I'M CUTE AND AM LEADING YOU FURTHER INTO THE POST!
March 26, 2012
March 20, 2012
The Shimmer Volume 45 Wrap Up Spectacular
Wrestling! Yay! Shimmer! Yay! Reviews! Yay! Saraya! Boo!
Hello muffins. For some people March is basketball, but around here March is for Shimmer. And once again we are here to bring you our post taping coverage. Who retained? Who lost the belts? And who is SHOCKINGLY photogenic? All this and more to come from a weekend that contained the best that wrestling has to offer. Tonight we'll recap the very first Volume that was taped over the weekend (out of four) and all week long we'll be recapping the other shows as Shimmer week rolls on. Would we say we're excited? We're more than just excited. We're My Little Pony excited.
March 14, 2012
Cewsh Interviews - Chris Masters
Good evening, boys and girls. We have an incredibly special treat for you tonight, as we officially forgo our usual reviews and instead take an opportunity to interview one of the most interesting figures in wrestling this decade. I could, of course, only be talking about the Masterpiece himself, Chris Masters! Tonight, Chris takes time from his busy schedule to sit down with us to talk about his career, his future and what he thinks of sites just like this one.
March 6, 2012
The Life And Times Of Mildred Burke
Afternoon, boys and girls. I've gathered you here for a special purpose, and an entirely educational one, but I promise not to keep you too long so you can get back to your porn and your cat macros. The topic today is one close to my heart as, in honor of
Women's History Month, we honor Mildred Burke, the greatest female draw in
wrestling history and the mother of women's wrestling worldwide.
Also An Alternative Transportation Enthusiast.
The funny thing is that you may not have heard of her, and
you may never see any of her work, yet she is one of the most influential
wrestlers to ever live and is almost solely responsible for women's wrestling
becoming a reality. So who is this lady
who grabbed the wrestling world by the balls and held on? As with so many
stories like hers, it’s not about who she was. It's about what.
February 26, 2012
The 5 Greatest Feuds In TNA History
Welcome, cats and kittens, to yet another Sunday Supplement to perk you up and help you get those crooked abs that the ladies like so much. Today we're going to be looking TNA and more specifically at the good side of TNA, which is not always an easy thing to do but which occasionally needs to be done. Now last year we did a countdown list of the Top Ten Greatest Moments In TNA History (Part 1 and Part 2) which helped to shine a light on the good times in the history of this much maligned company, and tonight we'll do it again, focusing instead this time of the 5 best feuds that the company ever produced. In all probability at least one of the feuds on this list is the reason why you have stuck through TNA through thick and thin , hoping all the while that things will get better (mine is number 1), and for the rest of you, these will serve as incontrovertible proof that even if TNA died tomorrow, they still accomplished things to be proud of.
Hey, even a broken clock is right twice a day, right?
Hey, even a broken clock is right twice a day, right?
February 24, 2012
WWE Elimination Chamber 2012
World Wrestling Entertainment Proudly Presents…
Welcome, cats and kittens, to yet another installment of the blog that heavily endorses an Astro Crag match, Cewsh Reviews! We have a special treat for you tonight as we skip right along on our way to Wrestlemania XXVIII. With only a month and a half to go, things are now shaping themselves into the Mania mold and tonight especially will have huge ramifications of that day of days as we cover WWE Elimination Chamber 2012. In the beginning of its existence, the Elimination Chamber represented suffering and danger on a massive scale, but of late it has also come to represent that most valuable of virtues. Opportunity. You see, whoever walks out of this pay per view with a World title over their shoulder is all but guaranteed to find themselves in a main event come Wrestlemania time, and when you get 6 hungry men in one match with that dangling carrot on the line you’ve got yourself a recipe for drama. When you throw in a dozen intersecting feuds and rivalries on top of it and a midcard held down by John Cena attempting murder, you have something else altogether. So batten down the hatches and prepare for the storm, because these waters are about to get choppy.
So without any further ado, let’s do a motherfucking review!
February 19, 2012
NJPW Wrestle Kingdom VI
New Japan Professional Wrestling Proudly Presents…
Welcome, cats and kittens, to yet another installment of the only thing more popular in Japan than Hello Kitty, Cewsh Reviews! We have a special treat for you tonight, as we once again take a trip on over to see what our friends in the Land of the Rising Lariat are up to. But if you’re new to the Japanese wrestling game, or can’t tell one show apart from another, rest assured that this is not just any show. Wrestle Kingdom is the show of shows, the night of kings, and the things that every Japanese wrestler works towards every day of the year until the 4[SUP]th[/SUP] of each January. You could liken it to Wrestlemania, but even that wouldn’t quite say it, because Wrestlemania is just the gala event of WWE, whereas this show features the best from companies all over Japan and America, packed into one supercard to kick off the new year in style so fierce that RuPaul would give it two snaps. This night will see incredible legends meet the challenge of fiery upstarts, the two biggest promotions in Japan clashing and Hiroshi Tanahashi fighting for his life against the world’s biggest dickhead (and he’d take that as a compliment) Minoru Suzuki. But will any of this be any good? Well, the card is great and the deck is stacked, so with our resident Puro Professor Defrost as the benevolent dealer, let’s ante up, and find out.
