TNA Bound For Glory 2011

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TNA Bound For Glory 2011

Welcome, cats and kittens, to yet another installment of the reviews that are best accompanied by the song Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins, Cewsh Reviews! We have a special treat for you tonight and I really mean it as the second biggest night in the American wrestling year has come at last. TNA’s premiere PPV, Bound For Glory has come upon us with all of its splendor and whatzits to cap the TNA year with a bang. So what has TNA produced in the past year leading to this moment to give it that big show importance? Well that would be the Bound For Glory Series, a competition where members of the roster vied for points to make it to the main event of Bound For Glory. Bobby (formerly Robert, formerly Bobby) Roode came out on top ultimately, and now he’ll square off with the Olympic Gold Medalist Kurt Angle to try to cement himself atop the roster and finally make with World Championship dreams come true. But wait, that’s not all! We also have a Sherpa, a Witch, a Bully and a Felon to enjoy! You may have paid for your entire office chair, but you’ll only need the edge!

So without any further ado, let’s do a motherfucking review!

To Be Continued »

The Top 10 Matches Of John Cena

Hola amigos and amigettes, welcome to yet another Sunday Supplement.  Now in the past we've done all sorts of things with the mostly legal supplements, but by far my favorite is lists and you guys seem to agree as they're many of our most beloved Supplements.  So this week we'll be pairing something beloved (lists) with something...shall we say less beloved (Mr. John Cena).  All through the allustrious career of Mr. Cena, he's had his share of critics (and everyone else's share too) who knocked everything from his moveset, to his lack of selling, to his inability to understand ring psychology.  If you asked one of these critics to name a good John Cena match, many would be hard pressed to, whether out of genuine distaste or just stubborness.  We here at Cewsh Reviews have been as harshly critical of the man as anyone, including Vice's 17 verse long epic poem entitled "Sell the Fucking Leg, You Twat", but here tonight we'll be looking back at the matches that show that there's more to the man than fluorescent colors and jorts.  So here they are, the 10 best matches of the Doctor of Thuganomics as categorized by yours truly.

I think some of these may surprise you.

To Be Continued »

WWE Hell in a Cell 2011

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WWE Hell in a Cell 2011

Welcome, cats and kittens, to yet another installment of the rip roaring, loud snoring, runaway bear that is Cewsh Reviews! We have a special treat for you tonight as we cover the only show of the year that FORCES us to curse just talking about it (aside from IWA:MS shows), WWE Hell in a Cell 2011. Tonight 5 men will enter the cell structure in which so much brutality has been done over the years. The images are so vivid and brutal that they’ve reached unforgettable status. Foley being thrown off of the cell, Lesnar atop the cell over the broken body of the Undertaker, a beaten and battered Triple H lifting the sliedgehammer for one last desperation shot before being Batista Bombed into oblivion. These matches are greatest among all those in WWE when it comes to instilling a sense of brutality and destruction. And tonight, we will have two. But that’s not all we have here on this magical night. Many titles are on the line, a few feuds are kicking into to overdrive, and what’s this I hear about a new title belt…? As always, there’s only one way to find out.

So without any further ado, let’s do a motherfucking review!

To Be Continued »

DDT Peter Pan in Ryogoku 2011

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DDT Peter Pan In Ryogoku 2011

Welcome, cats and kittens, to yet another installment of the reviews that you can find in vending machines all over Japan next to the used panties, Cewsh Reviews!  We have a special treat for you tonight as we truck right along with the Puro Party, and cover our very first DDT show here with DDT’s Peter Pan in Ryogoku 2011.  Now, for this Panda Puro Party, we’re bringing you the biggest shows of the Japanese wrestling year, from company’s biggest events, to shows with matches of huge significance, to epic, industry changing shows from the past.  This one, well, at the very least I can say that it is by far DDT’s biggest show of the year, as they bring together wrestlers from all over Japan to compete in one of the most high profile events on the wrestling calendar.  There are great champions, up and comers, and some genuine big names.  Sounds like a credible show, right?  Sure, absolutely.  Lots of intrigue and story.  That’s…that’s what is in store for you here.

Look, I’ll level with you.  Things are going to get batshit up in here.  Buckle up.

So without any further ado, let’s do a motherfucking review!

To Be Continued »

WWE Night Of Champions 2011

World Wrestling Entertainment Proudly Presents…

WWE Night of Champions 2011

Welcome, cats and kittens, to the only review blog that is the dream of a dead civilization’s dream about the original dream’s evil monster dad (Tidus had a rough life, man), Cewsh Reviews! We have a special treat tonight, as WWE has gone all Goldfinger on us with WWE Night of Champions 2011! Every title in the company is on the line in one way or another, and there are actually feuds revolving around every single one for the first time in recorded history. Will Mark Henry achieve what has eluded him for longer than many of WWE’s fans have been alive? Will John Cena cut short the destiny of Alberto Del Rio? And perhaps most importantly in our main event, what will happen when Triple H puts his position as COO of WWE on the line to face CM Punk? If you can’t smell some shenanigans happening there then you probably think that macaroni and cheese smells like purple, but the question is WHAT shenanigans, and from whom? As always, there’s only one way to find out.

