WWE Monday Night Raw #1,000

World Wrestling Entertainment Proudly Presents...

WWE Monday Night Raw

1,000th Episode

Welcome, cats and kittens, to yet another installment of the blog that is always incisive and ever divisive, Cewsh Reviews! We have a special treat for you tonight, as we have gathered today to review an episode of Monday Night Raw for only the third time in Cewsh Reviews history. But why tonight, you ask? Because it's the 1,000th time the show has come on, and 1,000 is, like, a really big number and stuff. But tonight isn't just about reaching a symmetrical number in the history of WWE programming. It's also being branded as a new beginning for WWE and a night to enjoy the twin spectacles of nostalgia and whatever you would call nostalgia for things that will happen in the future. Possibly Futalgia, though that sounds like a kind of Athlete's Foot.  Joining me on this journey through time, is our very own Professor of Wrestling History and full time Doctor Who enthusiast MichaelC, and our special guest making his return to Cewsh Reviews, Psycho! So you can tell for tonight's special review, we'll be doing it up proper, and although you can't tell, we're all wearing tuxedos and pretty dresses and are gesturing wildly with out top hats and monocles for the show to get on with it already.

So without any further ado, let's do a motherfucking review!

To Be Continued »

TNA Destination X 2012

Total Nonstop Action Proudly Presents...

TNA Destination X 2012

Welcome, cats and kittens, to yet another installment of the blog that is responsible for everything having an X in it in the 90s, Cewsh Reviews! We have a special treat for you tonight, as we take a fancy little ride down the East Coast to Orlando and once again enter a world full of color, wonder and ire.

And Of Course I Mean The New Sitcom Announcin' Buddies, Starring Jeremy Borash And Mike Tenay.

Of course we could only be talking about Total Nonstop Action, and tonight we review what many are beginning to regard as the centerpiece of their wrestling year, Destination X. Tonight the entire show, (or most of it anyway,) is based entirely around the fabled X-Division, and at the top of the card, arguably the greatest X-Division champion of all time, Austin Aries, will do battle with Bobby Roode to not only become the World Heavyweight Champion, but also to bring the X-Division into manhood at last. But we're getting ahead of ourselves. We've got bitter feuds, a whole host of newbies and a beloved feud from the past to see on our way to the end. So kick your feat up, and start feeling EXTREME, and let's get this show on the road.

So without any further ado, let's do a motherfucking review!

To Be Continued »

CR Fantasy Warfare

Top of the morning to you, boys and girls. And welcome back to the warm and loving embrace of yet another Sunday Supplement. This week we have something very different for you, and it is an idea that was born out of boredom and nachos, like most great ones. Yes, tonight we will be engaging in the very first ever Cewsh Reviews Fantasy Warfare competition!

Not What I Meant, Though That Would Be Awesome.

Using the very latest and most advanced booking simulator technology, (or not,) we will pit the great minds of Cewsh Reviews against one another in a bid for fantasy warfare supremacy and bragging rights forevermore. To be more specific, we'll be doing a draft of any active wrestler and forming our own dream promotions, and then simulating a year in the life of our wacky promotions in Total Extreme Wrestling, (click here to learn more about the game,) to see which promotion will reign supreme at the end. So how will it go down? Will Mrs. Cewsh stock her entire promotion with people who look like Randy Orton? Will Vice go back on his principals and draft John Cena? Will I lose this horribly like I have every other competition the three of us have ever competed in? There's only one way to find out...

