The Cewsh Reviews Super Mega Ultra Technicolor Dream Show.

Cewsh Reviews Proudly Presents…

THE CEWSH REVIEWS SUPER MEGA ULTRA TECHNICOLOR DREAM SHOW

Welcome, cats and kittens, to yet another installment of the dreamiest, ultraist, technocoloriest reviews in all the land, Cewsh Reviews! Now tonight we have a more than special treat for you as we do something that neither we, nor anyone we’re aware of, has done before. We gave Cewsh Reviews readers just like you the opportunity to submit matches that you wanted to see us review, and we stuck all the matches into Optimus Spud. After a vigorous shaking or two we were left with 8 matches to comprise our dream card review. Then we got our good buddy D1 to compile it all into a big ol’ show for us all to enjoy together.  A show which you can download and enjoy in its entirety for yourself by following the handy download links here, here, and here.

So here you have it. You guys picked the matches, you guys made the card, and now you guys can sit back and watch with us as we take a tour through crazy town. If nothing else, it should be one helluva ride.

So without any further ado, let’s do a motherfucking review!

To Be Continued »

Sunday Supplements: The Super Mega Ultra Technicolor Dream Card Drawing!

Welcome, one and all, to the very first drawing for the 1st Annualish Cewsh Reviews Dream Card Supershow Spectacular! 

Unless you're from the future, you're probably confused as to what all of this hooplah is about.  Well it shakes out like this.  A few weeks ago we took several of our readers at our parent site Rajah.com, and gave them the opportunity to nominate matches that they'd like to see us review.  Not entire shows, but instead individual matches from any point in wrestling history, and for any promotion they wished.  We got in tons of submissions, with some of them being more cringe worthy than others (The Wrestlicious Battle Royal Ms. Cewsh?  Really?), and we took all of the submissions and wrote them down on slips of paper.  Then Vice took them and stuck them in his Optimash Prime Mr. Potato Head (in place of a hat).  And tonight he's going to shaket hem up and let the magic spill out of the back of Optimash Prime like...err...magic.  Let's go with that.

At any rate, it's damn exciting already, so let's get  this party started, shall we?  Vice, take it away.

To Be Continued »

WWE Fatal Four Way 2010

World Wrestling Entertainment Proudly Presents…

WWE FATAL FOUR WAY 2010

Welcome, cats and kittens to yet another installment of the captivatingest reviews in all of the kingdom, Cewsh Reviews! We have a special treat for you tonight, as we are set to review the only WWE show of the year where you are guaranteed to have a fatal four way match, WWE Fatal Four Way! So, I mean, if that’s what you’re into, this is pretty much the greatest night of your entire life. If you, on the other hand, are mostly ambivalent towards four ways (I prefer foursomes myself, rawr) then this is still at least kind of exciting as WWE starts to rev its engines in preparation for the quickly oncoming Summerslam. Will the NXT rookies make their presence felt on this show? Why are there only like 4 matches on this card? And what on this show made Ms. Cewsh howl with rage? Only one way to find out.

So without any further ado, let’s do a motherfucking review!

To Be Continued »

ROH Death Before Dishonor VIII

Ring Of Honor Proudly Presents...

ROH DEATH BEFORE DISHONOR VIII

Welcome cats and kittens to yet another installment of the earth shatteringly brilliant Cewsh Reviews. We have a special treat for you tonight, as we batter down the hatches, damn the torpedoes, and set out onto the choppy waters of the Independent Sea again to catalog one of the biggest shows of the year for the little promotion that could, Ring of Honor's Death Before Dishonor VIII. If you've heard of the show, you no doubt have heard about why we're reviewing it, as the main event of this show is none other than a ROH World Heavyweight Championship match between Tyler Black and Davey Richards.

Oh yeah, you heard me. Cewsh Reviews is tackling Tyler Black vs. Davey Richards.

If you don't understand the significance there, we'll explain it better when the time comes, but let's just say that it is the most heralded and critically acclaimed independent match in years, and we'll have our say. But that isn't all we have on tap here. Christopher Daniels is back in ROH, making his way towards the title, we're having a number one contender's gauntlet match, and the blood feud between El Generico and Kevin Steen is finally about ready to blow. And all of that is great and all, but c'mon, lets face. You're here for the A-Double, baby. With cheese.

So without any further ado, let's do a motherfucking review!

To Be Continued »

TNA Slammiversary VIII.

Total Nonstop Action Proudly Presents…

TNA SLAMMIVERSARY VIII

Welcome, cats and kittens, to yet another installment of the only review blog that turns pink when you enter the Konami Code, Cewsh Reviews! We have a special treat for you all tonight, as we put on our fancy penguin suits and prepare to herald the eight anniversary of Total Nonstop Action. The red carpet has been rolled out, the lights are on bright, and I’m typing this on a golden keyboard with diamond keys. That shit’s fancy. Now over the past eight years, TNA has given us many things. Great matches, memorable rivalries, terrific memories, and all the unintentional humor that we can stuff in a sack. So here, tonight, we’ll take the time to look back on the old days as we march through this years offering. It’s a chance to treasure those memories that we’ll never forget. Like the time that Monty Brown called Samoa Joe a “Hippophant” (half hippo, half elephant) and that time where Rhino had a good match.

But that’s the past, and this year TNA is moving into the future, so we will not neglect the current goings on in the fast paced world of TNA. Will Rob Van Dam be able to withstand Sting’s wrath? Is Mr. Anderson’s loyalty to Jeff Hardy a ploy by the world’s biggest asshole? And what the hell is Dixie Carter’s big announcement all about? All this and partial nudity are right ahead of you. And there’s only one way to find out.

