TNA Slammiversary 2013

Total Nonstop Action Proudly Presents...

TNA Slammiversary 2013

Welcome, cats and kittens, to yet another installment of the reviews that put the T in TNA, Cewsh Reviews! We have a special treat for you tonight as we all join together to celebrate the 11th anniversary of the day where a guy named Cheeks had one of the worst wrestling matches of all time, with TNA Slammiversary 2013! Over the past 11 years, TNA has seen more than its fair share of highs and lows, and now the company is having to weather the storm of the Aces and Eights, who are casting a pall over all other events. Tonight the leader of Aces and Eights, Bully Ray, will take on a furious Sting who badly wants to drub the entire group out of existence, and has decided to put his championship future on the line for the opportunity to do so. All of TNA may hang in the balance as the old legend straps on the boots again to do battle with the evil that has invaded his chosen home. And besides that, we have every title being defended, an appearance by Emo Styles, and a show stealing match which might be the last thing that you'd expect. We have all of this, plus our most famous co-reviewer ever, AJ Styles*!

* Not actually AJ Styles.

So without any further ado, let's do a motherfucking review!

To Be Continued »

WWE Payback 2013

World Wrestling Entertainment Proudly Presents...

WWE Payback 2013

Welcome, cats and kittens, to yet another installment of the only reviews that view payback as a demand to have your money returned, Cewsh Reviews! We have a special treat for you tonight as we take our first grown ups steps into the iffy WWE summer ppv schedule with WWE Payback 2013! Now, traditionally, this is the time of year where everything pretty much goes to hell interest-wise. They start pushing new acts, they start experimenting with new main eventers, and in general they just kind of kill time until Money in the Bank rolls around. But surprisingly, here we are in the middle of June and there's quite a bit to talk about already. We have Ryback attempting to put his stamp on WWE by destroying John Cena in a 3 Stages of Hell match, CM Punk making his triumphant return in the town that he owes as surely as if his name was on the deed, and we even have that AJ/Kaitlyn match that they've been building to for 12 years and have never actually gotten around to. So with quite a lot to talk about for once, let's not waste any time getting to the good stuff.

So without any further ado, let's do a motherfucking review!

To Be Continued »

WWE Extreme Rules 2013

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To Be Continued »

CRSMUTDC4 Match Drawing Extravaganza

Welcome, boys and girls, to the most exciting night in the Cewsh Reviews year. Tonight's the night when we reveal the card that our readers and fans, (those aren't always one and the same,) chose for us to review, creating the 4th annual installment of a little shindig that we like to call the Cewsh Reviews Super Mega Ultra Technicolor Dream Card.

This Is A Picture From The First One. He Just Looks So Adorable Though.

Inside we'll reveal the matches and the winners, and we'll also give a little background on why these matches are interesting, as well as revealing the special wrinkle that we're introducing this year to spice things up. So come on in, and watch the magic of reader interaction take place. And if you wind up kicking yourself for not having participated, just remember: there's always next year.

To Be Continued »

Empty Budokan: How AJPW and NOAH Survived The 00s To Die In The 10s

Nothing lasts forever.

No matter how mighty or unassailable something may seem in the peak of it's strength, it can easily crumble and fall apart if not properly tended to. Staying on top in any industry is all about changing with the times, keeping an eye towards the future and ensuring that your company has everything it needs to keep performing at the highest possible level. As you might have guessed from the title of this post, this is the story of two companies who did not take these lessons to heart. And now, despite both being, at various times, the top promotion in all of Japan, they now both sit on the precipice of obscurity and failure.

How did things get this way? How did the fertile ground that birthed the Four Pillars, (Kenta Kobashi, Mitsuharu Misawa, Toshiaki Kawada and Akira Taue,) later become known for fights in the locker room? How did a company founded by the most popular wrestler in the nation, and built in his image, lead all of wrestling in failed main event pushes? Today, we'll do our best to answer those questions.

To Be Continued »

Fantasy Friday - The Trials of Styles: Part 2

Welcome, welcome, welcome, to the finest thing to happen to Friday since Carl Winslow, Fantasy Friday! Now, for those of you who were naughty and didn't join us last week, this feature represents my occasional urge to rebook a famous storyline from history. Maybe I thought that The Rock and John Cena should have had a monster truck tug of war match, or maybe I thought that Hogan/Sting should have taken place in a ball pit surrounded by grizzly bears. Hell, occasionally the ideas will even make sense, which will probably come as a pretty major surprise to both of us.

Today we'll be entering part 2 of my booking plan for the current AJ Styles storyline in TNA. The goal is to put 6 months on the clock and compose a storyline so compelling that leads AJ to Bound For Glory, that people will actually be willing to turn on TNA's shows in order to watch it. It's among the more daunting tasks that I've ever taken on, but my middle name is Danger and my last name is Cansuckit. In the first installment, I already covered the initial build up, leading up to a match between AJ Styles and Samoa Joe, and a title match between Bully Ray and Hulk Hogan that actual makes some semblance of sense. Where do things go from here? Only one way to find out.

