WWE Elimination Chamber 2012

World Wrestling Entertainment Proudly Presents…

WWE Elimination Chamber 2012

Welcome, cats and kittens, to yet another installment of the blog that heavily endorses an Astro Crag match, Cewsh Reviews! We have a special treat for you tonight as we skip right along on our way to Wrestlemania XXVIII. With only a month and a half to go, things are now shaping themselves into the Mania mold and tonight especially will have huge ramifications of that day of days as we cover WWE Elimination Chamber 2012. In the beginning of its existence, the Elimination Chamber represented suffering and danger on a massive scale, but of late it has also come to represent that most valuable of virtues. Opportunity. You see, whoever walks out of this pay per view with a World title over their shoulder is all but guaranteed to find themselves in a main event come Wrestlemania time, and when you get 6 hungry men in one match with that dangling carrot on the line you’ve got yourself a recipe for drama. When you throw in a dozen intersecting feuds and rivalries on top of it and a midcard held down by John Cena attempting murder, you have something else altogether. So batten down the hatches and prepare for the storm, because these waters are about to get choppy.

So without any further ado, let’s do a motherfucking review!

To Be Continued »

NJPW Wrestle Kingdom VI

New Japan Professional Wrestling Proudly Presents…

NJPW Wrestle Kingdom VI

Welcome, cats and kittens, to yet another installment of the only thing more popular in Japan than Hello Kitty, Cewsh Reviews! We have a special treat for you tonight, as we once again take a trip on over to see what our friends in the Land of the Rising Lariat are up to. But if you’re new to the Japanese wrestling game, or can’t tell one show apart from another, rest assured that this is not just any show. Wrestle Kingdom is the show of shows, the night of kings, and the things that every Japanese wrestler works towards every day of the year until the 4[SUP]th[/SUP] of each January. You could liken it to Wrestlemania, but even that wouldn’t quite say it, because Wrestlemania is just the gala event of WWE, whereas this show features the best from companies all over Japan and America, packed into one supercard to kick off the new year in style so fierce that RuPaul would give it two snaps. This night will see incredible legends meet the challenge of fiery upstarts, the two biggest promotions in Japan clashing and Hiroshi Tanahashi fighting for his life against the world’s biggest dickhead (and he’d take that as a compliment) Minoru Suzuki. But will any of this be any good? Well, the card is great and the deck is stacked, so with our resident Puro Professor Defrost as the benevolent dealer, let’s ante up, and find out.

So without any further ado, let’s do a motherfucking review!

To Be Continued »

WWE Royal Rumble 2012

World Wrestling Entertainment Proudly Presents...

WWE Royal Rumble 2012

Welcome, cats and kittens, to yet another installment of the only wrestling blog that gives you Rumbles while making you wait for the Rumble, Cewsh Reviews!  We have a special treat for you tonight as we take the first solid step towards Wrestlemania with WWE Royal Rumble 2012.  Now for us at Cewsh Reviews, the Royal Rumble is a special time of year.  Parties are had, wagers are struck and along with hundreds of thousands of others we hunker down in front of our tvs to be sucked in by the kickoff to the Road to Wrestlemania and what is possibly the biggest single match of the wrestling year.  And if you like unpredictability, boy is this year right down your alley, because there is no certain winner or even any real favorite for the first time in recent memory as numerous guys bucking for that top spot arrive here ready to take the spotlight.  So for a match, and an event, of this magnitude, we roped in a ragged band of outlaws to review with us this year, including our always crotchety historian of these dusty trails, Maverick MichaelC, our former Raw reviewer who is so bad his name includes his body count, Killer Kyle_242 and the man so crazy they just call him Psycho.  We're here to russell up some varmints and maybe even review some wrestling matches along the way.  So kick back, tip your saloon waitress and enjoy the show.  Its Rumble season, baby!

So without any further ado, let's do a motherfucking review!

