Here there be spoilers.

If you are new or looking to AVOID the spoilers, go here now.

Unfortunately, due to the nature of the reviews, there are spoilers inside all the cuts. You don't want them? Turn around, do not pass go, do not collect $200, and click the pretty link at the top of this box. Our table of contents features all of our scores and download recommendations, spoiler free.

If you ignore this and read a spoiler anyway, don't come crying to us. We did warn you.

April 29, 2011

TNA Lockdown 2011

Total Nonstop Action Proudly Presents…

TNA LOCKDOWN 2011


Welcome, cats and kittens, to yet another installment of the fuzziest and wuzziest reviews in the known universe, Cewsh Reviews! We have a special treat for you tonight, as the time has finally come for the first shot from TNA post Wrestlemania, as we review TNA Lockdown 2011! See, every year TNA tries to make it seem like Bound for Glory is their biggest show, but inevitably it is Lockdown that contains the biggest moments, the best matches, and the most interesting storylines, so here at Cewsh Reviews we’ve just started accepting it as the biggest TNA show of the year. This year is no exception either, as a great many feuds are looking to be blown off here once and for all. Joe/Dinero, Angle/Jarrett, James/Rayne, and Immortal/Fortune are all going to get inside the six…err…four sides of steel and have themselves a war to settle the score. Will Immortal regain power in TNA? Will our champion be a senior citizen, a drug addict or an asshole? And just why in the hell is one of these matches only 30 seconds long? Only one way to find out.

So without any further ado, let’s do a motherfucking review!

April 23, 2011

THE CRIHAOCSMUTDC2: EB

Cewsh Reviews and I Have An Opinion Proudly Present…

The Cewsh Reviews/I Have An Opinion Crossover Super Mega Ultra Technicolor Dream Card 2: Electric Boogaloo


Welcome, cats and kittens, to yet another installment of the sexiest thing on four legs, Cewsh Reviews! We have an ESPECIALLY special treat for you tonight, no doubt about it, as tonight we finally review the show over a month in the making. See, about a year ago we decided that we should do something to satiate the people who were asking us to review individual matches and not full shows, while at the same time sticking to our guns about only reviewing full shows. The result was the Cewsh Reviews Super Mega Ultra Technicolor Dream Card which was supplied by having all of our fans suggest matches and them selecting them at random, lottery style, out of an Optimus Prime Mr. Potato Head. Which is exactly as awesome as it sounds. It turned out to me a great success, and now it has become a tradition here for us to let you guys in on the party from time to time. Which brings us here to the sequel which we’re doing in conjunction with the video review by our buddy Deewun at his blog, I Have An Opinion. Just like the first time, our fans suggested the matches and we compiled them into an actual Dream Card show of the best, worst and strangest wrestling has to offer. The last one nearly broke us with its batshittery. I’m afraid. Please hold me.

So without any further ado, let’s do a motherfucking review!

April 16, 2011

The Top 5 Nobodies In America Who Made It Big In Japan

Welcome back to the ever shifting sands of the Sunday Supplements, cats and kittens.  Tonight we're going to talk about the wacky land of Japan.  Not just anything about Japan, though, because god knows we could be here all night just discussing why they sell used girl's panties in vending machines next to the soda.  No, today, inspired by TAJIRI's new promotion that we're reviewing for this week, we'll be talking about people who never made it in the rat race of American pro wrestling, who nonetheless hit it big in the far east for one reason or another.

Sorry Murdoch, None For You.
 
So call them gaijin, call them legends, or call them radiculous.  These are 5 men that went nowhere in America, and hit it big in Japan.  So saddle up your sushi, and buy some Hello Kitty merchandise.  It's time to head to the other side.

April 11, 2011

Cewsh Interviews - Xavier

Top of the evening to you, boys and girls.  Cewsh here with a treat and a half for all of you.  See, we have the best, smartest and handsomest fans in the world, that goes without saying.  But sometimes, despite them being so smart and amazing, and despite us being face meltingly great, on occasion our fans have a tendency to believe that there are things we cannot do.  Build a life size replica of the Louvre out of marshmallows?   Probably not.  Obtain morally questionable photographs of famous celebrities with inanimate objects?  Yeah, not so much our thing.  But when some of you wondered what had become of the former Ring of Honor World Heavyweight Champion Xavier, some of you didn't believe we had the journalistic prowess to find out.  Well thanks to some friendly probing and one incredibly nice and rad former wrestler who has a great appreciation for his fans, we did just that very thing.

 We Mean Xavier, If That Wasn't Obvious.

So without any further ado, allow me to present our one of a kind exclusive interview, as we go 5 rounds with the man they call X.

April 9, 2011

WWE Wrestlemania XXVII

World Wrestling Entertainment Proudly Presents…

WWE Wrestlemania XXVII


Welcome, cats and kittens, to yet another installment of the reviewers that bring in the viewers, Cewsh Reviews! We have a special treat for you tonight, as the culmination of the wrestling year (or the part of it your grandma may have actually heard of anyway) is nigh, and it is finally time for WWE Wrestlemania XXVII! Now the sheer media blitz of Wrestlemania (and our preview special if you’re a good little Cewshketeer) has probably made it abundantly clear what is on this show, so I’m not going to waste any more time hyping it for you. All I’ll say is that excitement is high among the CR Clan going in and we have champagne wishes and caviar dreams about how things may go. Will this Wrestlemania top last year’s above average show? What the fuck will the Rock actually be doing here? And for fuck’s sake, will anyone actually get made a star on the greatest stage of them all? Only one way to find out.

So without any further ado, let’s do a motherfucking review!

April 3, 2011

The Wrestlemania 27 Preview Spectacular

Welcome, cats and kittens, to our little ditty of a preview special for the biggest wrestling show of the calender year, Wrestlemania.  Now before anything else, believe me, I know what you're thinking.  "Oh man, c'mon Cewsh, everyone and their one legged mother does a Wrestlemania Preview.  You'll say who you think will win, who you think SHOULD win, and probably crack some bad jokes about how Snookie is the downfall of the wrestling industry."  Well that is very astute, dear reader, as that is what many of our peers do very much indeed.  But in case you haven't noticed, we here at the Cewsh Reviews do things a little differently.  Yes indeed, we will talk about the matches, but we're going to give you the skinny on the backstories to these little beauties and catch you up on anything you missed along the Road.  Yes, we will predict the shows, but we will use the best in predictive equipment, including actual software, a goddamned cat and whatever the hell batshit system Vice has worked out for us this year.  And of course, then there's Sakura, the Psychic Cat.


So if you're ready to delve into a preview world that makes all the others look totally lame (with all due respect), then buckle your seat belts to spare us the lawsuits, and take the fucking plunge.