New Japan Professional Wrestling Proudly Presents...
Good morning and good afternoon cats and kittens, and welcome to yet another educational extravaganza provided to you by the guys you know and love. In the purple corner, the Desert Viking, the Autobot from the Capitol City, the man they call VICE. And in the orange corner, the Best of the Midwest, the Lothario from Ontario, the irresistible force known as CEWSH. I want to see a good clean review here boys, so watch the witty low blows and come out snarking.
Ah, here we are, on the Road to Wrestlemania, and for the most part, the entire wrestling world waits and watches as WWE takes center stage as their biggest event of the year draws near. But since the delay between No Way Out and Wrestlemania is so long, we’d like to take this opportunity to once again shift your attention back overseas to the land of the Rising Sun in Japan. As you may recall, we reviewed the gigantic NJPW from the beginning of the year (check back through the thread newcomers) and we absolutely loved it.
After that show though, there was some unfinished business to be taken care of between the combatants however, so NJPW has unleashed yet another enormous show, in both magnitude and interest, and we just wouldn’t be doing our job if we didn’t review it for you.
So with no further ado, let’s take you to the action…
Segment 1 – IWGP Jr. Tag Team Championships Number One Contendership – NO (Probably At Least A Few) LIMIT vs. (We’re Old!) Jado and Gedo vs. Milano Collection AT (AT Where? Where Is His Collection At?) & Taichi (Invisible Dogs!) Ishikari vs. Ryusuke (I Look Like Baby KENTA) Taguchi & Prince (I’m WHITE!) Devitt.
Cewsh: Alright, this match is insanity. Let’s have some points, shall we?
- This match starts out with everyone and their mother doing stuff all over the place. Complete clusterfuck.
- I love Jado and Gedo to pieces, and I hope they never retire.
- NO LIMIT really seem to have absorbed the moveset of the Hardy Boys when they were kiddies.
- Milano’s matrix move makes the women in WWE who do it look downright silly.
- Jado and Gedo have fantastic tag team strategy.
- NO LIMIT is PUNISHING fools.
Final Count:
- Dropkicks: 14.
- Leaps Over the Top Rope: 6.
- Awesome Spots: 3.
Vice: I don’t have a fucking clue who won, but it was a really fun opening match. Tons of innovative spots in this match, really displaying what tag teams can do if they actually work as a unit instead of being two random guys who happen to switch in and out of the match with a slapping of the hand. This was very very fun and enjoyable. Great way to kick off the show.
I really do wish promotions would put more time into tag divisions, especially WWE. Tag wrestling, when done right, can be fucking phenomenal. Too often random people are paired up and are clearly not a team. They dress differently, have separate entrances (FUCK THAT) and just wrestle like it’s a singles match. It’s stupid. At least have a double team finisher or SOMETHING.
Cewsh: A very, very entertaining match. It was entirely better than it had any right to be for a clusterfuck opening match, and it really got the crowd going. I’d rate it higher, but it had no real structure. Just a collection of cool things to see.
75 out of 100.
NO LIMIT over Everyone Else with the Stardust Moonsault (Corkscrew Moonsault).
Segment 2 – Special Exhibition Match– General Waddlejed vs. el Cacto Rafson.
Cewsh: I’m not actually familiar with either of these guys, to be honest. I follow Japanese wrestling quite a bit, but these two must be new workers, because I’ve never even seen their names before. Anyway, Waddlejed is out first, and I am flabbergasted. Why is a guy in a penguin suit, wearing Jedi robes coming to the ring? Did this become Hustle when I wasn’t looking? He walks to the ring looking as stoic as a Jedi penguin can, I imagine. Next out is a GIANT CACTUS. What is going on here? A giant cactus verses a Jedi penguin? Christ NJPW is reaching for new fans, aren’t they? Rafson’s hat appears to be yelling angrily at everyone it sees like a little Tasmanian devil, which I’ll admit is pretty awesome because:
a) It seems to be talking WHILE Rafson is talking.
b) The hat is speaking fluent Russian.
c) Rafson only appears to speak Spanish.
