IWA:MS King of the Deathmatches 2009 Night 1

IWA: Mid South Proudly Presents…

IWA:MS KING OF THE DEATHMATCHES 2009

NIGHT 1

Welcome, cats and kittens, to yet another installment of the Jim Thorpe Award winning Cewsh Reviews. Tonight, we tackle what may very well be the biggest challenge of our short but magnificent reviewing careers. You’ve seen us review IWA:MS shows before, and we’re not exactly huge fans of theirs, but this is different, and by “different”, we of course mean, “worse”. We’re talking blood, we’re talking weapons, and we most exquisitely are talking the sweet, sweet language of the snark. So strap in and get your Incredulity Boots on, because we’re going on the world’s least exciting adventure, together.

And with no further ado, let’s do a motherfucking review, shall we?

To Be Continued »

ROH on HDNET - Episode 1: A New Era.

Ring of Honor Proudly Presents...

ROH on HDNET

Episode 1: A New Era.

Welcome, cats and kittens, to yet another...hey, wait a second. This isn't the Cewsh Reviews that we've come to know and love over the years and read to our children right before they go to bed. Who is this new guy? Why is this a review of a tv show? WHAT'S GOING ON?!

Deep breath. Deeeeep breath. Okay? Okay. Good.

Now then, this is the first review of many to come that will head in an altogether different direction than normal. This review will center around Ring of Honor's weekly television program ROH on HDNET on a weekly (or close to it) basis. "But why ROH?" you may be asking. Well the simple fact is that once upon a time Ring of Honor was the toast of the wrestling world, and was on the tip of the tongue of every hardcore wrestling fan, but in recent years it has fallen into obscurity, so this is not only a weekly review, but an opportunity to shine a spotlight on the various changes since everyone stopped watching, and to answer the burning question "Is Ring of Honor worth watching again?" We hope to find some semblance of an answer here. Or, at the very least, endless opportunities to mock Gabe Sapolsky, who will hitherto be referred to simply as "The Tool". Also you may have noticed i'm calling it ROH on HDNET Episode 1. This is not the first episode, but rather the first episode we will be covering. Consider this as a new dawn for ROH, and everything starting from this review onwards will be treated as a new era entirely.

So let's jump right in and...wait, hold on. I'm forgetting something. AH YES, i'm forgetting about the portion of you who have no idea what Ring of Honor is or why you should care. Well fear not my young squires and squirettes, we have you covered too. In fact, let's get started with a little history...

To Be Continued »

PWG Express Written Consent

Pro Wrestling Guerrilla Proudly Presents…

PWG EXPRESS WRITTEN CONSENT

Welcome, cats and kittens, to yet another installment of David Lee Roth’s favorite wrestling review blog (its possible), Cewsh Reviews… Today we have a special treat for you, as your favorite uncles Cewsh and Vice reach into their sack of presents and withdrawal an American Indy review, this time of California’s own Pro Wrestling Guerrilla.

Hey wait! Where are you going?!

Come back, come back. Easy there. I know that you’ve been burned before in the past when Cewsh Reviews has covered the indies. From the soul crushing whiny depression of the King of the Deathmatches tournament in IWA:MS, to the complete ho hum snoozefest of our Ring of Honor reviews, the independent scene hasn’t been kind to you lately, and I completely understand you reservations. However, this isn’t any old show. We’re talking California here, we’re talking fun and wackiness, and we are most assuredly talking about the once in a lifetime team up of the Young Bucks (Cewsh and Vice’s early choice for Tag Team of the Year) and Paul fucking London. Not to mention a host of other familiar names, and the wacky stars of tomorrow.

So c’mon. Pop some popcorn, scooch up close to the monitor, and give us the second chance we so richly deserve. C’mon. Would I lie to you?

Well yes. But would Vice?

To Be Continued »

NJPW Sumo Hall 02/15/09

New Japan Professional Wrestling Proudly Presents...

NJPW SUMO HALL 15.02.09

Good morning and good afternoon cats and kittens, and welcome to yet another educational extravaganza provided to you by the guys you know and love. In the purple corner, the Desert Viking, the Autobot from the Capitol City, the man they call VICE. And in the orange corner, the Best of the Midwest, the Lothario from Ontario, the irresistible force known as CEWSH. I want to see a good clean review here boys, so watch the witty low blows and come out snarking.

