New Japan Pro Wrestling Proudly Presents…
Welcome cats and kittens, to yet another edition of the award winning (possibly) Cewsh Reviews… Tonight we are honored to once again send our consciousness across the Pacific Ocean to the Land of the Rising Sun, and in particular New Japan Pro Wrestling’s latest extravaganza, NJPW Resolution 2008! With this being our first review after the heavily anticipated (and absolutely awesome) Wrestlemania review, I think that expectations are high for us to continue our rocking momentum on into the second half of our reviewing year.
So with no further nonsense, let’s all get our faces rocked together.
Segment 1 – Opening Video Fever!
Cewsh: NJPW’s video packages rival WWE’s. They’re all vague reflections of each other, but the music and the feuds and everything are just picture perfect. I don’t have to speak the language to get the story. Just always great stuff.
Segment 2 - Koji (OLD MAN) Kanemoto vs. Kazuchika (My First Name Required Googling To Spell) Okada.
Cewsh: I must confess. Ordinarily I liked to portray myself as knowledgeable about Japanese wrestling, but I avoided spoilers so valiantly for this show, that as a result I really don’t know many of the stories or feuds going into it. For example, I have no idea who Okada is, nor do I know why the awesome old man who’s name I am almost incapable of not writing in caps every time (KANEMOTO!) are wrestling right here.
Not understanding the reason for it hardly detracts from my ability to enjoy the match, however, and seeing Kanemoto wrestle always brings a smile to my face, as he’s been a favorite of mine for as long as I’ve been watching Japanese wrestling. They have a solid little back and forth opener here, with MOTOMOTO giving the young lion plenty of offense and making him look good, while dishing out the vicious offense that I’ve always loved from the Lightweight Badass.
Then. Well. The end came. Kind of out of nowhere to be honest, and I don’t think it did the loser any favors, even if it wasn’t a huge surprise. Ah well. Fun opener, not much more than that. Not the end of the world.
62 out of 100.
Vice: The match starts off with the two of them just beating the piss out of each other with forearms. Good, nice strikes. Awesome stuff here with the old bastard Kanemoto gaining the advantage, and just slapping the shit out of the rugrat. Then he proceeds to facewash the SHIT out of him.
I must say that I love this commentator. He sounds like that nutjob guy from Police Academy, but 10% less nutty and 100% more Japanese. It’s awesome. So much emotion. Reminds me of Don West because it seems like he’s legitimately getting a hard-on by the action.
Kanemoto wins by murder. The rugrat got destroyed in a pretty entertaining match, as long as you weren’t the rugrat’s mother. Then it’d be hard to watch. Poor bastard.
Koji Kanemoto over Kazuchika Okada Via A Knockout.
Segment 2 - Wataru (Would Liger Please Just Retire So I Can Be Important?) Inoue, Milano Collection (Still Don’t Know What He’s Collecting. Comic Books?) AT (Comic Books Of the A-Team!) & Taichi (I Use Immortal Souls For Hair Gel) Ishikari vs. Tomohiro (Muscular) Ishii, (FUCK YOU WE ARE) Jado (AND…Oh. ) & Tomoaki (Tubby) Honma.
Cewsh: Alright, right off the bat, Inoue makes it known that he wants a major piece of Honma (at least I assume the tubby one in Honma), and he gets it, leading to one of those quintessentially Japanese chop battles where they hit each other so hard and so many times, that William Regal’s chest would literally just erupt in blood. There is evidentally a lot of harsh feelings between these two teams, because the match soon dissolves into a brawl around ringside, which is still somewhat unusual to see in New Japan, even today. There’s a great deal of heated battling back and forth, and its just generally a fun match to watch between a bunch of young, great talents (aside from Jado, the horny anime grandpa, and the tubby guy who was pretty shitty.)
It must be said, though, that in a match with some good talent, Taichi Ishikari steals the match yet again. Everytime we watch matches of his, he always seems to stand out as impressive no matter who else is in the with him. Its really quite impressive to steal your match consistently in the endless six man matches that Japan is known for, and he really has been. I’m earmarking him here and now as a future big time player in lightweight Japanese wrestling. You watch. I’m never wrong about these things*.
* Except when I am.
60 out of 100.
Vice: WWE needs to hire some invisible dogs so they can be walked. Or have someone debut a dog, have it be killed, and they can keep walking the ghost. AWESOME.
