Shimmer Women Athletes Proudly Presents...
Shimmer: Volume 28
Welcome darlings to another installment of the review in touch with it's feminine side, Cewsh Reviews. Tonight we have...what? Do I have something in my teeth? OH, you were expecting the OTHER Cewsh. Well since I'm becoming known as the one who actually covers women's wrestling, who better to do our inaugural Shimmer show? Besides, they're my DVDs. Cewsh and Vice are both joining us, have no fear, I'll just be your driver. Which is scary, because I never did get my license.
So without further ado, let's do a goddamn review!
Segment 1 – Opening...Fever?
Ms.Cewsh: Shimmer, for those that don't know, is a sister promotion to Ring of Honor. As you can tell by the name, it's an all female promotion, with a heavy "women can do anything men can do" slant. Unlike their big brother, they don't have a tv or PPV deal, so they rely solely on DVDs to distribute the product.
Anyway, there isn't an opening video. There are a few clip videos before the big matches, but the promotion doesn't do many overarching stories so there's no need for a hype video. It's just one in a series of culture shocks, as this is my first foray into independent wrestling.
Cewsh: Before we really get started, I wanted to address the despicable rumors that I forced Ms. Cewsh to host this week because the Halo Reach beta began on Monday and Vice and I lost sight of personal hygiene, much less actual responsibilities. These rumors are entirely false. This is all Ms. Cewsh's show tonight and she chose it and damn well deserves it.
The rumors about hygiene and shiftlessness are entirely accurate.
Segment 2 – Malia (God Damn, I Hope I Look That Good at 40) Hosaka w/Lexie-Fyfe-on-a-Stick vs. The Portuguese Princess (C'est La Vie) Ariel.
Ms.Cewsh: Another big shock is how LOUD everything is. The ring sounds like kids shaking poster board, (OK apparently only my poor-ass school made us use poster board. Cewsh assures me you're supposed to use an aluminum pan,) to make thunder. You can hear every sound the women make in the ring, which makes me curious how they call matches.
Ms. Hosaka is the first out, accompanied by her manager, Lexie-Fyfe-on-a-stick. She used to tag with a more animate Lexie, but an injury prompted her to just carry a cardboard cut out with her instead.
This knowledge is crucial to the match. The ref tries to remove Lexie-Fyfe-on-a-stick from ringside, but Malia insists that they're not hurting anyone and accuses the Ariel of being the real cheat. This is a lie that becomes apparent as soon as the match starts. Malia quickly retreats to her corner and tags Lexie-Fyfe-on-a-stick in. The ref is understandably skeptical of Lexie-Fyfe-on-a-stick's ability to wrestle, never minding the fact that this is as single's match.
Hosaka returns to the ring where she and Ariel brawl. Every time Ariel gains the upper hand, Hosaka retreats back to Lexie, going so far as to throw her into the match in her place. Ariel, making the best of a two dimensional opponent, goes for the pin. Malia runs in and breaks it up.
Hosaka hits Ariel with a F5, but instead of going for the pin, lays Lexie-Fyfe-on-a-stick on top Ariel. The ref refuses to count for the manager, so Hosaka gets down on the mat to count herself. Ariel kicks out at two, and unable to take anymore shenanigans, the ref evicts Lexie-Fyfe-on-a-stick from ringside. Malia protests, but a second ref appears and carries Lexie off to the back.
A Proud Moment In The History Of Refereeing.
Incensed, Hosaka drags Ariel over to the rope and chokes her with the bottom rope. Ariel fights back and gets in a sunset flip and a pin attempt, but Hosaka is fresher. She brings Ariel back to the ropes and continues to dominate her.
Hosaka is still upset with the ref for evicting Lexie-Fyfe-on-a-stick, and she takes every opportunity to argue with him. She attempts a stomach claw, but Ariel won't submit, so Malia settles for tossing her across the ring by her hair. Twice. She gets Ariel up again and goes for an Irish Whip, but it's reversed. She goes for a kick, but Ariel ducks it, hits her finisher, (an RKO,) and picks up the win.
I loved this match and thought it was hilarious. Hosaka was a joy to watch, not only wrestle, but act. The story was super cute, but they didn't let it interfere with the wrestling. Really, I can't find fault in a thing Malia did. I haven't seen Ariel's work, previously, but she left me wanting. She just wasn't telling a story, and she kind of no sold being beaten for 10+ minutes. Not bad, by any means, though.
71 out of 100.
Cewsh: Throughout the history of independent wrestling, there have been four kinds of matches that you will generally find on every single card. There's the hardcore match, which involves weapons or violence of to some extraordinary extent. Then there's the main event match, which features 8,000 finishing moves, and a super epic conclusion. After that we have the match that pits the mainstream star (to whatever degree) against the up and coming youngster. And finally there's the comedy match.
