TNA Lockdown 2009

Total Nonstop Action Proudly Presents…

TNA LOCKDOWN 2009

Welcome cats and kittens, to yet another installment of Cewsh Reviews… Tonight we have a special treat for you, assuming, of course, that you consider a special treat to be essentially the same thing you get every Tuesday. If that is the case, then I have no doubt that you will deliriously happy as we review TNA’s Lockdown 2009! TNA has had a run of some of the most abysmal shows that we have ever borne witness to, and while I have been duped by this in the past, (read every other TNA review for evidence of me making excuses for TNA, like an abused spouse,) this show legitimately seems to have potential.

Will we be fooled again? Only time, and the wise Cewsh, will tell.

You may have noticed, for the record, that this edition of everyone’s favorite review is a day late. If you noticed that, then perhaps you can notice deez. Deez what, you ask? Mr. Deez. My diminutive landlord. I never see him coming, and he’s always hassling me. Could really use some help with that. No? Fair enough then. Onwards the mighty review!

To Be Continued »

Wrestlemania XXV

World Wrestling Entertainment Proudly Presents…

WRESTLEMANIA XXV

Welcome cats and kittens to the biggest show of the year, on the grandest stage of them all, Wrestlemania. This show marks the 25th, (yes, we know it’s really the 24th,) anniversary of the biggest show in the industry, and we couldn’t be happier to be here covering it. The excitement is palpable here at Cewsh Reviews Headquarters, not only for the show of shows, but also to reunite the entire team. That’s right, we’ve got Ms.Cewsh, Vice, and, of course, your motherfucking Cewsh together again for this one. We could never have gotten so far without the support and help from so many of you readers, so keep reading, and keep responding.

Alright, enough with the sappy shit, let’s do a fucking Wrestlemania review.

To Be Continued »

NJPW Resolution 2009

New Japan Pro Wrestling Proudly Presents…

NJPW RESOLUTION 2009

Welcome cats and kittens, to yet another edition of the award winning (possibly) Cewsh Reviews… Tonight we are honored to once again send our consciousness across the Pacific Ocean to the Land of the Rising Sun, and in particular New Japan Pro Wrestling’s latest extravaganza, NJPW Resolution 2008! With this being our first review after the heavily anticipated (and absolutely awesome) Wrestlemania review, I think that expectations are high for us to continue our rocking momentum on into the second half of our reviewing year.

So with no further nonsense, let’s all get our faces rocked together.

To Be Continued »

ROH Seventh Anniversary Show 2009

Ring of Honor Proudly Presents…

ROH Seventh Anniversary Show

Welcome, cats and kittens, to yet another edition of the Pepsi Challenge Award winning Cewsh Reviews. We have a special treat for you tonight (is it special if I call them all special? Hmm.) in the form of Ring of Honor’s 7th Anniversary Show. Now we here at Cewsh Reviews Headquarters have been very, very hard on Ring of Honor for the past year of two (or three), and as a result, ROH has been terribly underrepresented in our reviews thus far. Times change, however, and things really seem to be turning around in a big way for the once proud company. Great new talent, interesting new feuds, and a general new atmosphere to the promotion makes it great fodder for us to sink our teeth into.

The Era of Gabe Sapolsky has ended. Cewsh Reviews will proudly champion the Adam Pearce Era as of today. Unless it sucks too. In which case we can be ice cold, motherfuckers. Ice cold.

So without any further ado, let’s do a motherfucking review!

To Be Continued »

NKPWA Impact 2009

New Korean Professional Wrestling Association Proudly Presents…

NKPWA IMPACT 2009

Welcome, cats and kittens, to yet another installment of the only review supported by Tom Zenk Fanatics everywhere, Cewsh Reviews… Today we have yet another special treat as we head out to the Far East for another foreign wrestling spectacular. Rather than go all the way to Japan, however, we’re going to be lazy about it, and park our review plane on the runways of Seoul, South Korea, as we review our very first show for NKPWA. Now NKPWA are an organization still trying to find their footing in comparison to their gargantuan Japanese counterparts, so we thought we’d give them a bit of the Cewsh Boost by giving them some attention here, and see just what exactly is going on in the land of beautiful women and Starcraft pwners alike. It also doesn’t hurt that a mini American invasion is going on here, as TNA stars like Christopher Daniels and Petey Williams are here to rock the Oriental party.

Did Cewsh agree to this just for the potential possibility of scantily clad Korean women? He’s not answering that. But he is winking suggestively. Verrrry suggestively.

So without any further ado, let’s do a motherfucking review!

To Be Continued »

TNA Destination X 2009

Cewsh: Oh, TNA.

This is the peak of the aforementioned, "Period of Woe" from TNA, a period which was so bad that it seemed to go on and on without any hope of change or betterment. The trend would eventually curb itself, but here, we are ass deep in the pain. This show was so bad that it actually struck Vice into complete silence for an entire night. And trust me, when you get to that point in the show, you'll know why.

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TNA Wrestling Proudly Presents:

TNA DESTINATION X 2009

Welcome once again, cats and kittens, to the crème de la crème of wrestling reviews. Today we have a special treat for you all, a TNA show. Woooooo! In all seriousness, there really isn’t a ton to be excited about here. We have, thus far in our time reviewing, (6 month anniversary coming up in April!) never enjoyed a TNA show. We have, if I’m not mistaken, never even given a TNA show a rating that would do IWA:MS proud. They’ve been lackluster shows, filled with lackluster matches, performed by misused and underwhelming talent, for the most part. But I feel something in the air today, boys and girls. I feel a lightness in my heart and a spring in my step. Maybe this time, THIS TIME, TNA will throw off the shackles of convention and actually provide us with a show that we can be proud of; that we can stand up, head held high, and proudly announce that Cewsh Reviews…approves of TNA.

