Oh, hello. I didn't see you there. As I'm sure you've noticed, I'm Cewsh, from the amazingly successful blog "Cewsh Reviews" and yes, I am really this handsome. I'm here today to bring you fine, upstanding people some tips and tricks to help you navigate the strange and mysterious world of independent wrestling shows. For many years, countless young men and women have gone to attend their first indy show without any real concept of what it was they were getting themselves into. Today, we'll change all that by providing the internet's most definitive list of the items that will get you through a long day of watching fat old guys wrestle skinny young guys while they get heckled by fat young guys and skinny old guys. When you leave this webpage you'll be armed with all of the knowledge necessary to boldly walk into a wrestling show anywhere on this great planet of ours and declare, "PREPARATIONS ARE COMPLETE, BRING ME YOUR FINEST WRESTLINGS."
Welcome, cats and kittens, to yet another installment of the best wrestling wrestling in the world that remind you of squishy toy balls you played with as a kid, Cewsh Reviews! We have a special treat for you tonight as we officially unveil a new member to our staff going forward. Yes, you've known her as Mrs. Cewsh's Sister and you've known her as the Turnip Queen, and now the much more reasonably named Fey will be joining me monthly to review the shenanigans and goings on in the world of WWE. She just started watching wrestling in June, and is here to provide some perspective to us battle hardened smarks as we trudge through the summer slog towards the bright lights of Wrestlemania off in the distance. But there's no time for wistfullness or grand introductions now! We have a Summerslam to review gosh darn it. Brock Lesnar and Triple H! CM Punk and John Cena and the Big Show! Other things too probably! Let's not waste any more time stretching this introduction out! On with the show!
So without any further ado let's do a motherfucking review!
The Cewsh Reviews Super Mega Ultra Technicolor Dream Card 3
Welcome, cats and kittens, to yet another installment of the only blog on the internet that is interactive in any capacity whatsoever, as long as you don't include all the others, Cewsh Reviews! We have our very most special treat for you tonight, boys and girls, because the biggest night of the reviewing year has finally come. All year long we review shows from all over the world, from all sorts of promotions, and from all different eras, but only ONCE a year do we open up the floodgates and allow you, our dear readers, to decide what we review. If this is your first go round on the Dream Card train, it works like this. Back in June we opened up submissions to anyone who wanted to suggest a match, and let them choose any match ever contested so long as a) we could find it to watch it and b) we'd never reviewed it before. You crazy bastards turned out in droves and submitted matches from all over the spectrum, from fictional matches to absolute classic to random matches you liked on a tv show in 1998. We stuck them all in an Optimus Prime Mr. Potato Head, (Optimash Prime,) and pulled out 8 lucky winners at random and sent them all a DVD prize. Those eight matches are what we'll be reviewing here today, and man, they're all over the spectrum, and truly representative of the randomness that comes out of your collective brains when given free reign to suggest anything. And man, do we ever love you for it.
Though It Wouldn't Kill You To Send In A Bobby Lashley Match For Me, You Know.
But this is our premiere event, our gala spectacle. We can't half ass this. So the original triad of Cewsh Reviews, Cewsh, Vice and Mrs. Cewsh have joined their power rings together and gotten totally swanked out, in order to bring you a review utterly unlike anything you've ever seen before, (unless you read the first two.) So get ready to yell at the submitters for what they chose, and yell at us for what we think, and remember, next year a winner could be you.
So without any further ado, let's do a motherfucking review!