ROH Fueling The Fire 2008

Cewsh: Here is the very first collaboration between Vice and I, and we had really high hopes for it after the success of my first Ted Petty Review. Unfortunately, this one went over like a fart in church. Whether it was having it posted in a forum with relatively low foot traffic, whether it was covering a show that nobody other than our friend chotzilla could possibly be interested, or whether it was just a sad sack review, its hard to say.

Regardless of the reason, here it is in all its glory, and you can decide for yourself.

--------------------------------------

Ring of Honor Proudly Presents...
 

ROH FUELING THE FIRE 2008

Welcome ladies and gentlemen, to the debut episode of CEWSH and VICE Review ______! This is the first time he and I have collaborated on anything this intensive, and we’re treating like a trial run to see what kinks need to be worked out and what we like doing with this. At any rate, this is also the first Ring of Honor show either of us have seen in some time, and we had no idea ahead of time who was going to win the matches, or even what matches were on the card, so our reactions are entirely stream of consciousness. No names have been changed to protect the hobos.

So let’s get started!

To Be Continued »

NWE The Return of the Warrior

Cewsh: Dude, the Ultimate Warrior came back. There was no way we were missing this one. I may or may not have been wearing facepaint and tassels for the entire duration of this review.

--------------------------------------

Nu Wrestling Evolution Proudly Presents…

NWE THE RETURN OF THE WARRIOR

Welcome, cats and kittens, to yet another installment of the most Warriortasticist review in the whole Warrior World, Cewsh Reviews. Tonight we’re taking on NWE’s The Return of the Warrior. Oh yeah, baby, it’s the sequel to our last NWE review and you should know immediately that we are giddily excited to head back across the Atlantic. When last we explored the strangely wonderful world of Rikishi’s Nu-Wrestling Evolution, Orlando Jordan was getting punked and run out of the ring by the fucking WARRIOR. What can we provide to top that in the sequel? How about the match to end all matches, the clash of titans that will echo through the ages, the ironclad immortal verses the colossal calamity? After a decade of retirement, the Ultimate Warrior makes his triumphant return, and Orlando Jordan vs. The Ultimate Warrior fucking actually happens. The world may never be the same.

So without any further ado, let’s do a motherfucking WARRIORview!

To Be Continued »

NWE Power Catch: 19/04/08

Cewsh: In an attempt to represent wrestling from all over the world, Vice and I decided to take a look at the Italy based promotion run by former WWE star Rikishi. We knew that many former WWE castoffs had found work there, but what we found was nothing like what we expected. And so began the Cewsh Reviews love affair with Orlando Jordan.

--------------------------------------------

Nu Wrestling Evolution Proudly Presents…

NWE Power Catch: 19/04/08

Welcome, cats and kittens, to yet another installment of the only review brought to you in part by PBS and readers like you, Cewsh Reviews... Tonight we have a special treat for you, as we cross one of the oceans (take your pick) to arrive on the sunny beaches of Spain to review NWE’s Catch Direct 8: Episode 1. Now we’ve reviewed shows from all over the world before, but we’ve never visited our brothers in Europe, and with NWE causing quite a stir in those parts, their time has finally come.

Frankly, though, it’s a surprise we’ve never done them before. Orlando Jordan? Booked by Rikishi? Ultimate Warrior shows up sometimes? Yeah, you can count us in anytime, if for nothing else, then for the sheer absurdity of it all. Can Rikishi book? Will we have any idea what is going on? Will Cewsh blow a gasket at seeing Orlando Jordan again? Only one way to find out, and lucky for you, its to keep right on reading.

So without any further ado, let’s do a motherfucking review!

To Be Continued »

IWF Ground Zero 07

Insane Wrestling Federation Proudly Presents…

IWF Ground Zero 07

Welcome, cats and kittens, to yet another installment of the family fucking friendliest wrestling review blog in the blogosphere (whatever the fuck that is), Cewsh Review! Tonight we’ve got a special treat for you, that is both intriguing and a little bit shocking. Why, you ask? Because we, your Cewsh Reviews party hosts, are actually going to review an American independent show that might not suck. That’s right. We’re reviewing indy wrestling for a reason OTHER THAN MOCKING IT (probably). What could possibly bring about this insane change to our modus operandi? Simple. You guys did it. A reader named Sparky, to be specific, not only requested this show be reviewed, but went so far as to send us his physical copy of the show, thus making us feel like awesome legit reviewers, and making Sparky our Number 1 Superfan of the year. Think you can top that? Well, we do like Skittles. So, you know, bribery is always welcome.

