Here there be spoilers.

If you are new or looking to AVOID the spoilers, go here now.

Unfortunately, due to the nature of the reviews, there are spoilers inside all the cuts. You don't want them? Turn around, do not pass go, do not collect $200, and click the pretty link at the top of this box. Our table of contents features all of our scores and download recommendations, spoiler free.

If you ignore this and read a spoiler anyway, don't come crying to us. We did warn you.

April 19, 2014

Shimmer Volume 64 Recap Spectacular

Welcome back, cats and kittens, for the second installment in our four part series recapping the Spring Shimmer Weekend. We left off the last taping with a few interesting questions left to be answered. Will LuFisto get another shot at the Shimmer Championship after pinning Melissa in the main event? Will anyone be able to stop the reign of the Global Green Gangstas? And just who will take home the coveted prize of weekend MVP? These are good questions but as we roll into the second show, it's important that you know that whatever it is that you're expecting to happen is wayyyyyyyyyyy wrong. Like, unbelievably wrong. Seriously. You may as well stop guessing. You live in the Leaning Tower of Wrong with your Failure Turtle.

He's A Huge Shimmer Fan.

By the time this night is over, multiple babyfaces with fall to the dark side, the weekend MVP will become a two woman race, and someone will have been Tombstoned into the next dimension. And the only way to find out who is who is to keep reading, (or do a cursory Google search.)

April 16, 2014

Shimmer Volume 63 Recap Spectacular

Welcome, cats and kittens, to yet another installment of our participation award winning coverage of Shimmer Women Athletes! It's been a whole 6 months since Shimmer last moonsaulted it's way out of our lives, but with Spring comes a whole new set of Shimmer tapings to get pumped about, and as always, your Cewsh Reviews team was front and center for every moment of it.

We're Pretty Easy To Spot, Actually.

Over the next week, Mrs. Cewsh and I will be recapping each of the four volumes that were taped over the weekend so that we can get you up to speed on what the premier women's wrestling company on the planet is up to. And boy howdy, folks, were they ever busy. We have more international talent than ever before, a legendary babyface embracing her dark side, and someone who apparently spent the last 6 months binge watching Game of Thrones. All that and more is still to come, along with numerous pictures from the weekend that you won't find anywhere else.

So let's get to it, so you to can find out just why it is that Shimmer is wrestling's best kept secret.

April 13, 2014

Cewshcast 5000: Episode 2

Alright, it's time for Cewshcast 5000 Episode 2. It's our second podcast ever, and it just so happens to be the one where we recap Wrestlemania, including the live experiences of both Artie and Psycho who were both in attendance at the show. We also give our thoughts on Raw, and all of the new guys and girls brought up to the main roster, Jeff Jarrett's new promotion, Global Force Wrestling, and we answer your questions in another installment of 3 Aint Enough Man, I Need 5 Questions. All that and more lies within. Enjoy!

April 6, 2014

WWE Wrestlemania XIX

World Wrestling Entertainment Proudly Presents...

WWE Wrestlemania XIX

Welcome, cats and kittens, to yet another installment of the only reviews that spend more time in the past than a your grandfather, Cewsh Reviews! We have a special treat for you tonight, as we do our final review in the lead up to the biggest show of the year, Wrestlemania 30. As usual, our final review before the big one has to be a Wrestlemania from the past, so I put it to you, the Cewsh Reviews faithful, to choose which one you wanted to see. And when the dust settled, the overwhelming winner was Wrestlemania 19, and I assume because this is the only Wrestlemania where someone gets hit with a frying pan. Oh wait, that's 18? You guys have weird priorities. Anyway, now we'll tackle the show that gave us the conclusion to one of the greatest feuds in Wrestling history, the match that will forever be held against Triple H's legacy and quite possibly the worst Wrestlemania match of the Undertaker's career, (yes, including the Giant Gonzales one.) And let's not forget about Version 1, a retirement match, a big man going splat, some half naked ladies and so much more.

So without any further ado, let's do a motherfucking review!

March 29, 2014

The First Ever Cewsh Reviews Podcast

Welcome, boys and girls, to an exciting moment in the history of Cewsh Reviews. After a few practice runs, beta tests and something involving a goat that will haunt us forever, we're finally ready to bring you the very first Cewsh Reviews podcast!