All of those types of matches bring a kind of completeness to a card and let you know what to expect, and this match falls definitively into the comedy match category, as Malia Hosaka comes out with her injured tag team partner's likeness on a stick and then uses it to try to tag out and let the cutout win the match. I'll admit that the degree to which she was flabbergasted that this didn't work out, and how serious the referees took expelling the inanimate object had me rolling and it was a really great touch.
In the end, though, there wasn't a whole lot to this match. Hosaka beat up Ariel for a long, long time, and then Ariel wins out of nowhere with an Ace Crusher. The match was pretty good for an opener. You have to wonder, though. How would the match have been if Hosaka had been expelled and the stick had gotten to wrestle? I estimate a 100 out of 100.
66 out of 100.
Ariel Over Malia Hosaka Following The RKO.
Segment 3 – Kimberly (Nicknames Aren't For Jobbers) Kash vs. Melanie (I Want to be Melissa So Bad It Hurts) Cruise.
Ms.Cewsh: Oh here're the generic indie workers my compatriots are always on about. Kimberly is making her debut, and Melanie hasn't been with the company for more than a year, so they're both pretty green.
Realizing that this isn't going to be a clash for the ages, the women only get about 4 minutes. Cruise is enormous, and actually in a program with Wesna Busic and Annie Social, so she manhandles Kash, goes for a cocky pin, does not get the cocky pin, hits the Cruise Control, (one armed spinebuster,) and goes home.
Squash match is squashy.
48 out of 100.
Cewsh: DIZZAMN Melanie Cruise is enormous. Not like Yokozuna enormous, or Vader enormous, this woman is the goddamn Great Khali of women's wrestlers here. That may seem weird since she's only like 6'1, but when your opponents are mostly 5'1, you've got yourself quite a disparity.
It's Like Big Show vs. Rey Mysterio In There.
Unfortunately much like the male giants, she isn't here to have a real match, and she totally squashes Kimberly Kash in about a minute and then stomps off to terrorize all of the village children.
58 out of 100.
Melanie Cruise Over Kimberly Kash Following The Cruise Control.
Segment 4 – Kacey Diamond and Sassy Stephie w/Mademoiselle Rachelle vs. Ashley (Rayne) Lane and (Heaven Backwards) Nevaeh.
Ms.Cewsh: Kacey Diamond is wearing a Flair Robe and half of Emma Frost's outfit. Sassy Stephie is wearing a black jumper with the S's forming hearts on the hips. Mademoiselle Rachelle is a school teacher/librarian/secretary with enormous breasts. Meet “Team Thrown-Together”.
This is sad, because I'm majorly in love with Sassy Stephie.
Ashley Lane is your TNA Knockout's Champion, Madison Rayne. She and Nevaeh held the tag titles for a good long time, before dropping them to the greatest tag team in history.
Kacey and Ashley start the match, before Kacey quickly tagging in Stephie. She goes for the pump handle, before tagging Kacey back in. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Lane realizes Stephie isn't even watching whom she's pumping, so she tricksily gets her to do the pump handle to Kacey. Ashley strolls around the outside of the ring and waves to Stephie, before she realizes.
Unfortunately, that little joke is really the highlight of the match. The tags are too fast to follow on the heel side, and it's very formulaic.
Lane, ever the work horse, gets her ass handed to her by the new team, before making a hot tag to Nevaeh. She rocks the ring, goes for a pin on Stephie, Kacey interferes, Lane runs in and takes Kacey out, Nevaeh sets up an STO, and Lane comes in with a Yakuza Kick. Nevaeh pins Stephie for the win.
55 out of 100.
Cewsh: All hail your current TNA Knockout's champion Madison Rayne. A wrestler so incredibly over and successful that when I told Vice she was in this match I had to explain who she was for 15 minutes before he could remember her.
And we review her matches EVERY MONTH.
Here she's a blandy bland bland face, along with her partner Nevaeh (which is Killer spelled backwards). Kacey Diamond and Sassy Stephie are your heels for the evening, and while Sassy Stephie is Ms. Cewsh's favorite, Kacey Diamond is the one doing all the work here. She controls the crowd and gets great heat from the time she steps through the curtain to the end of the match, and all the way in between, and lets Stephie do most of the heavy lifting in the ring. Which is fine, since Nevaeh is doing the same thing by letting Ashley Lane (Madison Rayne) do the same thing, and while those two are in the ring together, this is a really good match. When Lane and Diamond are in the ring together, it's a really entertaining match. When Nevaeh gets in the ring I go and make a sandwich. And that says it all, really.
This match really cements for me that i'm glad to see Madison Rayne getting a run with the Knockouts Championship in TNA, because she really is an underrated wrestler, and has a lot to offer in the ring (even if she stills needs work outside of it).
Aside from the pleasure of seeing our current women's champion before she hit it big, though. There isn't a ton to come back here for. Good but forgettable is this match all over.
64 out of 100.
Ashley Lane and Nevaeh Over Kacey Diamond and Sassy Stephie Following The STO/Yakuza Kick.
Segment 5 – Tanks. Virtually Indestructible Against Cheerleaders.