However, I digress. We took an all expenses paid (by us) trip up to Michigan with this bad boy, to see what was up in the Wolverine state. We’ll see if these sons of mother’s have any backbone. Possibly made of adamantium.

Anyway, without any further ado, let’s do a motherfucking review!

To Be Continued »

WWE December To Dismember 2006

World Wrestling Entertainment Proudly Presents...

WWE DECEMBER TO DISMEMBER 2006

Welcome, cats and kittens, to yet another installment of the only reviews that come around less often than spontaneous three ways with buxom celebrities, Cewsh Reviews! We have a special treat for you tonight, as after years and years of people asking me, begging me, and occasionally outright threatening me, I have finally broken down and agreed to review the consensus choice for the worst mainstream PPV in wrestling history. Of course, I can only be talking about WWE December To Dismember. After 8 years of healing, it is finally time for us to investigate just what the hell it is about this show that makes people bleed out of their eyeballs whenever they remember seeing it. Was it the Elimination Chamber match that killed the ECW concept in one fell swoop? Was it the undercard full of matches even their mothers couldn't love? Or was it some wonderful tidbit that has been blocked from my memory that will come tearing out with the force and fury of a runaway supernova? As always, there's only one way to find out.

So without any further ado, let's do a motherfucking review!

To Be Continued »

TNA Bound For Glory 2005

Cewsh: We've taken trips back in time with WWE and WCW, but what about the other big promotion in the United States this decade? We'd hate to neglect TNA, so we decided to chose a PPV at random, settled on this one from back in what people tend to consider TNA's "Glory Days" and went about separating fiction from fact.

We may be assholes, but we are extremely thorough ones. That's for sure.

------------------------------------

TNA Wrestling Proudly Presents….

TNA BOUND FOR GLORY 2005

Welcome, cats and kittens, to yet another installment of Cewsh Reviews… Here we’re at the tail end of Wrestlemania month here at the Cewsh Reviews... Headquarters, and we’re getting geared up for the big event coming up in April. You know the one, the larger than life spectacle that the whole world will stop to watch? Kurt Angle vs. Hiroshi Tanahashi! Err…well that one will be big as well, and we’ll be covering it too. Obviously, what we meant was Wrestlemania 25, the Showcase of the Immortals and all that. So, for our last gasp before the big show, we decided to cover WWE’s more direct competition: TNA. It’s a company that is currently down on its luck creative and entertainment-wise, but we’re going to cast wayyyy back to the Year of Our Father, 2005, and cover their premier event, Bound For Glory. Will this show put their newer efforts to shame? Will this rekindle our love for TNA? Why do all of the Cewsh Reviews… intros end with questions?

Yes, no, and because I’m the motherfucking Cewsh, that’s why. Pony up. We’re going for a ride…

To Be Continued »

ROG The Great Commission

Ring of Glory Wrestling Proudly Presents…

ROG The Great Commission

Welcome, cats and kittens, to yet another installment of the wrestling blog that puts the “holy” in “holier than thou”, Cewsh Reviews! We have a special treat for you tonight, as we have found in our grand search of the internet, a show that cried out to be reviewed like perhaps none other that we have ever seen. That’s right, tonight we’re reviewing the one and only show ever put on by Vince Russo’s Christian wrestling company, Ring of Glory. Now, if there’s one thing we want to make clear right off the top it’s this. I know that we have many Christian readers, and the intent of this review is not to mock Christianity or make you feel uncomfortable about how your faith is being treated in any way. Your faith is your business, and none of ours. However what we WILL do, is see just exactly what kind of bizarre circus a Vince Russo booked religious wrestling show will turn into, especially when the biggest star on it is X-Pac of all people. So if you feel like you’re likely to be offended by our review and (let’s be honest) open mockery of this show, then by all means stop reading here, and we’ll respect that decision. For everybody else, we’re going to have a fine old time, and to do so we’ll not only have Mrs. Cewsh on board, but also her sister, the Turnip Queen from last year's Summerslam review, who will be watching her very first wrestling show outside of the WWE. It’s too late to pity her, the damage is already done.