Milano Collection AT is superawesome and I’ve always been a fan of him. Ishikari constantly wins me over. He tries to go for the super pretty boy look with his funky hair, but he’s not exactly in that great of shape, nor is he that pretty. Somehow he pulls it off though, and it goes to show how much funky hair can do to yourself.
He lost the match, but the fans all won.
G.B.H over The Male Models Via A Diving Headbutt From Ishii on Ishikari.
Segment 3 – Some Old Dudes (Riki Choshu, Super Strong Machine & El Samurai) vs. The Greatest Team Ever Assembled Anywhere Ever. And Akira. (Masahiro Chono, Jushin Thunder Liger & AKIRA).
Vice: Riki Choshu is a massive wrestling star, but he’s actually a really old fat bastard who does not wear elbow OR knee pads. So basically, he’s 90% naked when wrestling. 88% is acceptable, but 90% is just too much (or too little?) I’m sorry to say. Still, he’s pretty awesome. Liger is still exceptional. Chono should join the Main Event Mafia in TNA. AKIRA is still blah and I was sad to see him get the pinfall. Seriously, the dude looks like he’s 30. But he’s been wrestling like 40 years. And still looks like he has no idea what he’s doing in the ring.
Not a bad match overall though. I didn’t have high expectations, so whatever. I was hoping for more Liger though. GO GO POWER LIGER!
Cewsh: 5 years ago, this match would have been a big deal.
10 years ago, this match would have been a semi main event.
15 years ago, this match would have main evented this show.
20 years ago I was 4 years old.
The point I’m making is that these are huge names, but all fairly far past their prime. And even if (like in Chono and Liger’s case), they can still wrestle better than they have any right to, they’re still a bunch of old men.
I’m not going to turn this into a rant about AKIRA and how terrible he has ALWAYS BEEN. Its also not going to turn into a rant about how Super Strong Machine always sucked a dick, and has never impressed me, or about how El Samarui is the least impressive looking professional wrestler this side of Chris Hero. Nor am I going to turn this into a rant about how Riki Choshu couldn’t wrestle in his prime, but has been making Chono his bitch since I was in diapers.
Hmm, if I’m not going to rant about any of those things, what’s left?
Um.
You know what? I will rant for a minute, on just how ugly some of these bastards are. Standards for wrestlers are much different in Japan with size in general being valued above ripped abs or some such due to long generations of sumo heroes. So I GET the appeal of Choshu. But is there some kind of rule where he has to dress exactly like the sumo that he was like 20 years ago, even as his stomach endevours to touch his toes? Is there a reason why Super Strong Machine has to dress like the most generic big man wrestler ever, just with a random luchadore mask on top? And is there a REASON why El Samurai is even allowed to be in this match, looking, like he does, like an eight year old boy in a badly fitting Halloween costume?
I mean seriously, have a little pride in yourselves already, and someone buy Choshu a fucking T-Shirt.
As for the match, its fine. Perfectly serviceable for being a match more about names than skills these days. That’s really all there is to know.
65 out of 100.
Team Awesome over Team Dunkin Donuts Following a Splash From AKIRA to El Samurai.
Segment 4 - IWGP Jr. Heavyweight Tag Team Title – The Motor City (Which Is Probably A Totally Different Place In Japan) Machine Guns (c) vs. Ryusuke (Pelvic Thrust of DOOM) Taguchi & Prince (Raspberry Beret) Devitt.
Cewsh: Vice has high hopes for this match. My expectations are tempered by the lack of really impressive matches from the Guns lately. We’ll see how well this goes.
Their people whom everyone thinks are going to dethrone the Americans are the team of NO LIMIT, who are even in TNA right now to hype up the feud. So the idea here is that Devitt and Taguchi want to prove that they earned this match and are nobody to be looked past. The Machine Guns, on the other hand, just want to establish even more that they’re the best Junior Heavyweight team in the world. Which is debatable, but its hard to argue with the belts.
This match starts off mildly paced, with both teams feeling each other out. Then, about five minutes in, they all just say “Fuck it” and go 110 miles per hour straight through the ending. This is one of those matches where you watch it and you just say “OUCH!” over and over as you watch it, because the spots are all fantastic and look absolutely brutally great. The Guns are their usual selves, but they’re much better than usual, because they found a rare team that can keep up with them and whom they have good chemistry with, and Prince Devitt spends the match looking like an absolute star in the making. Mark my words, within the next 3 years, he’ll be getting offers from the big leagues. Of course before that happens he’s going to need to learn how to do a move he didn’t learn from watching DVDs of Ring of Honor circa 2004. Styles’ Pele Kick, Strong’s Double Knee Drop, Ki’s Double Stomp, its all there, and it kind of blatant. Still though, gobs of potential there, if anyone steps up to give him to chance to see it.
