Here there be spoilers.

If you are new or looking to AVOID the spoilers, go here now.

Unfortunately, due to the nature of reviews, there are spoilers inside all the cuts. Don't want them? Turn around, do not pass go, do not collect $200, and click the pretty link at the top.

If you ignore this and read a spoiler anyway, don't come crying to us. We did warn you.

If you are looking for the archive of past episodes of Cewshcast 5000, you can find it here.

November 19, 2011

TNA Turning Point 2011

Total Nonstop Action Proudly Presents…

 
TNA Turning Point 2011


Welcome, cats and kittens, to yet another installment of the always prevalent and occasionally relevant Cewsh Reviews! We have a special treat for you tonight as we migrate south to Orlando seeking warmth and a good wrestling show, as we review TNA’s Turning Point 2011. Now this is TNA’s downtime of the year, much like WWE’s period after Wrestlemania, but apparently nobody told TNA this as things have developed rapidly since we last imbibed Aunt Dixie’s Jailhouse Road Show. After successfully defending his TNA World title against Robert Roode at Bound for Glory, Kurt Angle promptly lost it in a 5 minute match to Roode’s partner, James Storm. This incensed Roode so much that he turned heel on Storm and wrenched the title away from him, giving us a decidedly heel Roode as champion. At the same time, James Storm and Kurt Angle both found themselves injured and unable to wrestle Roode, so TNA looked to their eternal backup plan and tapped AJ Styles to fight Roode here to defend the honor of what is left of Fortune. Of course AJ ALSO got himself injured coming into the show, so who knows what might happen. Billy Gunn: main eventer? Sounding more and more likely.

But that’s just one of the various delicacies laid before us tonight, so let’s dig in and see if this show is as sweet as we’re hoping, or as rotten as we fear. Either way, it should be a culinary adventure.

So without any further ado, let’s do a motherfucking review!

November 13, 2011

CHIKARA High Noon 2011

CHIKARA Professional Wrestling Proudly Presents…

CHIKARA HIGH NOON 2011


Welcome, cats and kittens, to yet another installment of the only review blog still rocking a mullet until it comes back in style, Cewsh Reviews! We have a special treat for you tonight as we traverse new and completely uncharted territory for us, and cover our very first CHIKARA show in the 3+ years that we’ve been covering wrestling. So what makes this show so special that we would choose to highlight it first and foremost? Simple, this is CHIKARA’s debut on iPPV (thanks to the fine folks at Go Fight Live) and thus they have taken a step into wrestling world relevance that can not and will not be ignored by the likes of us. After all, who among us hasn’t heard tales of the ridiculous happenings in CHIKARA over the years? All kinds of dragons wrestling, an entire stable of demonic ice cream men, comedy matches so sublime that they defy description and everything else that you and your high buddies have spent the early hours of the morning giggling about on your computer screens can all be traced back to this collection of patently preposterous pugilists. So what’s going to happen when they open the door to a massive live audience? What will we think of the promotion as a whole? And what the shit is that bunny doing here? Welp, there really is only one way to find out.

So without any further ado, let’s do a motherfucking review!

November 10, 2011

All Together in Budokan 2011

New Japan Pro Wrestling, All Japan Pro Wrestling and Pro Wrestling NOAH Proudly Present…

All Together In Budokon 2011


Welcome, cats and kittens, to yet another installment of the only wrestling review blog that brings everyone together uncomfortably close, Cewsh Reviews! We have a special treat for you tonight, and we really, truly mean it this time. See, a few months ago there was this series of disasters in Japan. You may have heard of it, it was kind of a big deal. Nuclear power plants melted down, whole stretches of the nation flooded and earthquakes shook up everything in between as if the apocalypse was just doing some warm up stretching off the coast of Japan. After the storm had cleared, the Japanese people were left with the daunting task of resuming life as usual with spirits as low as could possibly be. So wrestling answered the call. All Japan Pro Wrestling, Pro Wrestling NOAH and New Japan Pro Wrestling joined together for the first time in a generation to do one supershow under one roof to raise money for the charity organizations that were scrambling to put their nation back together. For one night, wrestlers laced up their boots, walked out in front of thousands of eager fans, and brought a little sunshine into the hearts of people who needed it. It’s a proud moment in wrestling history, and that show is the very one we are reviewing for you here today.

Now such a special occasion couldn’t be handled by just myself, nor by just one co reviewer. For this All Together review, we brought together all 4 of our puro reviewers to converge on this show and give it the attention it deserves. We have Defrost, the scholarly curmudgeon, DDT, the enthusiastic historian, Vice, the incredulous chronicler, and of course, yours truly. We’ll join our power rings together and go all Captain Planet on this fucker.

But before we start, a little soft shoe history lesson from Professor Defrost.

November 6, 2011

The 8 Least Intimidating Monsters In Wrestling History

Top of the morning to you, my fabulous readers.  I've gathered you here to talk about something very near and dear to my heart.

Goddamit Vice, Stay Out Of My Subconscious.

Well no, not Optimus Prime, but point taken.  No, today, in honor of last week's Halloween fun, we're here to talk about monsters.  Specifically those crazed men in wrestling designed, through one gimmick or another, to scare us and inspire our wrestling favorites to greater feats of heroism.  Over the years there have been almost too many to count, ranging from the truly frightening (Abdullah the Butcher) to the insane (Luther) to the downright odd (the Boogeyman), and they are a big part of the spectacle that makes wrestling so special.  Men in these roles like Vader and the Undertaker have shaken the foundations of federations and made the entire wrestling industry tremble at their passing.  But this list isn't about those people.  Those people were awesome.  No, THIS list is about the men who were set up to be big, scary, intimidating monsters and somewhere along the way they just...weren't.  The laughable, the cheesy, the inept and the clumsy, here is our list of the top 8 least intimidating monsters in wrestling history.

And here's hoping none of them are hiding in your closet ready to jump out and ask for bus fare.