So we have a giant cactus with a huge sombrero that speaks a different language that it does. And neither seems to speak Japanese, so you have to wonder what kind of trouble they had getting through customs at the airport.
As the match starts, both guys just kind of wander around looking at each other for awhile. I’m not entirely certain as to what the rules of a penguin vs. cactus match would be, but I guess its supposed to be hardcore rules, because all of a sudden Rafson pulls a huge, realistic looking machine gun out of his giant hat and starts waving it about. I wouldn’t have guessed that a machine gun would fit in that hat, and now I’m REALLY curious as to how they got through customs with such a realistic looking fake machine in their hat. Wait, did I just acknowledge the hat as a separate person? Maybe there’s a midget up there, I have no idea.
A few minutes in, and there has still not been one single wrestling move. I’m actually starting to wonder if we’re watching some kind of debate going on, because the guys in the ring just seem to be yelling at each other. Finally Waddlejed, well, waddles up to Rafson and OH! He pulls out the coolest fake lightsabre I have ever seen and slices Rafson’s gun in two! That was a fucking awesome special effect right there! And now Rafson has ANOTHER machine gun out of his hat and his shooting wildly at Waddlejed, as Waddlejed leaps all around the ring to avoid the “bullets” that are very realistically presented. Hell, even a few fans in the front row are selling the pretend bullets. That’s more selling than in all of Team 3D’s matches combined. ZING.
Then there’s this long drawn out sequence where they chase each other around the ring, before Rafson pulls, what appears to be one of those old timey bombs with a long fuse on it like you’d see in Saturday morning cartoons from his hat, but Waddlejed slaps it out of his hand, and it rolls under the ring, where it promptly “explodes” causing the fans to flee in terror. I have no idea what to make of this match at this point, honestly. Performance art? Is NJPW trying to appeal to the action movie crowd? Because if so, this match needs more Tanahashi. Anyway, a bunch of young boys run out and try to subdue the two wrestlers, but now they’re back to back and are just devastating the kids with the fake bullets and fake lightsabres. Man, like half of the kids are blading, and really sloppily too. Who blades for a chest bump? I mean seriously.
The ref calls for a disqualification and they appear to take care of him as well. Now there’s like sirens everywhere and all sorts of shenanigans. I’m just not following this at all. They run out, so I guess we have no winner. Very odd. Verrrry odd.
How do you rate something like this? The special effects were great, but I have to dock them for no selling everything.
70 out of 100.
Vice: What a ridiculous match. I really have no idea what to think. It wasn’t really much of a wrestling match, but it was pure pandemonium which is good for a big show like this. I don’t know who those guys are, but I like the cut of their jibs. Pure charisma. They could be huge one day. Japan generally doesn’t overproduce stuff like WWE always does, but I did feel this match suffered a lot from that. Way too many special effects going on with the wrestling match turning into an arena-sized bloodbath.
There was some excellent psychology throughout the match though, so it scores a number of points right there. And really, with this much chaos and blood, who couldn’t enjoy this match? It was very exciting, I must say.
General Waddlejed and El Cacto Ranfson over the entire world with the this was awesome.
Segment 3 – Beer Money (Wait, This Isn’t TNA) Inc. vs. Masahiro (Why Am I Wrestling These Crackers) Chono vs. AKIRA (Less Impressive Than The Movie).
Vice: BEER!
…
MONEY!
Chono should totally be in the Main Event Mafia in TNA. It’d be awesome and he definitely has the resume to do so. He’s awesome. Clearly a 79 and a half foot tall God who shrunk himself down small enough to compete with the mortals. Why? For fun. He was originally cast as Jack Bauer in 24, you know.. but after killing every terrorist and saving the day in less than 9 minutes, the producers thought it wouldn’t make for good television, so Kiefer Sutherland replaced him—7 seasons later, he is still fighting the terrorists.
