TNA Slammiversary 2012

Total Nonstop Action Proudly Presents…

TNA Slammiversary 2012

Welcome, cats and kittens, to yet another installment of the only bacon flavored blog on the internet, (go ahead, lick your monitor,) Cewsh Reviews! We have a special treat for you tonight, as we do something that we swore we would never do. Despite the fact that I’m sure you trust and believe in our very word implicitly, I’m afraid we’re going to have to go back on it and cave to the enormous pressure that our readership has been putting on us this week. Yes, that’s right boys and girls, tonight we’re returning to Orlando, Florida and lifting our embargo on TNA that has seen us review only one of their shows since February. Tonight, we will review TNA Slammiversary, AND GODS HELP YOU IF IT TURNS OUT TO SUCK.

But let’s not get ahead of ourselves. We’re talking about TNA’s 10th anniversary show, and also TNA’s most attended live event in their history. On this special night we’ll see such titanic clashes as Kid Kash vs. Hernandez and Bobby Roode vs. one half of the Blade Runners. Probably some other stuff too. But we’re not just here to glad hand old timers. Gosh darn it, this is a wrestling show! So with a ten year burden of responsibility to live up to and make up for, it’s time for the denizens of the House of Impact to show us something, in what may be the best chance they will ever have again to change the perception that has plagued them. Can they do it? There’s only one way to find out.

So without any further ado, let’s do a motherfucking review!

To Be Continued »

A 3 Step Guide For Fixing TNA

Good evening, boys and girls.  Here at the Cewsh Reviews Institute For Higher Learning we believe in furthering the betterment of all aspects of the wrestling industry.  So when we heard that Vince Russo would be stepping down as the head writer of Total Nonstop Action Impact Championship Wrestling Funtime Jamboree, we immediately tracked down leaders in numerous fields to compile this step by step guide to fixing the mammoth mess that TNA has become (or perhaps has always been).  They have done their research, and the guide that we have compiled is both definitive and absolutely scientifically proven.  With this list in hand, there is nothing that can stop Dixie Carter and Bruce Pritchard from tearing up the wrestling world, annihilating Vince McMahon and the WWE, and sitting themselves atop the wrestling industry in an eternal monopoly.  Or, barring that, it can be used to insure that people stop laughing whenever they walk into rooms.  Nevertheless, we have crunched the numbers, done the legwork and took a good long look at things.

Cewsh Reviews Research Department

So okay, TNA, just imagine that we're all in a conference room and I'm standing in front of you with one of those stands where the pages flip up while I'm giving my presentation. Are you picturing that? Okay, now picture me flipping up the first page to start my presentation, and on the first page in giant red letters is written...

To Be Continued »

WWE Extreme Rules 2012

World Wrestling Entertainment Proudly Presents….

WWE Extreme Rules 2012

Welcome, cats and kittens, to yet another installment of the blog that is illegitimate in every sense of the word, Cewsh Reviews! We have a special treat for you tonight as big Brock Lesnar has come to the WWE to cast his impressive shadow across the entire wrestling landscape. Here, tonight, he is going to wrestle his first match in nearly 5 years and he’s doing it against the face of World Wrestling Entertainment himself, John Cena. When these two men collide, shit is going to go down in a big, big way, and that’s not even remotely all that this show has to offer. We have brawling brutes fighting mat generals, giants fighting crazies and I think there may even be some time to see a monster fight a snake. As far as circuses go, this one sounds pretty awesome, but since we grade wrestling shows I guess we’ll have to see how this show is at being one of those.

So without any further ado, let’s do a motherfucking review!

To Be Continued »

The 5 Best Feuds From Before You Were Born

Welcome, cats and kittens, to yet another Sunday Supplement from your glorious benefactors here at Cewsh Reviews Headquarters.  Tonight we're going to be dealing with something a little different, and rather than turning back the clock to when we were teenagers or when we were kids, we're going to turn the clock all the way back to when we weren't anything at all whatsoever.  See, its a common fallacy of people to only really regard the things that have happened in your lifetime as important, and not to factor in things that went on before, and wrestling is no different.  If you think back to the days before Hulkamania it probably seems like sort of  a big empty period of random title changes and aimless matches, but there were storylines even back in those barbaric times when nobody had started wearing codpieces yet.  So today we'll be celebrating the 10 best storylines that took place before we were born (using 1985, when I was born, as a frame of reference).  Maybe we'll learn something that will give us all new respect for the old timers who paved the way for the wrestling we enjoy today, and if not we can at least all look at how weird people looked back in the day.