To Be Continued »

25 Years Of Overlooked Rumble Performances

MichaelC:  Who loves Royal Rumbles? Yep, everybody. So many legendary performances over the years. Austin in the 90s, Flair 92, DiBiase 90, Punk 2010, Diesel 94. All brilliant. But also well remembered by most fans, so we’re not looking at them.

What I’m interested in here are the great Rumble performances that get overlooked. So, in honour of the “25th anniversary” of the Rumble match, let’s go looking for Rumble performances you ought to love... if only you’d remember them. (Except in 1989, where, on trying on find a forgotten gem of a performance between Ron Bass and Nikolai Volkoff, I gave up and read some R.L. Stine instead).

Less Scary Than Watching Ron Bass Wrestle.

Some might be obvious. Some might be left field. Others still might need reappraising. All of them are awesome.

To Be Continued »

The 3rd Annual CR Year End Awards

Welcome cats and kittens to the third annual Cewsh Reviews End of Year Awards.  Quite a bit has happened to Cewsh Reviews in the past year, from getting on the Rajah mainpage to finding a dollar on the sidewalk that we bought a Snickers with and everything in between.  So now we'll take this time to look back on the year that was, now that we're a few weeks safely removed from it.  So what sets our end of year awards apart from the ones you were endlessly spammed with in December?  Simple.  SCIENCE!

Famous Last Words.

Each match that we reviewed this year was compiled and averaged out to determine the score for each wrestler's full year.  We only included wrestlers who had at least 3 matches this year that we reviewed, and for the purposes of these awards we used my (meaning Cewsh's) ratings.  For reference, anyone recieving a cumulative average score of 60 - 69 is considered to have passed in terms of having been part of enjoyable matches in the past year.  An average of 70 - 79 means that your matches were consistently good, if not particularly special, and a score of 80 - 89 means you had really good to great matches so consistently that your entire year qualifies for a Download Seal of Approval.  Should anyone crest the diamond mountains of the 90 - 100 range, it should probably go without saying that they are some kind of goddamn sorcerer.

Alright, everybody good? Nobody fall asleep during that? Well then let's let down the curtains, fire up the band, and get this jungle party started!

To Be Continued »

10 Of The Worst Looks In Wrestling History

Aloha there, boys and girls.  Welcome to another installment of the best thing to happen to Sunday since Doug went off the air, your very favorite Sunday Supplements.  Now let me open this by acknowledging the obvious: wrestling fans generally seem to know as much about fashion as they do about, say, particle physics.  Believe me when I tell you that I am certainly in that group as well.  But over the years the wrestling industry has created some of the most obscene crimes against eyes that anyone has ever dared to wear, and its time we all had ourselves a chuckle over it.  From tassels to the tightest tights to bizarre animal heads to colors that would blind Sauron, there is so much to choose from that half the fun of a list like this is realizing how many awful selections didn't even make it on.

Seriously, This Didn't Even Make The Cut.

So with that in mind, I have called in our resident fashion expert Mrs. Cewsh and together we'll do our very best Tom and Lorenzo imitation in selecting the 10 looks that even Lady Gaga would giggle at and break down just what in the fuck they were thinking.

To Be Continued »

TNA Genesis 2012

Total Nonstop Action Proudly Presents… 

TNA Genesis 2012

Welcome, cats and kittens, to yet another installment of the elastic, bombastic and fantastic Cewsh Reviews! We have a special treat for you tonight, as we join Total Nonstop Action Impact National Wrestling Alliance in smashing a bottle of champagne on the year 2012 and setting sail with TNA Genesis 2012. Tonight we will see the very best that TNA has to offer (and also Jeff Hardy) and will get a chance to assess where the company stands going into its tenth year of existence. This will also serve as a sort of milestone in Cewsh Review history, as it will serve as the final time that we review a TNA show simply because it has occurred. If you didn’t see the messages earlier, we are pursuing a download free environment for Cewsh Reviews, and as such, will not pay to be stabbed in the eye by Dixie Carter’s massive dong of mediocrity on a monthly basis (we’ll still review important shows and significant happenings). So the pressure is on for TNA to produce one heullva show and provide answers to some of the most burning questions that nobody is actually asking. Like will Bobby Roode continue to take strides towards main event credibility? Will Samoa Joe and Magnus make some semblance of sense as a team? Will Devon somehow find a way to reach his sons before its too late? As has been and as yet may be, there is only one way to find out.

