NJPW Destruction 2013

New Japan Professional Wrestling Proudly Presents...

NJPW Destruction 2013

Welcome, cats and kittens, to yet another installment of the only reviews that own a giant mech robot for crushing our enemies, Cewsh Reviews! We have a special treat for you tonight, and while I may always say that, I well and truly mean it today. Recently, we asked our readers to tell us what they depended on Cewsh Reviews for coverage of, and the resounding answers were Japanese wrestling and TNA. Since TNA is lucky if they can even run a complete show, we're instead going to focus on Japan, and starting here, we will be covering each and every New Japan iPPV from this point on. The reason why we're focusing on New Japan will be clear to anyone familiar with them, but to those who aren't, New Japan has recently been on an incredible out of control hot streak that has led to them not only resurrecting themselves from obscurity, but has seen them rise to be the second biggest wrestling promotion on the planet. With stars like Hiroshi Tanahashi and Kazuchika Okada, New Japan has set it's sites on becoming a global product, and are eagerly courting American fans, (meaning you.) So it's lucky for you that you have the trusty Cewsh Reviews team there to get you on the ground floor of the biggest wrestling movement since the late 90s. Yes THOSE late 90s.

So let's dig into a show where Okada's title is in jeopardy, where a cocky little crusierweight has become one of the greatest heels in wrestling, and where literally every match has someone awesome in it, just waiting to become your new favorite wrestler.

So without any further ado, let's do a motherfucking review!

To Be Continued »

WWE Summerslam 2013

World Wrestling Entertainment Proudly Presents...

WWE Summerslam 2013

Welcome, cats and kittens, to yet another installment of the only reviews that prefer Winterslam, Cewsh Reviews! We have a special treat for you tonight, as World Wrestling Entertainment jetsets over to the City of Angels for the latest in their yearly exercise in spectacle, WWE Summerslam 2013. Now you may have heard this in one of two places coming into this show, but there's actually this pretty important match going on tonight that has been built up across every WWE television show, and with the full strength of the WWE promotional vehicle behind it. That match is obviously Natalya vs. Brie Bella, but there are probably some other matches on this card too. Let's take a look. Wait, Bray Wyatt in a RING OF FIRE MATCH?! Daniel Bryan vs. John Cena?! CM Punk vs. Brock Lesnar?! Alright, which one of you turned on the dream booking machine? Because we owe you a lifetime's worth of high fives for this card, which is easily one of the most exciting in recent memory. Will the torch be passed to Daniel Bryan? Will the Best beat the Beast? And will Big E Langston actually win a match and stop making me sad? Join me, and my mad scientist compatriots Artie and Michael, as we learn all this and more.

So without any further ado, let's do a motherfucking review!

To Be Continued »

The 2013 Tanahashi Cup

Welcome welcome, boys, girls and hopefully not children of any ages. I'm proud to bring you, for the very first time in Cewsh Reviews history, the Tanahashi Cup! What is the Tanahashi Cup, you ask? Well as you have a working internet connection, you've no doubt run across any number of lists counting down the sexiest female wrestlers and personalities. And that's all fine and dandy, but there are very few things out there that are built to determine the sexiest male wrestler on the planet. And boy, is that ever where we come in. In order to sort out who the hottest man rocking speedos on this planet is we assembled a crack team of two women, two straight men and a bisexual man to argue, debate, disagree and go to war over who rocks it the best. And when the dust settled we crowned the official sexiest male wrestler of 2013.

Only One Man Is Qualified To Do The Tanahashi Name Justice In 2013.

Oh, and why is it called the Tanahashi Cup? Well we named it after the sexiest male wrestler alive, who we had to remove from the competition, lest it make it unfair to everyone else. We believe that fairness will take you everywhere in life. Well, that and a great set of abs.

To Be Continued »

WWE Money in the Bank 2013

World Wrestling Entertainment Proudly Presents...

WWE Money in the Bank 2013

Welcome, cats and kittens, to yet another installment of the only reviews that totally liked Daniel Bryan better when he was called American Dragon for some reason, Cewsh Reviews! We have a special treat for you tonight as we set our sights on what has become the fourth biggest show of the WWE year, WWE Money in the Bank 2013. For the past several years, this show has been a yearly turning point for WWE, with incredible events taking place, and the seeds being planted for storylines months in advance. As such, they have quickly created a show that truly matters in the middle of the dreariest part of the wrestling calender. Tonight is no different, of course, as we have two different Money in the Bank ladder matches, a heated John Cena/Mark Henry match, a whole bunch of undercard goodness, and a pre show match so good that we're forced to review it. With all of this goodness on the table, it's obviously far too much for me to handle on my own, so I'm bringing up a hot prospect from the minors. You may remember him from our NXT Scouting Reports earlier this month, and he enjoys long walks on the beach, death metal and spirited debates about Kamen Rider. His name is Artie. And he is both the hero we need right now AND the hero we deserve. So with my new sidekick by my side, and a night full of intrigue ahead, there's only one thing left to say.