So without any further ado, let’s do a motherfucking review!
February 9, 2012
WWE Royal Rumble 2012
World Wrestling Entertainment Proudly Presents...
Welcome, cats and kittens, to yet another installment of the only wrestling blog that gives you Rumbles while making you wait for the Rumble, Cewsh Reviews! We have a special treat for you tonight as we take the first solid step towards Wrestlemania with WWE Royal Rumble 2012. Now for us at Cewsh Reviews, the Royal Rumble is a special time of year. Parties are had, wagers are struck and along with hundreds of thousands of others we hunker down in front of our tvs to be sucked in by the kickoff to the Road to Wrestlemania and what is possibly the biggest single match of the wrestling year. And if you like unpredictability, boy is this year right down your alley, because there is no certain winner or even any real favorite for the first time in recent memory as numerous guys bucking for that top spot arrive here ready to take the spotlight. So for a match, and an event, of this magnitude, we roped in a ragged band of outlaws to review with us this year, including our always crotchety historian of these dusty trails, Maverick MichaelC, our former Raw reviewer who is so bad his name includes his body count, Killer Kyle_242 and the man so crazy they just call him Psycho. We're here to russell up some varmints and maybe even review some wrestling matches along the way. So kick back, tip your saloon waitress and enjoy the show. Its Rumble season, baby!
So without any further ado, let's do a motherfucking review!
January 29, 2012
25 Years Of Overlooked Rumble Performances
MichaelC: Who loves Royal Rumbles? Yep, everybody. So many legendary performances over the years. Austin in the 90s, Flair 92, DiBiase 90, Punk 2010, Diesel 94. All brilliant. But also well remembered by most fans, so we’re not looking at them.
What I’m interested in here are the great Rumble performances that get overlooked. So, in honour of the “25th anniversary” of the Rumble match, let’s go looking for Rumble performances you ought to love... if only you’d remember them. (Except in 1989, where, on trying on find a forgotten gem of a performance between Ron Bass and Nikolai Volkoff, I gave up and read some R.L. Stine instead).
Some might be obvious. Some might be left field. Others still might need reappraising. All of them are awesome.
What I’m interested in here are the great Rumble performances that get overlooked. So, in honour of the “25th anniversary” of the Rumble match, let’s go looking for Rumble performances you ought to love... if only you’d remember them. (Except in 1989, where, on trying on find a forgotten gem of a performance between Ron Bass and Nikolai Volkoff, I gave up and read some R.L. Stine instead).
Less Scary Than Watching Ron Bass Wrestle.
Some might be obvious. Some might be left field. Others still might need reappraising. All of them are awesome.
January 19, 2012
The 3rd Annual CR Year End Awards
Welcome cats and kittens to the third annual Cewsh Reviews End of Year Awards. Quite a bit has happened to Cewsh Reviews in the past year, from getting on the Rajah mainpage to finding a dollar on the sidewalk that we bought a Snickers with and everything in between. So now we'll take this time to look back on the year that was, now that we're a few weeks safely removed from it. So what sets our end of year awards apart from the ones you were endlessly spammed with in December? Simple. SCIENCE!
Famous Last Words.
Each match that we reviewed this year was compiled and averaged out to determine the score for each wrestler's full year. We only included wrestlers who had at least 3 matches this year that we reviewed, and for the purposes of these awards we used my (meaning Cewsh's) ratings. For reference, anyone recieving a cumulative average score of 60 - 69 is considered to have passed in terms of having been part of enjoyable matches in the past year. An average of 70 - 79 means that your matches were consistently good, if not particularly special, and a score of 80 - 89 means you had really good to great matches so consistently that your entire year qualifies for a Download Seal of Approval. Should anyone crest the diamond mountains of the 90 - 100 range, it should probably go without saying that they are some kind of goddamn sorcerer.
Alright, everybody good? Nobody fall asleep during that? Well then let's let down the curtains, fire up the band, and get this jungle party started!
Each match that we reviewed this year was compiled and averaged out to determine the score for each wrestler's full year. We only included wrestlers who had at least 3 matches this year that we reviewed, and for the purposes of these awards we used my (meaning Cewsh's) ratings. For reference, anyone recieving a cumulative average score of 60 - 69 is considered to have passed in terms of having been part of enjoyable matches in the past year. An average of 70 - 79 means that your matches were consistently good, if not particularly special, and a score of 80 - 89 means you had really good to great matches so consistently that your entire year qualifies for a Download Seal of Approval. Should anyone crest the diamond mountains of the 90 - 100 range, it should probably go without saying that they are some kind of goddamn sorcerer.
Alright, everybody good? Nobody fall asleep during that? Well then let's let down the curtains, fire up the band, and get this jungle party started!
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