It’s a nice dream. But if it’s all the same to you, I’ll just go ahead and prepare the scathing snark. I get the feeling it just might come in handy.

Note: This is about 24 hours late. We considered rushing it to get it in on time, but instead we chose to exhibit the same professionalism and interest in our fan's enjoyment that TNA has. Enjoy!

To Be Continued »

IWA:MS King of the Deathmatches 2009 Night 2

IWA: Mid South Proudly Presents…

IWA:MS KING OF THE DEATHMATCHES 2009

NIGHT 2

Welcome cats and kittens, to yet another installment of the Tony Nominated Cewsh Reviews… Today we have a special treat for you, as we turn this bad boy around for another pass at the great ship, the S.S. Horrible Burning Pain In My Eyes. Its been two weeks since we last left these stalwart warriors engaged in their deadly (well, more dorky than deadly) game to see who the king of the deathmatches really is, but some of the images remain with me still. Tank, with chopsticks stuck so far into his skull that he looks like Ruadolph the Nazi Reindeer. xOMGx, inspiring us with his tales from the battlefield, among them the time some guy got his nutsack shot off. The sideways swanton, which will forever fill our hearts with wonder.

We, the Cewsh Reviews Team, have elected to take a big ol’ kick to the balls on your behalf and review Night 2 here, giving voice to the agony that previously only 100 people in a high school gym had experienced. Savor our pain and avenge our deaths. Its really all that we ask.

So without any further ado, let’s do a motherfucking review.

To Be Continued »

IWA:MS King of the Deathmatches 2009 Night 1

IWA: Mid South Proudly Presents…

IWA:MS KING OF THE DEATHMATCHES 2009

NIGHT 1

Welcome, cats and kittens, to yet another installment of the Jim Thorpe Award winning Cewsh Reviews. Tonight, we tackle what may very well be the biggest challenge of our short but magnificent reviewing careers. You’ve seen us review IWA:MS shows before, and we’re not exactly huge fans of theirs, but this is different, and by “different”, we of course mean, “worse”. We’re talking blood, we’re talking weapons, and we most exquisitely are talking the sweet, sweet language of the snark. So strap in and get your Incredulity Boots on, because we’re going on the world’s least exciting adventure, together.

And with no further ado, let’s do a motherfucking review, shall we?

To Be Continued »

ROH on HDNET - Episode 1: A New Era.

Ring of Honor Proudly Presents...

ROH on HDNET

Episode 1: A New Era.

Welcome, cats and kittens, to yet another...hey, wait a second. This isn't the Cewsh Reviews that we've come to know and love over the years and read to our children right before they go to bed. Who is this new guy? Why is this a review of a tv show? WHAT'S GOING ON?!

Deep breath. Deeeeep breath. Okay? Okay. Good.

Now then, this is the first review of many to come that will head in an altogether different direction than normal. This review will center around Ring of Honor's weekly television program ROH on HDNET on a weekly (or close to it) basis. "But why ROH?" you may be asking. Well the simple fact is that once upon a time Ring of Honor was the toast of the wrestling world, and was on the tip of the tongue of every hardcore wrestling fan, but in recent years it has fallen into obscurity, so this is not only a weekly review, but an opportunity to shine a spotlight on the various changes since everyone stopped watching, and to answer the burning question "Is Ring of Honor worth watching again?" We hope to find some semblance of an answer here. Or, at the very least, endless opportunities to mock Gabe Sapolsky, who will hitherto be referred to simply as "The Tool". Also you may have noticed i'm calling it ROH on HDNET Episode 1. This is not the first episode, but rather the first episode we will be covering. Consider this as a new dawn for ROH, and everything starting from this review onwards will be treated as a new era entirely.

So let's jump right in and...wait, hold on. I'm forgetting something. AH YES, i'm forgetting about the portion of you who have no idea what Ring of Honor is or why you should care. Well fear not my young squires and squirettes, we have you covered too. In fact, let's get started with a little history...

To Be Continued »

PWG Express Written Consent

Pro Wrestling Guerrilla Proudly Presents…

PWG EXPRESS WRITTEN CONSENT

Welcome, cats and kittens, to yet another installment of David Lee Roth’s favorite wrestling review blog (its possible), Cewsh Reviews… Today we have a special treat for you, as your favorite uncles Cewsh and Vice reach into their sack of presents and withdrawal an American Indy review, this time of California’s own Pro Wrestling Guerrilla.

Hey wait! Where are you going?!

Come back, come back. Easy there. I know that you’ve been burned before in the past when Cewsh Reviews has covered the indies. From the soul crushing whiny depression of the King of the Deathmatches tournament in IWA:MS, to the complete ho hum snoozefest of our Ring of Honor reviews, the independent scene hasn’t been kind to you lately, and I completely understand you reservations. However, this isn’t any old show. We’re talking California here, we’re talking fun and wackiness, and we are most assuredly talking about the once in a lifetime team up of the Young Bucks (Cewsh and Vice’s early choice for Tag Team of the Year) and Paul fucking London. Not to mention a host of other familiar names, and the wacky stars of tomorrow.

So c’mon. Pop some popcorn, scooch up close to the monitor, and give us the second chance we so richly deserve. C’mon. Would I lie to you?

Well yes. But would Vice?

To Be Continued »