So without any further ado, let's do a motherfucking review!

To Be Continued »

CR Fantasy Warfare II

Sound the horns, take up arms, and let loose the dogs of war. Because tonight, we here at Cewsh Reviews go to war. FANTASY war.

Close Enough.

Using the very latest and most advanced booking simulator technology, (or not,) we will pit the great minds of Cewsh Reviews against one another in a bid for fantasy warfare supremacy and bragging rights forevermore. To be more specific, we'll be doing a draft of any active wrestler and forming our own dream promotions, and then simulating a year in the life of our wacky promotions in Total Extreme Wrestling, (click here to learn more about the game,) to see which promotion will reign supreme at the end. So how will it go down? Only one way to find out.

To Be Continued »

Cewsh Scouts NXT 2013

Why hello, I didn't see you there. Welcome to the Cewsh Institute for Careful Observation and Contextual Knowledge. Here at COCK we take our jobs very seriously as the foremost wrestling scouts on the internet. Previously, we have brought you detailed breakdowns of both the NXT roster and the New Japan Pro Wrestling roster, and today we're here a year later to retrace our steps and evaluate the new recruits and blossoming prospects of WWE's developmental program, as well as revisiting our evaluations from last time.

We have 16 men and women here who will be judged by their pros and cons, and will be assigned a grade based on their potential as WWE prospects. We will also be rendering judgement on whether or not these individuals are ready for full time main roster competition. Today we'll be breaking down the first four of these, focusing on everyone holding gold in NXT at the moment. Joining me in the venture are my esteemed colleagues: Psycho, Artie and Dennis. Psycho joined us last time, Artie is new to NXT but is very enthusiastic about it, and Dennis is so familiar with the product that eating the cupcakes he brings to shows has become a rite of passage for new talent. Together we will put our lab coats on, carefully evaluate strengths and weaknesses, and try to find out just exactly who the stars of tomorrow will be. Are you ready for some hardcore fact mining and grueling tape watching? No? Well then lucky for you that we did it all for you.

To Be Continued »

TNA Slammiversary 2013

Total Nonstop Action Proudly Presents...

TNA Slammiversary 2013

Welcome, cats and kittens, to yet another installment of the reviews that put the T in TNA, Cewsh Reviews! We have a special treat for you tonight as we all join together to celebrate the 11th anniversary of the day where a guy named Cheeks had one of the worst wrestling matches of all time, with TNA Slammiversary 2013! Over the past 11 years, TNA has seen more than its fair share of highs and lows, and now the company is having to weather the storm of the Aces and Eights, who are casting a pall over all other events. Tonight the leader of Aces and Eights, Bully Ray, will take on a furious Sting who badly wants to drub the entire group out of existence, and has decided to put his championship future on the line for the opportunity to do so. All of TNA may hang in the balance as the old legend straps on the boots again to do battle with the evil that has invaded his chosen home. And besides that, we have every title being defended, an appearance by Emo Styles, and a show stealing match which might be the last thing that you'd expect. We have all of this, plus our most famous co-reviewer ever, AJ Styles*!

* Not actually AJ Styles.

So without any further ado, let's do a motherfucking review!

To Be Continued »

WWE Payback 2013

World Wrestling Entertainment Proudly Presents...

WWE Payback 2013

Welcome, cats and kittens, to yet another installment of the only reviews that view payback as a demand to have your money returned, Cewsh Reviews! We have a special treat for you tonight as we take our first grown ups steps into the iffy WWE summer ppv schedule with WWE Payback 2013! Now, traditionally, this is the time of year where everything pretty much goes to hell interest-wise. They start pushing new acts, they start experimenting with new main eventers, and in general they just kind of kill time until Money in the Bank rolls around. But surprisingly, here we are in the middle of June and there's quite a bit to talk about already. We have Ryback attempting to put his stamp on WWE by destroying John Cena in a 3 Stages of Hell match, CM Punk making his triumphant return in the town that he owes as surely as if his name was on the deed, and we even have that AJ/Kaitlyn match that they've been building to for 12 years and have never actually gotten around to. So with quite a lot to talk about for once, let's not waste any time getting to the good stuff.

So without any further ado, let's do a motherfucking review!

To Be Continued »

WWE Extreme Rules 2013

This summary is not available. Please click here to view the post.

To Be Continued »

CRSMUTDC4 Match Drawing Extravaganza

Welcome, boys and girls, to the most exciting night in the Cewsh Reviews year. Tonight's the night when we reveal the card that our readers and fans, (those aren't always one and the same,) chose for us to review, creating the 4th annual installment of a little shindig that we like to call the Cewsh Reviews Super Mega Ultra Technicolor Dream Card.

This Is A Picture From The First One. He Just Looks So Adorable Though.

Inside we'll reveal the matches and the winners, and we'll also give a little background on why these matches are interesting, as well as revealing the special wrinkle that we're introducing this year to spice things up. So come on in, and watch the magic of reader interaction take place. And if you wind up kicking yourself for not having participated, just remember: there's always next year.

To Be Continued »