So without any further ado, let’s do a motherfucking review!

To Be Continued »

NJPW Dominion 2011

New Japan Professional Wrestling Proudly Presents…

 

NJPW Dominion 2011

Welcome, cats and kittens, to the review blog that is is only notably more muscular than any other review blog (except those assholes at Tyrannosaurus Flex again), Cewsh Reviews! We have a special treat for you tonight as we finally and officially kick of Panda Puro Party month with NJPW Dominion 2011. Its been a few months since we’ve checked in with the golden lion of New Japan, and in the time since we left, things have been evolving in a most interesting way. Naito is rising through the ranks rapidly and is being heralded as a future star in a manner very reminiscent of a certain ablicious champion of note. Hirooki Goto has lost his mind and decided to murder Hiroshi Tanahashi, Kota Ibushi has made himself a top name in junior heavyweight wrestling, and perhaps most important, Jeff Hardy isn’t here to fuck everything up. Guess which one makes us the happiest? So let’s jump back into the house that Inoki built (and then demolished and then built again and then demolished again and then…) and see the biggest stars in Japanese wrestling do their fucking thing up right.

So without any further ado, let’s do a motherfucking review!

To Be Continued »

Defrost Reviews - Mutoh vs. Tanahashi

You're in store for a treat, boys and girls.

A Frosty Treat.

For some time now, whenever we've intruded onto the vast and often overwhelming landscape that is puroresu in our reviews, we have called upon our very own incredible fountain of puro information Defrost to guide us safety through to the safe shores on the other side.  We've always more or less sat back and let him drop knowledge on you with impunity, and its resulted in some of the best reviews we've been a part of in my humble (and right) opinion.  So to officially bang the wine bottle against the boat for this month's Puro Party adventure, we're giving you the good stuff unadulterated, as Defrost does his favorite thing. taking 3 matches and examining how a feud grows and shapes itself through the matches, starting with the feud that culminated in the first Japanese wrestling show we ever reviewed here at Cewsh Reviews, Hiroshi Tanahashi vs. Keiji Mutoh (or the Great Muta to you WCW fans).  Its informative, interesting, and you'll be smarter when you're done.  So grab your Trapper Keeper and get ready to take notes.  Its time for your Lesson In Lariats.

To Be Continued »

TNA No Surrender 2011

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TNA No Surrender 2011

Welcome, cats and kittens, to yet another installment of the ever misleading Cewsh Reviews! We have a special treat for you tonight as we make use of the very most concise and accurate reviewing tool at our disposal and as such provide to you a review with the absolute focus and precision of a laser beam. TNA No Surrender 2011 is the show in question, and I say this with the utmost solemnity and seriousness. It deserves every inch of what we are about to do to it.

So without any further ado, let's do a motherfucking review!

To Be Continued »

The Results of The Cewsh Reviews Arto Contestico!

FINALLY, we have laboriously found a winner to our logo submission contest. We got several submissions ultimately and they ranged everywhere from lazy crap and oddly classy tributes. But after letting Vice have a free hand in choosing the winner, he harshly criticized all of the entries (it was like Simon Cowell nasty) before settling on the only one in the whole bunch that made him laugh when he saw it.

So with no further ado, here is the winner of the very first Cewsh Reviews Arto Contestico, and the winner of a t-shirt with his design on it and a warm Yoohoo through the mail...

To Be Continued »

WWE Summerslam 2011

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WWE SUMMERSLAM 2011

Welcome, cats and kittens, to yet another installment of the only review blog with more hoes than rakes, Cewsh Reviews! We have a special treat for you tonight as we jump off the diving board and cannon ball our way into the biggest party of the summer with WWE Summerslam 2011. It’s the second (or third, depending on who you ask) biggest show of the year and they’ve done it up nice this year as we continue on down the road of the biggest storyline of the year, with When Cena Met Punk II. We’re walking into this show with two WWE champions and we’re walking out with just one, and the COO himself is going to have his hands all over it as the special guest referee. Does Triple H have less than honorable intentions (like always)? Will CM Punk complete his improbable ascension to the very top of the card? Will John Cena BRABADOO another BRABADOO? These are heavy questions, suitable for only the most experienced and prepared reviewers to handle. Which is why we went out and got the Turnip Queen herself and Ms. Cewsh’s sister to boot, Michelle. What are her qualifications for this all important role? Well she has never watched a complete wrestling match before ever in her entire life and she has only ever heard of John Cena and Rey Mysterio. We’ve all wondered what seeing these events through the eyes of someone completely free of any bias or foreknowledge would be like, and it may very well be more than you bargained for, sports fans. All name misspellings and misunderstandings have been left in to keep the experience as pure as possible.

So without any further ado, let’s do a motherfucking review!

To Be Continued »