NJPW Invasion Attack 2013

New Japan Pro Wrestling Proudly Presents...

NJPW Invasion Attack 2013

Welcome, cats and kittens, to yet another installment of the only reviews that send you flowers after lariating you, Cewsh Reviews! We have a special treat for you tonight as we look to Japan for a big time follow up to one of the most incredible shows we've ever reviewed, and focus on NJPW Invasion Attack 2013! Now, if you remember our review of Wrestle Kingdom from this year, the first thing that jumps to mind is no doubt how completely over the moon we were for it. The matches were incredible, the rivalries were on fire, and the show was capped by the biggest match that money could buy, as we saw Hiroshi Tanahashi hold off the attack of the upstart challenger, Kazuchika Okada. Well now all of that is coming to a head one more time, as Okada gets one last shot at reducing the Empire of the Golden Abs to rubble and remaking it in his image. One more go round for the hottest feud to hit Japan since the 90s, and that's just one of the wild things on this show. We'll get a crazy heel turn, the strange return of the NWA, and the match that our Puro guy Defrost excitedly named "the greatest match of all time." What more can I say? Let's get this party started.

So without any further ado, let's do a motherfucking review!

To Be Continued »

Fantasy Friday - The Trials of Styles: Part 1

Let me start off this post by making it clear what this feature is and is not going to be. This is a feature about the dreaded subject of fantasy booking. This is NOT going to happen all the time, because there simply aren't enough storylines worth this level of attention to detail going on at any given time, and because I am absolutely terrible at predicting the future, (as we all know very well.) What this is, instead, is an occasional feature that will give me a chance to plot out the possibilities behind interesting storylines that many of our readers may not be following or even be aware of. And it will give me carte blanche to assume the controls myself for a moment, so that I can try to concoct a storyline that holds up to the kind of scrutiny that I would level against the company if I were reviewing it. This is not an easy task, because I'm kind of an asshole. 

The storyline that I'm going to be taking charge of is the booking of AJ Styles in TNA, from this very day today, all the way to the Bound For Glory PPV in October. For those of you who don't watch TNA, (which, statistically, is most of you,) the story currently is that AJ Styles, furious with being overlooked and unappreciated by the company that he dragged into the spotlight, left TNA for a number of months. Commissioner Hulk Hogan and Owner Dixie Carter begged him for months to come back until Hogan finally demanded that AJ do so, only to find that AJ had adopted a much darker persona. Meanwhile Bully Ray is the TNA Champion and rides at the head of the Aces and Eights, a biker stable of his own design that rules TNA at present. I have 6 months to connect the two in a meaningful way, and I've broken the story into 3 parts (April/May, June/July/August, September/October) for easy digestion.

Start the clock.

To Be Continued »

The Shimmer Volume 57 Wrap Up (Speca, Speca, Speca, Speca, Speca) Spectacular

YOU COME AND GOOOOOOOO. YOU COME AND GOOOOoooooooOOOOO. Yes, boys and girls, we've come to the end our Shimmer wrap up. We've loved and laughed together as we explored the depths of a live Shimmer weekend, and we certainly hope that you've enjoyed taking this journey with us. Tonight we'll say some fond farewells, cheer for some climactic victories, and enjoy one last show before Shimmer hangs up the ropes until October. So read on, and have a blanket, a heating pad and plenty of water on hand, because you're about to go into Shimmer withdrawals.

HOW CAN I LIVE WITHOUT YUU? I WANT TO KNOW.

But before they can leave us, first they will put on one last show. Can it live up to the three before it? Will the events of this show change Shimmer forever?

To Be Continued »

The Shimmer Volume 56 Wrap Up (Super) Spectacular

Welcome to a beautiful Saturday night in scenic Jetpackistan. We hope you're enjoying your day as much as we are as we stare out from our Cewsh Reviews castle built out of a mountain in the shape of Hiroshi Tanahashi's face. But if you aren't then we're here to change all that nonsense around, as we bring you the third installment in our series recapping our live attendance of the Shimmer tapings, (Volumes 54-57). One week ago we were deeply embroiled in the kind of magical world that you can only find in a ballroom in Berwyn, Illinois.