The match was pretty good. Very straight forward tag team work created a solid match, even if it was a bit unspectacular. AKIRA needs more experience. Storm and Roode both have bright futures ahead of them. They’re both great tag team wrestlers and competent singles wrestlers. With the right push at the right time, in the right company, and with the right marketing, and you’ve got superstars. Chono to TNA, please.
Cewsh: This is part of the TNA talent exchange, and on the surface it seems to be one of the stranger crossovers. As TNA’s only real heavyweight tag team though (aside from 3D), they’re a natural fit for NJPW matches so I guess it makes sense.
Right from the beginning Beer Money starts working way stiffer than I had any idea they were capable of, bully AKIRA all around the ring until Chono gets tagged in to a monstrous pop. The match continues on with some absolute solid, hard hitting tag team action, and its really enjoyable, but it requires me to question one thing. Why is AKIRA here? I understand that he was a movie star in Japan, and is kind of a big name, but in every match of his that I have seen, he is always the weak link, and seems only to be here to get his ass kicked and tag in Chono. And while that is an important role to play, he’s just not even very good at that. Chono actually seems less important by teaming with somebody so awful.
Anyway, Beer Money controls the majority of this match, and go a long way towards proving what I’ve said before, which is that they can work with absolutely any tag team on the planet. Giants, midgets, Japanese, American, Mexican, Israeli, Zimbabwean, it really makes no difference. They just mesh well with just about any style, and here they wrestle a really solid, methodical heel style, which sets up Chono incredibly well. And make no mistake, Chono, even today, is not a man who has bad matches.
Solid match, strong finish. Beer Money are as good as it gets today.
75 out of 100.
Beer Money Inc. over Chono and AKIRA with the Last Call.
Segment 4 - IWGP Jr. Heavyweight Title - Tiger Mask (6,000) (c) vs. Jushin Thunder Liger (Still Looks Like A Twelve Year Old In A Halloween Costume).
Cewsh: Alright, so Lyger is still the most over and credible Junior wrestler anywhere, anytime ever. And the Tiger Mask gimmick is chock full of tradition and respect, so this match is actually one of the bigger on the card. Or would be anyway, if it weren’t for the fact that the current incarnation of Tiger Mask is pretty much considered to be the worst of all of the Tiger Mask’s. At any rate, I’m expecting a good, solid match, with Lyger leading the kid to one of Mask’s better matches.
Out first, naturally, is Jushin “Thunder” Lyger, to his awesome Power Rangers music that he’s had since before some of you were born. Out next is Tiger with his collar exuberantly popped in a fashion that no one in the world has unironically attempted since 1986. The odd thing is that this whole match looks straight out of 1991. They’re both wearing the same traditional outfits, same music, its almost eerie. Like looking through the eyes of a young Dave Meltzer while he pleasures himself. Not an endearing thought.
A few minutes into the match, Lyger decides that he’s had enough with Tiger and starts heeling up on him, going so far as to bitchslap him in the face like 8 times while he’s on the ground. Now shit be getting personal! Moments later, Tiger returns the favor with some bitchslaps of his own to prove himself, and Lyger bails out. Its interesting to see Lyger being a huge heel in this match for Mask’s benefit, when at this point in his career, boos are hard to come by when he’s so beloved and respected. Still, Lyger presses on, and this match becomes very matwork based, with Lyger working Mask over and stretching him every which way.
This match picks up serious speed towards the end, with Mask outpacing the older Lyger, but Lyger outsmarting the kid. By the end the crowd is solidly behind Mask (an impressive feat), and is going crazy for Mask to overcome the odds here and retain his title. He kicks out of the Lyger Bomb, the Brainbuster, but Lyger won’t stay down to the Tiger Suplex. It’s a stalemate until finally the end conclusively comes.
