WWE Royal Rumble 2011

World Wrestling Entertainment Proudly Presents…

WWE Royal Rumble 2011

Welcome, cats and kittens to yet another installment of the reviews so royal that they rumble, Cewsh Reviews! We have a special treat in store for you tonight as we kick of the exciting Road to Wrestlemania tonight with one of the most anticipated and prestigious shows of the year, WWE Royal Rumble 2011. Now if you’ve been reading Cewsh Reviews for any length of time ( and really, why would any other option be acceptable?) you know that we are huuuuuuge fans of the Royal Rumble, dating back to when we were little Cewshs. As a result, every year when this beloved event rolls around we roll out the red carpet in kind and give this bad boy the love and attention it deserves. We have a guest reviewer covering this year’s installment of what is possibly the biggest single match in the wrestling year, and he is that incorrigible Royal Rumble historian himself, Michael C. He is the Howard Finkel of our reviews, and with him dropping knowledge on you, dear readers, you wont miss a thing.

Any words, Michael?

MichaelC: Wow, I’m back in a Cewsh Review. I’d like to thank all my fans who cheered for my return. I don’t know how I’d have done it without [strike]me[/strike] you.

So without any further ado, let’s do a motherfucking review!

To Be Continued »

NJPW Wrestle Kingdom V

New Japan Professional Wrestling Proudly Presents…

 

NJPW WRESTLE KINGDOM V

Welcome, cats and kittens, to yet another installment of the only reviews know to cause Frostbite (heh, get it), Cewsh Reviews! We have a special treat for you tonight, as the reason I’m making cold related puns is because we’ve got our very own Puro Pal Defrost in the house tonight as we tackle the biggest Japanese wrestling show of the year, NJPW Wrestle Kingdom V. For those of you Cewshkateers who have followed us from the very beginning, you will remember that this is the 3rd year in a row that we have reviewed the very greatest that our neighbors to the Far East have to offer, and each year it sets the benchmark for greatness in wrestling that every other promotion in the world strives to compete with. With any luck this will be no different and Defrost will be here to make sure none of us misses a beat.

So what are we waiting for? This is Wrestle Kingdom night motherfuckers! Put on your best suit, grab a date (immediate family members not allowed), and prepare for a classy evening of having your socks lariated off. Its puro time!

So without any further ado, let’s do a motherfucking review!

To Be Continued »

The 10 Greatest Moments In TNA History

Welcome cats and kittens, to yet another Sunday Supplement coming at you LIVE (not live) from Cewsh Reviews Headquarters here in Jetpackistan.  You know, we kid around a lot here at Cewsh Reviews, and we poke fun at anything with a pulse (and some things without them), and probably by far our most prolific target of criticism and jokes is Total Nonstop Action.  They've been around since 2002, and somehow i've been busting their balls since 2001, while rooting for them all the same.  So tonight i'd like to head a little bit of a different direction and honor the things that TNA has done right, by naming the 10 greatest moments in TNA history.  Some of them you may be familiar with, and some of them may be new to you, but these are the great moments that have defined TNA's comparatively short history in the wrestling world.

So grab some popcorn and kick back.  Its time to take a tour of history.

To Be Continued »

TNA Genesis 2011

Total Nonstop Action Proudly Presents…

 
TNA GENESIS 2011

Welcome, cats and kittens, to yet another installment of the most electrifying reviews in blog entertainment, Cewsh Reviews! We have a special treat for you tonight as we head on down south to a nice little hacienda down Orlando way, to review TNA’s first pay per view offering of the year, TNA Genesis 2011. A lot has changed in the world of action since this time last year when Hulk Hogan had just made his arrival and AJ Styles made his dramatic heel turn. Since then lots has gone down, but nothing so important as the rise of Immortal and our heel World Champion Jeff Hardy. He isn’t actually wrestling on this show, but his presence will be felt in not one but TWO number one contendership matches (we will call them number 1a and number 1b). Not only that but we have a mystery debut and rumors of a mysterious end of show shocker on our hands, so buckle up, cowpokes, its time to get this rodeo started.

So without any further ado, let’s do a motherfucking review!

To Be Continued »

The 2nd Annual CR Year End Awards

Welcome cats and kittens to the second annual Cewsh Reviews End Of Year Awards extravaganza. Now if you're a good little member of the Vice Brigade, you already read Ms. Cewsh's awards last week and got an idea for how this sort of thing goes, but just in case, here's a refresher We've reviewed dozens of matches and shows from all over the world this year to come to these conclusions, so if you were wondering whether or not we pulled them entirely out of our asses, we didn't.  Except for where we did.

The basic idea, for those of you late to the party, is that all three of us will use the same awards from the first two categories (Good and Bad), and then go off on whatever wackiness we want for the final category (The aptly named Tanooki). The complicated bits are the Best and Worst Male and Female Wrestler of the Year, Best and Worst Tag Team, and More Impressive and Most Disappointing awards, so listen up. I took the scores I gave every single match had this year, and averaged the scores of every eligible wrestler. To become eligible you must have wrestled at least 3 matches that we reviewed.

By the end of the process there were over 74 candidates for Best and Worst, and you can do the math for yourself (or wait until then end where I will list the cumulative score of every candidate). The wrestlers are ranked in order by the their average scores from the Best of the Year, to the bitter end.

Alright, everybody good? Nobody fall asleep during that? Well then let's let down the curtains, fire up the band, and get this jungle party started, motherfuckers!

