HOW CAN I LIVE WITHOUT YUU? I WANT TO KNOW.
But before they can leave us, first they will put on one last show. Can it live up to the three before it? Will the events of this show change Shimmer forever?
SHIMMER VOLUME 57
Cewsh: Alright people, we're coming into the home stretch here. And this show is a doozy. There are three continuing storylines coming into this show. The first is the retirement of Allison Danger, who will have the final match of her career, verses Hamada and Cheerleader Melissa. The second is the finale to the epic chase for the championships that The Global Green Gangsters have made. They've pursued the Canadian Ninjas doggedly across 4 shows now, and finally the Ninjas will be forced to meet them head on in a no DQ, no Coutnouts match to neutralize their cheating ways. And finally, in the undercard, we're going to sort out this whole Saraya Knight/Christina Von Eerie/Foreign Object thing in a big, fuck off tag team match pitting Saraya and Made in Sin against Von Eerie, Veda Scott and Shazza McKenzie. All of that, plus the cluttered title scene gets a little bit clearer, a hoss squashes a jobber into jelly, and someone on this show is going B-A-D-D bad.
I'm shivering with anticipation just talking about it. So let's see how it was.
Santana Garrett beat Rhia O’Reilly with the Shining Star Press.
Cewsh: A number of these recap are going to be something along the lines of "remember those things that I said about these people earlier? Yeah, that." And this is one of those. Santana continues to impress as a flashy and exciting babyface, and Rhia O'Reilly continues her progression. The only really notable thing from the match is Santana's finisher, the Shining Star Press, which is a move right out of Rob van Dam's moveset, except that nobody gets hurt when Santana does it.
Melanie Cruise defeated Xandra Bale with a massive spinebuster.
Cewsh: This was GREAT. One of the things you rarely see on the indies is an intimidatingly huge wrestler just laying waste to a tiny one. WWE has kind of cornered the market on the whole idea. But from start to finish, Melanie Cruise used Xandra Bale to sweep the ring, and I couldn't have been happier.
Here, She Uses Bale To Dust The Light Fixtures.
I seriously can not get enough of Melanie Cruise vs. tiny people. I think she really is ready to start making her way towards the deep end of the talent pool, and good lord am I ever excited to see it.
Jessicka Havok beat Mia Yim with a sit out powerslam.
Cewsh: Mia Yim may be wildly popular among women's wrestling fans these days, but in Shimmer, she's still very much a rookie trying to big up her first really big win. Considering the fact that she has been put in the ring with Amazing Kong and Jesicka Havok in the past 5 Volumes, she aint too likely to be getting one of those any time soon.
Mia Yim and Jessicka Havok
Yim puts up a great fight, but Havok ultimately destroys her to get her momentum back. I would be shocked if Havok doesn't become a major player for Shimmer, so I would expect a whole lot of results like this going forward.
Christina Von Eerie, Veda Scott & Shazza McKenzie defeated Saraya Knight, Allysin Kay & Taylor Made. Von Eerie pinned Knight after a punch with a foreign object.
Cewsh: If you recall, the storyline set up this weekend was that Saraya was cheating to win in her confrontations with Von Eerie thanks to a foreign object she was using for the ol' Power of the Punch. Each side has collected a team here, for backup.
That's great news, because the relationship between Saraya and Made in Sin completely makes this match. All throughout, Saraya barks out helpful advice on how to be completely evil to Kay and Made, while they try their best to do her bidding. And finally Von Eerie gets her revenge and a huge victory by grabbing the foreign object herself and clocking Saraya with it for the victory.
After the celebrations are done, Saraya tells referee Andy Long that he's even HIGHER on her hitlist, possibly making for the first time that we will ever see a referee beaten to death with his own shoe at a wrestling event.
EVIL vs. GOOD
That's great news, because the relationship between Saraya and Made in Sin completely makes this match. All throughout, Saraya barks out helpful advice on how to be completely evil to Kay and Made, while they try their best to do her bidding. And finally Von Eerie gets her revenge and a huge victory by grabbing the foreign object herself and clocking Saraya with it for the victory.
After the celebrations are done, Saraya tells referee Andy Long that he's even HIGHER on her hitlist, possibly making for the first time that we will ever see a referee beaten to death with his own shoe at a wrestling event.
Thunderkitty beat Sassy Stephie with a sleeperhold.
Cewsh: I really don't have much to say here. Thunderkitty was charming and I enjoy her gimmick greatly, Rochelle was a great manager who really does a great job of stirring up the crowd, and Sassy Stephie was there also, though I'll be damned if I can remember anything she did the entire time.
See? There She Is. Hard Evidence.
Athena pinned Kimber Lee with a springboard DDT.
