NKPWA Impact 2009

New Korean Professional Wrestling Association Proudly Presents…

NKPWA IMPACT 2009

Welcome, cats and kittens, to yet another installment of the only review supported by Tom Zenk Fanatics everywhere, Cewsh Reviews… Today we have yet another special treat as we head out to the Far East for another foreign wrestling spectacular. Rather than go all the way to Japan, however, we’re going to be lazy about it, and park our review plane on the runways of Seoul, South Korea, as we review our very first show for NKPWA. Now NKPWA are an organization still trying to find their footing in comparison to their gargantuan Japanese counterparts, so we thought we’d give them a bit of the Cewsh Boost by giving them some attention here, and see just what exactly is going on in the land of beautiful women and Starcraft pwners alike. It also doesn’t hurt that a mini American invasion is going on here, as TNA stars like Christopher Daniels and Petey Williams are here to rock the Oriental party.

Did Cewsh agree to this just for the potential possibility of scantily clad Korean women? He’s not answering that. But he is winking suggestively. Verrrry suggestively.

So without any further ado, let’s do a motherfucking review!

To Be Continued »

TNA Destination X 2009

Cewsh: Oh, TNA.

This is the peak of the aforementioned, "Period of Woe" from TNA, a period which was so bad that it seemed to go on and on without any hope of change or betterment. The trend would eventually curb itself, but here, we are ass deep in the pain. This show was so bad that it actually struck Vice into complete silence for an entire night. And trust me, when you get to that point in the show, you'll know why.

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TNA Wrestling Proudly Presents:

TNA DESTINATION X 2009

Welcome once again, cats and kittens, to the crème de la crème of wrestling reviews. Today we have a special treat for you all, a TNA show. Woooooo! In all seriousness, there really isn’t a ton to be excited about here. We have, thus far in our time reviewing, (6 month anniversary coming up in April!) never enjoyed a TNA show. We have, if I’m not mistaken, never even given a TNA show a rating that would do IWA:MS proud. They’ve been lackluster shows, filled with lackluster matches, performed by misused and underwhelming talent, for the most part. But I feel something in the air today, boys and girls. I feel a lightness in my heart and a spring in my step. Maybe this time, THIS TIME, TNA will throw off the shackles of convention and actually provide us with a show that we can be proud of; that we can stand up, head held high, and proudly announce that Cewsh Reviews…approves of TNA.

It’s a nice dream. But if it’s all the same to you, I’ll just go ahead and prepare the scathing snark. I get the feeling it just might come in handy.

Note: This is about 24 hours late. We considered rushing it to get it in on time, but instead we chose to exhibit the same professionalism and interest in our fan's enjoyment that TNA has. Enjoy!

To Be Continued »

IWA:MS King of the Deathmatches 2009 Night 2

IWA: Mid South Proudly Presents…

IWA:MS KING OF THE DEATHMATCHES 2009

NIGHT 2

Welcome cats and kittens, to yet another installment of the Tony Nominated Cewsh Reviews… Today we have a special treat for you, as we turn this bad boy around for another pass at the great ship, the S.S. Horrible Burning Pain In My Eyes. Its been two weeks since we last left these stalwart warriors engaged in their deadly (well, more dorky than deadly) game to see who the king of the deathmatches really is, but some of the images remain with me still. Tank, with chopsticks stuck so far into his skull that he looks like Ruadolph the Nazi Reindeer. xOMGx, inspiring us with his tales from the battlefield, among them the time some guy got his nutsack shot off. The sideways swanton, which will forever fill our hearts with wonder.

We, the Cewsh Reviews Team, have elected to take a big ol’ kick to the balls on your behalf and review Night 2 here, giving voice to the agony that previously only 100 people in a high school gym had experienced. Savor our pain and avenge our deaths. Its really all that we ask.

So without any further ado, let’s do a motherfucking review.

To Be Continued »

IWA:MS King of the Deathmatches 2009 Night 1

IWA: Mid South Proudly Presents…

IWA:MS KING OF THE DEATHMATCHES 2009

NIGHT 1

Welcome, cats and kittens, to yet another installment of the Jim Thorpe Award winning Cewsh Reviews. Tonight, we tackle what may very well be the biggest challenge of our short but magnificent reviewing careers. You’ve seen us review IWA:MS shows before, and we’re not exactly huge fans of theirs, but this is different, and by “different”, we of course mean, “worse”. We’re talking blood, we’re talking weapons, and we most exquisitely are talking the sweet, sweet language of the snark. So strap in and get your Incredulity Boots on, because we’re going on the world’s least exciting adventure, together.