Think what you will of Mask, this is by far the best match I’ve ever seen him have, and you can lay that squarely in the corner of Lyger, who busted his ass, used every trick in the book, and not only made fans cheer Mask over him, but pulled a great match out of him too. If that doesn’t make him one of the best workers in the world, then I’m going to need to revise my definition of what a great worker is. Great, great performance by Lyger here, and a strong effort by Mask as well.
82 out of 100.
Cewsh's Download Seal of Approval.
Vice: No matter how many times I see Liger, I always giggle at his body. It’s just so oddly shaped for a man his size, with his incredibly short legs. I don’t want this to sound disrespectful or anything, but he looks like a massive dwarf. AND he dresses like a Power Ranger. And beats the shit out of people with his palm. Palm strikes really fucking hurt, too. I got palmed once. Hurt like a bitch.
I’m not sure what to say about the match. It was as good as it probably could have been. Liger is still fucking great after all these years, but I’ve never been sold on this current Tiger Mask. I’ve seen him wrestle in at least 3 promotions against all kinds of opponents, some of them being spectacular workers, and he never quite gets it done for me. Like that guy being pushed a bit too hard to be the top guy with oodles of credibility, so all the actual top guys put him over huge and make him out to be more than he is while making him look much better than he actually is. I’ve cena nuff of Tiger Mask IV.
Whoops. I believe I just made a booboo and brought up a controversial subject in a less than stellar way. Cue flame-filled debate in 3.. 2.. 1..
Tiger Mask over Jushin Lyger with the Bridge Suplex.
Cewsh: Post match, BLACK TIGER runs down and gives Tiger Mask kind of a weak looking Tombstone Driver, thus setting up Mask’s next high profile title defense, and the next chapter in that legendary rivalry. Ahahaha. I just used the word “Legendary” in the same sentence as something to do with Rocky Romero. Unbelievable.
Segment 5 - Yuji (Yankees Fan) Nagata vs. Hirooki (The Villain From Every Martial Arts Movie Ever) Goto.
Vice: Nagata is a beast. Like Finlay, he just looks like one of those guys that isn’t exactly big, or ripped, or athletic, but would utterly kill you in seventeen ways simultaneously if you ever got into a bar fight with them. Speaking of which, I’d love to see Finlay and Nagata beat the piss out of each other. I think it’d be a great match, personally.
And speaking of great matches, I’m currently watching one. The crowd is roaring as these two tough fuckers are beating each other into oblivion. Tons of hard hits, fantastic psychology, great selling (all things considered), and everything is coming together and working. Just fantastic overall, like pretty much every Nagata match I’ve seen. Goto did his part wonderfully too, and had some great selling that helped the story a ton.
I’m pretty sure Cewsh is going to tell you to watch it, but if he doesn’t.. well.. I’m telling you to watch it.
Cewsh: The build video to this match was brilliant and set to Bob Dylan’s “Like A Rolling Stone”, and is worth the download all by itself. The gist it offers is that Nagata has been gone for a year, and that Goto was out for awhile as well. Maybe these two things were related? I’m usually fairly well informed, but about this I honestly have no idea, and it really doesn’t make a ton of difference. These guys are going to pound on each other either way.
This match is brutal. From these guys I expected a huge sweeping brawl for the ages, but what I actually got was an exercise in nasty, vicious submission wrestling. Nagata’s arm gets hurt early in the match, so Goto starts working it overly viciously. In turn, Nagata takes out one of Goto’s knees and starts working it over so hard that it hurt just watching him do it. Goto, to his credit, sold throughout the entire match like a champ, which isn’t something that I’m accustomed to seeing from Japanese matches. At some points, this match really resembled a mixed martial arts contest more than a wrestling match (the Nagata influence), and the match actually benefitted from this, because it was a style that both guys could clearly sink their teeth into.