Now, i'll warn you right off the top. This is our first ever podcast. So as you might expect, the audio quality isn't perfect, the formatting of the show is taking take, and there were at least 4 wardrobe malfunctions so severe that even radio can't hide them. But through it all we persevered to bring you an hour and a half of free content to make your work day slightly more bearable. Future episodes will be shorter, and will contain all sorts of guests, but for now let me introduce you to the main cast of CEWSHCAST 5000 (working title). eternal optimist with a strange grudge against Ryback, Psycho is the host and technical wizard of the Cewsh Reviews Podcast. The fact that he is also the only other Bobby Lashley fan that I have ever met is entirely unrelated.

ARTIE...a lovable scamp from the heart of WWE country, Artie is the charismatic front man in the rock band that is Cewsh Reviews. He loves CM Punk, he has mysterious connections and he just might be single, ladies. me, the person who has been shouting at you at full volume for the past 5 years. I enjoy long walks on the beach and seeing people get lariated. My name is in the title, so even if I suck, I can't possibly be fired. It's a good gig if you can get it.

Over the weeks and months to come, we'll cover everything from WWE to New Japan, from TNA to Shimmer, and even from Scooby Doo to The Marine. We know we won't be your only source for audio wrestling shenanigans, but we dearly hope to enter your podcast rotation somewhere in between those guys who think Triple H ruined wrestling and those other guys who think Triple H ruined wrestling. Because that's the dream.

So enjoy our first ever podcast, and hit us up on Twitter, Facebook, Tumblr, or even at with questions for us to answer on the show, feedback on what you heard, or even just suggestions for what the hell we should call this ridiculous venture of ours. Because we're all in this together. Until we get sponsored. Then we're in this for the money.

March 21, 2014

TNA Lockdown 2014

Total Nonstop Action Proudly Presents...

TNA Lockdown 2014

Welcome, cats and kittens, to yet another installment of the the reviews that draw better than TNA does, Cewsh Reviews! We have a special treat for you tonight, as, after a 6 month absence, TNA makes it's grand return to the Cewsh Reviews stage with TNA Lockdown 2014. Now, you might be aware that Lockdown and Bound For Glory are really the only conventional pay per views left standing on TNA's schedule, and so we will always make it our priority to check in with them for these two shows just to see what is going on. But this time is a little bit different. This time the winds of change are rising in TNA, and the entire promotion may be all but unrecognizable to the casual observer. After all, top stars have left the company, a new champion reigns over all, and the major storyline coming in is an ownership conflict between Dixie Carter and...MVP? Oh yes, and there's more. Which TNA star has adopted an alter ego that I referred to as "one of the top 5 most embarrassing things in TNA's history"? What major Japanese wrestler has shown up to add a little class to these proceedings? And what former TNA star makes his dramatic comeback here tonight, (you'll know when we get there because everything will be in caps)? Well there's only one way to find out.

So without any further ado, let's do a motherfucking review!

March 13, 2014

WWE Elimination Chamber 2014

World Wrestling Entertainment Proudly Presents...

WWE Elimination Chamber 2014

Welcome, cats and kittens, to yet another installment of the only reviews that are written from inside of a life sized replica of an Elimination Chamber pod, Cewsh Reviews! We have a special treat for you tonight, as we all collectively get ready for the biggest night of the wrestling year with the very last stop on the Road to Wrestlemania WWE Elimination Chamber 2014! Every February, the main event hopefuls, veterans and new comers all look to the Chamber for their last desperate opportunity to reach the golden ring of a Wrestlemania main event. With the Royal Rumble over and the, (relatively,) easy path to the top closed, it is now up to 6 poor souls to put their bodies through hell in order to claim the WWE World Heavyweight Championship and the final spot in the match of immortals. And with Batista looking on smugly, these 6 men will tear each other apart for the right to defend their newly won or freshly retained title against him in one month. And with at least 3 genuine options for a winner going in, it's truly anyone's match. But that's just the main event. On this show we also have legends riding, youngsters feuding, stables clashing, and a whole lot more.

So without any further ado, let's do a motherfucking review!

February 21, 2014

WWE Royal Rumble 2014

World Wrestling Entertainment Proudly Presents...