And with no further ado, let’s do a motherfucking review, shall we?

To Be Continued »

ROH on HDNET - Episode 1: A New Era.

Ring of Honor Proudly Presents...

ROH on HDNET

Episode 1: A New Era.

Welcome, cats and kittens, to yet another...hey, wait a second. This isn't the Cewsh Reviews that we've come to know and love over the years and read to our children right before they go to bed. Who is this new guy? Why is this a review of a tv show? WHAT'S GOING ON?!

Deep breath. Deeeeep breath. Okay? Okay. Good.

Now then, this is the first review of many to come that will head in an altogether different direction than normal. This review will center around Ring of Honor's weekly television program ROH on HDNET on a weekly (or close to it) basis. "But why ROH?" you may be asking. Well the simple fact is that once upon a time Ring of Honor was the toast of the wrestling world, and was on the tip of the tongue of every hardcore wrestling fan, but in recent years it has fallen into obscurity, so this is not only a weekly review, but an opportunity to shine a spotlight on the various changes since everyone stopped watching, and to answer the burning question "Is Ring of Honor worth watching again?" We hope to find some semblance of an answer here. Or, at the very least, endless opportunities to mock Gabe Sapolsky, who will hitherto be referred to simply as "The Tool". Also you may have noticed i'm calling it ROH on HDNET Episode 1. This is not the first episode, but rather the first episode we will be covering. Consider this as a new dawn for ROH, and everything starting from this review onwards will be treated as a new era entirely.

So let's jump right in and...wait, hold on. I'm forgetting something. AH YES, i'm forgetting about the portion of you who have no idea what Ring of Honor is or why you should care. Well fear not my young squires and squirettes, we have you covered too. In fact, let's get started with a little history...

To Be Continued »

PWG Express Written Consent

Pro Wrestling Guerrilla Proudly Presents…

PWG EXPRESS WRITTEN CONSENT

Welcome, cats and kittens, to yet another installment of David Lee Roth’s favorite wrestling review blog (its possible), Cewsh Reviews… Today we have a special treat for you, as your favorite uncles Cewsh and Vice reach into their sack of presents and withdrawal an American Indy review, this time of California’s own Pro Wrestling Guerrilla.

Hey wait! Where are you going?!

Come back, come back. Easy there. I know that you’ve been burned before in the past when Cewsh Reviews has covered the indies. From the soul crushing whiny depression of the King of the Deathmatches tournament in IWA:MS, to the complete ho hum snoozefest of our Ring of Honor reviews, the independent scene hasn’t been kind to you lately, and I completely understand you reservations. However, this isn’t any old show. We’re talking California here, we’re talking fun and wackiness, and we are most assuredly talking about the once in a lifetime team up of the Young Bucks (Cewsh and Vice’s early choice for Tag Team of the Year) and Paul fucking London. Not to mention a host of other familiar names, and the wacky stars of tomorrow.

So c’mon. Pop some popcorn, scooch up close to the monitor, and give us the second chance we so richly deserve. C’mon. Would I lie to you?

Well yes. But would Vice?

To Be Continued »

NJPW Sumo Hall 02/15/09

New Japan Professional Wrestling Proudly Presents...

NJPW SUMO HALL 15.02.09

Good morning and good afternoon cats and kittens, and welcome to yet another educational extravaganza provided to you by the guys you know and love. In the purple corner, the Desert Viking, the Autobot from the Capitol City, the man they call VICE. And in the orange corner, the Best of the Midwest, the Lothario from Ontario, the irresistible force known as CEWSH. I want to see a good clean review here boys, so watch the witty low blows and come out snarking.

Ah, here we are, on the Road to Wrestlemania, and for the most part, the entire wrestling world waits and watches as WWE takes center stage as their biggest event of the year draws near. But since the delay between No Way Out and Wrestlemania is so long, we’d like to take this opportunity to once again shift your attention back overseas to the land of the Rising Sun in Japan. As you may recall, we reviewed the gigantic NJPW from the beginning of the year (check back through the thread newcomers) and we absolutely loved it.

