NJPW Dominion 2011

New Japan Professional Wrestling Proudly Presents…

 

NJPW Dominion 2011

Welcome, cats and kittens, to the review blog that is is only notably more muscular than any other review blog (except those assholes at Tyrannosaurus Flex again), Cewsh Reviews! We have a special treat for you tonight as we finally and officially kick of Panda Puro Party month with NJPW Dominion 2011. Its been a few months since we’ve checked in with the golden lion of New Japan, and in the time since we left, things have been evolving in a most interesting way. Naito is rising through the ranks rapidly and is being heralded as a future star in a manner very reminiscent of a certain ablicious champion of note. Hirooki Goto has lost his mind and decided to murder Hiroshi Tanahashi, Kota Ibushi has made himself a top name in junior heavyweight wrestling, and perhaps most important, Jeff Hardy isn’t here to fuck everything up. Guess which one makes us the happiest? So let’s jump back into the house that Inoki built (and then demolished and then built again and then demolished again and then…) and see the biggest stars in Japanese wrestling do their fucking thing up right.

So without any further ado, let’s do a motherfucking review!

To Be Continued »

Defrost Reviews - Mutoh vs. Tanahashi

You're in store for a treat, boys and girls.

A Frosty Treat.

For some time now, whenever we've intruded onto the vast and often overwhelming landscape that is puroresu in our reviews, we have called upon our very own incredible fountain of puro information Defrost to guide us safety through to the safe shores on the other side.  We've always more or less sat back and let him drop knowledge on you with impunity, and its resulted in some of the best reviews we've been a part of in my humble (and right) opinion.  So to officially bang the wine bottle against the boat for this month's Puro Party adventure, we're giving you the good stuff unadulterated, as Defrost does his favorite thing. taking 3 matches and examining how a feud grows and shapes itself through the matches, starting with the feud that culminated in the first Japanese wrestling show we ever reviewed here at Cewsh Reviews, Hiroshi Tanahashi vs. Keiji Mutoh (or the Great Muta to you WCW fans).  Its informative, interesting, and you'll be smarter when you're done.  So grab your Trapper Keeper and get ready to take notes.  Its time for your Lesson In Lariats.

To Be Continued »

TNA No Surrender 2011

Total Nonstop Action Proudly Presents...

 
TNA No Surrender 2011

Welcome, cats and kittens, to yet another installment of the ever misleading Cewsh Reviews! We have a special treat for you tonight as we make use of the very most concise and accurate reviewing tool at our disposal and as such provide to you a review with the absolute focus and precision of a laser beam. TNA No Surrender 2011 is the show in question, and I say this with the utmost solemnity and seriousness. It deserves every inch of what we are about to do to it.

So without any further ado, let's do a motherfucking review!

To Be Continued »

The Results of The Cewsh Reviews Arto Contestico!

FINALLY, we have laboriously found a winner to our logo submission contest. We got several submissions ultimately and they ranged everywhere from lazy crap and oddly classy tributes. But after letting Vice have a free hand in choosing the winner, he harshly criticized all of the entries (it was like Simon Cowell nasty) before settling on the only one in the whole bunch that made him laugh when he saw it.

So with no further ado, here is the winner of the very first Cewsh Reviews Arto Contestico, and the winner of a t-shirt with his design on it and a warm Yoohoo through the mail...

To Be Continued »

WWE Summerslam 2011

World Wrestling Entertainment Proudly Presents…

WWE SUMMERSLAM 2011

Welcome, cats and kittens, to yet another installment of the only review blog with more hoes than rakes, Cewsh Reviews! We have a special treat for you tonight as we jump off the diving board and cannon ball our way into the biggest party of the summer with WWE Summerslam 2011. It’s the second (or third, depending on who you ask) biggest show of the year and they’ve done it up nice this year as we continue on down the road of the biggest storyline of the year, with When Cena Met Punk II. We’re walking into this show with two WWE champions and we’re walking out with just one, and the COO himself is going to have his hands all over it as the special guest referee. Does Triple H have less than honorable intentions (like always)? Will CM Punk complete his improbable ascension to the very top of the card? Will John Cena BRABADOO another BRABADOO? These are heavy questions, suitable for only the most experienced and prepared reviewers to handle. Which is why we went out and got the Turnip Queen herself and Ms. Cewsh’s sister to boot, Michelle. What are her qualifications for this all important role? Well she has never watched a complete wrestling match before ever in her entire life and she has only ever heard of John Cena and Rey Mysterio. We’ve all wondered what seeing these events through the eyes of someone completely free of any bias or foreknowledge would be like, and it may very well be more than you bargained for, sports fans. All name misspellings and misunderstandings have been left in to keep the experience as pure as possible.

So without any further ado, let’s do a motherfucking review!

