WWE TLC 2012

World Wrestling Entertainment Proudly Presents...

WWE TLC 2012

Welcome, cats and kittens to yet another installment of the reviews that steal the show AND sell it on the black market, Cewsh Reviews! We have a special treat for you tonight, as we return to the industry leader in wrestling entertainment for their 2012 close out spectacular, WWE Tables, Ladders and Chairs 2012. The December pay per view has always had a peculiar place in the WWE hierarchy, as it not only ends the calender year, but is the proverbial last stop before we begin WWE's premier attraction, the Road to Wrestlemania. Since new things are about to begin, TLC is about shuffling the necessary pieces into position for the big pushes to come, and about blowing off 2012 feuds that won't be continuing on into 2013. Of course, it's also about seeing people climb ladders, get hit with chairs and fall through tables, sometimes in that exact order. So with a show that is surprisingly stocked with meaningful matches, and on a night where multiple young stars get a chance to truly make a name for themselves, (more on that later,) we have ourselves what may be the most interesting show since Extreme Rules. But with the scourge of TNA's Bound For Glory fresh in the memory, the question must be asked. Can WWE actually capitalize on this opportunity, or will they blow it all to hell in a blaze of whatever the opposite of glory is? As always, there's only one way to find out.

So without any further ado, let's do a motherfucking review!

To Be Continued »

The Official 2013 Royal Rumble Betting Guide

Evening, cats and kittens. I've brought you here today because we sit on the eve of one of the greatest nights in the entire wrestling year, the Royal Rumble. And while all week you'e no doubt been inundated by countless previews and predictions and all that jazz, our voice has been very carefully quiet on the issue. That is because the statistical geniuses at Cewsh Reviews Headquarters have been crunching the numbers to determine what the odds of each member of the WWE roster winning the Royal Rumble really is.

Look, Science Is A Process Okay?

Through this studious research, we have been able to separate the entire roster of the WWE, (and likely potential surprise entrants,) into four categories. Category 1 is "Yeah, Probably" and includes everyone with better than 10/1 odds. Category 2 is "Not So Much" and includes everyone with better than 20/1 odds. Category 3 is "Not Unless Everyone Else Gets Hit By A Bus" and includes everyone with better than 100/1 odds. And Category 4 is "Ahahahahahahahaha No" which includes everyone else. By keeping an eye on these categories and the logical advice they offer, you should be in great shape to win whatever bets that your friends force on you. And if using the advice and reasoning contained here results in you winning millions of dollars from back alley gambling rings, don't forget to cut your boy a little taste. I'd hate to have to rat you out to the mob.

To Be Continued »

The 4th Annual CR Year End Awards

Welcome cats and kittens to the fourth annual Cewsh Reviews End of Year Awards. As we ring in the 5th (!) year of Cewsh Reviews, it only makes sense to take a look back on the things that defined the past year. There were incredible matches that took your breath away, shocking moments that tested the narrative truth of jaws actually hitting floors, and things that were so goddamn awful that my I've been using the rag they gave me to power my coffee maker for months now. So despite the fact that we're almost a month into the new year, (I was in a coma after knife fighting a wildebeest ) tonight we'll celebrate the best and worst of it all, and put 2012 to rest in the most dignified way possible.

NOT HELPFUL, TNA.

Now, if you've read our end of year awards before, you already know that we don't do things like any old wrestling blog off the street. Oh no, we use math. And through the use of this ancient and mysterious method, we'll see just who was REALLY the best, worst and Tanookiest of them all. How can math help us after all the times it betrayed us in school? Well...

To Be Continued »

WWE Survivor Series 2012

World Wrestling Entertainment Proudly Presents...

WWE Survivor Series 2012

Welcome, cats and kittens, to yet another installment of the only reviews that taste better the next day, Cewsh Reviews! We have a special treat for you to tonight, as we tackle one the oldest and most venerable active shows in existence with WWE Survivor Series 2012. Despite this pay per view having some rough times in the past few years, it has sort of become the show that gives you the first hints of what you're likely to see come Wrestlemania season. WWE is starting to move the right pieces into place for the biggest push of their lives, and if we can take the build to this show to be representative of that, then Wrestlemania will be renamed RYBACKAMANIA any day now. And it is here that Ryback will get his second chance at the greatest prize in wrestling, as he goes head to head with the two biggest stars in WWE in a triple threat match that could well have era spanning ramifications. Add on to that some good ol' fashioned elimination matches and literally the biggest test of Sheamus' career, and we may just have ourselves a show.

So without any further ado, let's do a motherfucking review!

To Be Continued »

WWE Night of Champions 2012

World Wrestling Entertainment Proudly Presents...

WWE NIGHT OF CHAMPIONS 2012

Welcome, cats and kittens, to yet another installment of the reviews that bring home the bacon and have terrible cholesterol, Cewsh Reviews! We have a special treat for you tonight as we cover a show that's so goddamn gold that Indiana Jones will be questing for it 20 years from now, WWE Night of Champions 2012. Now then, we all know that the summer months have been more than a bit dreary and dull, but as we roll into fall, things are going to start to get interesting and it starts at the top. After all, a newly heel turned, (and Paul Heyman managed,) CM Punk is running roughshod across the main event these days, and now his arch rival John Cena has stepped up to the plate for one more epic match. If Punk beats Cena, he finally gets the respect he deserves, and if Cena beats Punk he finally redeems the least successful year of his career since he started rapping. But there's more on the line here than just those two jokers. We've got Irishmen fighting Mexicans, we've got spirited attempts to pretend that the lesser divisions matter, and, perhaps most importantly, we have a performance that absolutely stole the show. Who gave it? Well, as always, there's only one way to find out.