After that show though, there was some unfinished business to be taken care of between the combatants however, so NJPW has unleashed yet another enormous show, in both magnitude and interest, and we just wouldn’t be doing our job if we didn’t review it for you.

So with no further ado, let’s take you to the action…

To Be Continued »

WWE No Way Out 2009

World Wrestling Entertainment Proudly Presents...

WWE NO WAY OUT 2009

Welcome, ladies and gentlemen, to another stirring edition of Cewsh Reviews… Tonight we have a rare treat for you all, in that we’re actually being treated to a show that we actually want to watch, and review. Its too early, here at the beginning to call this show the Most Welcome and Amazing Fucking Show of All Time, but the sheer fact that Rhino is not in the main event is going a long way to propelling it to those ever so sought after heights.

To anyone who might actually be new to this little rodeo we call Cewsh Reviews…, we keep things spoiler free whenever possible, and that includes not reading spoilers or news of the shows or product before they happen. We only know what we see on television, or, in the case of most WWE shows, what I see on television and relate to Vice later through a steady filter of giddy excitement.

With all of that so eloquently said, let’s get on with the show.

To Be Continued »

TNA Against All Odds 2009

Cewsh: This show made us all extremely sad pandas. Why must you hurt us like this TNA? Only our intrepid adventuring spirit, and some ancient Incan spirit stones got us through this one boys and girls.

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Total Nonstop Action Proudly Presents...

TNA AGAINST ALL ODDS 2009

Welcome yet again, cats and kittens, to the Grammy nominated Cewsh Reviews…. Now you may be wondering, “Cewsh, how are you guys so funny AND insightful?” Which is a fine question, and the answer involves some Tibetan monks, a strict diet of grape jelly, and a membership to the YMCA. But we here at Cewsh Reviews…aren’t about to give away all of our secrets just yet, and now with fun and games behind us, it is time to get down to business.

For those who don’t watch TNA regularly, the story going into the show is that the Frontline, comprised of Team 3D, Samoa Joe, AJ Styles, Rhino, Jay Lethal, Eric Young, Consequences Creed, and occasionally Mick Foley, Jeff Jarrett, and ODB, and the Main Event Mafia, composed of Kurt Angle, Booker T, Kevin Nash, Scott Steiner, and the TNA World Heavyweight Champion Sting, are clashing in a huge stable war for the future of TNA. Despite their greater numbers, the Frontline have been losing this war badly, and Joe, Styles, Jarrett, Rhino, Bubba Ray, and Foley have all been injured by the Mafia at one point or another. This is the show where Team 3D gets their chance of payback at the Mafia.

With that said, on with the show!

To Be Continued »

IWA:EC A Need To Bleed 2009

IWA: East Coast Proudly Presents…

IWA:EC A NEED TO BLEED 2009

Welcome, cats and kittens, to yet another installment of the ass kickingest review in all the land. We’re also in the top 10 for ocean fairing reviews as well, which is nothing to sneeze at. Tonight, we have something a little different in store for you. It’s been a few months since we rolled out a review of an independent show, what with Japanese wrestlers lariating each other and Dixie and Vince fighting over the spotlight. Now, we have plucked an easily missed gem from the wreckage heap of the American independent scene, and boy is it a doozy. This is what happens when you pick shows at random, boys and girls. Be advised. Here, we will be reviewing IWA: East Coast’s Need to Bleed. I’m not exactly sure who has said need to bleed, but seeing as this is an “east coast” promotion stationed in northern West Virginia; I’m pretty sure the whole title is a lie out the gate.

Sometimes we enjoy the responsibility of assigning words to the greatest matches ever wrestled. At times, we here at Cewsh Reviews… are faced with matches and feuds so epic, so tremendously well done, it’s almost troubling attempting to do them justice. Sometimes, the immortals of the wrestling world deliver performances that echo through the ages and make us feel every emotion possible throughout their industry changing performances. And then, on the other hand, sometimes we watch shows like this.

So with that, barely adequate advisory in place, let’s do a motherfucking review, shall we?

To Be Continued »