To Be Continued »

TNA Hardcore Justice 2011

Total Nonstop Impact Wrestling Action Proudly Presents…

TNA Hardcore Justice 2011

Welcome, cats and kittens, to yet another installment of the only wrestling review blog with a pet dinosaur, no matter what those assholes at Tyrannosaurus Flex say, Cewsh Reviews! We have a special treat for you tonight as we investigate the second to last stop on the road the Bound For Glory, TNA’s Hardcore Justice 2011! Whereas the second to last stop on the road to Wrestlemania is the much anticipated Royal Rumble, here TNA takes a different approach by instead giving us a show where, grammatically at least, the justice exacted will be entirely hardcore in nature. So if you like your just hard with a well defined core (who doesn’t) then this is most certainly the show for you. But let’s not get ahead of ourselves, after all, we have several titles on the line, some stable in fighting, and some other people wrestling for reasons and purposes. REASONS AND PURPOSES I SAY. What more could you want?

So without any further ado, let’s do a motherfucking review!

To Be Continued »

WSU 4th Anniversary Show

Women Superstars Uncensored Proudly Presents…

WSU 4th Anniversary Show

Hello ducklings and welcome to a very exciting review. As has become tradition, if Mrs. Cewsh is hosting, we must be watching women beat the hell out of each other. Tonight is no exception, as we depart from the safe, comforting shores of Shimmer to sail across the country to Cewsh's favorite state, New Jersey!

Women Superstars Uncensored, or WSU, is Shimmer's main competition in the US. This show marks their 4th anniversary, so they're sure to pull out all the stops. They'll be some familiar faces, some new, and even some we wish we'd forgotten. What are Uncensored rules? Who announces for this place? Who gave Jazz a run in 2011? No, seriously, we don't know. You'll have to read along and find out with us.

So without further ado, let's do a review!

To Be Continued »

WWE Money in the Bank 2011

World Wrestling Entertainment Proudly Presents…

WWE Money in the Bank 2011

Welcome, cats and kittens, to yet another installment of the review blog that learned everything they know about wrestling from 2XL, Cewsh Reviews! We have a special treat for you tonight, and for once we mean it, as we find ourselves smack dab in the middle of the most intriguing wrestling storyline in recent memory. CM Punk has held the imagination of the collective internet wrestling community hostage for the past month after his incredible promo on Raw where he buried the company and threatened to take the title and leave simply because he can. Weeks of hype and confusion followed and here and now we’ll find out what happens when this all comes to a head in Punk’s hometown of Chicago, on his very last night as a WWE employee, here at WWE Money in the Bank 2011. Will Punk truly be able to beat John Cena and take the WWE title hostage? Will this just be another “Cena pulls out the improbable win” sort of occasion? What the hell will the Money in the Bank winners do? Only one way to find out, boys and girls.

So without any further ado, let’s do a motherfucking review!

To Be Continued »

TNA Destination X 2011

Impact Wrestling Proudly Presents…

TNA Destination X 2011

Welcome, cats and kittens, to yet another installment of future one hit wonder Cewsh Reviews! We have a special treat for you tonight, as we seek out TNA’s Destination X 2011, where assumedly the treasure is buried. Now we’re deep into summer now, boys and girls, so this is the downiest down time on the wrestling calendar. Wrestlemania is far, far off, and consequently most American wrestling is subdued, waiting for Wrestling Season to come back again, bringing with it the interest of the majority of wrestling fans. As such, summer is the time for experimental booking, and new things to begin, and nowhere is this truer than here tonight, as TNA devotes an entire pay per view broadcast to a division they could barely be bothered to dedicate 8 minutes of television time to 6 months ago, as we get ourselves an all X Division PPV. Will the X Division guys step up and make the effort worthwhile? Will the experiment fail horribly and kill off the division once and for all? At what moment, exactly, did Vice mark out like an 80s child for a Cabbage Patch doll? Only one way to find out.

So without any further ado, let’s do a motherfucking review!

To Be Continued »

TNA Slammiversary 2011

Total Nonstop Action Or Impact Wrestling Whatever Works For You Proudly Presents…

TNA Slammiversary 2011

Welcome, cats and kittens to yet another installment of the Tony award winning Cewsh Reviews! We have a special treat for you tonight, as we celebrate the 8th anniversary of the glorious collection of greatness and failure that can only be categorized by whatever name we’re going with today. Tonight is a special night for TNA, as they officially close the book on the first half of the year, and turn on the jets for the sprint to Bound For Glory in October. As such we have the blow offs (theoretically) to numerous feuds here, and the birth of many more growing right in front of our eyes. Will this show represent all that has been right with TNA for these long years? Will it disappoint horribly as has also been the case? Will it do both, seeking the creamy center of batshittery like only TNA can? Only one way to find out.

So with no further ado, let’s do a motherfucking review!

To Be Continued »