The Original Site For Disneyland.

When we last left you, Cheerleader Melissa was still reigning supreme as Shimmer champion, Jessicka Havok and Serena Deeb were deeply entrenched in a war, and the Global Green Gangsters were hot in pursuit of those dastardly Canadian Ninjas. All of these things will see a dramatic new chapter in the last two volumes of our recap, but first let's focus on Volume 56, the first show of the Sunday tapings. I would say that it is the greatest thing that has ever happened in the history of the world, but that would make it really hard to convince you to come back for Volume 4, so just read on already!

To Be Continued »

The Shimmer Volume 55 Wrap Up (Even More) Spectacular

Evening, cats and kittens, and welcome back for another episode of SHIM WORLD. When we last left you, intrigue had begun to abound about what the rest of the Shimmer weekend would hold. After she was left lying once again by the underhanded tricks of Jessicka Havok and her minions, will Serena Deeb be able to summon the fire necessary to ward off this giant outsider? Or would she be the first of many conquests on Havoks road to Shimmer dominance. DUN DUN DUN! The Global Green gangsters have worked their way into the tag team title scene, only to come against the champions, who know every trick in the book. Will Skater and Nakagawa be able to channel their own heelish demons to overcome one of the greatest tag team obstacles the wrestling world? Or will yet another babyface dream die to the tune of Funky Cold Medina? DUN DUN DUN! And as she rides a wave of momentum that could make or break her career, will Courtney Rush capitalize on her number one contendership victory and unseat the reigning queen of independent wrestling? Or will she just wind up as just one more smear on the curb? DUN DUN DUN AGAIN!

Just Imagine This Small Child Is Courtney Rush.

It's Shimmer weekend part two, boys and girls. And it's about to get ROWDY.

To Be Continued »

The Shimmer Volume 54 Wrap Up Spectacular

Good afternoon, boys and girls. You may not be aware of this, but this past weekend one of the most hotly anticipated indie wrestling events of the year took place, as the finest women's wrestlers from all over the world converged on Berwyn, IL for the Spring Shimmer tapings. If you've never seen Shimmer before and have no idea what I'm talking about, Shimmer is the biggest all female promotion in the United States and has become one of the most important hubs of international wrestling in the country. Competitors from Japan, Australia, New Zealand, England, Ireland, and Canada came to meet America's best that you might be familiar with from promotions like WWE, TNA, ROH, CZW and pretty much everywhere else that people kick each other in the face.

In Japan, Face Kicking Is How Women Say Hello.

So yeah, Shimmer is pretty much completely awesome, and since there are only two Shimmer events a year, (they tape 4 shows at each one,) it's a pretty significant event. So since Mrs. Cewsh, DDT and I were at the shows, just like we are pretty much every single time, we're bringing you a snazzy report on what the women of Shimmer got up to over the weekend. This is the first of four recaps you'll be getting this week, going from today to Sunday, documenting the events of each show and letting you in on the worst kept secret in independent wrestling.

Spoiler Alert: IT'S FUCKING FANTASTIC.

To Be Continued »

WWE Wrestlemania XXIX

World Wrestling Entertainment Proudly Presents...

WWE Wrestlemania XXIX

Welcome, cats and kittens, to yet another installment of the coolest cats this side of a serial killer's refrigerator  Cewsh Reviews! We have a special treat for you tonight, as we all don our tuxedos and evening dresses for the fanciest and most prestigious night of the wrestling year. Come be thrilled as our monocles pop out in amazement, come be dazzled as our silken fans flutter to calm our enraged emotions, and come be confused as you try to figure out how you feel about Vice in an evening gown. However you come join us, and for whatever reason, we have our most jam packed, star studded gala event of the season ready and waiting for you to partake of. Will John Cena embrace the hate and finally get redemption for his greatest failure? Will Triple H's career survive the horrific machination of a deranged monster? Will CM Punk be the man who forever tarnishes the greatest statistic in wrestling history? Is anyone else even on this show? There's only one way to find out.