Ms.Cewsh: Amber Gertner, backstage correspondent, interviews Cheerleader Melissa. You may remember her as Alissa Flash, or the gorgeous, phenomenal wrestler they hid under a burqa and made a manager.
Melissa has had two big wins on two consecutive shows, so she's feeling a little confident. She would like to tell me about her winning streak, but the biggest heel on the show shows up an interrupts her.
Kellie Skater, or the “Rate Tank”, asks when she's going to get interview time. Like a kindergarten teacher telling her kids to share, Amber is all sweetness and condescension. Skater does not take the opportunity to decimate her, but instead tells me that tanks are indestructible. Melissa asks her to prove it, and they both walk off. I guess we just made a match?
Cewsh: What in the name of holy fuckgummies is a Rate Tank?
Apparently Rate Tanks Are Stephanie Tanner From Full House.
Segment 6 – Wesna (This Isn't Europe...) Busic vs. Nikki (Thank God the Indies Still Love Me) Roxx.
Ms.Cewsh: Wesna, the Croatian Panther, is out first. She's big and very intimidating, but has kind of a generic heel gimmick. Nikki, however is super over with the fans, but doesn't look like she could hurt a fly. Her gimmick is that she's adorable and the fans yell Roxx! at her.
Wesna uses a shoot/MMA style that I'm not so fond of, and I'm not sure it meshes with Nikki's style. It's not that Nikki can't use kicks and armbars, but she just always looks so happy. It's hard to buy Wesna's got a submission locked in when Nikki's telling the ref that Wesna's hiding things in her hair.
The match employs a lot of holds. I would like to tell you about them, but for the first time tonight I have a complaint with the announcing. Wesna is coming off a very hot feud with Cheerleader Melissa, that concluded with a Knockout or Submission match two DVDs ago. In Shimmer time, that's like six months. Call THIS match and don't spend the whole time talking about Melissa.
It's a fairly back and forth match. One woman will be definitively in control for a few minutes, before the other powers up. Finally, Wesna hits her finisher and it looks like Nikki is out, but no! Kick out! Nikki, realizing she can't out power Wesna, hits a sneaky, quick roll up and bolts as soon as the 3 hits.
69 out of 100.
Cewsh: First of all, Nikki Roxx is over like a motherfucker in front of this crowd. Like seriously, they've been nice to everyone else so far, but they legitimately popped huge for Nikki, and kept right on popping for her throughout the introductions.
Second of all, she looks fantastic, and has clearly been working out and growing her hair out a bit, because she looks ten times better than she did when we last saw her in TNA, for whatever reason. Wesna Busic on the other hand, is a big mean bruiser from Croatia who only got into professional wrestling, because her school wouldn't let her become a boxer. So you may expect some serious business to be involved whenever she's around.
Then the match gets going, and it's pretty damn good. Busic has an ugly style in every possible meaning of the word, but with her running roughshod over everything, Nikki plays the plucky babyface really effectively, and much of the match is hold and counter hold. Unfortunately the match kind of plateaus after awhile, and nothing much happens until the end comes out of nowhere and everybody goes home.
Still, I like this match, and it's a credit to Nikki that she has learned to play such a great face role. With TNA's Knockout division consisting of 3 women, a dude with a wig on, and a bottle of Diet Mountain Dew, they should really consider bringing her back. It couldn't hurt, right?
70 out of 100.
Nikki Roxx Over Wesna Busic Following A Roll Up.
Segment 7 – Rachel (Brand New? Really? I YOU!) Summerlyn is on the Mic.
Ms.Cewsh: There's a little recap of the last DVD where Rachel and Daffney teamed against the International Home Wrecking Crew. Daffers acted like a total heel and let Rachel get her ass handed to her. I didn't see the show, so I cannot tell you why.
Rachel comes out to let us know this made her sad because she thought Daffney was her friend. Fortunately, we're not treated to an overlong in-ring promo, (Shimmer mics are no better than ROH mics,) because Daffney's music hits.
Daffney says Rachel only knew how to do thumbtacks and lighttubes before Rachel asked Daffers to show her how to work. Daffney didn't do a good job, and proceeds to prove it by standing on the back of Rachel's neck until Daffney is DQd from the impromptu match.
They brawl until Daffney gets Rachel on the ground and chokes her again until three refs pull Daf off.
Daffney's “You'll always be a rookie, Rachel. You'll always be a rookie.” is said so creepily, I may have nightmares. She goes too the back and Rachel sits, looking like a little lost puppy for awhile.
Cewsh: Yeah, this isn't really a match. It's a beatdown with associated talking. It is interesting to see Daffney claim that she taught Rachel how to wrestle without hardcore stuff, though, since to people outside of Shimmer, Daffney is best known...for hardcore stuff involving thumbtacks and the like.
The woman can do a beatdown though, and she beats the ever loving shit out of Rachel in convincing fashion. So convincing, in fact, that the match is over about 3 seconds after it starts. Somewhat of a disappointment for me, as I always enjoy me some Daffers, but it's good to see her here and in a storyline nonetheless.