Yep, fun match. Don’t waste your time here looking for any psychology or pacing, because there isn’t any. Much like all matches featuring these four guys, its big move after big moves, executed with an irresistible style. If that’s your thing, and its hard to say no to, then this match is absolutely worth a look. For me though, I won’t go so far as to recommend it.
77 out of 100.
Vice: This match was pretty groovy, I must say. Not a heck of a lot of psychology or story telling, but lots of flips and ridiculous moves. Basically the typical “indy” match from a few years ago. However, the participants are pretty awesome and therefore it was better than your average salmon. The Guns are all kinds of great. Devitt is pretty awesome too, despite being the most typical looking and wrestling indy guy right now. He has that X factor about him though, so I’m sure he’s going to have a bright future. That leaves Taguchi. He was in the match for quite a long time, but I can’t remember a thing that he did. He just doesn’t stand out at all, but he makes for a good punching bag I suppose.
This is completely random, but I thought about it during the match so I will write it out. What if they combined tag wrestling with ROH’s Pure rules? With tag team matches, partners are constantly breaking up pinfalls and submissions. What if a team could only run in and break up the action three times? Could be awesome, could be disastrous. Who knows. Just something that popped into my head.
The Motor City Machine Guns over Devitt and Taguchi Following a Super Shinarui/Powerbomb.
Segment 5 - IWGP Jr. Heavyweight Title - (Title vs. Mask) - Tiger (Wears His Pants Like An Old Man) Mask (c) vs. Black (Power) Tiger.
Vice: They call him Black Tiger, but he looks more like Batman from the 50’s with a black man beard. Tiger Mask is Tiger Mask, and really not that good. But if Black Tiger is Rocky Romero, then I’m not too high on him either. Fuck tigers, anyway. Ocelots are what’s up.
Ref bumps in Japan kick ass. Ref is down just long enough for Black Tiger to throw Tiger Mask into the air and give him a wicked kick to the nuts. Ref recovers from the gust of air and everything returns to normal. Until he gets his ass handed to him again.
Black Tiger is just an awesome heel. “You all fucking SUCK!”. Amazing. Japan has no idea what he’s saying, which is truly glorious. Tiger Mask gets the W in a fairly decent match which was kind of boring, but Black Tiger’s heel work was pretty damn awesome.
Cewsh: Think about this for a second. At one point in history, Mitsuharu Misawa was the Tiger Mask. And also at one point in history, Eddie Guerrero was Black Tiger. I’m not saying that these guys suck or anything, but yeah. Just pointing out that this match could, theoretically, have been the greatest match in the history of ever, and instead its Tiger Mask # Meh vs. Rocky Romero. Just putting that out there.
Anyway this match starts and I kind of yawn to myself as the same old antics from Tiger Mask fail to really get me interested. In fact I was pretty ho hum about the whole thing right up until about 4 minutes in, when out of nowhere a ref bump happens. A ref bump? In Japan? This early? Black Tiger then proceeds to nail Tiger Mask with an enormous low blow, and I immediately have a new favorite wrestler for the night. The ref comes to and the wrestle a bit more until ANOTHER ref bump, resulting in Black Tiger cheaping the shit out of Tiger Mask again.
This is amazing. This is almost unprecedented in my watching of Japanese wrestling, to see such blatant and amazing heel work. For a moment I find myself wondering if somehow it actually IS Guerrero under the mask, right up until he says to the crowd in a booming voice “Fuck you motherfuckers, I’m the real Tiger.” At that point I know its not Eddie, but it is damn sure awesome.
Things progress until, a few minutes later, they are both counted out. You may have already worked out the flaw in this but if you didn’t, let me direct your attention back to the segment header. No, not to my witty nicknames, or my immaculate formatting. No, perhaps note the stipulation here. This is a MASK vs. TITLE match, and they both just got COUNTED OUT. For a solid minute I stared at my screen in disbelief, thinking that TNA had somehow seeped into the booking committee for NJPW. Then, of course, they restart the match, and have an intense 5 minute confrontation ending with a clean win. I’m just gullible I guess.
