The 3rd Annual CR Year End Awards

Welcome cats and kittens to the third annual Cewsh Reviews End of Year Awards.  Quite a bit has happened to Cewsh Reviews in the past year, from getting on the Rajah mainpage to finding a dollar on the sidewalk that we bought a Snickers with and everything in between.  So now we'll take this time to look back on the year that was, now that we're a few weeks safely removed from it.  So what sets our end of year awards apart from the ones you were endlessly spammed with in December?  Simple.  SCIENCE!

Famous Last Words.

Each match that we reviewed this year was compiled and averaged out to determine the score for each wrestler's full year.  We only included wrestlers who had at least 3 matches this year that we reviewed, and for the purposes of these awards we used my (meaning Cewsh's) ratings.  For reference, anyone recieving a cumulative average score of 60 - 69 is considered to have passed in terms of having been part of enjoyable matches in the past year.  An average of 70 - 79 means that your matches were consistently good, if not particularly special, and a score of 80 - 89 means you had really good to great matches so consistently that your entire year qualifies for a Download Seal of Approval.  Should anyone crest the diamond mountains of the 90 - 100 range, it should probably go without saying that they are some kind of goddamn sorcerer.

Alright, everybody good? Nobody fall asleep during that? Well then let's let down the curtains, fire up the band, and get this jungle party started!

To Be Continued »

10 Of The Worst Looks In Wrestling History

Aloha there, boys and girls.  Welcome to another installment of the best thing to happen to Sunday since Doug went off the air, your very favorite Sunday Supplements.  Now let me open this by acknowledging the obvious: wrestling fans generally seem to know as much about fashion as they do about, say, particle physics.  Believe me when I tell you that I am certainly in that group as well.  But over the years the wrestling industry has created some of the most obscene crimes against eyes that anyone has ever dared to wear, and its time we all had ourselves a chuckle over it.  From tassels to the tightest tights to bizarre animal heads to colors that would blind Sauron, there is so much to choose from that half the fun of a list like this is realizing how many awful selections didn't even make it on.

Seriously, This Didn't Even Make The Cut.

So with that in mind, I have called in our resident fashion expert Mrs. Cewsh and together we'll do our very best Tom and Lorenzo imitation in selecting the 10 looks that even Lady Gaga would giggle at and break down just what in the fuck they were thinking.

To Be Continued »

TNA Genesis 2012

Total Nonstop Action Proudly Presents… 

TNA Genesis 2012

Welcome, cats and kittens, to yet another installment of the elastic, bombastic and fantastic Cewsh Reviews! We have a special treat for you tonight, as we join Total Nonstop Action Impact National Wrestling Alliance in smashing a bottle of champagne on the year 2012 and setting sail with TNA Genesis 2012. Tonight we will see the very best that TNA has to offer (and also Jeff Hardy) and will get a chance to assess where the company stands going into its tenth year of existence. This will also serve as a sort of milestone in Cewsh Review history, as it will serve as the final time that we review a TNA show simply because it has occurred. If you didn’t see the messages earlier, we are pursuing a download free environment for Cewsh Reviews, and as such, will not pay to be stabbed in the eye by Dixie Carter’s massive dong of mediocrity on a monthly basis (we’ll still review important shows and significant happenings). So the pressure is on for TNA to produce one heullva show and provide answers to some of the most burning questions that nobody is actually asking. Like will Bobby Roode continue to take strides towards main event credibility? Will Samoa Joe and Magnus make some semblance of sense as a team? Will Devon somehow find a way to reach his sons before its too late? As has been and as yet may be, there is only one way to find out.

So with no further ado, let’s do a motherfucking review!

To Be Continued »

The Top 5 Joshi Wrestlers of All Time

Welcome welcome, boys and girls.  I've gathered you all here today for a very special history lesson very near and dear to my heart.  That subject is Joshi (of Japanese Women's) Wrestling, and the list is of the greatest stars of that particular wrestling genre.  Now I know that Japanese wrestling isn't everyone's cup of sake, and women's wrestling is much the same, so when you read the title of this list you might have thought to yourself "Ugh, another Puro review and now its about chicks?" or perhaps even sadly "Joshwhatnow?"  Its a fair point that in North America, women's wrestling still struggles on for credibility, especially among casual fans of WWE, but these are no Barbie dolls or models, my friends.  These women represent some of the greatest wrestlers that the industry has ever beheld.  These women showed that you could be beautiful (or not) and still not only be as good as the men, but could completely make them look silly by comparison.  These women built a national sensation from scratch and made it so beloved that its stars are still revered in Japanese culture to this day.  These women are absolute fucking badasses.

