The Monday Night Wars Take Two: The Rehappening

World Wrestling Entertainment and Total Nonstop Action Proudly Present…

The Monday Night Wars Take Two: The Rehappening.

Welcome, cats and kittens, to yet another installment of the responsibly time traveling Cewsh Reviews. Tonight we have a special treat for you as we cover the beginning of the new Monday Night Wars between TNA Impact and WWE Raw. “But wait, Mr. McCewsh,” you may say is hushed tones of respect and admiration, “you already did the new Monday Night Wars back in January.” Well this is true, Ms. Cewsh and I tackled that very thing back in the olden days of 2 months ago. But a lot can change in that time, including TNA getting a permanent slot going head to head with Raw on Monday nights (the show in January was a one off event).

What can you expect from this sequel that will make it better than the original? How about Criss Angel, magician extraordinaire? No? How about not one but TWO Hulk Hogan matches. No again? Well how about MAGIC? Yeah, we knew that one would get you. Now you may have been excited at the prospect of Vice and I reviewing this show together and letting our conflicting views on these two shows start a war that would never wane in intensity, and we were too. Unfortunately, our Vicey come down with a serious case of "Has to work a shit ton of overtime to catch up on work" with a few side symptoms like "Has No Free Time" and "Curses The Day That Currency Was Ever Invented In The First Place". It sounds serious. He'll do his best to chip his two cents in when time allows, but in the meantime let's all wish him a speedy, and financially rewarding recovery.

Let's All Support Him As Enthusiastically As These Two.

In the meantime, come watch me, as I cover a historic event in the history of professional wrestling. The true rebirth of the Monday Night Wars. Again. But more so.

Sort of.

So without any further ado, let’s do a motherfucking review!

To Be Continued »

WWE Elimination Chamber 2010

World Wrestling Entertainment Proudly Presents…

WWE Elimination Chamber 2010

Welcome, cats and kittens, to yet another installment of the incredibly literally named Cewsh Reviews! This week we have a treat for you, as we make our last pit stop (gosh kids, didn’t I ask if you needed to go before we left the house?) on the Road to Wrestlemania, as we review WWE’s Elimination Chamber 2010. This is the last chance for everyone who didn’t win the Royal Rumble (that being everyone who isn’t Edge) to cement their spot in one of the two main events of Wrestlemania. That’s a definite plus. The slight negative may be that they have to get their asses trucked over by a metric ton of steel chains and grating, as they step into the Elimination Chamber to find their destiny.

The Only Way To Wrestlemania Is Through The Steel.

Who will be the champions of Raw and Smackdown when the smoke clears? What will we find out about the future for Wrestlemania? And is there actually anything on this show that doesn’t take place in an Elimination Chamber? As always, there’s only one way to find out.

So without any further ado, let’s do a motherfucking review!

To Be Continued »

TNA Against All Odds 2010

Total Nonstop Action Proudly Presents…

TNA Against All Odds 2010

Welcome, cats and kittens, to yet another installment of the most accurate and unbiased review blog on all of the internets, and also the best, Cewsh Reviews! Tonight we have a special treat for you as we summon forth our reserves and bring you our second review this week. Normally we can hardly be convinced to put up one review a week, but this week we’re operating on previously untapped reserves (black tar heroin) andwith Cewsh, Ms. Cewsh and Vice all together to tackle the show for the first time in ages, we have all the energy we need to tackle TNA’s Against All Odds pay per view.

Now this show is rather interesting, as it is essentially comprised of one tag match, a World title match, and the rest is the conclusion of the Eight Card Stud tournament, to determine the number one contender to the TNA World Heavyweight Championship at Lockdown in April. What will we think of this King of the Ring like tournament and the unusual format for TNA? Will TNA be able to pull off a successful show built around mostly midcarders? Will The Nasty Boys be so bad in the ring that we will research ways to travel back in time to stop it from annihilating the human race? Naturally, there’s only one way to find out.

So with no further ado, let’s do a motherfucking review!

To Be Continued »

Ms. Cewsh's Valentine's Day Art Gallery

Mrs. Cewsh: It's Valentine's Day, darlings! Inspired by the valentines on wwe.com, and how god fucking awful they are, I was going to offer you some valentines to take home to your special someone.
And then I spent an hour going through the WWE tag on DeviantArt. Now you're getting a rant. Just get your girlfriend/wife/mother some grocery store flowers and Easter candy. Put in vase/on platter. She won't know the difference and you'll save like $30 bucks.

