The 6 Best (Worst) Wrestler Side Projects

What better time than now to roll this one out?

In the wake of rumors that Mickie James and Maria Kanellis were released due to their desire to pursue their music outside of WWE, and in the wake of today's rumors that Batista may not even be a WWE employee by the end of tonight due to his wish to pursue his acting career, what better time to take a look back at other times that members of the distinguished brotherhood of professional wrestling dabbled in other forms of media?  After all, wrestlers in music, movies, and television are a proud and well established tradition dating back to the earliest days of spandex, and some performers have even managed to cross over from one to the others.  So it is these proud, brave people that we salute today, for their ups, their downs, and the amusement value that will never cease rewarding us.  Amusement like...

To Be Continued »

The Top 10 Wrestling Moves Of All Time.

Admit it.  You missed us.

Welcome cats and kittens to the end of our vacation, and the first Sunday Supplement of the new wrestling year.  We got tans, kicked back, and got banned from more tropical countries than the Chupacabra, and now we're back and ready for some action.  Well, I am at least.  You won't see Vice back until we post our review of TNA's Lockdown 2010 on Wednesday, and Ms. Cewsh doesn't grace us with her presence until our review of WWE Extreme Rules the Wednesday after that, but hey, it's a start.

Anyway, we're here today to talk about wrestling moves.  Fucking rad wrestling moves.  Moves with flips, moves that hurt and moves that are so face blistering radtacular that even reading this supplement might give you a sunburn that will be embarrassing to explain to your coworkers.  Are you sure you're ready to see the 10 greatest moves in wrestling history (or just my ten favorite)?  Well ready or not, grab some sunscreen, because off we go!

To Be Continued »

TNA Lockdown 2010

Total Nonstop Action Proudly Presents…

TNA Lockdown 2010

Welcome, cats and kittens, to the wrestling review that, despite all it’s rage, continues to still be just rats in cages, Cewsh Reviews. We have a special treat for you tonight, and we begin part one of our two part April = Gimmick matches run here, first with tonight’s TNA Lockdown 2010 review, and next week with WWE’s Extreme Rules 2010 show, because according to Hobo Jim, who hoards bread crust in a bucket behind the grocery store, if anyone bleeds in a month other than April, they will be given a evil ham by the Devil. So, I guess that’s to be avoided then.

Anyway, this is TNA’s unofficial second biggest show of the year, and is generally the night when they shine the brightest. Every match on this show will be contested inside of a steel cage, in various ways, and, as such, this is TNA’s most violent, and most barbaric show every year, as Lockdown is where the biggest feuds get settled amidst the steel. D’Angelo Dinero gets his chance to ascend to the main event as he faces the World Champion, AJ Styles. Ken Anderson and Kurt Angle blow off the feud that has been setting TNA on fire for months now. Team Flair and Team Hogan get Lethally Locked Down to settle their grudges once and for all. This is a night of excitement and potential. Can TNA back it up? Only one way to find out.

So without any further ado, let’s do a motherfucking review!

To Be Continued »

Shimmer: Volume 29

Shimmer: Women Athletes Proudly Presents…
 

SHIMMER: VOLUME 29

Welcome, cats and kittens, to yet another installment of the stylishly feminized Cewsh Reviews! We have a special treat for you tonight, as we take a detour from our usual surroundings of Divas and Knockouts and set out in pursuit of some Women Athletes. Our search has led us back to the doorstep of the almighty Shimmer, home of female wrestlers in the purest form of the word, and hopefully Allison Danger and Dave Prazak’s girls can sufficiently buffer us from the sadness and woe of mainstream women’s wrestling today. But I’m getting ahead of myself. Tonight we will see a cheerleader go goth to fight some ninjas, a Japanese woman who worships Hello Kitty wrestle Rob Van Dam’s weed smoking soul mate, and more Australian accents than you can shake one of those sticks that makes that warbly noise at. What are they called? Didgeridoos? Yeah, those.

