Here there be spoilers.

If you are new or looking to AVOID the spoilers, go here now.

Unfortunately, due to the nature of reviews, there are spoilers inside all the cuts. Don't want them? Turn around, do not pass go, do not collect $200, and click the pretty link at the top.

If you ignore this and read a spoiler anyway, don't come crying to us. We did warn you.

If you are looking for the archive of past episodes of Cewshcast 5000, you can find it here.

January 31, 2010

WWE Royal Rumble 2010

World Wrestling Entertainment Proudly Presents…

WWE Royal Rumble 2010


Welcome, cats and kittens, to yet another installment the Academy Award nominated (even though we’re just going to lose to Avatar), Cewsh Reviews! Tonight we have a special treat for you as we roll up our sleeves and prepare to get busy with our favorite event of the year, the WWE Royal Rumble 2010. There’s a mystique about the Royal Rumble that has been built through years and years of amazing and unforgettable memories that surround the event, and in preparation for this year to provide us with even more, we’ve bolstered our ranks with a guest reviewer. We are joined this night by none other than the Bodacious Bookworm himself, the Prodigious Prognosticator, the Scottish Scholar, our beloved MichaelC, and he’s here to be our official Royal Rumble historian for the evening.

There's At Least A 36% Chance This Is What He Looks Like.

Naturally that’s not all, though, as we here at Cewsh Review Headquarters do things up right at this time of year, and Ms. Cewsh and Vice will be joining us as well to provide their unique view on events as they unfold.

So is Shawn Michaels going to get his shot at the Undertaker at Wrestlemania? Will the Undertaker even still be champion after tonight? And who will step up to be the standout performer in this year’s Rumble, giving us a moment we’ll never forget? As always, for you, and for us, there’s only one way to find out.

So without any further ado, let’s do a motherfucking review!


January 30, 2010

PWG KURT RUSSELLMANIA 2010

Pro Wrestling Guerilla Proudly Presents…
 PWG Kurt Russellmania 2010


Welcome, cats and kittens, to yet another installment of the often deceiving Cewsh Reviews. Now to some of you we promised a mano e mano battle of wills between Vice and I in a debate to the finish. That won’t be happening until later (though we have the final list of debate topics determined and we’ll be posting those later), so to apologize for getting your hopes up, we’ll be instead delivering a review of a show of such awesome proportions that it defies the powers of mere mortals to comprehend. Luckily, as Cewsh Reviews fans, you are endowed with superhuman intelligence and taste, and therefore can understand that this show is what would happen if you took the combined awesomeness of Kurt Russell and Wrestlemania and threw them together at high speed. You may recall that we previously reviewed a PWG show a year or so ago, and you may have considered it our definitive word on the promotion but not so fast my friend (as Mel Kiper might say), this time, for THIS show, we have Jushin Thunder Liger, the Great Muta, Rob Van Dam, Super Crazy and the one night only reuniting of Paul London and Brian Kendrick. Yeah, you just read that. This show has more awesome on it than ACTUAL Wrestlemania.

In other words, the mere touching of your monitor while reading this review may cause the sprouting of chest hair and the growth of an extra testicle. We do not apologize for these effects, even in females, because YEAH MAN KURT RUSSELLMANIA WOOOO.

So without any further ado, let’s do a motherfucking review!

January 17, 2010

TNA Genesis 2010

Total Nonstop Action Proudly Presents…

TNA GENESIS 2010

Welcome cats and kittens, to yet another installment of the Golden Globe winningest (as if anybody cares) review blog in all the land, Cewsh Reviews! We’ve got a special treat for you tonight, as on the heels of that electric Monday night at the beginning of the month where TNA and WWE did battle head to head, TNA will try to capitalize on that momentum tonight with their first PPV of the year, TNA Genesis 2010. Now we here at Cewsh Reviews were pretty hard on their Monday Night offering, thinking it was pretty much an unqualified mess all around, but TNA does still have a streak of two phenomenal pay per views in a row to build on, and excitement remains high for the first show of the Hogan administration. Will they be able to keep up their incredible momentum? Will Hogan put his stamp on this show in some definitive way? Will anybody actually do any wrestling this time? There’s only one way to find out.

So without any further ado, let’s do a motherfucking review!

January 13, 2010

The Monday Night Wars Take Two

World Wrestling Entertainment and Total Nonstop Action Present…

Raw vs. Impact
The Monday Night War: Take Two.

Welcome, cats and kittens, to yet another installment of the sexiest wrestling reviews this side of the Rio Grande, Cewsh Reviews. Tonight we ACTUALLY have a special treat for you as we analyze and break down perhaps one of the most important (and certainly one of the most hyped) nights in wrestling history, as TNA steps up to the plate and formally challenges WWE for the first time ever. On that Monday night, on January 4th, the wrestling industry changed. But did it change for the better? Did TNA establish themselves as credible contenders to the throne? Did WWE stave off their hungrier counterparts? Well questions like that are why you have such clever and amazing people to watch this stuff for you. Even if they aren’t here, and you’re stuck with us.

The basic idea here is that we’ll review the shows chronologically, starting with TNA (which went 3 hours instead of 2 and started an hour before WWE), and compare the two shows side by side as they happen, comparing segments and determining which show was superior in head to head segments. Bear in mind as we go through that our copies of these shows have no commercials, so the times may not line up with what you watched on television. We’ll also rate the matches, and at the end form our definitive conclusions as to who won the first battle of this wrestling war. Make sense? Excellent.

So tonight we shrug off our usual format and our usual trappings and embrace a (one time only) change, just as the wrestling industry has. Tonight we break down a night for the ages minute by minute to cover every last detail of this historic evening. Tonight we review and muse upon the acts of immortals locked in the battle of a generation.

Tonight, we do a motherfucking review.

January 4, 2010

NJPW Wrestle Kingdom IV

New Japan Professional Wrestling and Pro Wrestling NOAH Proudly Present…
NJPW Wrestle Kingdom IV

Welcome, cats and kittens, to yet another installment of the most valuable (only in mint condition) wrestling review blog on all of the interwebs, Cewsh Reviews! Tonight we have a special treat for you, as we travel to the mysterious land of Japan in search of more wrestling greatness and wrestling oddities in a show called NJPW Wrestle Kingdom IV. You might be thinking to yourself “Cewsh, you review Japanese wrestling shows all the time, and I have no idea who these people with the funny names are. What makes this such a special treat?” Well let me try to put this in context for you. Imagine the WWE Invasion of the early 2000’s. Remember how we got a few dream matches like Hogan/Rock, Hardy/RVD, and Booker T/Rock, but they spread them wayyyy out until they lost all context? Well imagine if they threw all those matches on one fucking show and there was literally no tomorrow, as there would be one winner and one definite loser decided in one place on one night.

Such is the situation here as NJPW, the king of wrestling in Japan, is attempts to stave off the invasion of promotion number two, Pro Wrestling NOAH, in a series of matches pitting the top stars and best of the best against each other to decide which promotion is truly the greatest Japanese wrestling promotion of today. It may be under the NJPW banner here, but this is no foregone conclusion, and it all makes for one of the most exciting wrestling shows of the year.

Don’t believe me? Well kick back, relax, and let the immortal Defrost and I take you on a rollercoaster of thrills and excitement, that may make occasionally stops at Dunkin Donuts to placate Team 3D.

So without any further ado, let’s do a motherfucking review!