First, I'd like to say there are some very talented artists on DA. There are some less talented ones, too. I'm not mocking artistic skill, (much,) because my own talents lie elsewhere. HOWEVER. When you use someone else's characters and make them unrecognizable, you are a bad person and a worse "artist".

To Be Continued »

The Top 5 Weddings In Wrestling History

Welcome, cats, kittens and other assorted members of the Zoo, and welcome to the first Sunday Supplement of the new year. Now you may be wondering about the gap in time between this one and the last one. Laziness, mostly, is the answer, but also a factor is the fast paced planning of the wedding of me, Sir Cewsh of Cewshshire, to her loveliness, the Lady Ms. Cewsh of the neighboring Cewshinwillows. Now much goes into any wedding, and ours is no different, and since it is weddings that have cost you our excellent presence, it's weddings that I'll offer up to dig us out of the hole.

There have been a ton of weddings in the history of professional wrestling. Some of them were serious and romantic, some of them were ridiculous and comical, and some of them were just downright odd. Here today, we'll celebrate all of the above, and name the definitive list of Cewsh Reviews' Top 5 Weddings of All Time.

To Be Continued »

WWE Royal Rumble 2010

World Wrestling Entertainment Proudly Presents…

WWE Royal Rumble 2010

Welcome, cats and kittens, to yet another installment the Academy Award nominated (even though we’re just going to lose to Avatar), Cewsh Reviews! Tonight we have a special treat for you as we roll up our sleeves and prepare to get busy with our favorite event of the year, the WWE Royal Rumble 2010. There’s a mystique about the Royal Rumble that has been built through years and years of amazing and unforgettable memories that surround the event, and in preparation for this year to provide us with even more, we’ve bolstered our ranks with a guest reviewer. We are joined this night by none other than the Bodacious Bookworm himself, the Prodigious Prognosticator, the Scottish Scholar, our beloved MichaelC, and he’s here to be our official Royal Rumble historian for the evening.

There's At Least A 36% Chance This Is What He Looks Like.

Naturally that’s not all, though, as we here at Cewsh Review Headquarters do things up right at this time of year, and Ms. Cewsh and Vice will be joining us as well to provide their unique view on events as they unfold.

So is Shawn Michaels going to get his shot at the Undertaker at Wrestlemania? Will the Undertaker even still be champion after tonight? And who will step up to be the standout performer in this year’s Rumble, giving us a moment we’ll never forget? As always, for you, and for us, there’s only one way to find out.

So without any further ado, let’s do a motherfucking review!

To Be Continued »

PWG KURT RUSSELLMANIA 2010

Pro Wrestling Guerilla Proudly Presents…
 PWG Kurt Russellmania 2010

Welcome, cats and kittens, to yet another installment of the often deceiving Cewsh Reviews. Now to some of you we promised a mano e mano battle of wills between Vice and I in a debate to the finish. That won’t be happening until later (though we have the final list of debate topics determined and we’ll be posting those later), so to apologize for getting your hopes up, we’ll be instead delivering a review of a show of such awesome proportions that it defies the powers of mere mortals to comprehend. Luckily, as Cewsh Reviews fans, you are endowed with superhuman intelligence and taste, and therefore can understand that this show is what would happen if you took the combined awesomeness of Kurt Russell and Wrestlemania and threw them together at high speed. You may recall that we previously reviewed a PWG show a year or so ago, and you may have considered it our definitive word on the promotion but not so fast my friend (as Mel Kiper might say), this time, for THIS show, we have Jushin Thunder Liger, the Great Muta, Rob Van Dam, Super Crazy and the one night only reuniting of Paul London and Brian Kendrick. Yeah, you just read that. This show has more awesome on it than ACTUAL Wrestlemania.

In other words, the mere touching of your monitor while reading this review may cause the sprouting of chest hair and the growth of an extra testicle. We do not apologize for these effects, even in females, because YEAH MAN KURT RUSSELLMANIA WOOOO.

So without any further ado, let’s do a motherfucking review!