Unfortunately, as a proud bearer of a set of genitals you can see from space on clear days (big hit with the lady astronauts, believe it), I’m not the right choice to host these festivities. But wouldn’t you know it, we do have a gender appropriate member of the ol’ team here, and I’m not talking about the time that Vice dressed up like a Burmese hooker to get out of that traffic ticket. So Ms. Cewsh? It’s your show from here. Fire it up!


Ms. Cewsh: So without any further ado, let’s do a motherfucking review!

To Be Continued »

WWE Wrestlemania XXVI

World Wrestling Entertainment Proudly Presents…

WWE Wrestlemania XXVI

Welcome, cats and kittens, to yet another installment of the Showcase of the Incorrigibles, Cewsh Reviews! Tonight we don’t just have A special treat for you, we have THE goddamn special treat, as we are here to review and bask in the glow of WWE Wrestlemania XXVI. Well we’re finally here, at the culmination of both the wrestling year, and our reviewing year. It’s been a long road, with ups and downs, things that were Ian Rotten, and things that were Beautiful People, and here we stand, in year two of Cewsh Reviews, and going strong, ready to celebrate and culminate the wrestling world as a whole on this biggest of nights.

But yeah, yeah, yeah, we’re awesome, blah blah blah. Let’s get to the fucking show, shall we? This is one of the most ridiculously stacked cards in recent memory (possibly in ANY memory) and all three of us are dying to dig our teeth into it. What will we think about Shawn/Taker? What will Vice think of having to watch John Cena wrestle Batista? Will Ms. Cewsh attack the screen when Kofi comes on (and when Randy Orton comes on for a very different reason?) There’s only one way to find out, kids. And damned if we won’t try to make it fun along the way.

Also, Vice’s Awards are back. Yeah, you heard me. This is THE SHIT right here. So without any further ado, let’s do a motherfucking Wrestlemania review!

To Be Continued »

The Wrestlemania 26 Preview Spectacular

Welcome Cewsh Reviewiphiles, to the one and only Cewsh Reviews Wrestlemania Preview Spectacular!

Well here we all are at last, on the very doorstep of the Showcase of the Immortals, WWE Wrestlemania XXVI. It’s been a long fun road to get here to the culmination of both the wrestling industry’s year and ours as well, and like any good final boss battle, this bad boy is going to require the proper amount of preparation and consideration. There will be plenty of that here as I run down all of the matches for you, taking a look at who has momentum, who is due for a great match, and who has the best hair, (not Sheamus.)

But if that was all we were here for, we’d be rotten party hosts, so we’re also all going to be predicting the winners of each match in our own ways. I’ll be using a fancy computer simulation to predict the winner, Ms. Cewsh will be utilizing our unsuspecting cat to divine the future, and Vice watched a lot of porn. Apparently these random and assorted methods are meant to determine how the show will shake out. How will porn and cats (hopefully not used together) divine the future?

Err…I better let them explain.

To Be Continued »

SMASH.1

SMASH Proudly Presents…

SMASH.1

Welcome, cats and kittens, to yet another installment of the best globetrotters not located in Harlem, Cewsh Reviews! Tonight we have a special treat for you, as we travel back to the land of the rising sun and check out the grand debut opening of Yoshihiro Tajiri’s new promotion SMASH. Now we’ve covered all kinds of wrestling through the years, from mainstream WWE stuff, to European stuff, Mexican, Korean, Japanese, and everything in between, but this will be the first time that Cewsh Reviews will ever be able to say that it covered the opening of a brand new promotion happening here and now. To be honest, we couldn’t be more honored to put our faith in the hands of TAJIRI, a wrestler who has captivated each of us over the years and now stands to create something special of his own.

But worry not. This wont be one of those stodgy reviews where all we talk about is tradition and history and the like. We’ll save that for another day, because this is a card filled with rookies, serial killers, blimps, and Tommy Dreamer (or was that repetitive?) and we’re going to have all the fun in the world bringing it to you. So set your phasers to stun, and strap in boys and girls. It’s going to be a wacky ride.

