cats and kittens, to yet another installment of the only wrestling blog that gives you Rumbles while making you wait for the Rumble, Cewsh Reviews!  We have a special treat for you tonight as we take the first solid step towards Wrestlemania with WWE Royal Rumble 2012.  Now for us at Cewsh Reviews, the Royal Rumble is a special time of year.  Parties are had, wagers are struck and along with hundreds of thousands of others we hunker down in front of our tvs to be sucked in by the kickoff to the Road to Wrestlemania and what is possibly the biggest single match of the wrestling year.  And if you like unpredictability, boy is this year right down your alley, because there is no certain winner or even any real favorite for the first time in recent memory as numerous guys bucking for that top spot arrive here ready to take the spotlight.  So for a match, and an event, of this magnitude, we roped in a ragged band of outlaws to review with us this year, including our always crotchety historian of these dusty trails, Maverick MichaelC, our former Raw reviewer who is so bad his name includes his body count, Killer Kyle_242 and the man so crazy they just call him Psycho.  We're here to russell up some varmints and maybe even review some wrestling matches along the way.  So kick back, tip your saloon waitress and enjoy the show.  Its Rumble season, baby!

So without any further ado, let's do a motherfucking review!

To Be Continued »

WWE Vengeance 2001

Cewsh: The One Where Vice Explains How This Show Is Responsible For Our Friendship And, Subsequently, For Cewsh Reviews.

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The World Wrestling Federation Proudly Presents...

WWF Vengeance 2001

Welcome, cats and kittens, to yet another installment of the review team with so many plaques that we have gingivitis, Cewsh Reviews! And boy do we have a special SPECIAL treat for you tonight, boys and girls. See, you may recall me announcing that yesterday’s review of WWE over the Limit 2011 was the launch of something that we are calling the Cewsh Reviews Comeback Tour Week of Debaucherous Musing and Precipitous Bruisings. In typical Cewsh Reviews fashion these are a bunch of awesome words strung together to basically mean that we’ve been very much absent of late what with one thing and another, and to prove to you that we aren’t going to way of the dodo like so many internet projects do when they take their first “hiatus” we’re throwing down a massive gauntlet to crank out 5 reviews in 7 days. Insane? Yes. Suicidal? Yes. Awesome? FUCK YEAH.

Tonight’s entry into that collection of reviews is going to be a bit different from our usual fare. See, it has come to our attention that there is great young reviewing talent all over these great internets of ours, with a sharp wit and interesting insight, that is just being wasted being scrolled by on message boards all over the place. This is bullshit. So from time to time we may tap some of these up and comers to come here and show you what they have to offer. Who knows, maybe one day they’ll be way more popular than us and we’ll be riding their coattails, begging for scraps (unlikely). So tonight is the beginning of that, as we take two great, but unknown, people from the sea of the IWC and turn them loose on you dear readers to cover the crowning of the first ever WWE Undisputed Champion. Here marks the debut of Kyle 242 and Psycho Soldier.

Don’t worry. I’ll be there to make sure there’s no bad touch.

So without any further ado, let’s do a motherfucking review!

To Be Continued »