Welcome, cats and kittens, to yet another installment of the only blog that has as many Royal Rumble eliminations as all the other wrestling blogs combined, Cewsh Reviews! We have a special treat for you tonight, as we all take a collective deep breath and plunge into a brand new wrestling year with WWE's Royal Rumble 2014. Now you and I both know that, while I can talk about New Japan's Wrestle Kingdom until I'm blue in the fingers, this is where we kick off the festivities for the most important time in the wrestling industry every year. The Royal Rumble. The Road to Wrestlemania. The very idea of it drags casual wrestling fans back to their televisions and sets message boards on fire with new users, and it's hardly any surprise, as things are already started to heat right the hell up. Hell, this show only has four matches on it, and EVERY SINGLE ONE OF THEM COULD MAIN EVENT A PPV EASILY. The culmination of the dramatic Daniel Bryan vs. Bray Wyatt feud, a new chapter in the storied Brock Lesnar vs. Big Show rivalry, and a clash between two of the biggest names of this era for the unified WWE championship, and all of that is just the warm up for the most anticipated match of the year itself, the Rumbly, Rumbly, Rumble. But what am I ding sitting here trying to sell it to you? We've all seen it, and boy howdy if people don't ever have some strong opinions about it. Now it's time to add outs onto the heap.

So without any further ado, let's do a motherfucking review!

January 18, 2014

NJPW Wrestle Kingdom 8

New Japan Pro Wrestling Proudly Presents...

NJPW Wrestle Kingdom 8

Welcome cats and kittens to yet another installment of the only reviews that use the word "Swag" as a verb, an adjective and an exclamation during sex, Cewsh Reviews! We have a special treat for you tonight, as we focus on the most important non-WWE show of 2014, NJPW Wrestle Kingdom 8! Now, if you're a regular Cewshketeer, you've no doubt seen us begging, demanding, cajoling and outright seducing you to buy this show, so that you could share in one of the biggest events of the wrestling year. Some of you did, most of you didn't, but regardless of whether you're reliving the wild night that you saw for yourself, or are looking to find out just what all the fuss is about, we've got you covered. We have a battle to crown the true star of this generation of Japanese wrestling, a battle to decide who their replacement will be, blood feuds dating back to childhood, family wide feuds spanning decades, and a wacky dude and his new demon friend taking on Japan's most ill tempered badass. There's so much going on that we did a whole preview about it already, and if that didn't get you hyped, maybe this will. One of these wrestlers is USED AS THE POLE IN A POLE DANCING ENTRANCE. What the shit are we waiting for?

So without any further ado, let's do a motherfucking review!

January 3, 2014

NJPW Wrestle Kingdom 8 Preview Special

Welcome, welcome, to all you puro veterans, virgins, lovers and haters out there. Ah, there's a special kind of magic in the air this week without a doubt, and that's because we are on the very eve of the biggest non-WWE wrestling show of the year, New Japan Pro Wrestling's Wrestle Kingdom 8! It's an exciting time for both Japanese wrestling devotees and rookies alike, as wrestling takes center stage in Tokyo for one magical night. We have a match between two young legends in the making, a match between two generational rivals, and a cornucopia of other delights for your eyes and ears. And before the show airs, we're going to walk you through each match, as our esteemed panel of Japanese Wrestling experts lay out the backstory for each match, as well as what match each one individually exciting, (or not.) So by the end of this preview, you shouldn't just be able to enjoy this show even if you've never seen Japanese wrestling before, but you should also be able to be an insufferable know it all to everyone you're watching it with.

So without any further ado, let's do a motherfucking preview!

December 27, 2013

The 2013 CRL 100 - Part 3 (25 - 1)

Here we are, boys and girls. The very final installment of the 2013 CRL 100. Here we will find out just who the best and brightest performers of the past year really were, and exactly what it is that they did that makes them so special. The top 25 contains wrestlers from Mexico, Ireland, Japan, Spain, Israel and so much more, and even contains one complete tag team for god's sake! Are you dying of anticipation? Are you already salivating at the thought of loudly scorning the choices? Well who am I to stop you, let's get right to it!

December 20, 2013

The 2013 CRL 100 - Part 2 (50 - 26)

Welcome back, boys and girls, to the only list of wrestlers that you are currently reading at this very moment, the CRL 100! We're deep into our countdown of the best and brightest in the wrestling industry this year, and things are starting to heat up. With only 50 wrestlers left to go, we're starting to get to the point where people's favorite wrestlers are going to start popping up left and right. Last year, the list of people from 50 to 26 prompted the biggest outcry of complaint, as people saw their favorites juuuuuuuust miss out on the top 25. But being in this grouping is hardly an insult, and indeed, this year's selection is packed full of incredible performers, all time legends, and a few people so reviled by the internet wrestling community that i'm wearing a bulletproof vest while I'm typing this. But no matter who they are, each one will lead us ever closer to the man or woman who will be crowned Mr./Ms. 2013.

There can only be one. But before the one comes these 25. Try not to shoot the messenger.