And They Aint Hard To Look At, Either.

Don't believe me?  See how you feel after you've met the five best.  So clear some time in your busy day of Angry Birds and masturbation, and pay some attention and some damn respect to the five greatest Joshi wrestlers of all time.

To Be Continued »

WWE TLC 2011

World Wrestling Entertainment Proudly Presents...

WWE TLC 2011

Welcome, cats and kittens, to yet another installment of the closest thing to Batman in the world of wrestling journalism, Cewsh Reviews! We have a special treat for you tonight as we review WWE TLC 2011, the final WWE show of the calender year that has brought so many crazy changes both large and small. As we investigate this most hardcore of pay per views we'll crack some jokes along the way, see some old friends and...

The following is a message paid for by the Scot World Order.

MichaelC: Muahahaah!

Yes, welcome to another heartwarming edition of

MichaelC Witters!

Yeah.


Cewsh: Oh god dammit.


MichaelC: If you wanted rambles that go nowhere, history lessons that seem vaguely pointless, Twitter references and the odd mention of wrestling, you are in the right place.

Cewsh: You know, you people could just ask to be in the reviews without freezing me in carbonite or something every time. Oh, very well then. Let's get on with it.

To Be Continued »

WWE Survivor Series 2011

World Wrestling Entertainment Proudly Presents...

WWE Survivor Series 2011

Welcome, cats and kittens, to yet another installment of the Wrestling Observer's favorite wrestling review blog, Cewsh Reviews! We have a special treat for you tonight as we review WWE Survivor Series 2011 wherein a lot of stuff is going to happen that is great and wonderful and yadda yadda yadda THE ROCK IS GOING TO WRESTLE A MATCH. Whether you're a fan of the man or not, this show represents a huge, huge deal as the Rock returns to wrestle his first honest to god match in 8 years, and teaming up with his Wrestlemania opponent John Cena to boot. The interest and hype surrounding this is truly massive, and that's without even pointing out that we're in Madison Square Garden, baby. The home of the WWE, and the birthplace of a million poorly thought out face turns. With the electricity of the Rock coming back, the excitement of CM Punk getting a crack at the WWE title, and with the widespread frustration over Zack Ryder being left off the card, this town is a geyser that is ready to explode. Anything can happen, and it will. Fucking hell, what are we waiting for?

So without any further ado, let's do a motherfucking review!

To Be Continued »

TNA Turning Point 2011

Total Nonstop Action Proudly Presents…

 
TNA Turning Point 2011

Welcome, cats and kittens, to yet another installment of the always prevalent and occasionally relevant Cewsh Reviews! We have a special treat for you tonight as we migrate south to Orlando seeking warmth and a good wrestling show, as we review TNA’s Turning Point 2011. Now this is TNA’s downtime of the year, much like WWE’s period after Wrestlemania, but apparently nobody told TNA this as things have developed rapidly since we last imbibed Aunt Dixie’s Jailhouse Road Show. After successfully defending his TNA World title against Robert Roode at Bound for Glory, Kurt Angle promptly lost it in a 5 minute match to Roode’s partner, James Storm. This incensed Roode so much that he turned heel on Storm and wrenched the title away from him, giving us a decidedly heel Roode as champion. At the same time, James Storm and Kurt Angle both found themselves injured and unable to wrestle Roode, so TNA looked to their eternal backup plan and tapped AJ Styles to fight Roode here to defend the honor of what is left of Fortune. Of course AJ ALSO got himself injured coming into the show, so who knows what might happen. Billy Gunn: main eventer? Sounding more and more likely.

But that’s just one of the various delicacies laid before us tonight, so let’s dig in and see if this show is as sweet as we’re hoping, or as rotten as we fear. Either way, it should be a culinary adventure.