This match was a lot of fun. I don’t think highly of Tiger Mask, but he held up his end against a virtuoso heel performance from Black Tiger, and it really gave this show an unpredictable element right where it was most needed. Well played Tigers. Well played.
79 out of 100.
Tiger Mask over Black Tiger Following a German Fisherman’s Suplex.
Post Match:
Vice: ROCKY ROMERO is revealed at the end of the match, and it’s no surprise that he was the one with the lovely heel work. He did walk up to me and tell me he hated me, you know. Romero walked to the back and Tiger Mask is attacked by… BLACK TIGER. Whaaaaaaaat?
Cewsh: After the match, Black Tiger balks at demasking himself, and is basically physically threatened if he doesn’t, so he finally accedes. Its Rocky Romero, to nobody’s great surprise, and he shakes Tiger Mask’s hand and walks off with his head held high, as he should, because that match showed great potential in him. Tiger Mask celebrates for a bit, and goes to leave the ring when out of nowhere he is attacked by Black Tiger.
Oh that’s right.
The REAL Black Tiger.
Black Tiger absolutely decimates Tiger Mask, and then snatches his mask off, leaving the Masked One shamed and humiliated in the middle of the ring, with the students trying their best to cover his face and Black Tiger attacked them. Holy shit, what a moment of shock that was. Just when Tiger Mask thought he had beaten his greatest adversary for good, he’s faced with the reality that the battle hasn’t even begun. I thought this feud was predictable, and finished, but it was only the beginning. Wow. I can’t fucking wait for the next show to see what happens. I’ve never said that about ol’ 80’s pants, so they’re clearly doing something very right.
Segment 6 - Manabu (Yup) Nakanishi & Takao (Nope) Omori vs. Giant (There Aint No Getting Off Of This A-Train We On) Bernard & Karl (I Haz Job?) Anderson.
Cewsh: Please wake me when people who can wrestle show up.
13 out of 100.
Vice: This match was remarkably boring for me. For the life of me I could not get into it, and I simply did not give a shit. I was very happy when the match ended. I don’t even remember who won—I had to block it out of my memory like a rape victim.
Somebody over Something Following Me Falling Asleep.
Segment 7 - Hirooki (The Villain For The Tanahashi Movie) Goto vs. Toru (Even I Know That I Don’t Deserve To be This High On the Card) Yano.
Vice: Fuck did Goto have a long night trying to drag a worthless carcass around the ring for however long it was. Goto is pretty goddamn great, but Yano is just the epitome of SHIT. He’s just so goddamn bad. I never want to see him wrestle again. Not even in a match where he’s just getting his ass kicked for 40 minutes. Why? ‘Cause he’d still find a way to make it suck. I could seriously type another 3,000 words about how much I loathe Yano, but for my sanity and your sake, I’m not going to. No more Yano please. :(
Cewsh: Oh, for fuck’s sake.
Goto is good. He had a fantastic match on the last NJPW show we reviewed, that both of us thought very highly of, and he is one of the top stars of this generation of New Japan wrestlers. Hell, if I’m not mistaken, he was this year’s winner of the G1 Climax Tournament, which essentially aims him at Hiroshi Tanahashi like an arrow set in the bow. That match will be one for the ages, with enormous implications, as Tanahashi will get the chance to hold off the last competitor for the title of the Ace of this generation, and Goto will get the chance to rise to the heights everyone always expected him to and realize his potential.
So yeah, my problem isn’t with Goto.
No, my problem is with Toru Yano.
FUCK Toru Yano.
Despite the fact that that statement may one day get my lariated out of my shoes, it’s the only thing that really sums up my feelings. First, this guy gives us Team 3D vs. Yano and Makabe, a technical classic if there ever was one. Then he gives us the exact same match, except lazier. And then he does it AGAIN. Then he gets into this match with Goto and proceeds to dig down real deep, and suck a fucking dick. Goto absolutely busts his ass to make this a watchable match. Selling his leg like he had it cut off, and showing every inch of the awesome firey babyface, but in the end it keeps falling flat.
Why?
Because Yano can’t build or sustain heat. Goto tries to sell Yano’s moves for false finishes. That doesn’t work because Yano botches them. Goto tries to sell Yano a used car. It fails because Yano forgot his wallet at home. Goto tries to save money on his car insurance by switching to Geico. It doesn’t work, because Yano’s fat ass sits on the gecko. Its fucking ridiculous.