Ah, here we are, on the Road to Wrestlemania, and for the most part, the entire wrestling world waits and watches as WWE takes center stage as their biggest event of the year draws near. But since the delay between No Way Out and Wrestlemania is so long, we’d like to take this opportunity to once again shift your attention back overseas to the land of the Rising Sun in Japan. As you may recall, we reviewed the gigantic NJPW from the beginning of the year (check back through the thread newcomers) and we absolutely loved it.

After that show though, there was some unfinished business to be taken care of between the combatants however, so NJPW has unleashed yet another enormous show, in both magnitude and interest, and we just wouldn’t be doing our job if we didn’t review it for you.

So with no further ado, let’s take you to the action…

To Be Continued »

WWE No Way Out 2009

World Wrestling Entertainment Proudly Presents...

WWE NO WAY OUT 2009

Welcome, ladies and gentlemen, to another stirring edition of Cewsh Reviews… Tonight we have a rare treat for you all, in that we’re actually being treated to a show that we actually want to watch, and review. Its too early, here at the beginning to call this show the Most Welcome and Amazing Fucking Show of All Time, but the sheer fact that Rhino is not in the main event is going a long way to propelling it to those ever so sought after heights.

To anyone who might actually be new to this little rodeo we call Cewsh Reviews…, we keep things spoiler free whenever possible, and that includes not reading spoilers or news of the shows or product before they happen. We only know what we see on television, or, in the case of most WWE shows, what I see on television and relate to Vice later through a steady filter of giddy excitement.

With all of that so eloquently said, let’s get on with the show.

To Be Continued »

TNA Against All Odds 2009

Cewsh: This show made us all extremely sad pandas. Why must you hurt us like this TNA? Only our intrepid adventuring spirit, and some ancient Incan spirit stones got us through this one boys and girls.

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Total Nonstop Action Proudly Presents...

TNA AGAINST ALL ODDS 2009

Welcome yet again, cats and kittens, to the Grammy nominated Cewsh Reviews…. Now you may be wondering, “Cewsh, how are you guys so funny AND insightful?” Which is a fine question, and the answer involves some Tibetan monks, a strict diet of grape jelly, and a membership to the YMCA. But we here at Cewsh Reviews…aren’t about to give away all of our secrets just yet, and now with fun and games behind us, it is time to get down to business.

For those who don’t watch TNA regularly, the story going into the show is that the Frontline, comprised of Team 3D, Samoa Joe, AJ Styles, Rhino, Jay Lethal, Eric Young, Consequences Creed, and occasionally Mick Foley, Jeff Jarrett, and ODB, and the Main Event Mafia, composed of Kurt Angle, Booker T, Kevin Nash, Scott Steiner, and the TNA World Heavyweight Champion Sting, are clashing in a huge stable war for the future of TNA. Despite their greater numbers, the Frontline have been losing this war badly, and Joe, Styles, Jarrett, Rhino, Bubba Ray, and Foley have all been injured by the Mafia at one point or another. This is the show where Team 3D gets their chance of payback at the Mafia.

With that said, on with the show!

To Be Continued »

IWA:EC A Need To Bleed 2009

IWA: East Coast Proudly Presents…

IWA:EC A NEED TO BLEED 2009

Welcome, cats and kittens, to yet another installment of the ass kickingest review in all the land. We’re also in the top 10 for ocean fairing reviews as well, which is nothing to sneeze at. Tonight, we have something a little different in store for you. It’s been a few months since we rolled out a review of an independent show, what with Japanese wrestlers lariating each other and Dixie and Vince fighting over the spotlight. Now, we have plucked an easily missed gem from the wreckage heap of the American independent scene, and boy is it a doozy. This is what happens when you pick shows at random, boys and girls. Be advised. Here, we will be reviewing IWA: East Coast’s Need to Bleed. I’m not exactly sure who has said need to bleed, but seeing as this is an “east coast” promotion stationed in northern West Virginia; I’m pretty sure the whole title is a lie out the gate.