Either way, its time for an adventure and off we go!

To Be Continued »

TNA Lockdown 2012

Total Nonstop Action Proudly Presents…

TNA Lockdown 2012

Welcome, cats and kittens, to yet another installment of the only blog that has a fully grown Sasquatch on staff, (he types like 75 words per minute,) Cewsh Reviews! We have a special treat for you tonight as we return to the scene of past crimes against wrestling to review TNA Lockdown 2012. It has been 3 months now since we elected to stop covering TNA’s PPVs on a monthly basis, and now we’re checking back in to see how they’ve been getting on without us. From the looks of things, everything has gotten real interesting in the TNA universe, with Bobby Roode running roughshod over the entire company as TNA champion, Bully Ray lovingly renaming himself Calfzilla, and with the Immortal Hulk Hogan having taken over as the man in charge on television. After alienating us with dreary booking before, will they be able to make us come crawling back begging for forgiveness? Or will we finally have to call things off with TNA permanently? Only one way to find out…

So without any further ado, let’s do a motherfucking review!

To Be Continued »

WWE Wrestlemania XXVIII

World Wrestling Entertainment Proudly Presents…

WWE Wrestlemania XXVIII

Welcome, cats and kittens, to yet another installment of the always delightfully insane Cewsh Reviews! We have a special treat for you tonight as we finally come to the conclusion of the wrestling year with the single biggest event in professional wrestling, WWE Wrestlemania 28. This year WWE seem to have outdone themselves with stars aplenty and feuds galore. We’ll see two of the biggest names in wrestling history do battle to decide which is the bigger star, two legends duke it out to end an era, and two smark love affairs collide. There will also be a Kane match. This, along with all the pomp and circumstance implied therein, can be yours for the low low price of simply continuing to read after this paragraph is over.

Still with us?

Good. Because not only do we have the big show, (also The Big Show,) to consider, but we’ve rounded up the classic dream team of Cewsh and Vice to tackle it, as well as a very special guest viewing her very first ever pay per view. She’s seen the days of Wahoo McDaniel and Ric Flair, she’s perhaps the Rock’s biggest fan on this or any planet and hey, she gave birth to the greatest wrestling reviewer on the planet. I could only be talking about Mama Cewsh making her reviewing debut, and we have not told her anything about anyone on this show, so it’s all first impressions. Boy oh boy does she ever have some opinions to share. So lace up your boots and queue up your music, because it’s time for the show.

So without any further ado, let’s do a motherfucking review!

To Be Continued »

The Shimmer Volume 46 Wrap Up Spectacular

HI I'M THE INTRO!

I'M CUTE AND AM LEADING YOU FURTHER INTO THE POST!

To Be Continued »

The Shimmer Volume 45 Wrap Up Spectacular

Wrestling!  Yay!  Shimmer!  Yay!  Reviews!  Yay!  Saraya!  Boo!

Hello muffins.  For some people March is basketball, but around here March is for Shimmer.  And once again we are here to bring you our post taping coverage.  Who retained?  Who lost the belts?  And who is SHOCKINGLY photogenic?  All this and more to come from a weekend that contained the best that wrestling has to offer.  Tonight we'll recap the very first Volume that was taped over the weekend (out of four) and all week long we'll be recapping the other shows as Shimmer week rolls on.  Would we say we're excited?  We're more than just excited.  We're My Little Pony excited.

To Be Continued »

Cewsh Interviews - Chris Masters

Good evening, boys and girls.  We have an incredibly special treat for you tonight, as we officially forgo our usual reviews and instead take an opportunity to interview one of the most interesting figures in wrestling this decade.  I could, of course, only be talking about the Masterpiece himself, Chris Masters!  Tonight, Chris takes time from his busy schedule to sit down with us to talk about his career, his future and what he thinks of sites just like this one.

To Be Continued »

The Life And Times Of Mildred Burke

Afternoon, boys and girls. I've gathered you here for a special purpose, and an entirely educational one, but I promise not to keep you too long so you can get back to your porn and your cat macros.  The topic today is one close to my heart as, in honor of Women's History Month, we honor Mildred Burke, the greatest female draw in wrestling history and the mother of women's wrestling worldwide.

 

Also An Alternative Transportation Enthusiast.

The funny thing is that you may not have heard of her, and you may never see any of her work, yet she is one of the most influential wrestlers to ever live and is almost solely responsible for women's wrestling becoming a reality.  So who is this lady who grabbed the wrestling world by the balls and held on? As with so many stories like hers, it’s not about who she was. It's about what.

To Be Continued »