If I could assign individual scores, Goto would get something like an 89 and Yano would get roughly a 2. As I have to rate the match itself, instead of the participants, I will do so.
73 out of 100.
Hirooshi Goto over Toru Yano Following an Armbar.
Segment 8 – Chain Death Match - Yuji (He Is, Apparently, New Japan) Nagata vs. Takashi (Evil Incarnate) Iizuka.
Cewsh: These bastards want to KILL each other.
The backstory here is convoluted, but the gist of it seems to be that the GBH stable (which consists of half the roster and is led by Iizuka) is taking over New Japan one step at a time, and Nagata was either sought out or was simply in the wrong place at the wrong time. Either way, he and his young boys got their asses handed to them by the GBH, and Nagata is hot for revenge. The rest sells itself, as we have Nagata (statistically the second best wrestler on Earth for the past 6 months) up against the most evil man alive in a chain death match. I don’t think I exactly need to draw you a diagram for you to figure out how this match went.
This match was bloody. BLOOD-E. I mean seriously, Nagata got himself busted open within the first 3 minutes of this match, and the match went so long that Nagata’s cut actually had time to stop bleeding, seal up, and becomes practically unnoticeable. The first third of this match is Nagata getting his ass kicked. The second third of this match is Iizuka getting his ass kicked. The final third of this extremely long and grueling match is just Yuji Nagata getting hung by the chain over the rope, and no selling A HANGING.
Show of hands. Who here thinks they’re a double hard bastard?
Alright, now who thinks they could be hung for over 3 minutes straight and then walk it off immediately afterwards?
Exactly.
This was the definition of a death match. These guys didn’t even pretend to know what technical wrestling was, here. They came and delivered a match so unsettlingly similar to a real fight between desperate angry dudes chained to each other, that I kept trying to read their body language and words (like I speak Japanese that well) to determine if it was all a shoot. If it was, then they’re amazing. If it wasn’t then, well, they’re amazing. Any way you slice it, this match is a barbaric bloodbath, seething with intensity and positively awash with insanity.
If you like you matches slow paced, bloody, and intense, well then this is your stop sir or madam. And it’s the best stop you’ve likely seen in a long, long time.
77 out of 100.
Vice: Nagata using the theme from Pirates of the Caribbean is just awesome. So legit.
Punching. Kicking. Biting. Bleeding. Ass kicking. Nagata is monstrous and the other guy is pretty fucking ridiculous as well. There’s really not a whole lot to say about this match—if you enjoy watching two badass motherfuckers beat the fucking shit out of each other while attached by a motherfucking chain, then this is your match.
Captain Jack Nagata gets hung at the end, which is a fate that no pirate desires. Nice touch after the match with people actually trying to get Nagata to breathe again. I love Japanese wrestling when it’s like this. I love people in the corner. I love having tons of friends and trainers at ringside. And photographers. It always makes the matches seem more important.
Takashi Iizuka over Yuji Nagata Following Iizuki choking Nagata out.
Segment 9 - Shinsuke (KENTA All Grown Up) Nakamura vs. Togi (I Should Be Selling Pretzels) Makabe.
Vice: The fight starts off on the entrance ramp and they try to kill each other. Nakamura is awesome. People slipping and falling when they kick is stupid and makes the person look foolish, but when you put every ounce of your strength into one ridiculous kick to the point where you can’t stay balanced? Mega awesome and a great sight to see. I love stiff kicks. I really do. I want someone to have boots where their shin is exposed, so they can really kill the other person. Or have that be their finisher—remove their kickpad to reveal the shin and KAPOW.
Nakamura = awesome
Makabe = wank
Makabe = wank
Nakamura turns heel at the end in what wasn’t exactly jaw-dropping for me, mainly because I have absolutely no idea what the fuck is going on, but Cewsh’s reaction summed up just how big the moment was. So, it was pretty damn big.
Cewsh: Remember all that ranting I did about Toru Yano earlier in this review? Go ahead and go back and check it. I’ll wait.
Do do doo.
Good?
Alright. Well Makabe is his tag team partner in the Nation of Suffocation (totally just made that up), and believe it or not, Yano is the GOOD one.