However, thank god Vice isn't reviewing this, or this segment would break the ratings scale.
Vice's Contribution: "DAAAAAFFFFFEEEERRRRSSS!"
50 out of 100.
Rachel Sumerlyn Over Daffney Following A Disqualification.
Segment 8 – The International (Cewsh) Home Wrecking Crew (Jetta and Rain w/Lacey) vs. The Aussies (Tenille and Jessie McKay).
Ms.Cewsh: The International Home Wrecking Crew may very well be the most over heels on the roster. Rain and Lacey are extremely attractive and play the beautiful, haughty roles to a tee. Jetta is a fabulous mouth with great heel mannerisms. It is a crying shame two thirds of this group will be retired next month.
Tenille is one of the Australian rookies that was brought in last year. She's completely generic tonight, but I assure you that on Volume 29 you will see she's a star. Jessie McKay is a sweetheart. She's cute as a button, calls herself Everyone's Favorite Girlfriend, and used to have a Pink Lady, (from Grease,) gimmick. She also laughs all the time and I just want to hug her.
To start, we have a pose off, as the Home Wreckers try to determine who the crowd loves more. After Jessie and Tenille go up for the second time, the Home Wreckers attack them from behind. Everyone brawls for a second, before both Aussie's get both Home Wreckers onto a turnbuckle and take turns hitting them to “Aussie Aussie Aussie!” while the crowd answers “Oye oye oye!” I think that's six punches, but the ref allows it.
The Home Wreckers run out of the ring and cower, while Lacey hugs and cuddles them. Finally the match truly gets underway as Jetta and Tenille get in the ring. Jetta gets pinballed back and forth between Tenille and Jessie on the ring apron. It's uneffective looking, mostly because Jessie has the worst punches I've ever seen. Tenille clotheslines Jetta and goes for a pin. No go, and she tags in Jessie.
They double team Jetta with a double elbow and then a wheelbarrow splash, but Rain runs in and takes the ref off on a romantic stroll. Lacey snaps Jessie's throat across the top rope and retreats, letting Jetta get in some chokes before tagging Rain in.
Ms. Peyton Banks, I'm sorry, Rain throws Jessie about, and tags Jetta back in. Jetta again stays on the offense, mocking Jessie first with a wicked slap and then by hopping around like a kangaroo.
Rain tags in again and gets a couple chops in before Jessie turns it around. Rain chokes her and tags Jetta back in. She mocks Jessie some more, throws her around by her hair, and goes for a backslide. Jessie gets her second wind, getting a snapmare and making a run for her corner. Rain runs in and catches her, and tags in to be the legal woman.
Chin lock from Rain, Jessie punches, but Rain takes her down by the hair. Another tag and Jetta gets a big clothesline and a suplex. Tag and Rain goes up for a second rope moonsault, but Jessie...well I don't think she actually had to move for Rain to completely overshoot her.
Jessie squirms away and makes the hot tag. Tenille hits a roaring elbow and gets a two count on Jetta. Rain tags Jetta, but Tenille doesn't realize until Rain runs in hits her. Jessie comes to Tenille's rescue and they hit a doubleteam kick and Jessie hits her finisher, the Schoolgirl Crush.
Jetta breaks up the pin and lands a German Suplex on Tenille. Jessie runs in again, but T-Bone Suplex. Rain gets Tenille up on her shoulders, Jetta goes up to the second rope and they hit Tenille with a Doomsday Acid Rain. Home Wreckers get the pin and proceed to do a little victory dance.
They're Kangaroos See? Because They're All From Australia.
It's better than the other tag match, but still heavily formulaic. Jetta's the only one who can really wrestle. She can carry Rain to a good match, but I don't think she can ALSO carry the Aussies.
65 out of 100.
Cewsh Notes:
* I'm incredibly sad that Lacey retired, as she is amazing, and I adore her.
I Would Kill A Bear With My Hands To Be That Ref Right Now.
* Tenille is actually one of the first two female graduates from Lance Storm's wrestling school. If you look at the alumni, they all have equally unfortunate names. It may be that taking a gimmick idea from Lance Storm is roughly the same as taking investment advice from MC Hammer.
* Jessie McKay will be in WWE very soon. She looks like the third Bella twin for fuck's sake, and if nothing else, she can bump her ass off.
* With Lacey retired and Jetta retiring, I have no idea what Rain is going to do. She's born to be a sidekick, not the main attraction. Here's hoping she finds another partner as fesity and excellent as her first two.
* Did I mention I adore Lacey?
This was a perfectly serviceable match. Jetta was good, everyone else tried really hard. And i'm not going to lie, I added a few points simply because they did the Fresh Prince Booty Dance at the end of the match. That's the stuff legends are made of.
60 out of 100.
The International Home Wrecking Crew Over Captain Kangaroo and Tenille Following The Doomsday Acid Rain.