Nagata and Goto beat the ever loving shit out of each other. Surprised? No, I didn’t think so. But what you’re here to find out is whether or not they managed to do it in an entertaining way. Absomotherfuckinglutely they did. What a fantastic, hard hitting match this was, with nagata and Goto both pulling great shit out of the bag and just putting it all out there to steal the show. This is the second time in a row that Nagata threatened to wrest the attention away from the main events with an amazing performance, and statistically he is the second best wrestler in the world over the time that Cewsh Reviews… has been up and running. Nothing to sneeze at. And I can’t say enough for Goto either. I’ve heard tell that he’s the next guy to make it to the top of the mountain, and after seeing his performance here, that wouldn’t surprise or disappoint me. Congratulations on both guys for a match damn well wrestled.
86 out of 100.
Cewsh's Download Seal of Approval.
Yuji Nagata over Hirooki Goto with the Backdrop Driver.
Segment 6 - CMLL World Welterweight Title – (The Biggest Wrestling Draw in the World. No Seriously.) Mistico(c) vs. Mephisto (The Villain From Spiderman?).
Cewsh: Mephisto is out first, dressed like a Clansman for some reason with black instead of white, and with Rammstein playing, which was incredibly odd. But that (and he) is a complete afterthought to the entrance of Mistico, which makes him look like an absolute god. Then the two guys pose together with the belt for a few pictures, and the match begins. And right off the bat, Mistico whips the crowd into an absolute fury. He is so over everywhere he goes that it defies belief.
I also have to say, right off the bat, that Mistico is clearly injured as this match begins. He limps around noticeably, and the announcers make mention of it. Essentially Mistico is wrestling this entire match on one leg, and not only is it not stopping him, but he isn’t even half assing it. He’s doing the exact same moves he would be otherwise, just a little bit slower. It’s a real testament to his toughness. Mephisto does a good job as well, playing to the crowd, giving Mistico time to rest and gain his bearings.
This match is more about Mistico gutting it out and having the best match he could than it was about the actual match itself. Unfortunately, I’m forced to grade the quality of this match, and in doing so, I have to give both guys a worse rating than each really deserves.
61 out of 100.
Vice: Mistico is Rey Mysterio, who was somehow transported through time or something. Same exact look, really. Fantastic music though. Love it. He’s also facing some guy who’s music is Rammstein, and is dressed in a black KKK outfit. It’s so wrong, but hilarious at the same time.
Mistico seems to knock something in his hip/leg loose a few minutes into the match and things just don’t get better for the poor guy. The match definitely slows down, but he’s a trooper. He still takes some nasty bumps and does crazy stuff. So maybe it wasn’t too serious. The match is still very solid though, all things considered. Wasn’t a heck of a lot to it.
Mistico over Mephisto with the La Mistica.
Segment 7 – Kurt (Remember When We Both Worked For WWE?) Angle vs. Giant (Yeah Man! Burrito Fridays Were The Best!) Bernard.
Cewsh: This feud was touched off after the six man tag match from the big January show, where Bernard jumped Angle after the match. Bernard is playing the part of the monster heel, while Angle is portraying the classic Japanese wrestling role of the talented and legendary older wrestler who knows a few too many tricks for his younger challenger. It’s a story that has been told hundreds of times to great success. This time? Hmm…
This match was why the word mediocre was invented to use instead of the word average. Average is the sum of everything divided by two. Mediocre is something that neither aspires to, nor achieves anything resembling goodness. Its just there, or better or for worse. This match is just there on this card. Hovering over it like King Kong waiting to take a dump. I don’t hate this match, I don’t love this match. I don’t even like or dislike it. I will forget it starting in 3……2…….1….
68 out of 100.
Vice: Angle is awesome. Bernard is dandy. Their match? Yawn. It might have been really good for all I know, but I just couldn’t get into it. At all. Nothing clicked for me and I was bored shitless, to be honest. I have nothing else to say.
Kurt Angle over Giant Bernard with the Angle Lock.