So with no further ado, let’s do a motherfucking review!

To Be Continued »

The Top 5 Joshi Wrestlers of All Time

Welcome welcome, boys and girls.  I've gathered you all here today for a very special history lesson very near and dear to my heart.  That subject is Joshi (of Japanese Women's) Wrestling, and the list is of the greatest stars of that particular wrestling genre.  Now I know that Japanese wrestling isn't everyone's cup of sake, and women's wrestling is much the same, so when you read the title of this list you might have thought to yourself "Ugh, another Puro review and now its about chicks?" or perhaps even sadly "Joshwhatnow?"  Its a fair point that in North America, women's wrestling still struggles on for credibility, especially among casual fans of WWE, but these are no Barbie dolls or models, my friends.  These women represent some of the greatest wrestlers that the industry has ever beheld.  These women showed that you could be beautiful (or not) and still not only be as good as the men, but could completely make them look silly by comparison.  These women built a national sensation from scratch and made it so beloved that its stars are still revered in Japanese culture to this day.  These women are absolute fucking badasses.

And They Aint Hard To Look At, Either.

Don't believe me?  See how you feel after you've met the five best.  So clear some time in your busy day of Angry Birds and masturbation, and pay some attention and some damn respect to the five greatest Joshi wrestlers of all time.

To Be Continued »

WWE TLC 2011

World Wrestling Entertainment Proudly Presents...

WWE TLC 2011

Welcome, cats and kittens, to yet another installment of the closest thing to Batman in the world of wrestling journalism, Cewsh Reviews! We have a special treat for you tonight as we review WWE TLC 2011, the final WWE show of the calender year that has brought so many crazy changes both large and small. As we investigate this most hardcore of pay per views we'll crack some jokes along the way, see some old friends and...

The following is a message paid for by the Scot World Order.

MichaelC: Muahahaah!

Yes, welcome to another heartwarming edition of

MichaelC Witters!

Yeah.


Cewsh: Oh god dammit.


MichaelC: If you wanted rambles that go nowhere, history lessons that seem vaguely pointless, Twitter references and the odd mention of wrestling, you are in the right place.

Cewsh: You know, you people could just ask to be in the reviews without freezing me in carbonite or something every time. Oh, very well then. Let's get on with it.

To Be Continued »

WWE Survivor Series 2011

World Wrestling Entertainment Proudly Presents...

WWE Survivor Series 2011

Welcome, cats and kittens, to yet another installment of the Wrestling Observer's favorite wrestling review blog, Cewsh Reviews! We have a special treat for you tonight as we review WWE Survivor Series 2011 wherein a lot of stuff is going to happen that is great and wonderful and yadda yadda yadda THE ROCK IS GOING TO WRESTLE A MATCH. Whether you're a fan of the man or not, this show represents a huge, huge deal as the Rock returns to wrestle his first honest to god match in 8 years, and teaming up with his Wrestlemania opponent John Cena to boot. The interest and hype surrounding this is truly massive, and that's without even pointing out that we're in Madison Square Garden, baby. The home of the WWE, and the birthplace of a million poorly thought out face turns. With the electricity of the Rock coming back, the excitement of CM Punk getting a crack at the WWE title, and with the widespread frustration over Zack Ryder being left off the card, this town is a geyser that is ready to explode. Anything can happen, and it will. Fucking hell, what are we waiting for?

So without any further ado, let's do a motherfucking review!

To Be Continued »