Segment 9 – Kellie (Slater) Skater vs. Cheerleader (Mmmmm) Melissa.
Ms.Cewsh: Kellie is out first, and cuts a little promo I can't hear over the wanker, (are you proud Kellie? I used your word!) in the crowd booing his ass off.
“The Future Legend” Cheerleader Melissa joins her in the ring. She's so damn over, she's getting like actual pops. HOW COULD YOU RUIN THIS, TNA?!?!
Anyway, Skater starts by telling Melissa again that she's virtually indestructible, 60 kilos of adamantium. Then she does some push-ups. Then she asks Melissa who she is. Melissa responds by asking the crowd, “Who the hell am I?” Another huge pop. Kellie get's Melissa's pom poms and prances around, mockingly. Melissa is not happy. Kellie continues to show-boat, before waist-locking her and hitting a forearm to the back.
The ref keeps Melissa from decimating Kellie, Melissa throws a pom pom at her, before knocking her to the ground. Skater seems to have learned her lesson, but no! She slaps Melissa. Melissa slaps her right back. Skater rakes the eyes and hits Melissa about the head. She goes for a clothesline, but Melissa ducks and hits a shoulder tackle that knocks Kellie out of the ring.
Melissa chases, but Skater gets back in and snaps the throat. They brawl before trading chops. Melissa slaps again, and Skater rakes the eyes again. More chops and punches from the Rate Tank. Irish whips Melissa into the corner, but Melissa hits a clothesline. She picks Kellie up with one arm and carries her around before dumping her on the ground and going for an elbow drop. Skater rolls out of the ring, but Melissa follows. She goes for a waist-lock and a wheelbarrow and proceeds to smash Skater's head twelve times into the steel barricade.
Melissa celebrates too long with the fans, and when she rolls Skater back into the ring, she only gets a 2. Melissa grabs Skater by the hair and picks her up, but Skater reverses into a Northern Lights Suplex. She drags Melissa over to the ropes and goes for a Huricanrana, but Melissa catches her and hits a Vertibreaker for the pin.
Melissa hits Kellie in the face with the pom poms, which Kellie sells like death, and after a final pose, heads for the back.
Skater's another young Aussie, though probably a little more experienced than the other two, and this is a big match for her. After how cocky she was, I was expecting a squash and I was only a little disappointed it wasn't. Melissa's own cockiness kept her from getting the pin after the shots to the barricade, which I liked, but I wish she, (Melissa,) had been a little more dominant from the start. Still enjoyable, good story, and Melissa is fab.
74 out of 100.
Cewsh: Do you think Melissa will annihilate me if I mention how absolutely devastatingly attractive she is?
Yes Please.
Totally worth it.
Melissa might very well be the best and most famous women's wrestler of all time that you've never heard of. For the past several years she's been tearing it up on the independent scene all over the world, competing in some of the best matches and most heated feuds on the independent scene. She's become virtually synonymous with legitimate women's wrestling over the years, and is pretty much heralded as the best of the best. Not to mention that, as I established, she's not too hard on the eyes, and is one of the very first female second generation wrestlers in the wrestling business.
So naturally you may know her for wearing a burka and pretending to be Middle Eastern in TNA.
So after TNA completely squandered and pissed away the best young talent at their disposal, she came back to Shimmer to cheer things up around the place (heh), and to basically work with the up and comers (remember what I said about the widely known veteran vs. up and comer match? This would be it.) In this particular match Kelly Skater, whose name is not Kelly Slater from Saved By The Bell as I learned much to my dismay, taunts her a lot, which is really unadvisable in the circumstances. Melissa responds by bashing her face into the guard rail about 8,000 times, and beating her with a sick Vertabreaker.
Don't fuck with the Cheerleader, son. She'll beat you to death and then rhyme about it.
72 out of 100.
Cheerleader Melissa Over Kelly Skater Following The Tank Killa.
Segment 10 – Cat (My Music Doesn't Fit Me) Power vs. Mercedes Martinez.
Cewsh: Now this ought to be interesting. Mercedes Martinez, the only woman with a tramp stamp so awesome it actually wraps all the way around her waist up against Cat Woman. How could this go wrong?
It's necessary to mention at this point that Mercedes Martinez is hardcore as fuck, and that her style is essentially Dynamite Kid meets Homicide (I originally said Chris Benoit, but, well, yeah), and she is stiff, snug, and vicious as all get out. If you see your name on the booking sheet with Mercedes Martinez, it would be a bad idea to buy some Icy Hot for the ride home.
Anyway, the match gets started and Mercedes immediately proves me right by chain wrestling with Cat Woman for several minutes and then punching her directly in her fucking face. Mostly, though, this match is about these two attempting to outwrestle one another, using headlocks, armbars, and everything else that comes to mind to try to be the top dog in this fight. Which is great, but eventually Mercedes decides that she's had enough of that bullshit and sits on Cat's back and starts bludgeoning her in the fast with fists of fury. Then the chopping begins. Oh dear god the chopping. Martinez does chops that would make Kobashi call her nuts and Low Ki tell her to calm down.