To Be Continued »

NJPW Invasion Attack 2013

New Japan Pro Wrestling Proudly Presents...

NJPW Invasion Attack 2013

Welcome, cats and kittens, to yet another installment of the only reviews that send you flowers after lariating you, Cewsh Reviews! We have a special treat for you tonight as we look to Japan for a big time follow up to one of the most incredible shows we've ever reviewed, and focus on NJPW Invasion Attack 2013! Now, if you remember our review of Wrestle Kingdom from this year, the first thing that jumps to mind is no doubt how completely over the moon we were for it. The matches were incredible, the rivalries were on fire, and the show was capped by the biggest match that money could buy, as we saw Hiroshi Tanahashi hold off the attack of the upstart challenger, Kazuchika Okada. Well now all of that is coming to a head one more time, as Okada gets one last shot at reducing the Empire of the Golden Abs to rubble and remaking it in his image. One more go round for the hottest feud to hit Japan since the 90s, and that's just one of the wild things on this show. We'll get a crazy heel turn, the strange return of the NWA, and the match that our Puro guy Defrost excitedly named "the greatest match of all time." What more can I say? Let's get this party started.

So without any further ado, let's do a motherfucking review!

To Be Continued »

Fantasy Friday - The Trials of Styles: Part 1

Let me start off this post by making it clear what this feature is and is not going to be. This is a feature about the dreaded subject of fantasy booking. This is NOT going to happen all the time, because there simply aren't enough storylines worth this level of attention to detail going on at any given time, and because I am absolutely terrible at predicting the future, (as we all know very well.) What this is, instead, is an occasional feature that will give me a chance to plot out the possibilities behind interesting storylines that many of our readers may not be following or even be aware of. And it will give me carte blanche to assume the controls myself for a moment, so that I can try to concoct a storyline that holds up to the kind of scrutiny that I would level against the company if I were reviewing it. This is not an easy task, because I'm kind of an asshole. 

The storyline that I'm going to be taking charge of is the booking of AJ Styles in TNA, from this very day today, all the way to the Bound For Glory PPV in October. For those of you who don't watch TNA, (which, statistically, is most of you,) the story currently is that AJ Styles, furious with being overlooked and unappreciated by the company that he dragged into the spotlight, left TNA for a number of months. Commissioner Hulk Hogan and Owner Dixie Carter begged him for months to come back until Hogan finally demanded that AJ do so, only to find that AJ had adopted a much darker persona. Meanwhile Bully Ray is the TNA Champion and rides at the head of the Aces and Eights, a biker stable of his own design that rules TNA at present. I have 6 months to connect the two in a meaningful way, and I've broken the story into 3 parts (April/May, June/July/August, September/October) for easy digestion.

Start the clock.

To Be Continued »

The Shimmer Volume 57 Wrap Up (Speca, Speca, Speca, Speca, Speca) Spectacular

YOU COME AND GOOOOOOOO. YOU COME AND GOOOOoooooooOOOOO. Yes, boys and girls, we've come to the end our Shimmer wrap up. We've loved and laughed together as we explored the depths of a live Shimmer weekend, and we certainly hope that you've enjoyed taking this journey with us. Tonight we'll say some fond farewells, cheer for some climactic victories, and enjoy one last show before Shimmer hangs up the ropes until October. So read on, and have a blanket, a heating pad and plenty of water on hand, because you're about to go into Shimmer withdrawals.

HOW CAN I LIVE WITHOUT YUU? I WANT TO KNOW.

But before they can leave us, first they will put on one last show. Can it live up to the three before it? Will the events of this show change Shimmer forever?

To Be Continued »

The Shimmer Volume 56 Wrap Up (Super) Spectacular

Welcome to a beautiful Saturday night in scenic Jetpackistan. We hope you're enjoying your day as much as we are as we stare out from our Cewsh Reviews castle built out of a mountain in the shape of Hiroshi Tanahashi's face. But if you aren't then we're here to change all that nonsense around, as we bring you the third installment in our series recapping our live attendance of the Shimmer tapings, (Volumes 54-57). One week ago we were deeply embroiled in the kind of magical world that you can only find in a ballroom in Berwyn, Illinois.

The Original Site For Disneyland.

When we last left you, Cheerleader Melissa was still reigning supreme as Shimmer champion, Jessicka Havok and Serena Deeb were deeply entrenched in a war, and the Global Green Gangsters were hot in pursuit of those dastardly Canadian Ninjas. All of these things will see a dramatic new chapter in the last two volumes of our recap, but first let's focus on Volume 56, the first show of the Sunday tapings. I would say that it is the greatest thing that has ever happened in the history of the world, but that would make it really hard to convince you to come back for Volume 4, so just read on already!

To Be Continued »