Segment 8 – IWGP Heavyweight Tag Team Championships – Hardcore Rules - Team 3(,000 lbs)D © vs. MVP (Not The Good One).
Cewsh: Sweet merciful fuckhumping Christ.
Without even seeing a second of this match, I knew it was going to suck. How did I know that it was going to suck? Because I’ve ALREADY SEEN IT SUCK. We already reviewed this exact match before already, and I can’t imagine what could possibly be different about it this time around. Honestly, I wish I had the guts to not watch this match. To post this show review with nothing under the Segment 8 header except a big picture of a turd to explain everything you’d need to know about this match. I WISH I had the guts to spare myself the pain, but I don’t. I’ll review this match because I would feel guilty if I didn’t. But I wish we got paid to do this so that I could apply for hazard pay.
The match begins with about a millisecond in the ring, and then all four guys wander into the crowd in search of the Ark of the Covenant. Becoming frustrated with their inability to find it, they content themselves with throwing each other weakly into chairs occupied by fans who look none too interested in moving. Back in the day, guys like Stan Hansen would run through the crowd and scare the fans in their path so bad that it looked like a stampede going ahead of him. But these guys are not Stan Hansen, and young Japanese men seem more interested in checking their track suits for wrinkles than shifting an inch to accommodate these fat bastards.
Eventually they make it back to the ring, where they proceed to fill the ring full of stuff, like trash cans and kendo sticks. The kind of things that must really scare wrestlers that bludgeon each other with real kicks and punches for a living. And then, Bubba Ray goes under the ring in search of a weapon so demonic, so vicious, that no opponent could possibly stand in the face of its fury. He returns to the ring clutching a device, almost hand delivered by Lucifer, the Morningstar, himself, designed to create punishment and mayhem on unheard of levels. Yes, that’s right. He has the CHEESE GRATER OF DOOOOOOOM! Which he uses to no reaction from the crowd. Clearly they don’t understand brutality when they see it.
Let’s see, what else? Well you can add to this mess that every weapon they pull out is roughly half the size of those you’d expect to see in America, resulting in D’Von getting hit with a ladder shorter than he is, Bubba hitting somebody with a trash can smaller than his head, and a chair being employed that is so small, no ass this side of a modeling agency could possibly fit on it. Oh, and tables that are so thin, that each man’s belly fat hangs off to either side. This match is such a comedy of errors that I just want to pull each man aside and recommend a new career in real estate. If anyone in real estate is hiring fat, dumpy guys with enormous scars on their foreheads.
Alright, I’ll level with you. This match is better than the one they had in January. It is. Seriously. It is also 25 fucking minutes long, and is so bad that I can only recommend it to certain mental patients who can use laughter as therapy. I didn’t even enjoy finding this all amusing though, to be honest. I just feel sad for everyone involved.
Bubba Ray does some playing to the crowd after the match, and its fantastic as always from him. But it doesn’t redeem this match. Cadbury eggs falling from the cleavage of an enormous rack in the sky wouldn’t redeem this match. Though that would still be welcome.
42 out of 100.
Vice: Last time I had to review one of these matches, I wanted to end myself.. and here we go again! The short version is that this match fucking sucked. Bit of a shocker, right? The best part of this match was how small everything is in Japan, except Bubba who is very very large. The trash cans looked like small little waste baskets you’d find in the corner of an office. The tables looked slightly larger than 2x4s. The ladder looked like a step ladder. Bubba looked like a planet, and D’von a moon in orbit. Sure the Dudleys are the most decorated tag team of all time with numerous title wins in nearly every major organization, but they SUCK a lot of the time. Occasionally they’ll have one of those great tag team matches that you sit back and say wow afterwards, but the majority of the time? Stinky.
The only actual highlight of the match was when a [b]metal[/b] table was brought out. Yes, metal. I’ve never really understood the whole hubbub about tables, really. I almost never go “whoa! that had to hurt!” when someone goes through one. If anything, it just softens the blow while looking somewhat “pretty”. Now, a metal table on the other hand.. they don’t break. They don’t exactly soften landings. You’re going to hit it, bounce off, and land on your fat head.