So without any further ado, let’s do a motherfucking review!

To Be Continued »

Dear John Cena

Hello there, boys and girls, and welcome to yet another Sunday Supplement to brighten up your dreary Sunday nights.  We here at Cewsh Reviews are aware that it's the only night of the weekend that you can't drink yourself into a pleasant stupor, and we sympathize, and are here to entertain you throughout your regrettably sober hours.

This week i'm going to tackle a somewhat different strategy with our Supplements, and instead of making a top 10 list or writing a hard hitting article on discrimination in wrestling, i'm instead going to reach out to a member of the wrestling community who I think could well and truly use my help.  Though he has achieved some success thus far, this individual still may have a long road ahead of him, and through this open letter, I can let him know the thoughts of myself and others, and perhaps help him understand how he could change and improve his craft from here forward.  If nothing else, it will help to ease my conscience that I know that I tried.

Dear John Cena,

To Be Continued »

WWE Over The Limit 2010

World Wrestling Entertainment Proudly Presents….

WWE OVER THE LIMIT 2010

Welcome, cats and kittens, to yet another installment of the live event attendingest (according to me) review blog in the galaxy, Cewsh Reviews! We’ve got a special treat for you tonight as we rev our engines, throw the gear into drive, and try not to stall out because we never learned how to drive stick and get off on our way to WWE’s Over The Limit 2010! Now I know there’s some controversy because the name of this PPV is very close to the one Owen Hart died at approximately 10 years ago, but we’re going to try not to dwell on that, and if anything, enjoy the show in his honor. And hell, if the show is terrible, we can call it one final practical joke by the King of Ribbers (not rubbers).

But all of the unpleasantness aside, tonight we’re going to see the end of some feuds (Punk/Mysterio, Cena/Batista) and the flowering of some new ones (Edge/Orton, Dibiase/Truth). And along the way, we might even cement some new stars at the top of the food chain (Swagger, Hart Dynasty). So come along with us on the ride, and don’t forget to buckle up. When Vince McMahon is behind the wheel, god knows what is in store.

So without any further ado, let’s do a motherfucking review!

To Be Continued »

TNA Sacrifice 2010

Total Nonstop Action Proudly Presents…

TNA Sacrifice 2010

Welcome, cats and kittens, to yet another installment of the only bunch of manly men (and women) classy enough to wear gowns to the Monster’s Ball, Cewsh Reviews! Tonight we have a special treat for you, as we review the pay per view that is all about Sacrifice. The sacrifices you need to make in order to make it in the wrestling business. The sacrifices you need to make to be the best at your chosen craft. The sacrifices you and your family endure as you strive towards perfection every day of your life. Ultimately, all you can hope for is that once you realize your goals and pass the finish line, all that will matter is the satisfaction of knowing that your sacrifices were worthwhile.

Of course, whether or not sacrificing our brain cells on the alter of TNA’s booking will prove worthwhile remains to be seen. But, as always, there’s only one way to find out.

So without any further ado, let’s do a motherfucking review!

To Be Continued »

NJPW Super J Tag Tournament 2010

New Japan Professional Wrestling Proudly Presents...

NJPW Super J Tag Tournament 2010

Welcome, cats and kittens to yet another installment of the ever late, ever magnificent Cewsh Reviews! We have a special treat for you tonight as we head over to visit our friends in the land of the rising sun once again, and review NJPW’s Super J Tag Tournament 2010. A show full of nothing but tag matches between small flippy guys is not exactly what you may expect from a team containing a guy who is a self confessed hater of tag team wrestling and flippy spotfests, but we yearn to please here at Cewsh Reviews and we realized that this sort of wrestling had really been brutally underrepresented by us thus far in our reign of terror, so now with the Super Juniors flourishing in Japan again, the fact of the matter is that enough is enough and it is time for a change. Of course, as you may be aware, Japanese wrestling is not our specialty here at Cewsh Reviews. We have some knowledge of it, and in some areas quite a lot, but when it comes to something like this you’re going to need more firepower than that. It’s like microwaving a potato. Just pressing buttons that seem familiar isn’t going to get the job done.

Luckily for us, on the Cewsh Reviews microwave we just have to hit Defrost.

So without any further ado, let’s do a motherfucking review!

To Be Continued »

WWE Extreme Rules 2010

World Wrestling Entertainment Proudly Presents…

WWE Extreme Rules 2010

Welcome, cats and kittens, to yet another installment of the Extremeist macaroni and cheese review on these fine internets, Cewsh Reviews! Tonight we have a special treat for you, as WWE takes their yearly trip down the highway of the extreme, and this year everyone is getting their gimmick match boots on to blow off feuds from Wrestlemania. In effect, this is Backlash, except more EXTREME, which I assume means that they drink more Mountain Dew and skateboard without the use of a helmet. Hardcore. Anyway, tonight is the night for some serious blow offs to the feuds that propelled Wrestlemania to such great heights. Cena and Batista are going to see who can be the slowest to stand up, Edge and Jericho are going to play inside of a very inefficient sandbox together, and CM Punk and Rey Mysterio are going to fight over Rey’s desire to be a beauty school dropout (beauty school dropouuuuut). All this and more as, for one night, World Wrestling Entertainment takes them both, because they’re hardcore.

So without any further ado, let’s do a motherfucking review!

To Be Continued »