NJPW Wrestle Kingdom 8

New Japan Pro Wrestling Proudly Presents...

NJPW Wrestle Kingdom 8

Welcome cats and kittens to yet another installment of the only reviews that use the word "Swag" as a verb, an adjective and an exclamation during sex, Cewsh Reviews! We have a special treat for you tonight, as we focus on the most important non-WWE show of 2014, NJPW Wrestle Kingdom 8! Now, if you're a regular Cewshketeer, you've no doubt seen us begging, demanding, cajoling and outright seducing you to buy this show, so that you could share in one of the biggest events of the wrestling year. Some of you did, most of you didn't, but regardless of whether you're reliving the wild night that you saw for yourself, or are looking to find out just what all the fuss is about, we've got you covered. We have a battle to crown the true star of this generation of Japanese wrestling, a battle to decide who their replacement will be, blood feuds dating back to childhood, family wide feuds spanning decades, and a wacky dude and his new demon friend taking on Japan's most ill tempered badass. There's so much going on that we did a whole preview about it already, and if that didn't get you hyped, maybe this will. One of these wrestlers is USED AS THE POLE IN A POLE DANCING ENTRANCE. What the shit are we waiting for?

So without any further ado, let's do a motherfucking review!

To Be Continued »

The 2013 CRL 100

Welcome, one and all, to the 2013 CRL 100! Tonight we will begin the second ever installment of the aptly titled Cewsh Reviews List 100, as we begin the countdown of the 100 best and most significant wrestlers of the past calender year. This list, which was founded originally in protest of the PWI 500, is the sum of a full year's worth of tireless tape watching and analysis by us here at Cewsh Reviews Headquarters, and we can't wait to show you who we chose for what spot, so you guys can get down to the important business of tearing it to shreds.

The goal here is to spread the word about people who had a great year, while rewarding the people who went above and beyond in the name of our entertainment. And while you might think you know how things will play out if you read our list last year, I assure you, things are VERY different this year. With a almost a third of the members of last year's list falling off of this one altogether to make room for fresh blood, and a radically different looking top 10, this list reflects a turbulent year in wrestling history. But at the end of it all, only one man can stand tall as Mr. 2013.

Will it be Daniel Bryan? John Cena? Hiroshi Tanahashi? Only one way to find out!

To Be Continued »

TNA Bound For Glory 2013

Total Nonstop Action Proudly Presents...

TNA BOUND FOR GLORY 2013

Welcome cats and kittens, to yet another installment of the only reviews that hurt more for your pleasure than an actor doing his 20th nut shot take of the day, Cewsh Reviews! We have a special treat for you tonight, as we have finally come to the ultimate event in TNA's year, Bound For Glory 2013. Everything that TNA has crafted over the prior 364 days has led inexorably to this place and this moment, where it will all become clear and the path will make sense. The agony of the past 11 months will be undone in a glorious night of untold wonder and genuine merriment. There is no possible way that these ladies and gentleman could produce for us anything less than the very finest that the grappling arts can be. And when the smoke clears and the sad eyed homeless man now calling himself AJ Styles has finally triumphed over the powers of evil after years of anticipation, it will be a magnificent moment. One to tell the grandchildren about no doubt. So let's dig right into this event while I'm still in a state of manic delusion, and see just what TNA has to say for itself after what may be the worst year for any company in the history of professional wrestling.

To Be Continued »

NJPW Destruction 2013

New Japan Professional Wrestling Proudly Presents...

NJPW Destruction 2013

Welcome, cats and kittens, to yet another installment of the only reviews that own a giant mech robot for crushing our enemies, Cewsh Reviews! We have a special treat for you tonight, and while I may always say that, I well and truly mean it today. Recently, we asked our readers to tell us what they depended on Cewsh Reviews for coverage of, and the resounding answers were Japanese wrestling and TNA. Since TNA is lucky if they can even run a complete show, we're instead going to focus on Japan, and starting here, we will be covering each and every New Japan iPPV from this point on. The reason why we're focusing on New Japan will be clear to anyone familiar with them, but to those who aren't, New Japan has recently been on an incredible out of control hot streak that has led to them not only resurrecting themselves from obscurity, but has seen them rise to be the second biggest wrestling promotion on the planet. With stars like Hiroshi Tanahashi and Kazuchika Okada, New Japan has set it's sites on becoming a global product, and are eagerly courting American fans, (meaning you.) So it's lucky for you that you have the trusty Cewsh Reviews team there to get you on the ground floor of the biggest wrestling movement since the late 90s. Yes THOSE late 90s.

So let's dig into a show where Okada's title is in jeopardy, where a cocky little crusierweight has become one of the greatest heels in wrestling, and where literally every match has someone awesome in it, just waiting to become your new favorite wrestler.

So without any further ado, let's do a motherfucking review!

To Be Continued »

WWE Summerslam 2013

World Wrestling Entertainment Proudly Presents...

WWE Summerslam 2013

Welcome, cats and kittens, to yet another installment of the only reviews that prefer Winterslam, Cewsh Reviews! We have a special treat for you tonight, as World Wrestling Entertainment jetsets over to the City of Angels for the latest in their yearly exercise in spectacle, WWE Summerslam 2013. Now you may have heard this in one of two places coming into this show, but there's actually this pretty important match going on tonight that has been built up across every WWE television show, and with the full strength of the WWE promotional vehicle behind it. That match is obviously Natalya vs. Brie Bella, but there are probably some other matches on this card too. Let's take a look. Wait, Bray Wyatt in a RING OF FIRE MATCH?! Daniel Bryan vs. John Cena?! CM Punk vs. Brock Lesnar?! Alright, which one of you turned on the dream booking machine? Because we owe you a lifetime's worth of high fives for this card, which is easily one of the most exciting in recent memory. Will the torch be passed to Daniel Bryan? Will the Best beat the Beast? And will Big E Langston actually win a match and stop making me sad? Join me, and my mad scientist compatriots Artie and Michael, as we learn all this and more.