It’d be nice if he had actually sold it for longer than 30 seconds because it looked incredibly painful. That’s something I’ve never understood about some wrestlers and sometimes wrestling in general. If it looks painful as utter fuck, and doesn’t actually hurt the person.. they can sell it like death and it becomes a fantastic spot. The audience will believe they’re hurt. But if you’re up on your feet celebrating 9 seconds later, it makes me think it didn’t hurt at all. And then I’m never going to be convinced that it’s a great spot. You could have had me, D’von, but you fucked up.
Oh right. Terrible match. I never want to see these two teams go at it again.
Team 3D over MVP with the 3D.
Segment 9 – IWGP Heavyweight Championship – Hiroshi (Infinite Legend) Tanahashi © vs. Shinsuke (Infinite Badass) Nakamura.
Cewsh: Man, from the depths of awfulness, to the heights of amazing. What a contrast from that last match to this one.
The backstory of this match is that Nakamura and Tanahashi are essentially the top two workers of the current generation, and as such have always had a rivaly brewing between them. Makamura has always gotten more attention, and more publicity and has been pushed as the better man in the past (mostly because of his MMA background), but now is Tanahashi’s time to shine. This is Rock vs. Austin at Wrestlemania 17. Yeah. Its THAT important. This match, and the significance of it, are so huge that its almost hard to explain. Just take my word for it that this is an enormous fucking deal.
The match starts off with Tanahashi (and his glorious abs of might and fury) and Nakamura facing off with some chain and mat wrestling, with neither man gaining any advantage, to show that they’re so even matched. They have entirely different styles, with Nakamura going more with strikes and submission wrestling, while Tanahashi is more of a high flyer, but they balance each other so well that any advantage is short lived and difficult to capitalize on. The beginning portion of this match takes place on the ground, with both men exchanging holds, and Nakamura playing the part of the heel, taunting Tanahashi at points, and showing off with his superior mat skills. Tanahashi, for his part, plays the plucky babyface, willing to take Nakamura on where Nakamura is more comfortable and try to outpace him at it, even if he’s overmatched. Eventually they make it to their feet, where Tanahashi begins working over Nakamura’s left leg, to great success, gaining an early advantage in the contest.
As the match continues, Nakamura takes the advantage at various points with his strikes, including some vicious lariats, but Tanahashi is able to hold him off by refocusing on Nakamura’s left leg time and again, performing some absolutely vicious moves on it to incapacitate Nakamura. For the first half of the match, Nakamura is able to shrug off the pain in his leg, but as the match carries on, he starts showing more and more pain to the limb, slowing him down and limiting his arsenal of kicks. Then, almost out of nowhere, Nakamura just starts pulling submissions out of nowhere and destroying Tanahashi with them. A keylock, an armbar, he’s just torturing Tanahashi, and no matter what he does to get out of them, Nakamura has an answer for him, and puts him right back in trouble.
Then the match, which had been running before, starts absolutely sprinting towards the finish. Near falls falling practically from the sky, huge moves one right on top of the other, and the crowd, who have been silent all match, become absolutely electric sensing that the end is near. Rallying behind Tanahashi, willing him to victory. Then Nakamura just starts dropping bombs of Tanahashi, trying with everything in his arsenal to put him away for good and claim the spot of top ace in NJPW, but Tanahashi simply will not die, kicking out of everything, and firing back with huge suplexs of his own, absolutely destroying Nakamura. Neither man can hold the advantage, the crowd is on fire demanding a resolution to this great contest between these warriors, the stars of the new generation. And finally, when the tension can no longer hold, when neither man can lift another limb, the end comes, and the fans explode with the release of their anticipation and excitement.
The ace of New Japan is crowned. Long live the King.