So without any further ado, let’s do a motherfucking review!

To Be Continued »

WWE Great American Bash 2004

World Wrestling Entertainment Proudly Presents...

WWE Great American Bash 2004

Welcome, cats and kittens, to yet another installment of the only reviews that have a time machine that only goes back 9 years, Cewsh Reviews! We have a special treat for you tonight, as we review an absolute masterpiece from the recent past, WWE Great American Bash 2004. Recently we here at Cewsh Reviews Headquarters realized that we were spending a lot of time reviewing shows that were, well, good. Or at the very least mediocre. It turns out that it has been an awfully long time since we reviewed a show that we knew full well would be hysterically atrocious, and that's just not fair to you readers. So we dropped everything and eagerly looked for a terrible show to sate our snarky appetites.

Initially we considered the rich tapestry of WCW failure, and we'll get back to them don't worry, but eventually we settled on this show. Oh this show. If you don't know what the card for this show is, I urge you not to look it up, and instead to just follow along with me as we explore 3 hours of something that WWE actually charged people money for. I promise, promise, promise you will not be disappointed. Unless you appeared on the show, in which case you might want to just go on repressing those memories.

So without any further ado, let's do a motherfucking review!

To Be Continued »

NOAH Departure 2004

Cewsh: This is DDT's debut as a first run contributor to Cewsh Reviews and he had been begging me for months to review this show. Once we finally did I could definitely see why. (And if you want to meet DDT and see what a wrestling fan that is also a physicist looks like, attend any Shimmer show. He'll be the skinny one talking about the complexities of the Japanese independent scene.)

------------------------------------

 

Pro Wrestling NOAH Proudly Presents…

NOAH Departure 2004

Welcome, cats and kittens, to yet another installment of the only reviews that take a lariat from Kobashi and live to tell the tale, Cewsh Reviews! We have a special treat for you tonight as we travel back to our very first classic show outside of American borders. The reason for the occasion, you ask? Well just a little thing called KENTA FUCKING KOBASHI. Also other various things that have names I’d be more than happy to put into caps and yell at you, but the point is that this was an exciting show by any standards, even for people are aren’t conventional fans of Japanese wrestling. Here we have the conclusion to a rivalry between two of Japan’s biggest stars 5 years in the making, an appearance by my favorite tag team in wrestling history, and generally a card loaded up with the pick of the litter back when NOAH was the hottest promotion on the planet hosted in the historic Tokyo Dome. How does this all play out? How did NOAH fall apart from here? Where are they now? To answer these questions and gives all the backstory your heart can desire, we’ve brought in noted Pro Wrestling historian DDT. Any thoughts DDT?


DDT: Pro Wrestling NOAH from 2000 to 2006 was quite possibly the greatest wrestling promotion on Earth in terms of match quality and “big fight feels”. They were what all the American Indy’s tried to copy, and what all big Japan promotions wanted to be. Eventually, they squandered that with lack of building stars and poor booking, but those six years were jaw-dropping amazing, and still remain a sight to behold. So what are we waiting for, mon capitan? Let’s do a motherfucking review!


Cewsh: Whoa. Bro, BRO.


DDT: Yeah, I stole your line. Deal with it.

To Be Continued »

WWE Wrestlemania XIX

World Wrestling Entertainment Proudly Presents...

WWE Wrestlemania XIX

Welcome, cats and kittens, to yet another installment of the only reviews that spend more time in the past than a your grandfather, Cewsh Reviews! We have a special treat for you tonight, as we do our final review in the lead up to the biggest show of the year, Wrestlemania 30. As usual, our final review before the big one has to be a Wrestlemania from the past, so I put it to you, the Cewsh Reviews faithful, to choose which one you wanted to see. And when the dust settled, the overwhelming winner was Wrestlemania 19, and I assume because this is the only Wrestlemania where someone gets hit with a frying pan. Oh wait, that's 18? You guys have weird priorities. Anyway, now we'll tackle the show that gave us the conclusion to one of the greatest feuds in Wrestling history, the match that will forever be held against Triple H's legacy and quite possibly the worst Wrestlemania match of the Undertaker's career, (yes, including the Giant Gonzales one.) And let's not forget about Version 1, a retirement match, a big man going splat, some half naked ladies and so much more.

So without any further ado, let's do a motherfucking review!

To Be Continued »