To Be Continued »

WWE Over the Limit 2012 and WWE No Way Out 2012

World Wrestling Entertainment Proudly Presents…

WWE Over The Limit 2012 AND WWE No Way Out 2012

Welcome, cats and kittens, to yet another installment of the only review blog where the pen is mighty than the sword, and our cats eat all the pens, Cewsh Reviews! We have a special treat for you tonight as we completely cast off our normal structure for a one night engagement with the Comparison Fairy, and pit the past two WWE shows against one another in a 6 hour mish mash battle royal. Why are we doing this, you might ask? Simple. Because we have entered that special time in the WWE year that we charmingly refer to as the Summerslog. That winsome phrase refers to the generally dull and listless shows that crop up between Wrestlemania and Summerslam every year, and as we stand here flush in the middle of it, all we can do is slog through the muddy sameness until we reach the dry land of Summerslam. But this isn’t just an exercise in complaining, dag nabbit. We’re here to compare these two shows to see if anything of worth managed to come out of these two months, and most especially to see if things are for better or for worse going into Money in the Bank. And frankly, also to see if these two shows are the exact same matches shuffled up and shown twice as I have darkly suspected. If nothing else, we can pretend like it’s a big fight between two shows that really have no other significance whatsoever, and maybe that way we can all feel better about having watched them. So kick back, put on your Snuggie, and get ready, because we’re about to compare and contrast all over your faces.

So without any further ado, let’s do a motherfucking review!

To Be Continued »

TNA Slammiversary 2012

Total Nonstop Action Proudly Presents…

TNA Slammiversary 2012

Welcome, cats and kittens, to yet another installment of the only bacon flavored blog on the internet, (go ahead, lick your monitor,) Cewsh Reviews! We have a special treat for you tonight, as we do something that we swore we would never do. Despite the fact that I’m sure you trust and believe in our very word implicitly, I’m afraid we’re going to have to go back on it and cave to the enormous pressure that our readership has been putting on us this week. Yes, that’s right boys and girls, tonight we’re returning to Orlando, Florida and lifting our embargo on TNA that has seen us review only one of their shows since February. Tonight, we will review TNA Slammiversary, AND GODS HELP YOU IF IT TURNS OUT TO SUCK.

But let’s not get ahead of ourselves. We’re talking about TNA’s 10th anniversary show, and also TNA’s most attended live event in their history. On this special night we’ll see such titanic clashes as Kid Kash vs. Hernandez and Bobby Roode vs. one half of the Blade Runners. Probably some other stuff too. But we’re not just here to glad hand old timers. Gosh darn it, this is a wrestling show! So with a ten year burden of responsibility to live up to and make up for, it’s time for the denizens of the House of Impact to show us something, in what may be the best chance they will ever have again to change the perception that has plagued them. Can they do it? There’s only one way to find out.

So without any further ado, let’s do a motherfucking review!

To Be Continued »

A 3 Step Guide For Fixing TNA

Good evening, boys and girls.  Here at the Cewsh Reviews Institute For Higher Learning we believe in furthering the betterment of all aspects of the wrestling industry.  So when we heard that Vince Russo would be stepping down as the head writer of Total Nonstop Action Impact Championship Wrestling Funtime Jamboree, we immediately tracked down leaders in numerous fields to compile this step by step guide to fixing the mammoth mess that TNA has become (or perhaps has always been).  They have done their research, and the guide that we have compiled is both definitive and absolutely scientifically proven.  With this list in hand, there is nothing that can stop Dixie Carter and Bruce Pritchard from tearing up the wrestling world, annihilating Vince McMahon and the WWE, and sitting themselves atop the wrestling industry in an eternal monopoly.  Or, barring that, it can be used to insure that people stop laughing whenever they walk into rooms.  Nevertheless, we have crunched the numbers, done the legwork and took a good long look at things.

Cewsh Reviews Research Department

So okay, TNA, just imagine that we're all in a conference room and I'm standing in front of you with one of those stands where the pages flip up while I'm giving my presentation. Are you picturing that? Okay, now picture me flipping up the first page to start my presentation, and on the first page in giant red letters is written...

To Be Continued »

WWE Extreme Rules 2012

World Wrestling Entertainment Proudly Presents….