So without any further ado, let's do a motherfucking review!

To Be Continued »

Cewsh Scouts New Japan

Welcome, cats and kittens, to yet another of our invigorating Sunday Supplements. You may remember that a month or two ago Psycho and I went in depth in breaking down the talent of tomorrow when we did a scouting report on WWE's developmental program, NXT. The response this got was staggering, as people seemed genuinely fascinated to finally get some detailed information about guys they had only heard of, if that, but who would soon be gracing their television screens. (It didn't hurt that the Shield and Big E Langston were called up mere weeks afterwards.) So to continue along the lines of helping to shed some light on parts of the wrestling world that many fans never get a chance to see, this week we're going to be focusing on the Japanese powerhouse that is New Japan Pro Wrestling.

The Official Wrestling Promotion Of House Lannister.

To those of you who don't follow Japanese wrestling, New Japan is a true giant in the wrestling world, surpassed internationally only by WWE and growing with each new day. They've taken a dominant hold of the entire Japanese market with a crop of stars that were either students or unknowns when the last great era of Japanese wrestling was going on. But who are these people who have taken New Japan from Antonio Inoki's great practical joke to the world to a thriving promotion hot on WWE's heels? Well, with the biggest show in wrestling barring Wrestlemania, (NJPW Wrestle Kingdom VII,) having just passed, let's evaluate them, shall we? And hell, with Defrost along for the ride, we'll even use the famous 5 star system instead of grades.

To Be Continued »

TNA Bound For Glory 2012

Total Nonstop Action Proudly Presents...

TNA BOUND FOR GLORY 2012

Welcome, cats and kittens, to yet another installment of the review blog that will absolutely agree to be a reference on your job application, Cewsh Reviews! We have a special treat for you tonight, for you see, every October as the temperatures grow cold and the trees begin to die, a day approaches associated with the very worst sort of horror, tricks and even the occasional treat. But this is no Halloween, oh no, this is TNA's Bound For Glory 2012, and not only is it much scarier on occasion, but there's way less candy involved. But yes, tonight is TNA's biggest show of the year, their Wrestlemania, their Super Bowl, their night of utter extravagance, and their time to prove that in the past year the positive changes they've made have really paid off big time. Remember, this is the first Bound For Glory under the new booking team, and this is the night all of their plots and devices have been leading to. So will we discover who is behind Aces and Eights? With 5 titles on the line, will we see a changing of the guard? And will TNA finally convert me back into a believer? There's only one way to find out.

So without any further ado, let's do a motherfucking review!

To Be Continued »

The 7 People You Meet As A Wrestling Fan

Afternoon, cats and kittens. Today, for our newest Sunday Supplement, we'll be examining the 7 different kinds of people that every open wrestling fan will encounter at some point in their life. These people may turn out to be relatives, friends, acquaintances, or the doctor who does the surgery to remove the cucumber after you challenge Mike Tyson to a fight in a farmer's market. Whoever they are, when they learn that you are a wrestling fan, (due to your super awesome Tatanka t-shirt no doubt,) it is more than likely that every single one of them will fall into one of these categories. And while up until now you just had to rely on your quick wit and charm to diffuse a potentially awkward situation, the social scientists here at Cewsh Reviews have devised a foolproof method for dealing with each of them.

Cewsh Reviews Research Social Sciences Department

So grab a pen and paper and prepare to take notes, because we're about to show you how to spot these conversational troublemakers quickly and easily. And with any luck, this will help you salvage that awkward conversation with your secretary next year when she asks why you're dressed as the Ultimate Warrior at the office Halloween party.

To Be Continued »

WWE Hell in a Cell 2012

World Wrestling Entertainment Proudly Presents...

WWE HELL IN A CELL 2012

Welcome, cats and kittens, to yet another installment of the blog that puts the "hell" in Helvetica, Cewsh Reviews! We have a special treat for you tonight, as the skies grow dark, the world grows cold and the demonic realm rises to the surface for one night to give you WWE Hell in a Cell 2012. So what does hell have on the docket for us tonight? Well we'll see a giant fight an Irishman, we'll see three women fight because one of them was pretending to like the others, we'll see a Punk get mauled by a monster and we might even see the Miz. I don't know what version of hell this is, but it sounds about right. But the real story here is, of course, Ryback. The big man is on a rocketship to his first ever main event here, and he has been tearing people limb from limb all the way. Will Punk be able to escape the biggest threat to his title yet? Or will Ryback steamroll Punk, win the title and promptly eat it? There's only one way to find out.

So without any further ado, let's do a motherfucking review!

To Be Continued »

Cewsh Scouts NXT

Welcome, cats and kittens, to a very special installment of our Sunday Supplements. See, where we'd usually go in for a list, or a detailed breakdown of some great feud, or just make fun of people's clothes, today we're here to provide a public service. Of all the things that we've ever been asked to do since we started Cewsh Reviews, easily the most often requested is that we shed some light on the men and women currently in development for WWE. It's long been an interest of mine to keep an eye on the people coming up through the system, but most people don't have the time or inclination to watch those shows and see what the future may hold for themselves.

"Like I Have Time For That. There's A Law And Order Marathon On."

So tonight, my scouting partner Psycho and I will be giving you a guided tour through the mysterious world of tomorrow, and we'll be grading the prospects with letters, like schoolteachers, that are based on their current value as potential stars. Hell, I'll even throw in a pros and cons list and a definitive answer on whether or not they're ready for the main roster. So put on your moon boots, and settle in, because tonight, for the first time, we're taking a magnifying glass to the denizens of NXT.

To Be Continued »