So without any further ado, let’s do a motherfucking review!

To Be Continued »

CHIKARA High Noon 2011

CHIKARA Professional Wrestling Proudly Presents…

CHIKARA HIGH NOON 2011

Welcome, cats and kittens, to yet another installment of the only review blog still rocking a mullet until it comes back in style, Cewsh Reviews! We have a special treat for you tonight as we traverse new and completely uncharted territory for us, and cover our very first CHIKARA show in the 3+ years that we’ve been covering wrestling. So what makes this show so special that we would choose to highlight it first and foremost? Simple, this is CHIKARA’s debut on iPPV (thanks to the fine folks at Go Fight Live) and thus they have taken a step into wrestling world relevance that can not and will not be ignored by the likes of us. After all, who among us hasn’t heard tales of the ridiculous happenings in CHIKARA over the years? All kinds of dragons wrestling, an entire stable of demonic ice cream men, comedy matches so sublime that they defy description and everything else that you and your high buddies have spent the early hours of the morning giggling about on your computer screens can all be traced back to this collection of patently preposterous pugilists. So what’s going to happen when they open the door to a massive live audience? What will we think of the promotion as a whole? And what the shit is that bunny doing here? Welp, there really is only one way to find out.

So without any further ado, let’s do a motherfucking review!

To Be Continued »

All Together in Budokan 2011

New Japan Pro Wrestling, All Japan Pro Wrestling and Pro Wrestling NOAH Proudly Present…

All Together In Budokon 2011

Welcome, cats and kittens, to yet another installment of the only wrestling review blog that brings everyone together uncomfortably close, Cewsh Reviews! We have a special treat for you tonight, and we really, truly mean it this time. See, a few months ago there was this series of disasters in Japan. You may have heard of it, it was kind of a big deal. Nuclear power plants melted down, whole stretches of the nation flooded and earthquakes shook up everything in between as if the apocalypse was just doing some warm up stretching off the coast of Japan. After the storm had cleared, the Japanese people were left with the daunting task of resuming life as usual with spirits as low as could possibly be. So wrestling answered the call. All Japan Pro Wrestling, Pro Wrestling NOAH and New Japan Pro Wrestling joined together for the first time in a generation to do one supershow under one roof to raise money for the charity organizations that were scrambling to put their nation back together. For one night, wrestlers laced up their boots, walked out in front of thousands of eager fans, and brought a little sunshine into the hearts of people who needed it. It’s a proud moment in wrestling history, and that show is the very one we are reviewing for you here today.

Now such a special occasion couldn’t be handled by just myself, nor by just one co reviewer. For this All Together review, we brought together all 4 of our puro reviewers to converge on this show and give it the attention it deserves. We have Defrost, the scholarly curmudgeon, DDT, the enthusiastic historian, Vice, the incredulous chronicler, and of course, yours truly. We’ll join our power rings together and go all Captain Planet on this fucker.

But before we start, a little soft shoe history lesson from Professor Defrost.

To Be Continued »

The 8 Least Intimidating Monsters In Wrestling History

Top of the morning to you, my fabulous readers.  I've gathered you here to talk about something very near and dear to my heart.

Goddamit Vice, Stay Out Of My Subconscious.

Well no, not Optimus Prime, but point taken.  No, today, in honor of last week's Halloween fun, we're here to talk about monsters.  Specifically those crazed men in wrestling designed, through one gimmick or another, to scare us and inspire our wrestling favorites to greater feats of heroism.  Over the years there have been almost too many to count, ranging from the truly frightening (Abdullah the Butcher) to the insane (Luther) to the downright odd (the Boogeyman), and they are a big part of the spectacle that makes wrestling so special.  Men in these roles like Vader and the Undertaker have shaken the foundations of federations and made the entire wrestling industry tremble at their passing.  But this list isn't about those people.  Those people were awesome.  No, THIS list is about the men who were set up to be big, scary, intimidating monsters and somewhere along the way they just...weren't.  The laughable, the cheesy, the inept and the clumsy, here is our list of the top 8 least intimidating monsters in wrestling history.

And here's hoping none of them are hiding in your closet ready to jump out and ask for bus fare.

To Be Continued »