Cat manages to hang with Mercedes all throughout the match, and really looks like a star on the rise here, but Mercedes is way too much for her here on this night, and it's only a matter of time before she goes Fishing with Buster and gets a one way ticket to the showers to think about what she did wrong.
Wait, cats don't take showers, do they? They just lick themselv...hmm. Maybe the night won't wind up so bad for everyone after all.
74 out of 100.
Ms.Cewsh: I love Cat Power. She's got a gimmick, (she's Catwoman,) and she sticks to it. She enters in it. She wrestles in it. She's distracted by string. Mercedes lacks something in the gimmick department but she's beloved and she wrestles well, and that's probably more important.
This is probably my favorite of Mercedes' matches to watch, because Cat breaks up a little of the monotony of arm bar, chop, headlock, chop, something lock, chop chop chop, Fishermanbuster, pin.
Mercedes' does win with the Fishermanbuster, but Cat looks good against her first main-eventer. And what Mercedes' lacks in gimmick, she makes up for in selling. Damn.
76 out of 100.
Mercedes Martinez Over Cat Power Following The Fisherman Buster.
Segment 11 – Nicole (Where the Hell is Portia?!) Matthews vs. Allison Danger (What Makes You So Dangerous?).
Ms.Cewsh: Danger is feuding with Portia Perez, I forget why, but they've been going at it FOREVER. Portia is out with the “Swine Flu”, so Danger is taking her aggressions out on Nicole Matthews, Portia's tag partner.
They start exchanging shoves, before Danger gets a drop toe hold and a curb kick. Matthews hides on the outside, before Danger comes out and “bring[s] it on” with a series of forearm strikes. Matthews sends Danger into the steel steps and rolls her back into the ring for a pin attempt.
Nicole stays in control, beating the hell out of Danger, stomping and choking her. She goes to argue with the ref and Danger gets a shot in, before Nicole takes control again and hits a backbreaker on her. More chokes, this promotion loves chokes, and another pin attempt. Still no, so Nicole taunts her and slaps her around. Danger gets her second wind and dominates Nicole, hitting an STO and following it with punches, forearms, and even some knee strikes to the head in the corner. Danger breaks, and comes running back to the corner, but Matthews moves and Danger knocks out the ref.
While Danger tends to the ref, Nicole retreats and sets up a Lariat. She hits it and Daizee Haze in a ref's shirt runs out and counts two.
Daizee was made a ref on, I want to say 26, but I didn't realize it was a permanent position she could fall back on whenever she wanted. Matthews argues with her, giving Danger a chance to recover. Matthews hits a suplex and bridges, but Danger gets a shoulder up at 2 and ¾. Matthews tries to grab one of the tag team titles, but Daizee takes it away and carries it to ringside. While her back is turned, Nicole grabs the other belt, hits Danger with it, and gets the pin.
The crowd and another, third, ref tell Daizee what happened, but she didn't see it and allows it. Daizee helps Danger up while the camera cuts to Nicole in the back, saying she did it for da Portia.
72 out of 100.
Cewsh: Nicole Matthews is one half of one of the best tag teams in the world today (who also have the best name), The Canadian Ninjas, with Portia Perez. She's quite talented on her own, but she's a pawn in this game, as Portia and Danger have some serious issues going down. We're talking Portia attacking Danger WHILE SHE'S pregnant serious. That's some fucked up shit right there, and it doesn't help that Danger also co-owns this very company here.
So anyway, Matthews is here to take an ass beating on Portia's behalf, and boy does she. Danger whoops that ass through and through, until Matthews nails Danger with the title belt, and Matthews scoops up the win. What a meany face.
As a match this was pretty good, but nothing really special, as Danger's real beef is with Portia and Matthews is just kind of playing stopgap here as her somewhat less talented partner in crime. What we get isn't too shabby at all.
69 out of 100.
Nicole Matthews Over Allison Danger Following The LARIAT.
Segment 12 – Sara Del (Needs Pants) Rey vs. Ayako (Has Great Pants) Hamada.
Ms.Cewsh: love Hamada so so so so so so much. She's why I bought this DVD. She and Kong are why I tracked down Shimmer. She's so good and strong and always portrays herself as such a classy athlete. I loves her.
Ayako goes to shake Death Rey's hand, but she kicks it away and attacks Hamada from behind.
I'd love to do play by play for you, but I can't type that fast. It's fast paced and amazing, Del Rey uses a lot of power moves, but Hamada is always one step ahead. She walks along the top rope, touching the ceiling for balance, and does some sort of a amazing flippy rolly thing that I'm in awe of.
Hamada throws Del Rey out of the ring and Del Rey kicks the baricade before storming off. She returns a minute later with a chair and proceed to try to swat Hamada like a fly with with. Like a fly, Hamada flits around, ducking and weaving. Del Rey kicks her in the gut and goes for a vicious chair shot, but Hamada ducks one last time and Del Rey hits her on the, less vicious, back swing.