To Be Continued »

TNA Genesis 2010

Total Nonstop Action Proudly Presents…

TNA GENESIS 2010

Welcome cats and kittens, to yet another installment of the Golden Globe winningest (as if anybody cares) review blog in all the land, Cewsh Reviews! We’ve got a special treat for you tonight, as on the heels of that electric Monday night at the beginning of the month where TNA and WWE did battle head to head, TNA will try to capitalize on that momentum tonight with their first PPV of the year, TNA Genesis 2010. Now we here at Cewsh Reviews were pretty hard on their Monday Night offering, thinking it was pretty much an unqualified mess all around, but TNA does still have a streak of two phenomenal pay per views in a row to build on, and excitement remains high for the first show of the Hogan administration. Will they be able to keep up their incredible momentum? Will Hogan put his stamp on this show in some definitive way? Will anybody actually do any wrestling this time? There’s only one way to find out.

So without any further ado, let’s do a motherfucking review!

To Be Continued »

The Monday Night Wars Take Two

World Wrestling Entertainment and Total Nonstop Action Present…

Raw vs. Impact

The Monday Night War: Take Two.

Welcome, cats and kittens, to yet another installment of the sexiest wrestling reviews this side of the Rio Grande, Cewsh Reviews. Tonight we ACTUALLY have a special treat for you as we analyze and break down perhaps one of the most important (and certainly one of the most hyped) nights in wrestling history, as TNA steps up to the plate and formally challenges WWE for the first time ever. On that Monday night, on January 4th, the wrestling industry changed. But did it change for the better? Did TNA establish themselves as credible contenders to the throne? Did WWE stave off their hungrier counterparts? Well questions like that are why you have such clever and amazing people to watch this stuff for you. Even if they aren’t here, and you’re stuck with us.

The basic idea here is that we’ll review the shows chronologically, starting with TNA (which went 3 hours instead of 2 and started an hour before WWE), and compare the two shows side by side as they happen, comparing segments and determining which show was superior in head to head segments. Bear in mind as we go through that our copies of these shows have no commercials, so the times may not line up with what you watched on television. We’ll also rate the matches, and at the end form our definitive conclusions as to who won the first battle of this wrestling war. Make sense? Excellent.

So tonight we shrug off our usual format and our usual trappings and embrace a (one time only) change, just as the wrestling industry has. Tonight we break down a night for the ages minute by minute to cover every last detail of this historic evening. Tonight we review and muse upon the acts of immortals locked in the battle of a generation.

Tonight, we do a motherfucking review.

To Be Continued »

NJPW Wrestle Kingdom IV

New Japan Professional Wrestling and Pro Wrestling NOAH Proudly Present…

NJPW Wrestle Kingdom IV

Welcome, cats and kittens, to yet another installment of the most valuable (only in mint condition) wrestling review blog on all of the interwebs, Cewsh Reviews! Tonight we have a special treat for you, as we travel to the mysterious land of Japan in search of more wrestling greatness and wrestling oddities in a show called NJPW Wrestle Kingdom IV. You might be thinking to yourself “Cewsh, you review Japanese wrestling shows all the time, and I have no idea who these people with the funny names are. What makes this such a special treat?” Well let me try to put this in context for you. Imagine the WWE Invasion of the early 2000’s. Remember how we got a few dream matches like Hogan/Rock, Hardy/RVD, and Booker T/Rock, but they spread them wayyyy out until they lost all context? Well imagine if they threw all those matches on one fucking show and there was literally no tomorrow, as there would be one winner and one definite loser decided in one place on one night.

Such is the situation here as NJPW, the king of wrestling in Japan, is attempts to stave off the invasion of promotion number two, Pro Wrestling NOAH, in a series of matches pitting the top stars and best of the best against each other to decide which promotion is truly the greatest Japanese wrestling promotion of today. It may be under the NJPW banner here, but this is no foregone conclusion, and it all makes for one of the most exciting wrestling shows of the year.

Don’t believe me? Well kick back, relax, and let the immortal Defrost and I take you on a rollercoaster of thrills and excitement, that may make occasionally stops at Dunkin Donuts to placate Team 3D.

So without any further ado, let’s do a motherfucking review!

To Be Continued »