Nakamura is one of those guys who doesn’t, at first glance, strike me as someone I’m interested in, nor do his matches really stir me at first, but the more I watch him, and the longer his matches go, the more he shines to me and really looks like the star he has been pushed as. He doesn’t really ever disappoint, even if he is, perhaps, the NJPW top guy who needs to be led the most, but even if he is very good, and I believe that he is, he is not within miles of being good enough to carry a lump of dogshit like Makabe to a watchable match.
Look, I hate to run people down. If I read a review online that reviewed reviewers (which would be odd), and it totally panned my review and called me a twat, and wishes ass cancer on my future children, that would probably make me sad, so I hesitate to do it to anyone else. Its just bad karma. However sometimes you just feel the need to be a dick in the name of honesty, and the performances this year by Yano and Makabe make me feel life I’m being reasonable. Shit, I feel downright generous.
So how is this match? How do you think? Nakamura 82, Makabe 3.7.
66 out of 100.
Shinsuke Nakamura over Togi Makabe Following an Attitude Adjuster.
Cewsh: You thought that was it, didn’t you? You thought that this was a bad match, and now its over, and onwards to the main event.
Nope.
As the match draws to a close, Yano, Makabe’s partner, comes to ringside to cheer on his friend in the biggest match of his career. Just when things are turning around for Makabe, though, Yano enters the ring with a chair, goes to hit Nakamura and BANG!
Clobbers his best friend, Makabe in the head with the chair! Nakamura promptly finishes off Makabe, and raises his hand in triumph with Yano, as they fight off the oncoming young boys. To add insult to injury, Nakamura slaps an armlock on the unconscious Makabe before finally leaving with Yano.
Holy fucking shit.
Not only did New Japan’s premiere (shitty, but premiere) tag team just break up, but in doing so, they also seem to have turned arguably the second biggest star in the company heel along with it! Understanding this all requires you to know that Nakamura’s been slowly getting more and more frustrated with watching Tanahashi’s and Goto’s stars rise as his seems to fall, and I would have gone into detail about that earlier if I had had even an inkling of what would result from this seemingly meaningless match. Is Nakamura a fully fledged heel now? Because that might very well change absolutely everything. A heel Nakamura with an agenda might well shake the foundations of New Japan. And if he has a crazy bastard like Yano in his corner…
Shit, man. Shit.
Segment 10 - IWGP Heavyweight Title - Hiroshi (A Greek God Walking Amongst Us Humble Mortals) Tanahashi (c) vs. Kurt (Still One Of The Best Wrestlers Alive, Don’t Believe The Hype) Angle.
Cewsh: Fucking motherfucking tractorcunts I’m excited for this match. Two of the best in the world, going full tilt for the most prestigious title in Japan? Hells to the jingle fuck yes.
The match starts off with Angle immediately going on the attack, forcing Tanahashi to the ground and controlling him mercilessly with his superior mat wrestling skills. In the opening moments, its really all Tanahashi can do to get to the ropes and avoid being controlled entirely. Finally though, after working hard to try to figure Angle out, Tanahashi slaps on a headlock and refuses to let go. Angle tries everything he knows, maneuvering around, even back suplexing Tanahashi at one point, but Tanahashi refuses to let go of his slight advantage, and holds on throughout it all. Finally Angle works out of the lock, and heaves Tanahashi over his head with an enormous belly to belly suplex, that the reserved Japanese crowd jumps to their feet for. Its crazy, sometimes, when you watch something out of your usual element like this, and you see the fans react to a move that is routine to you, but entirely special and unique to them. It’s a different perspective on things, and its pretty rad to see.
Both men struggle to get the upper hand throughout the middle of the match, with each man hitting signature moves, but unable to capitalize with any real momentum. As the match gets towards the end, though, they just start dropping absolute bombs on each other. Finisher after finisher so fast its almost a blur, and then Angle grabs the Angle Lock and just holds on tenaciously despite Tanahashi’s best efforts to shunt him off. Having wrecked Tanahashi’s (pretty) ankle, Angle stays on the offensive, wrecking Tanahashi with Angle Slams both on the ground, and off the top rope, but nothing can put the champion down. There’s a scramble, madly, to hit the final finishers, until finally, not one, not two, but THREE finishers seals the deal for the winner.
Watching this, I found myself struck by how similar it was to the first Kurt Angle vs. Shawn Michaels match was. The moves were different certainly, but the match flows and progressed in a very similar way. From the headlock spot, to the prolonged Angle Lock selling, to the bevy of Angle Slams, it was remarkably similar, while still managing to put its own stamp on the idea. It seems odd to say that Kurt Angle was carrying a match against arguably the best wrestler in the world right now, but he did, and he did a great job. The only complaint I could possibly lever against this match would be how relatively short it was.