Del Rey is obviously DQd, but when the ref tries to raise Hamada's hand, she shoves him. She demands the match be restarted, because that's not how she wants to win. Because she is awesome. Bryce says no, but comes around. He not only restarts it, but makes it a no DQ match.
Hamada immediately takes it to the floor, throwing Del Rey through the barricade and into the crowd. She stays in control, sending Sara into the chairs and some random table. Del Rey mounts a comeback, throwing Hamada flying into the fans, the chairs, the merch table...everywhere. They leave the crowd and Hamada tries to go for a moonsault off the apron, but Del Rey catches the leg and slingshots her into the steel stairs.
They get back into the ring and Del Rey sets up a chair, before placing Hamada in it...and then kicking her through it. Hamada gets another wind, though, and grabs the chair, going to town on Del Rey with it. She then goes to the turnbuckle, still holding the chair, and hits a top rope moonsault with a chair. Del Rey is done, but no. Only a two.
Hamada is still on the offensive, hitting a Missile Dropkick for another pin attempt. Hamada signals for something, but Sara counters with a boot to the head and a German Suplex. Hamada kicks out. Del Rey tries to set up the Royal Butterfly, but can't. Hamada puts Del Rey on the top rope and tries for the same move that won her her match against Mercedes Marinez, but Del Rey again throws her off.
Del Rey leaps off the ropes, but Hamada drop kicks her out of the air and launches straight into a Power Bomb. Del Rey kicks out at 2 and ¾ again. Hamada is furious and hits an AP Cross Diamond. Del Rey kicks out and rolls into a pin. Hamada kicks out. They both hit each other with boots at the same time, putting them both down for eight.
Hamada hits a Mitsugari but Del Rey won't stay down. Spin kick to the head, and she goes up for another Moonsault. Del Rey gets her feet up. Kick from Del Rey, Piledriver, and the three.
Holy shit, this isn't just a great indie match. This is a phenomenal match. Brutal, amazingly wrestled, unique as hell, and wrestled by two phenomenal athletes who can really tell a story. Amazing. Ring of Honor is having a sale. Go buy this DVD. Give this match your money.
92 out of 100.
Hamada is fantastic, which you should already know, and while I find Del Rey to be somewhat hit or miss, when she nails it, she's as good as anybody. And here, on this night, these two absolutely tore the house down. A fucking wrecking ball couldn't have done a more thorough job of it, as both ladies brought everything that they had to offer and left it all in the ring (and around ringside, and in the seats, etc).
This is pretty much exactly how an independent match should go. People come to see ridiculous brawling and epic finishers and weapons and high spots, and the whole circus in one match, and it is the rare performer than can take all of those disparate elements and mold them into a cohesive match that actually works. Two of them are in this match, and together they stole this show so thoroughly that they are now wanted criminals in the state of Illinois and can now be seen robbing trains all the way to the Rocky Mountains.
If you see one independent match this year, make it this one. Think that you've seen how good women can be in the ring? Watch this match and see for yourself.
Cewsh's Download Seal of Approval.
Sara Del Rey Over Ayako Hamada Following A Piledriver.
Segment 12 – Shimmer Championship - Ms(Your English Teacher's Tormenter)Chif (c) vs. Lufi(IS SO CUTE!)sto vs. Amazing (ly Endorsed) Kong.
Ms.Cewsh: In a smart move, we have a very extended video of Kong/MsChif, Lufi/MsChif, and Lufi/Kong, explaining why this three way elimination match is happening. Kong beat Chif in a non-title match back on Volume 9, and Chif beat Lufi on Volume 26. Lufi asked for a rematch, but Kong, recently back in the company, demanded that she be given the title shot. Daizee Haze, referee extraordinaire, told them to settle it with a match, and she would personally guarantee a title shot to the winner. On Volume 27, both women were counted out after they took their brawl out to the kitchen, so Daizee made this a three way elimination.
Lufisto is out first, and if you aren't familiar, she's nuts. She also has an inanimate manager, Pegaboo, which is a doll she carries around and talks to her. Kong's out second, and Lufi backs out of the ring and hides with the fans, until they coax her to go back. I LOVE HER.
MsChif is a green, gothic, banshee. She's also your Shimmer Champion and has been for like a year and a half at this point.
The bell rings and Lufi goes straight for Kong. Kong sends her out to ringside. Chif runs up on her and hits her with some forearms. Kong picks her up into the Torture Rack, where she proceeds to play “Stop Hittin' Yourself” with Chif's foot and skull. Kong turns around and finds Lufi perched on top of a turnbuckle. Lufi hits a crossbody, and all three go crashing to the ground. Lufi and MsChif team up against Kong, but double clothesline against the ropes. Kong shoots Lufi across the ring before dumping her on the outside on top of Chif.