So without any further ado, let's do a motherfucking review!

To Be Continued »

The 2013 Tanahashi Cup

Welcome welcome, boys, girls and hopefully not children of any ages. I'm proud to bring you, for the very first time in Cewsh Reviews history, the Tanahashi Cup! What is the Tanahashi Cup, you ask? Well as you have a working internet connection, you've no doubt run across any number of lists counting down the sexiest female wrestlers and personalities. And that's all fine and dandy, but there are very few things out there that are built to determine the sexiest male wrestler on the planet. And boy, is that ever where we come in. In order to sort out who the hottest man rocking speedos on this planet is we assembled a crack team of two women, two straight men and a bisexual man to argue, debate, disagree and go to war over who rocks it the best. And when the dust settled we crowned the official sexiest male wrestler of 2013.

Only One Man Is Qualified To Do The Tanahashi Name Justice In 2013.

Oh, and why is it called the Tanahashi Cup? Well we named it after the sexiest male wrestler alive, who we had to remove from the competition, lest it make it unfair to everyone else. We believe that fairness will take you everywhere in life. Well, that and a great set of abs.

To Be Continued »

WWE Money in the Bank 2013

World Wrestling Entertainment Proudly Presents...

WWE Money in the Bank 2013

Welcome, cats and kittens, to yet another installment of the only reviews that totally liked Daniel Bryan better when he was called American Dragon for some reason, Cewsh Reviews! We have a special treat for you tonight as we set our sights on what has become the fourth biggest show of the WWE year, WWE Money in the Bank 2013. For the past several years, this show has been a yearly turning point for WWE, with incredible events taking place, and the seeds being planted for storylines months in advance. As such, they have quickly created a show that truly matters in the middle of the dreariest part of the wrestling calender. Tonight is no different, of course, as we have two different Money in the Bank ladder matches, a heated John Cena/Mark Henry match, a whole bunch of undercard goodness, and a pre show match so good that we're forced to review it. With all of this goodness on the table, it's obviously far too much for me to handle on my own, so I'm bringing up a hot prospect from the minors. You may remember him from our NXT Scouting Reports earlier this month, and he enjoys long walks on the beach, death metal and spirited debates about Kamen Rider. His name is Artie. And he is both the hero we need right now AND the hero we deserve. So with my new sidekick by my side, and a night full of intrigue ahead, there's only one thing left to say.

So without any further ado, let's do a motherfucking review!

To Be Continued »

CR Fantasy Warfare II

Sound the horns, take up arms, and let loose the dogs of war. Because tonight, we here at Cewsh Reviews go to war. FANTASY war.

Close Enough.

Using the very latest and most advanced booking simulator technology, (or not,) we will pit the great minds of Cewsh Reviews against one another in a bid for fantasy warfare supremacy and bragging rights forevermore. To be more specific, we'll be doing a draft of any active wrestler and forming our own dream promotions, and then simulating a year in the life of our wacky promotions in Total Extreme Wrestling, (click here to learn more about the game,) to see which promotion will reign supreme at the end. So how will it go down? Only one way to find out.

To Be Continued »

Cewsh Scouts NXT 2013

Why hello, I didn't see you there. Welcome to the Cewsh Institute for Careful Observation and Contextual Knowledge. Here at COCK we take our jobs very seriously as the foremost wrestling scouts on the internet. Previously, we have brought you detailed breakdowns of both the NXT roster and the New Japan Pro Wrestling roster, and today we're here a year later to retrace our steps and evaluate the new recruits and blossoming prospects of WWE's developmental program, as well as revisiting our evaluations from last time.

We have 16 men and women here who will be judged by their pros and cons, and will be assigned a grade based on their potential as WWE prospects. We will also be rendering judgement on whether or not these individuals are ready for full time main roster competition. Today we'll be breaking down the first four of these, focusing on everyone holding gold in NXT at the moment. Joining me in the venture are my esteemed colleagues: Psycho, Artie and Dennis. Psycho joined us last time, Artie is new to NXT but is very enthusiastic about it, and Dennis is so familiar with the product that eating the cupcakes he brings to shows has become a rite of passage for new talent. Together we will put our lab coats on, carefully evaluate strengths and weaknesses, and try to find out just exactly who the stars of tomorrow will be. Are you ready for some hardcore fact mining and grueling tape watching? No? Well then lucky for you that we did it all for you.

To Be Continued »

TNA Slammiversary 2013

Total Nonstop Action Proudly Presents...

TNA Slammiversary 2013

Welcome, cats and kittens, to yet another installment of the reviews that put the T in TNA, Cewsh Reviews! We have a special treat for you tonight as we all join together to celebrate the 11th anniversary of the day where a guy named Cheeks had one of the worst wrestling matches of all time, with TNA Slammiversary 2013! Over the past 11 years, TNA has seen more than its fair share of highs and lows, and now the company is having to weather the storm of the Aces and Eights, who are casting a pall over all other events. Tonight the leader of Aces and Eights, Bully Ray, will take on a furious Sting who badly wants to drub the entire group out of existence, and has decided to put his championship future on the line for the opportunity to do so. All of TNA may hang in the balance as the old legend straps on the boots again to do battle with the evil that has invaded his chosen home. And besides that, we have every title being defended, an appearance by Emo Styles, and a show stealing match which might be the last thing that you'd expect. We have all of this, plus our most famous co-reviewer ever, AJ Styles*!

* Not actually AJ Styles.

So without any further ado, let's do a motherfucking review!

To Be Continued »