Tanahashi’s title win, and first title defense were both epic, long monsters of matches, whereas this one was less than 20 minutes, and seemed set up to go longer. I don’t really blame either guy, its just Japanese tradition to limit the main event time of non-homegrown workers, and this show was enormously long before we even got to this point. I wanted more, but I’m not going to let that taint what it was that I did get. What I got was good fucking shit. Not enough to make this entire show good just by being part of it, but good standing alone.
84 out of 100.
Cewsh’s Download Seal Of Approval.
Vice: While I fear for Kurt’s health, it always adds a lot to a match. Whenever he lands on his neck or head, or at any sort of weird angle, I always wonder just how alright he is. He’s amazing at working through pain and injuries, so I’m never sure of his status. And every time he lands on his head I think it’s going to be the straw that broke the camel’s back. To sum it up—I’m always invested in Kurt Angle matches. Plus he’s fucking awesome.
Speaking of fucking awesome.. TANAHASHI. Never noticed his cauliflower ears before, but somehow he makes them look stylish. How, I don’t know. Magic? A deal with God himself? It’s something scientists should look into.
So, the match. I’m not quiiiite sure what to think of it, basically because I was caught off guard with the length. With nearly 45 minutes left in the show, and Tanahashi and Angle set to square off in a huge main event match.. I thought it was going to last at least 25-30, if not 35-40. So when Tanahashi picks up the win in just over 15 minutes, I was like “huh?” and kinda just sat there with a blank stare for a bit. It was still a pretty damn good match for what it was. It had good pacing, solid ring work from both participants and just felt pretty huge despite the length of the bout. Was I hoping for an insanely epic 30+ minute match? Yes. Buuuuut it all made sense, so I can’t really complain. It was very enjoyable, and I’m probably going to watch it again in a day or two, knowing the result/length, just to see if my opinion changes.
This is one of the things I still love about TNA—the TNA wrestlers aren’t just TNA wrestlers. You can get some pretty awesome cross-promotion battles that you just won’t see in WWE. WWE makes you think “what if…” and TNA just says “LETS DO IT, MOTHERFUCKERS!”, which I very much appreciate. Post-match, Goto jumps in the ring and says he wants a title shot. Tanahashi appears to say yes. That’s that. Massive match is signed for next month. Tanahashi’s dog was not killed, the parents of Goto were not viciously attacked.. no nonsense. A big match gets signed and that’s that.
Hiroshi Tanahashi over Kurt Angle Following a High Fly Flow.
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Cewsh’s Celibacy:
Cewsh: Well. Hmm. This show was a shade disappointing.
No, I take that back. This show was what it looked like on paper, but my hopes were too high. Two shows ago, NJPW delivered one of the most glorious wrestling experiences I have ever had the pleasure of seeing. Last show, they delivered a strong show with some glaring weaknesses. This time a great many of those weaknesses shown through, but I still had the shine and luster of that first show in my eyes. I’ll know better the next time we do one of these, and I’ll adjust my expectations accordingly. The best that can be said for THIS show was that it was average, bordering on pretty good. About all there is to say.
Months from now, all that will really stand out here is Nakamura’s swerve.
Cewsh’s Final Score: 65.6 out of 100.
Vice’s Ventriloquism:
Vice: Overall it was a pretty decent show. Couple blah matches, some lovely ones, and some good storyline stuff. I’m sure if I was emotionally invested in NJPW and kept up with all their shows and wrestlers, the storyline stuff would make more sense and provide some holy shit moments.. so this was definitely a big show, but it didn’t hit the spot for me.
Vice's Final Score: 57 out of 100.
Welp, thanks for coming ladies and gentlemen, and I hope you enjoyed another foray into the mysterious waters of professional wrestling in Japan. I know that generally speaking, people like our reviews better when they’re about promotions and wrestlers that they’re actually familiar with, but we here at Cewsh Reviews… are powerless to the siren call of Hiroshi Tanahashi. At any rate, fear not, not only do we have an American review coming up next Tuesday, but its TNA’s Lockdown PPV. Can simple cages hold all of the snark we’ll throw they’re way? Only one way to find out, tune in and be dazzled. Until then, as always, keep reading and be good to one another.
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