Cewsh: Shimmer, as a promotion, runs it's Volumes in two halves. The first half is for hungry up and comers to make a name for themselves. Usually they're wrestling each other or aimless former main eventers, and they're all competing for the right to play ball in the second half. The SECOND half of a Shimmer Volume is where all the matches between the real heavy hitters are, and YES there are so many of them that it literally takes up half the show. This is like any entire promotion of main eventers, midcarders and nothing else. It's crazy.
This is a bit of a step down for Athena prestige wise, especially considering the fact that she just beat Ayako Hamada not 4 tapings ago. But with the rest of the show so packed, this was a smart decision. Sometimes all the responsibility of a big push can be a burden for a young wrestler, and that really can't be good for your back. Here, she gets to put that aside and have fun.
The match is rock solid, the ending is fun, and everybody comes out looking great. No complaints here.
This is a bit of a step down for Athena prestige wise, especially considering the fact that she just beat Ayako Hamada not 4 tapings ago. But with the rest of the show so packed, this was a smart decision. Sometimes all the responsibility of a big push can be a burden for a young wrestler, and that really can't be good for your back. Here, she gets to put that aside and have fun.
And Make Someone Else's Back Hurt For A Change.
The match is rock solid, the ending is fun, and everybody comes out looking great. No complaints here.
Jessie McKay beat Mercedes Martinez with the Boyfriend Stealer.
Cewsh: Jessie McKay is the upset queen of Shimmer, because while she loses plenty, every once in awhile, she busts out an astronomical victory in convincing fashion, as she did here. After a fantastic, hard fought match, Jessie actually beats one of the biggest stars in the promotion clean with her finisher, catapulting her up the ranks of title contenders. Much to Martinez's chagrin.
"BOOOOOOOOOO"
Kana made Kalamity tap out to a cross armbreaker.
Cewsh: It's been a rough day for Kalamity. First she gets the stuffing beaten out of her in a valiant but unsuccessful bid to win the Shimmer Championship, and then she has to face Kana, who spent the match doing such unspeakable things to Kalamity's arms that they constitute war crimes in at least 10 countries.
"Ah, The Sweet Release Of Death."
Kana continues to make a serious bid for title contendership. Kana and Hamada have always been rather specifically kept away from the title scene, probably due to the uncertainty of putting their World title on someone from another country who they may not for sure be able to bring back. But she is building a pretty hard to argue with list of victories. And it seems like a matter of time.
Allison Danger & Leva Bates beat Cheerleader Melissa & Ayako Hamada via reverse decision DQ after Melissa refused to release a Fujiwara armbar on Danger.
Cewsh: *deep breath*
Alright, here we go. Allison Danger's last match as a professional wrestler. And while we learned the full reason why after it was over, I'm going to go ahead and tell you now so we can get it out of the way. Danger is retiring because she recently had a stroke, which she made a full recovery from. But while she was being treated for it, doctors found legions on her brain. And while they aren't life threatening, having unasked for things show up on your brain are a pretty clear sign that it's time to stop getting dropped on your head for a living. She was so sorry to be leaving us, and thanked the entire fanbase for supporting her and letting her be Allison Danger, and I'm already crying writing this and I haven't even gotten to the fucking match yet.
I'm just going to tell this match in pictures, with my corresponding emotions underneath.
Alright, here we go. Allison Danger's last match as a professional wrestler. And while we learned the full reason why after it was over, I'm going to go ahead and tell you now so we can get it out of the way. Danger is retiring because she recently had a stroke, which she made a full recovery from. But while she was being treated for it, doctors found legions on her brain. And while they aren't life threatening, having unasked for things show up on your brain are a pretty clear sign that it's time to stop getting dropped on your head for a living. She was so sorry to be leaving us, and thanked the entire fanbase for supporting her and letting her be Allison Danger, and I'm already crying writing this and I haven't even gotten to the fucking match yet.
I'm just going to tell this match in pictures, with my corresponding emotions underneath.
Leva Bates comes out to the ring cosplaying as Allison Danger.
Cewsh's Reaction: Holding it together.
Joey Eastman announces Re-X's Weight as "12 LARGE, BROTHER" a tribute to the departed Larry Sweeny, a close friend of Danger. Danger is now visibly crying in the corner.
Cewsh's Reaction: A Single Manly Tear.
Cheerleader Melissa mocking Allison Danger for needing to take a second to regroup, as Danger's old collarbone injury begins to plague her. The injury that Melissa gave her years ago.
Cewsh's Reaction: Wild, irrational anger.
Cheerleader Melissa grinds her knee into Danger's old collarbone injury, forcing Danger to tap out and lose her retirement match in anticlimactic fashion. Melissa keeps the hold on after the bell, just to drive home the point.
Cewsh's Reaction: Mass confusion.
Ayako Hamada hurries over to Melissa to ask her why she would do such a ridiculously selfish and mean thing. Melissa promptly picks Hamada up and drops her with an Air Raid Crash.
Cewsh's Reaction: Utter shock, followed by the loudest booing physically possible.
Hamada embracing Danger while everyone in the entire building bursts into tears.