This match is epic. That’s the only word that properly sums it up. The majority of the personality in the match comes from Tanahashi, but Nakamura is amazing here as the badass who knows he can beat Tanahashi and is just waiting for the right moment to end it, but that moment just keeps slipping out his grasp. This match is an instant classic. Even without the atmosphere and story going into it, it would be great, but those extra factors just added so much life and excitement to the match, that it pushed it right into Match of the Year territory. When I said that Yuji Nagata has been having the second best year of any wrestler, I meant it. Hiroshi Tanahashi is the best wrestler in the world right now. Can anyone unseat him?
The rating? Take a guess, man.
92 out of 100.
Cewsh's Download Seal of Approval.
Vice: Aaaaah the main event. Aaaaah Tanahashi, the man whose abs can cut diamonds. What a glorious man. Nakamura is awesome too. So.. two awesome workers in the epic main event of a giant show. You can see where this is going.
The match was AWESOME. And no, not AWESOME in a THIS IS AWESOME indy/TNA chant. Actually AWESOME. What a great match. It wasn’t a five star match, but it was perfect for what it was. When I watch wrestling, I’m naturally a bit of a critic and always find many small things that I’d change. I would change nothing about this match. They were both on fire and it paid off. Extremely enjoyable.
Tanahashi is definitely one of the best wrestlers at the moment. Quite possibly top 3, or even top 2. Fuck, maybe even THE best wrestler at the moment. I wasn’t impressed when he was up against AJ Styles in TNA during Styles’ epic run. I laughed when he embarrassed himself on Ninja Warrior. I thought “how could this guy be such a great worker all of a sudden?”. Well.. I still don’t know, but he’s amazing.
Hiroshi Tanahashi over Shinsuke Nakamura with the High Fly Flow.
Vice: Post match, Kurt Angle came out to confront him. Yeah. Tanahashi vs. Angle is coming up. Defrost was rocking the post-match stuff as his avatar and I thought it was neat, but it never sunk in until I watched this show. Now I’m salivating over their encounter. Kurt is still amazing, and when he catches fire and works smart he’s almost untouchable. Combine that with Tanahashi and you’ve got WIN written all over that match. Can’t wait.
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Cewsh’s Final Thoughts:
Cewsh: This card was much more of a mixed bag than I was expecting, and doesn’t have a patch on the January show, but realistically nothing they can do probably will for a long long time. As a show on its own, I really liked this show as a whole, and the main event more than made up for anything wrong with any other aspect of the card. The Jr. Heavuweight title match was really very good as well, and Goto/Nagata were great by definitely more than worth the price of admission. NJPW is absolutely on fire right now, and are riding high with probably the hottest wrestler in the business today in Hiroshi Tanahashi. Randy Orton might have something to say about that, but its absolutely a two man race. Now if only NJPW could stop making me watch Team 3D wrestle the same assholes every month, and we might start throwing around some near perfect show scores. As things stand though:
Cewsh’s Final Score: 583 out of 800.
Vice’s Final Analysis:
Vice: Overall, it was a very good show that was greater than the sum of its parts. There were some less than stellar matches, but what show doesn't have one or three? It was definitely worth my time and will most likely be worth yours, should you choose to download it.
And with that said...
Tsurezurenaru mama ni, hikurashi, suzuri ni mukaite, kokoro ni utsuriyuku yoshinashigoto wo, sokowakatonaku kakitsukureba, ayashu koso monoguruoshikere.
Domo arigato,
Vice
Vice
Alright kids, thanks for coming over to the Cewsh Reviews…tree house to play, but I’m afraid the streetlights are coming on, and its time for you all to get back to your lives. Tune in soon for our next review, which is going to be of a Wrestlemania of our choosing to really get you guys hyped up for the big, big show coming up in April. You know the one. Its sort of important. Tune in for updates, possibly some bonus material, and as always, the ever penetrating (but just the tip, just to see how it feels) wit of the staff here at Cewsh Reviews…
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