So without any further ado, let's do a motherfucking review!

To Be Continued »

Wrestlemania 29 Preview

Hey boys and girls. So I hear that there's this big show coming up tomorrow. Kind of sort of the biggest wrestling show of the year or something? Well as odd as it might be to think of for some of us, not everyone follows the Road To Wrestlemania with the level of scrutiny and poetic craftsmanship as we do, and they might be looking at this card wondering what in the hell is going on and why they should care.

"Seriously, Is This More Of A Nacho Cheese Show, Or A Cool Ranch Show?"

As professional blog journalists, we've made it our goal to be there for you in times of great strife and uncertainty, just like this one. But while we could easily bang out 10,000 words about why Big E Langston's pecs look like someone stuffed watermelon in sideways and covered it with balloons; we're going to take this opportunity to highlight a terrific up and coming blogger named G9Z as he leads us through the Wrestlemania build up for some of the biggest matches, and gives you his thoughts on who will win and why. This guy is no joke, and we consider his blog, (which you will read by clicking on this link BECAUSE I SAID SO,) to be the more respectable brother to Cewsh Reviews. He'll be examining the match ups this year based on the guys with prior performances, and how they got here. So now I'll leave you in G9Z's capable hands, and go drink myself into the kind of stupor normally reserved for back to back TNA shows. God I love delegating.

To Be Continued »

WWE Elimination Chamber 2013

World Wrestling Entertainment Proudly Presents...

WWE ELIMINATION CHAMBER 2013

Welcome, cats and kittens, to yet another installment of the blog that is still a rat in a cage despite all of it's rage, Cewsh Reviews! We have a special treat for you tonight as we take the last speed bump on the Road To Wrestlemania at full speed and cover WWE's Elimination Chamber 2013. As the biggest wrestling show of the year comes up quickly, the hopefuls who would like to secure their spot in history have to pass through enormous challenges and physical peril in order to get there, and that's including the ones who don't have to be in a ring with Brodus Clay. We have CM Punk, on the brink of insanity, battling to regain the championship that he held for all of 2012, the Rock looking to hold onto his newly found validation, and a whole bunch of guys ready to suffer through the elimination chamber for a last chance shot at history. Bodies will be broken, spirits will be crushed, and remotes will be throw at tvs, because this is the night that means everything for these boys and girls. Who will be left out in the cold? Only one way to find out.

Oh, and fair warning. There will be rhyming. Oh yes, there will be rhyming. I apologize in advance.

So without any further ado, let's do a motherfucking review!

To Be Continued »

TNA Lockdown 2013

Total Nonstop Action Proudly Presents...

TNA Lockdown 2013

Welcome, cats and kittens, to yet another installment of the only reviews that have their own special room in the psych ward for when reviews go wrong, Cewsh Reviews! We have a special treat for you tonight, as we induct another show into the 5 Times Reviewed Club, namely TNA Lockdown 2013. Now we have had a long and sordid relationship with TNA over the years, as you well know. We've laughed, we've cried, we've cried more, we've thrown shoes at tvs, it's all very melodramatic. And last year we made the decree that we would only review the major TNA events because the product had become virtually unwatchable. TNA has obliged us by cutting their PPV schedule down dramatically, but this is still the first time that we've visited the house that Jarrett built in a good long time. And the last time we visited, (TNA Bound For Glory 2012,) it was probably the angriest review that we have ever done. But hey, 6 months can change quite a bit. So let's see what we've got here. Jeff Hardy as champion. Lethal Lockdown match featuring Eric Young as the dangerous wild card. Aces and Eights. Brooke Hogan. Chavo Guerrero. Okay. Um, right. Shit. Well, hell, let's just go for it and hope for the best. After all, if TNA has proven one thing again and again, for better and for worse, it's that they always have the ability to surprise us.

So without any further ado, let's do a motherfucking review!

To Be Continued »