Cewsh's Reaction: Openly weeping like a child with a scraped knee.
Danger thanks everyone for everything, and goes out on top with the entire locker room out to thank and congratulate her. The entire building chants her name for 5 solid minutes as she walks to the back, away from the ring, for one last time.
Cewsh's Reaction: WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!
So there you have it. In one fell swoop, you have the most emotional moment from this wrestling year, lumped right alongside the biggest heel turn in Shimmer history. And even though Melissa had been acting progressively more and more heelish all weekend, and even though DDT specifically told me that he thought it looked like she was turning heel, I still had no goddamn inkling of what was to come. And now we have a new top heel, and everything is shaken up from top to bottom. Good fucking lord, there's no heartstring this segment didn't pull.
Now I need a nap just from remembering it.
Madison Eagles defeated Courtney Rush with the Hellbound.
Cewsh: Great match. Great wrestlers. Still crying.
Kellie Skater & Tomoka Nakagawa beat Portia Perez & Nicole Matthews to win the SHIMMER Tag Team Championship. Skater pinned Perez with the International Incident.
Cewsh: It is frankly unbelievable that a moment this cathartic could happen on the same show, not two matches away, from a moment as crushingly emotional as we got from the Danger retirement. I know a lot of people were bothered by the fact that Danger's last match wasn't the main event, but after having seen it, I can tell that they wanted to send the fans home happy instead of crying their eyes out. And somehow, that's exactly what happened. Everyone and their mother saw this title change coming, but at the end of a match full of wild brawling all over the building, chair shots (to the back) and shenanigans as both sides tried to out cheat the other, 3G finally nailed their dual kick finisher, and beat the Canadian Ninjas for the 1...2...3. And when they did the entire building popped like like a cork for their new champions. It was a wonderful moment, and the perfect way to cap off a wonderful weekend.
Global Green Gangster Gold. This Is Getting Excessive.
Shimmer has never really had long term babyface tag champions. They tried it with Ashley Layne and Neveah back before the days of the Ninjas, and it never really clicked. But now Shimmer may well be set up with a team they can keep on top for years. And if that's the case, this is far from the last time we will see gangsters fight ninjas for gold.
Ninjas Always Come Back, Boys And Girls. Watch The Shadows.
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Okay, so now that the tapings are over, I'm going to give you a special treat. You may have noticed that the Shimmer title scene is so jam packed that its actually kind of hard to figure out who might be the number one contender at any given time. So here is my (COMPLETELY UNOFFICIAL) list of contendership, based on victories had, while factoring in the strength of their competition. So, a win over someone higher on the list moves you up. You get the idea. I crunched the numbers, and going into October, my contendership list looks like this:
Top Contenders for the Shimmer Championship
Cheerleader Melissa (c)
1. Madison Eagles
2. Kana
2. Kana
3. Serena Deeb
4. Athena
5. Jessie McKay
6. Ayako Hamada
7. Mercedes Martinez
8. Christina Von Eerie
9. Kalamity
10. Leva Bates
Not saying that the title matches will shake out in this order, (matches against Hamada, McKay, Deeb and Bates seem entirely likely, regardless of their contendership position,) but that's how the numbers tell it.
Commence argument!
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Cewsh's Conclusion:
Cewsh: So good, you guys. Seriously, so good. It's not like Dave Prazak and Shimmer are paying me to shill for them here. I'm hugely enthusiastic about their shows and nearly everyone on them because time in and time out they put on some of the best wrestling shows that you can find anywhere in the world. Shimmer doesn't clutter things up with nonsense. They basically give you everything a smark ever asked for. Clean finishes, strong pushes for title contenders, titles that mean something, few backstage segments and more overall focus on wrestling, and a roster that is constantly changing as new talent comes in and young talent get big pushes. It's like 300 of us climb into a genie lamp twice a year and have our wrestling wishes granted for 48 hours before we're forced back into the depressing real world. Magic can't last forever. But unlike Christmas, Shimmer comes twice a year. Hell, they tape again in October. Be there, or be left out. I'll be in the front row like always.
I'll be the one with the huge grin plastered on his face.
Well that's it, kids. No more recap here. I strongly suggest following Shimmer on Twitter (@SHIMMERwomen) or on Facebook (I'm a link!) to find out the moment the DVDs of these shows go on sale. Buy them, love them, and come back to tell me how right I was. You know how much I love that. And in the meantime, remember to keep reading and be good to one another.
6 comments:
I'll have you know that I did NOT cry once during Allison Danger's last match; I just stood under a leaky roof, see, and it was raining. Very hard.
It's okay buddy, they all believe you.
I cried just resizing the pictures.
It's the only human reaction.
I was going to make a "WWE's women division is terrible compared to this" comment but they did just make AJ the new contender for the Diva's title. So while the division is still bad, AJ vs. Kaitlyn should be a good match.
I definitely hope so.
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