Sometimes we enjoy the responsibility of assigning words to the greatest matches ever wrestled. At times, we here at Cewsh Reviews… are faced with matches and feuds so epic, so tremendously well done, it’s almost troubling attempting to do them justice. Sometimes, the immortals of the wrestling world deliver performances that echo through the ages and make us feel every emotion possible throughout their industry changing performances. And then, on the other hand, sometimes we watch shows like this.

So with that, barely adequate advisory in place, let’s do a motherfucking review, shall we?

To Be Continued »

WWE Royal Rumble 2009

Cewsh: This review is probably my favorite that we had ever done to this point. It was Ms. Cewsh's second foray into reviewing (And the first time that she actually WANTED to do it), and the first time we got her and Vice in the Review Room at the same time, together. The chemistry isn't all there yet, and the format is still changing and shifting towards its current glory, but this is the review that best captured the fun of the early days and the (ha) professionalism of our later work.

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World Wrestling Entertainment Proudly Presents...

WWE ROYAL RUMBLE 2009

Welcome to yet another edition of Cewsh Reviews…; boy do we have a treat for you tonight. Not only have we reviewed the WWE Royal Rumble 2009, arguably the second most important show of the year in professional wrestling, but we’ve also turned this sexy party into a down and dirty three way. That’s right, back from her long hiatus to lend this lowly manuscript some class, is the ever delicious Ms. Cewsh. Don’t worry your little heads, boys and girls, we’ve still got the good ol’ Cewsh/Vice action that you’ve come to know and love. Is this intro getting anyone else hot? No? Right! Me either!

Now, before we get on with tonight’s festivities, allow me to first take a moment to explain how the Royal Rumble works, just in case anyone reading this has never seen one. I can’t imagine whom that could possibly include, but humor me. We try to be thorough here. The Royal Rumble match is a 30 man, Over-The-Top-Rope, Battle Royal. The idea is to eliminate the other wrestlers by throwing them over the top rope, causing their feet to hit the floor. 30 men will eventually enter, two starting, and a new man entering every 90 seconds. The last man left in the ring gets an automatic shot at the Heavyweight Championship of his choosing in the main event of Wrestlemania. Everyone clear? Alright, good. Also, understand that these matches take an hour, sometimes more, so there aren’t going to be a lot of matches on this card. Just roll with it.

As always, we go into this review with nothing (intentionally) spoiled for us. We don’t read the spoilers, the news, and for the most part, the Rajah threads leading up to the PPVs.

On with the show!

To Be Continued »

TNA Genesis 2009

Cewsh: The first TNA show of the new year, and it was a definite doozie, as Mick Foley had just come to TNA, and nobody really knew what he was going to wind up doing with the company. This is the start of what I would later call the "Meh" period of TNA PPVs. Meh. A three letter word that means "not worth your money or time." Also, this review was powered entirely by Taco Bell and sleeplessness.

Good times.

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Total Nonstop Action Proudly Presents...

TNA GENESIS 2009

Well here we are again boys and girls, here for another TNA review, but also here for the very first big (US) show of the new year. TNA jumps out of the gate first with the first PPV of the year, so will they set the pace, and the standard for 2009, and give us a show to give us faith for the coming year? Only time will tell, and time we have. So let’s get to it.

To Be Continued »

NJPW Wrestle Kingdom III

Cewsh: Oh Wrestle Kingdom, you sexy bitch. This is the first Japanese show that we ever watched together, and, for both of us, was really the first time we'd seen what NJPW is as a promotion these days. We were very, very impressed. But more than anything, this is the first time that either of us laid eyes on the hunky, dreamboat Hiroshi Tanahashi, who has become sort of an unaware mascot of our fine review institution.

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New Japan Professional Wrestling Proudly Presents...

NJPW Wrestle Kingdom III

Welcome ladies and gentlemen to yet another Rajah Award nominated edition of Cewsh Reviews. After a holiday hiatus, thanks to no major companies wanting to hold any important shows over the winter holidays, we have decided to bring you the very best in international wrestling to get you primed and ready for us to explode into a new year of show reviews. Now many of you may well be entirely unfamiliar with Japanese wrestling, or may know just enough to recognize a few names, so we’ll do our best to catch you up to speed on what may be the most important wrestling show of recent times. Even if you have no intention of watching this or any Japanese wrestling show, hopefully this review will get you more acquainted with the goings on of our funny talking neighbors across the ocean.

To Be Continued »