To Be Continued »

TNA Destination X 2010

Total Nonstop Action Proudly Presents…

TNA Destination X 2010

Welcome, cats and kittens, to yet another installment of the most widely read wrestling review blog in Heidi Klum’s bedroom, Cewsh Reviews! Tonight we have a special treat for you as we make our last stop on our glorious path to WWE Wrestlemania XXVI, as we cover TNA’s Destination X 2010. Now it may be a little unfair to TNA to just go ahead and ASSUME that Wrestlemania will overshadow their offering here, just because it’s Wrestlemania, but let’s not be naive. This show is being main evented by Abyss fighting to protect a ring. This isn’t Showcase of the Immortals stuff here.

But with that said, there’s plenty to be excited about here as TNA rolls out the official PPV of the X Division. We’ve got a ladder match, and Ultimate X match, and even, be still my heart, a SHANNON MOORE match. Some dreams do come true, if you wish hard enough. If you BELIEVE. Aside from that we’ve got Kurt Angle trying to cripple Mr. Anderson, Ric Flair in a wheelchair, and something mysterious going on with Abyss’ clothes. Will TNA put on a show worthy of notice at this crazy time of year? Or will they crash and burn and leave WWE to fill the void will the year’s biggest spectacle? Only one way to find out.

So without any further ado, let’s do a motherfucking review!

To Be Continued »

Feminism and Pro Wrestling

Ms. Cewsh: Greetings muffins, and welcome to a special Sunday Supplement. Usually I come out and give you some fluff about web stats or bad fan-art. Today, I'm bringing you a serious essay on the difficulties of being a feminist and a wrestling fan. This is a topic that's very near to my heart. If you're here for jokes, boobs, or to leave comments about how "women spelled backwards is kitchen", move on now.

Women are a huge part of the wrestling business, both as performers and as fans. You doubt me? Statistics of WWE.com show that the split between male and female viewers isn't as great as you think. 39% of people viewing WWE.com are women. That's more than 1/3. I am not an anomaly.

To Be Continued »

The Monday Night Wars Take Two: The Rehappening

World Wrestling Entertainment and Total Nonstop Action Proudly Present…

The Monday Night Wars Take Two: The Rehappening.

Welcome, cats and kittens, to yet another installment of the responsibly time traveling Cewsh Reviews. Tonight we have a special treat for you as we cover the beginning of the new Monday Night Wars between TNA Impact and WWE Raw. “But wait, Mr. McCewsh,” you may say is hushed tones of respect and admiration, “you already did the new Monday Night Wars back in January.” Well this is true, Ms. Cewsh and I tackled that very thing back in the olden days of 2 months ago. But a lot can change in that time, including TNA getting a permanent slot going head to head with Raw on Monday nights (the show in January was a one off event).

What can you expect from this sequel that will make it better than the original? How about Criss Angel, magician extraordinaire? No? How about not one but TWO Hulk Hogan matches. No again? Well how about MAGIC? Yeah, we knew that one would get you. Now you may have been excited at the prospect of Vice and I reviewing this show together and letting our conflicting views on these two shows start a war that would never wane in intensity, and we were too. Unfortunately, our Vicey come down with a serious case of "Has to work a shit ton of overtime to catch up on work" with a few side symptoms like "Has No Free Time" and "Curses The Day That Currency Was Ever Invented In The First Place". It sounds serious. He'll do his best to chip his two cents in when time allows, but in the meantime let's all wish him a speedy, and financially rewarding recovery.

Let's All Support Him As Enthusiastically As These Two.

In the meantime, come watch me, as I cover a historic event in the history of professional wrestling. The true rebirth of the Monday Night Wars. Again. But more so.

Sort of.

So without any further ado, let’s do a motherfucking review!

To Be Continued »