December 18, 2013

The 2013 CRL 100 - Part 1 (100 - 51)

Welcome, one and all, to the 2013 CRL 100! Tonight we will begin the second ever installment of the aptly titled Cewsh Reviews List 100, as we begin the countdown of the 100 best and most significant wrestlers of the past calender year. This traditional, which was founded originally in protest of the PWI 500, is the sum of a full year's worth of tireless tape watching and analysis by us here at Cewsh Reviews Headquarters, and we can't wait to show you who we chose for what spot, so you guys can get down to the important business of tearing it to shreds.

The goal here is to spread the word about people who had a great year, while rewarding the people who went above and beyond in the name of our entertainment. And while you might think you know how things will play out if you read our list last year, I assure you, things are VERY different this year. With a almost a third of the members of last year's list falling off of this one altogether to make room for fresh blood, and a radically different looking top 10, this list reflects a turbulent year in wrestling history. But at the end of it all, only one man can stand tall as Mr. 2013.

Will it be Daniel Bryan? John Cena? Hiroshi Tanahashi? Only one way to find out!

November 27, 2013

WWE Great American Bash 2004

World Wrestling Entertainment Proudly Presents...

WWE Great American Bash 2004

Welcome, cats and kittens, to yet another installment of the only reviews that have a time machine that only goes back 9 years, Cewsh Reviews! We have a special treat for you tonight, as we review an absolute masterpiece from the recent past, WWE Great American Bash 2004. Recently we here at Cewsh Reviews Headquarters realized that we were spending a lot of time reviewing shows that were, well, good. Or at the very least mediocre. It turns out that it has been an awfully long time since we reviewed a show that we knew full well would be hysterically atrocious, and that's just not fair to you readers. So we dropped everything and eagerly looked for a terrible show to sate our snarky appetites.

Initially we considered the rich tapestry of WCW failure, and we'll get back to them don't worry, but eventually we settled on this show. Oh this show. If you don't know what the card for this show is, I urge you not to look it up, and instead to just follow along with me as we explore 3 hours of something that WWE actually charged people money for. I promise, promise, promise you will not be disappointed. Unless you appeared on the show, in which case you might want to just go on repressing those memories.

So without any further ado, let's do a motherfucking review!

November 11, 2013

WWE Night of Champions 2013

World Wrestling Entertainment Proudly Presents...

WWE Night of Champions 2013

Welcome, cats and kittens, to yet another installment of the only reviews that are too much swag for any one man to handle, Cewsh Reviews! We have a special treat for you tonight as we return to WWE to cover the night when all the titles are on the line, (even if they shouldn't be,) WWE Night of Champions 2013. Now, this show is an interesting one in the course of WWE history, because it comes on the heels of the game changing mega show that was Summerslam, where Daniel Bryan took the torch from John Cena and Triple H promptly snuffed it out. This is where Daniel Bryan gets his rematch, and the past four weeks of build across the entirety of WWE tv has been among the best in recent memory. But despite television being great and a huge feud cooking nicely, there aren't actually a lot of matches on this show that are built up in any meaningful way. In fact, you could charitably say that four matches here have any meaningful back story at all. So what about the other four? And will Daniel Bryan be able to recover the championship? In fact, will anyone be able to strike a blow against Triple H's empire? Well, there's only one way to find out.

So without any further ado, let's do a motherfucking review!

October 29, 2013

The Shimmer Volume 61 Wrap Up Spectacular

Well, boys and girls, as sad as it is to say, our Shimmer coverage for this year is nearly complete. Only one more Volume lies between us and months of hibernation for Shimmer until their reemergence in the Spring. It's a bittersweet moment, because while it will be truly sad to finish our wrap up and be done with Shimmer, we also cannot wait to tell you about a Volume where things got decidedly hardcore. No, not like that, you perverts. You have to go to the afterparties for that. No, what I mean is that on this night, the ladies of Shimmer went extreme.

That Purple Logo Makes Way More Sense Now.

So where are we coming into the final show of Shimmer weekend? Well, Cheerleader Melissa successfully defended her title against LuFisto, though it cost her a few pints of blood and a dozen stitches. Madison Eagles and Nicole Matthews are having a feud over which is better, Starbucks or Tim Horton's. Portia Perez is still collecting outfits to create the strangest Halloween costume of all time. And a whole group of aspiring up and comers are putting themselves on the map like never before. Will any of them break through in their last opportunity of 2013? Only one way to find out.

