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June 19, 2012

TNA Slammiversary 2012

Total Nonstop Action Proudly Presents…

TNA Slammiversary 2012

Welcome, cats and kittens, to yet another installment of the only bacon flavored blog on the internet, (go ahead, lick your monitor,) Cewsh Reviews! We have a special treat for you tonight, as we do something that we swore we would never do. Despite the fact that I’m sure you trust and believe in our very word implicitly, I’m afraid we’re going to have to go back on it and cave to the enormous pressure that our readership has been putting on us this week. Yes, that’s right boys and girls, tonight we’re returning to Orlando, Florida and lifting our embargo on TNA that has seen us review only one of their shows since February. Tonight, we will review TNA Slammiversary, AND GODS HELP YOU IF IT TURNS OUT TO SUCK.

But let’s not get ahead of ourselves. We’re talking about TNA’s 10th anniversary show, and also TNA’s most attended live event in their history. On this special night we’ll see such titanic clashes as Kid Kash vs. Hernandez and Bobby Roode vs. one half of the Blade Runners. Probably some other stuff too. But we’re not just here to glad hand old timers. Gosh darn it, this is a wrestling show! So with a ten year burden of responsibility to live up to and make up for, it’s time for the denizens of the House of Impact to show us something, in what may be the best chance they will ever have again to change the perception that has plagued them. Can they do it? There’s only one way to find out.

So without any further ado, let’s do a motherfucking review!

June 3, 2012

A 3 Step Guide For Fixing TNA

Good evening, boys and girls.  Here at the Cewsh Reviews Institute For Higher Learning we believe in furthering the betterment of all aspects of the wrestling industry.  So when we heard that Vince Russo would be stepping down as the head writer of Total Nonstop Action Impact Championship Wrestling Funtime Jamboree, we immediately tracked down leaders in numerous fields to compile this step by step guide to fixing the mammoth mess that TNA has become (or perhaps has always been).  They have done their research, and the guide that we have compiled is both definitive and absolutely scientifically proven.  With this list in hand, there is nothing that can stop Dixie Carter and Bruce Pritchard from tearing up the wrestling world, annihilating Vince McMahon and the WWE, and sitting themselves atop the wrestling industry in an eternal monopoly.  Or, barring that, it can be used to insure that people stop laughing whenever they walk into rooms.  Nevertheless, we have crunched the numbers, done the legwork and took a good long look at things.

Cewsh Reviews Research Department

So okay, TNA, just imagine that we're all in a conference room and I'm standing in front of you with one of those stands where the pages flip up while I'm giving my presentation. Are you picturing that? Okay, now picture me flipping up the first page to start my presentation, and on the first page in giant red letters is written...