WWE Extreme Rules 2012

Welcome, cats and kittens, to yet another installment of the blog that is illegitimate in every sense of the word, Cewsh Reviews! We have a special treat for you tonight as big Brock Lesnar has come to the WWE to cast his impressive shadow across the entire wrestling landscape. Here, tonight, he is going to wrestle his first match in nearly 5 years and he’s doing it against the face of World Wrestling Entertainment himself, John Cena. When these two men collide, shit is going to go down in a big, big way, and that’s not even remotely all that this show has to offer. We have brawling brutes fighting mat generals, giants fighting crazies and I think there may even be some time to see a monster fight a snake. As far as circuses go, this one sounds pretty awesome, but since we grade wrestling shows I guess we’ll have to see how this show is at being one of those.

So without any further ado, let’s do a motherfucking review!

To Be Continued »

The 5 Best Feuds From Before You Were Born

Welcome, cats and kittens, to yet another Sunday Supplement from your glorious benefactors here at Cewsh Reviews Headquarters.  Tonight we're going to be dealing with something a little different, and rather than turning back the clock to when we were teenagers or when we were kids, we're going to turn the clock all the way back to when we weren't anything at all whatsoever.  See, its a common fallacy of people to only really regard the things that have happened in your lifetime as important, and not to factor in things that went on before, and wrestling is no different.  If you think back to the days before Hulkamania it probably seems like sort of  a big empty period of random title changes and aimless matches, but there were storylines even back in those barbaric times when nobody had started wearing codpieces yet.  So today we'll be celebrating the 10 best storylines that took place before we were born (using 1985, when I was born, as a frame of reference).  Maybe we'll learn something that will give us all new respect for the old timers who paved the way for the wrestling we enjoy today, and if not we can at least all look at how weird people looked back in the day.

Either way, its time for an adventure and off we go!

To Be Continued »

TNA Lockdown 2012

Total Nonstop Action Proudly Presents…

TNA Lockdown 2012

Welcome, cats and kittens, to yet another installment of the only blog that has a fully grown Sasquatch on staff, (he types like 75 words per minute,) Cewsh Reviews! We have a special treat for you tonight as we return to the scene of past crimes against wrestling to review TNA Lockdown 2012. It has been 3 months now since we elected to stop covering TNA’s PPVs on a monthly basis, and now we’re checking back in to see how they’ve been getting on without us. From the looks of things, everything has gotten real interesting in the TNA universe, with Bobby Roode running roughshod over the entire company as TNA champion, Bully Ray lovingly renaming himself Calfzilla, and with the Immortal Hulk Hogan having taken over as the man in charge on television. After alienating us with dreary booking before, will they be able to make us come crawling back begging for forgiveness? Or will we finally have to call things off with TNA permanently? Only one way to find out…

So without any further ado, let’s do a motherfucking review!

To Be Continued »

WWE Wrestlemania XXVIII

World Wrestling Entertainment Proudly Presents…

WWE Wrestlemania XXVIII

Welcome, cats and kittens, to yet another installment of the always delightfully insane Cewsh Reviews! We have a special treat for you tonight as we finally come to the conclusion of the wrestling year with the single biggest event in professional wrestling, WWE Wrestlemania 28. This year WWE seem to have outdone themselves with stars aplenty and feuds galore. We’ll see two of the biggest names in wrestling history do battle to decide which is the bigger star, two legends duke it out to end an era, and two smark love affairs collide. There will also be a Kane match. This, along with all the pomp and circumstance implied therein, can be yours for the low low price of simply continuing to read after this paragraph is over.

Still with us?

Good. Because not only do we have the big show, (also The Big Show,) to consider, but we’ve rounded up the classic dream team of Cewsh and Vice to tackle it, as well as a very special guest viewing her very first ever pay per view. She’s seen the days of Wahoo McDaniel and Ric Flair, she’s perhaps the Rock’s biggest fan on this or any planet and hey, she gave birth to the greatest wrestling reviewer on the planet. I could only be talking about Mama Cewsh making her reviewing debut, and we have not told her anything about anyone on this show, so it’s all first impressions. Boy oh boy does she ever have some opinions to share. So lace up your boots and queue up your music, because it’s time for the show.

So without any further ado, let’s do a motherfucking review!

To Be Continued »