Kong goes to dive, but the other two scatter to opposite sides of the ring. Kong climbs out and the other two roll in. They do a double team drop kick, but Lufi turns and strikes Chif in the face. She hits a Michinoku Driver on Chif and goes to the top rope. Chif is up and follows. She hits a DVD off the second rope onto Lufi and Kong runs back in to also hit her with a leg drop.
Chif and Lufi team again against Kong, hitting her in the corner before hitting, in succession, Senton, Double Stomp, Standing Moonsault, and a cover from both. And Kong still kicks out at two. Their team disintegrates again, as Lufi goes for a Burning Hammer, but Kong backfists her and she drops Chif. Kong hits an Amazing Bomb on Lufi, one, two, three, and Lufi is eliminated.
Chif has been waiting on the outside, and Kong takes the fight to her. They brawl as Lufi is helped to the back. Chif tries something on the apron, but it's stopped before it can even get started. They move back into the ring and Kong hits an Implant Buster, but Chif kicks out.
They continue very back and forth, Kong hits another Amazing Bomb, but Chif kicks out. Chif fights back and hits the Code Green, which looks fantastic on such a large opponent. Chif screams and runs the ropes, but Kong hits another backfist. Kong goes up on the second rope, but Chif is up and hits several punches and headbutts. She climbs past Kong, to the top rope, and hits a Super Huricanranna.
With Kong down, Chif hits the Desecrator, which no one has ever kicked out of, until today. Chif goes to hit it again, but Kong counters into a Spiral Bomb. Chif also kicks out. Kong puts Chif on the top rope and goes to hit her, but Chif kicks. Kong picks her up, but Chif hits a Super Desecrator from Kong's shoulders.
Chif gets the pin, Kong's first pinfall loss in Shimmer, and retains.
While MsChif is celebrating, Kong gets up and stands directly behind her. Chif turns around, expecting a post match beatdown, but instead Kong pats her on the shoulder and walks off.
While I'm willing to bet my partners will complain, for a big match like this, I enjoy hitting a lot of finishers, until you have to break out a new Super version. Plus, I love Kong and Lufi, even if she did go out too soon. On any other show, this would've jazzed me to no end. Unfortunately, it had to follow one of my favorite matches of all time. Sucks to be MsChif.
84 out of 100.
But it isn't Hamada/Rey and all three of them know it.
In the end MsChif becomes the first person to pin Awesome Kong in a match, which is freaking impressive, and she really impressed me with her skills as the champion. But ten minutes after this show ended, I wasn't thinking about this match. Like Jericho/Triple H at Wrestlemania XVIII and Triple H/Orton at Wrestlemania XXV before it, this match will be lost to the sands of time as the match before it gets all the praise and all the attention.
Sorry ladies. Not your fault. You just plain got outgunned.
79 out of 100.
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Ms.Cewsh's Memories:
Ms. Cewsh: This show felt like it went on forever and ever and ever and ever. Sometimes, that was not a good thing. During Del Rey/Hamada, it didn't go long enough. I'll admit, it's indie. A lot of the undercard is green, most of the characters are one-dimensional, and if you're not into chops? SOL, my friends. Still, this was the best wrestling I've ever seen, done by women who aren't 90% silicon. Plus, plus, HAMADA/DEL REY. Are you buying it, yet?!
Ms. Cewsh's Final Score: 70.6 out of 100.
Cewsh's Conclusions:
Cewsh: I wasn't sure what I was going to think about this show. Historically I haven't been the world's biggest fan of women's wrestling as it is presented in TNA and WWE, and I haven't exactly been kind to independent wrestling in the United States either. And yet, this show really represented to me the best of both. Looking at the scores it really was a one or two match show, but the more important thing is that the show was consistently decent to good all the way throughout, which is a feat that no indy show we have reviewed has accomplished. Add to that the fact that there is real passion here for these women, and a real sense of unity that the other indy promotions seem to have forgotten, and what you have is something that is well and truly special and unique in wrestling right now.
It isn't about whether the women are as good as the men or not. These women are simply good wrestlers and this is a great wrestling company. And this show, was simply a good wrestling show. So get the DVDs, buy the merchandise, and get the word out. I have finally found an independent promotion that I am proud to say doesn't suck.
Cewsh's Final Score: 68.18 out of 100.
Well that'll do it for us this time boys and girls. We hope you enjoyed Ms. Cewsh's guided tour through the mysterious jungle of women's independent wrestling, and we definitely hope we get the chance to cross paths with the Shimmer girls again as soon as possible (especially Melissa. Rawr.) Looking forward to next week, Vice and I will head back to Japan (our frequent flyer miles are off the hook) to review the first show we could get our hands on from TAJIRI's new indy Japanese promotion SMASH, specifically the March 26th show that not only features TAJIRI in like 800 matches, but also features the in ring return of Tommy Dreamer. Who I guess is sort of a big deal to folks.
Especially people in line behind him at McDonalds.
So until then, remember to keep reading and be good to one another!
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