October 25, 2013

The Shimmer Volume 60 Wrap Up Spectacular

Welcome all, to installment 3 of our 4 part series recapping the events of the Shimmer weekend that just happened, like, literally last weekend. Thus far in our coverage you've seen a Zombie Joshi, Solid Snake, a woman dressed up as both Thunderkitty and MsChif at the same time, and a Cheerleader gone wild. I would say that it's like Halloween come early, except for the part where they're all beating each other half to death, which has not been a noted part of my trick or treating experience.

I Prefer The Movie.

As we round the corner into day 2, the trajectory of the weekend has taken shape. Finally, we will see Cheerleader Melissa answer for her heinous crimes in a title defense against LuFisto on a day that will see perhaps three of the most brutal matches in Shimmer history, (in the good way.) And let's not forget about the other active storylines, including the phoenix like rise of Mia Yim to superstardom, the kleptomaniac ways of Portia Perez, Hiraku Shida seeking revenge after a Kendo Stick shot from Nicole Matthews, and the Global Green Gangstas cementing their place among the Shimmer elite. All this and more is packed into Volume 60, which is the undisputed show of the weekend. Let's find out why, shall we?

October 24, 2013

TNA Bound For Glory 2013

Total Nonstop Action Proudly Presents...


Welcome cats and kittens, to yet another installment of the only reviews that hurt more for your pleasure than an actor doing his 20th nut shot take of the day, Cewsh Reviews! We have a special treat for you tonight, as we have finally come to the ultimate event in TNA's year, Bound For Glory 2013. Everything that TNA has crafted over the prior 364 days has led inexorably to this place and this moment, where it will all become clear and the path will make sense. The agony of the past 11 months will be undone in a glorious night of untold wonder and genuine merriment. There is no possible way that these ladies and gentleman could produce for us anything less than the very finest that the grappling arts can be. And when the smoke clears and the sad eyed homeless man now calling himself AJ Styles has finally triumphed over the powers of evil after years of anticipation, it will be a magnificent moment. One to tell the grandchildren about no doubt. So let's dig right into this event while I'm still in a state of manic delusion, and see just what TNA has to say for itself after what may be the worst year for any company in the history of professional wrestling.

October 23, 2013

The Shimmer Volume 59 Wrap Up Spectacular

Well, well, well. Here are we are, already heading into day 2 of our Shimmer weekend wrap up spectacular, and you haven't attempted to buy tickets to the spring tapings of Shimmer yet, (for the record, they don't go on sale for another few months.) Perhaps you're a curmudgeonly grump who has his or her arms crossed and can be heard shouting, "WELL THIS MAY LOOK AWESOME, BUT I'M SURE IT'S NOT REALLY THIS GREAT. NOW IF YOU'LL EXCUSE ME, I MUST GO COUNT MY PILE OF GOLD COINS AND FIRE MY ENTIRE STAFF ON CHRISTMAS EVE."


Even if that sounds like you, you're in luck, because Shimmer really is that great. But don't take my word for it. Let's take a magical ride through the second show of the Shimmer weekend, and see what Shimmer has to offer, even when it's at it's worst.

October 22, 2013

The Shimmer Volume 58 Wrap Up Spectacular

Welcome, welcome, welcome boys and girls, to another in our beloved series of Shimmer weekend wrap ups. Those of you who followed our coverage when the glorious court of Shimmer last convened in the spring are likely already popping champagne and doing the Charleston after hearing that, but it is with the fondest of of welcomes that I invite anyone who is new to Shimmer, Cewsh Reviews, or even the concept of professional wrestling itself to come on in and get ready for a good ol' teeth smashing good time.

You Got That I Meant That Literally, Right?

Now then, if you ARE new to Shimmer, let's get a few things clear right off the top. Shimmer is an all woman's promotion based out of Chicago, IL, (Berwyn, IL really, but nobody knows what a Berwyn is,) that has grown over the past few years to become the single most important home of women's wrestling on the planet. Talent from Japan, Australia, Scotland, England, New Zealand, Canada, Mexico and more have fought for the right to represent their homeland in a tiny building in the heart of the Midwestern United States, and that's no accident. Shimmer is something special, and ever since we became Shimmer converts a solid 30 Volumes ago, we've made it our mission to get the word out.

So here we go. In the week ahead, we'll recap all four Volumes that were taped over the weekend, (Shimmer tapes four shows in two days, and only does it twice a year,) and get you in on the ground floor of what the queens of wrestling are up to, long before you can see it on DVD with your own eyes. There were wars fought, alliances formed, and a whole lot of trouble with forks. When it comes to Shimmer, that's all just another weekend.