To Be Continued »

Ms.Cewsh's 2010 Year End Awards

Mrs. Cewsh: Oh kittens, where has the year gone? It seems like just yesterday I was making up my 2009 spreadsheet, cursing the fact that I did like 5 whole shows! I mean GOD, why would anyone willingly review all of this? 

Well I reviewed a lot more than five shows this year, and most of them were willingly. It's been a pretty good year, both personally, professionally, and whatever this is. I went to my first live event, saw some older things I never got to experience, and had to watch TNA. So, without further ado, let's get onto the first of the annual year end awards, mine!

To Be Continued »

WWE TLC 2010

World Wrestling Entertainment Proudly Presents…

WWE Tables, Ladders and Chairs 2010

Welcome, cats and kittens, to yet another installment of the newly matrimonied Cewsh Reviews! At long last, children, Mr. and Ms. Cewsh have tied the knot and made you all legitimate, and in doing so have been woefully absent from Cewsh Reviews Headquarters of late. Well that all stops now as we make our grand return as husband and wife to review WWE’s last PPV of the year, WWE TLC 2010! But if you think we’re any more likely to agree or be good tempered should this happen to be a bad or controversial show, then think again, because WWE has seen turbulent waters lately. From the extremely controversial non departure of John Cena, to the rise of the Miz to the main event, to the continuance of Kofi Kingston to have a job, there is more than enough to raise ire here. So let’s not keep you any longer from those rich shores and let’s get on with it!

So without any further ado, let’s do a motherfucking review!

To Be Continued »

TNA Turning Point 2010

Total Nonstop Action Proudly Presents…

TNA Turning Point 2010

Welcome, cats and kittens, to yet another installment of the late, great review that makes you wait, Cewsh Reviews! We have a special treat for you tonight as we heard down to Orlando Florida for a little shindig called TNA Turning Point 2010! Well Immortal has taken over, and the TNA landscape is pretty hopeless for any of the good guys now. Jeff Hardy, Abyss, Hulk Hogan, Eric Bischoff, Jeff Jarrett and Fortune have joined forces into a supergroup of unheard of scale and they have wrested control of TNA from the hands of Dixie Carter. With the sky dark and the prospects looking grim, can any blow be successfully struck against Immortal? Or will they continue to run rampant over TNA, and make it their own for good. And how the hell is Jeff Hardy supposed to be a bad guy anyway? Only one way to find out.

So without any further ado, let’s do a motherfucking review!

To Be Continued »

WWE Bragging Rights 2010

World Wrestling Entertainment Proudly Presents...

WWE Bragging Rights 2010

Welcome, cats and kittens, to yet another installment of the reviews so nice I’ve gotta say it twice, Cewsh Reviews, Cewsh Reviews! We have a special treat for you tonight as we witness the epic, all deciding clash between the two largest brands in wrestling today. Has TNA invaded WWE? Has Japan finally combined into one super company? Has some new promotion entered the fray with Paul Heyman riding a unicorn out front? Well no, actually it is WWE Bragging Rights 2010, and Raw and Smackdown are locking horns once again to determine which brand is superior, and who will get the prestigious Bragging Rights trophy. Will Raw’s team, led by the Miz, make up for Big Show’s betrayal and claim their stake as the number 1 show in WWE? Or will Smackdown, led by The Big Show, repeat last year’s shocking performance and take home the gol…err…silver? Plastic. Take home the plastic.

All that and we have Nexus swirling around behind the scenes with designs of the WWE title, and, oh yeah, somebody is going to be MURDERED ON THIS SHOW. Oh yeah, and it won’t even be the main event. THAT’S how nuts this show is. So kick back, relax, and snuggle up to your Ultimate Warrior pillow, it’s time to get buck. Whatever that means.

So without any further ado, let’s do a motherfucking review!

To Be Continued »

TNA Bound For Glory 2010

Total Nonstop Action Proudly Presents….

TNA Bound For Glory 2010

Welcome cats and kittens, to yet another installment of the thingiest thing of the thing, Cewsh Reviews! We have a special treat for you tonight, and for once I well and truly mean it, as we saddle on up for the second biggest wrestling show of the year, TNA’s Bound For Glory 2010! Now there are a lot of big wrestling shows during the course of the year. Hell WWE has 4 that could be said to be bigger than anything else in the wrestling world, and NJPW would surely have a ballot to cast in the “second biggest show of the year” sweepstakes. But for my money I look to TNA, the second biggest promotion in America, and the company that seems constantly on the cusp of a major breakthrough (or miserable failure, depending on the day). So we are here to honor them at their biggest show, and in order to do so we have assembled a motley crew of seasoned reviewing professionals.

We have Vice, recently off of a stint in a Vietnamese prison camp. What was he learning there? Unstoppable techniques! Ms. Cewsh, on the other hand, is a deadly assassin trained by the government to mercy kill any and all examples of sexism, chauvinism, or ugly shoes. Then we have Matthew, the wildcard. He’s a burly fighter from the great state of New York who is looking for a rumble or a good time, whichever his fists find first. At the core of the whole thing is me, Cewsh, the dashing ringleader. And together we’re going to show Bound For Glory how we do things around these parts. So stand back, civilians. We’re trained professionals. In fact, we’re the A-Team.

The B-Team consists of my cat and a blow up doll we found in the woods.

So without any further ado, let’s do a motherfucking review!

To Be Continued »