Here there be spoilers.

If you are new or looking to AVOID the spoilers, go here now.

Unfortunately, due to the nature of reviews, there are spoilers inside all the cuts. Don't want them? Turn around, do not pass go, do not collect $200, and click the pretty link at the top.

If you ignore this and read a spoiler anyway, don't come crying to us. We did warn you.

If you are looking for the archive of past episodes of Cewshcast 5000, you can find it here.

June 28, 2009

WWE The Bash 2009

World Wrestling Entertainment Proudly Presents…

WWE The Bash 2009

Welcome, cats and kittens, to yet another installment of the NBA Jam Tournament Winning Cewsh Reviews… We, as always, have a special treat for you today, as we roll out the carpet for the WWE’s big summer spectacular, The Bash. Of course, technically Summerslam is their big summer spectacular, but we’re in the market of engendering excitement, so let’s just roll with it. We have an almost inhumanly interesting card to work with here, so we’re going to put our adorable Review Hats on (they look like penguins), and get down to business post haste.

Do people still say post haste?

Anyway, without any further ado, let’s do a motherfucking review.

June 21, 2009

TNA Slammiversary 2009

Total Nonstop Action Proudly Presents….

TNA Slammiversary 2009

Welcome, cats and kittens, to yet another edition of the David Hasselhoff endorsed Cewsh Reviews… This week we’ve got a special treat for you, as the Cewsh Reviews Team gathers around the photo album and grows all misty eyed as TNA Wrestling turns 7 years old. Why it seems like just yesterday that we were welcoming it into the world, filled with speculation as to what it would turn out to be, whether it would be good looking, or whether it would be awesome at sports so that I’d never have to work again. Here we are now, seven years later, and while lots and lots has happened, its still too soon to say what TNA will grow up to be. While we’re here though, we can have a kickass party to celebrate.

Shit man, we have ice cream cake. And balloons. And a fucking horse. Yeah, man, you heard me. You can ride it and shit. I don’t even know! This is so exciting!

And without any further ado, let’s review a motherfucking review, shall we?

June 13, 2009

AAA Triplemania 2009

Asistencia Asesoría y Administración Proudly Presents…

AAA Triplemania 2009

Welcome, cats and kittens, to yet another installment of the spicy and delicious Cewsh Reviews. Tonight we have a special treat for you, as we venture into hitherto unexplored territory. Namely the sunny, friendly, and Salma Hayek producing land of Mexico. Now during the time that we’ve been chasing this out of control Frankenstein we know as Cewsh Reviews, we’ve spent a lot of time discussing and covering Japanese wrestling and, obviously, American wrestling. We even went to Italy and South Korea. But Mexico, and lucha libre, have been oddly left out our far reaching net. Whether that’s because people don’t seem to be very interested in lucha these days, or simply because we don’t know it or understand it as well as other kinds of wrestling, the fact remains that we have been neglectful.

But no longer! As we follow our merry host Konnan south in search of the newness, we’re bound to come across things that even we experienced travelers are not prepared for. Little people team6ing with the devil to fight women? Hype videos entirely in anime? People taking bong hits out of urns? Oh it’s all here. Will we find a new favorite wrestler in this unexplored territory, or will the whole show be a case of Montezuma’s Revenge? Only one way to find out.

So without any further ado, permita que nosotros hacer una revisión de motherfucking!

June 9, 2009

WWE Extreme Rules 2009

World Wrestling Entertainment Proudly Presents…


Welcome cats and kittens, to another stirring edition of the John F. Weinbrom Award winning Cewsh Reviews… Today we will be covering something so EXTREME that its EXTREMITIES may be EXTREMELY cold. We did leave the air conditioning on all night, and frankly all of our EXTREMITIES are EXTREMELY EXTREME at the moment. Wait, did I just substitute the word EXTREME for an unrelated noun? Dude, that’s fucking EXTREME.

Ahead, at any rate, today our offering to the Cewsh Reviews’ ever growing fanbase of derelicts and people wasting valuable work hours is WWE Extreme Rules 2009! Every match has a gimmick, and many of the matches are very similar to the ones held at Judgment Day just a month ago. Will that make the matches familiar and well worked? Or repetitive and lacking drama? I guess there is one way to know for sure. Only one though.

Without any further ado, let’s do a motherfucking review, shall we?