Here there be spoilers.

If you are new or looking to AVOID the spoilers, go here now.

Unfortunately, due to the nature of reviews, there are spoilers inside all the cuts. Don't want them? Turn around, do not pass go, do not collect $200, and click the pretty link at the top.

If you ignore this and read a spoiler anyway, don't come crying to us. We did warn you.

If you are looking for the archive of past episodes of Cewshcast 5000, you can find it here.

March 21, 2009

ROH Seventh Anniversary Show 2009

Ring of Honor Proudly Presents…

ROH Seventh Anniversary Show

Welcome, cats and kittens, to yet another edition of the Pepsi Challenge Award winning Cewsh Reviews. We have a special treat for you tonight (is it special if I call them all special? Hmm.) in the form of Ring of Honor’s 7th Anniversary Show. Now we here at Cewsh Reviews Headquarters have been very, very hard on Ring of Honor for the past year of two (or three), and as a result, ROH has been terribly underrepresented in our reviews thus far. Times change, however, and things really seem to be turning around in a big way for the once proud company. Great new talent, interesting new feuds, and a general new atmosphere to the promotion makes it great fodder for us to sink our teeth into.

The Era of Gabe Sapolsky has ended. Cewsh Reviews will proudly champion the Adam Pearce Era as of today. Unless it sucks too. In which case we can be ice cold, motherfuckers. Ice cold.

So without any further ado, let’s do a motherfucking review!

NKPWA Impact 2009

New Korean Professional Wrestling Association Proudly Presents…


Welcome, cats and kittens, to yet another installment of the only review supported by Tom Zenk Fanatics everywhere, Cewsh Reviews… Today we have yet another special treat as we head out to the Far East for another foreign wrestling spectacular. Rather than go all the way to Japan, however, we’re going to be lazy about it, and park our review plane on the runways of Seoul, South Korea, as we review our very first show for NKPWA. Now NKPWA are an organization still trying to find their footing in comparison to their gargantuan Japanese counterparts, so we thought we’d give them a bit of the Cewsh Boost by giving them some attention here, and see just what exactly is going on in the land of beautiful women and Starcraft pwners alike. It also doesn’t hurt that a mini American invasion is going on here, as TNA stars like Christopher Daniels and Petey Williams are here to rock the Oriental party.

Did Cewsh agree to this just for the potential possibility of scantily clad Korean women? He’s not answering that. But he is winking suggestively. Verrrry suggestively.

So without any further ado, let’s do a motherfucking review!

March 16, 2009

TNA Destination X 2009

Cewsh: Oh, TNA.

This is the peak of the aforementioned, "Period of Woe" from TNA, a period which was so bad that it seemed to go on and on without any hope of change or betterment. The trend would eventually curb itself, but here, we are ass deep in the pain. This show was so bad that it actually struck Vice into complete silence for an entire night. And trust me, when you get to that point in the show, you'll know why.


TNA Wrestling Proudly Presents:


Welcome once again, cats and kittens, to the crème de la crème of wrestling reviews. Today we have a special treat for you all, a TNA show. Woooooo! In all seriousness, there really isn’t a ton to be excited about here. We have, thus far in our time reviewing, (6 month anniversary coming up in April!) never enjoyed a TNA show. We have, if I’m not mistaken, never even given a TNA show a rating that would do IWA:MS proud. They’ve been lackluster shows, filled with lackluster matches, performed by misused and underwhelming talent, for the most part. But I feel something in the air today, boys and girls. I feel a lightness in my heart and a spring in my step. Maybe this time, THIS TIME, TNA will throw off the shackles of convention and actually provide us with a show that we can be proud of; that we can stand up, head held high, and proudly announce that Cewsh Reviews…approves of TNA.

It’s a nice dream. But if it’s all the same to you, I’ll just go ahead and prepare the scathing snark. I get the feeling it just might come in handy.

Note: This is about 24 hours late. We considered rushing it to get it in on time, but instead we chose to exhibit the same professionalism and interest in our fan's enjoyment that TNA has. Enjoy!

March 6, 2009

IWA:MS King of the Deathmatches 2009 Night 2

IWA: Mid South Proudly Presents…


Welcome cats and kittens, to yet another installment of the Tony Nominated Cewsh Reviews… Today we have a special treat for you, as we turn this bad boy around for another pass at the great ship, the S.S. Horrible Burning Pain In My Eyes. Its been two weeks since we last left these stalwart warriors engaged in their deadly (well, more dorky than deadly) game to see who the king of the deathmatches really is, but some of the images remain with me still. Tank, with chopsticks stuck so far into his skull that he looks like Ruadolph the Nazi Reindeer. xOMGx, inspiring us with his tales from the battlefield, among them the time some guy got his nutsack shot off. The sideways swanton, which will forever fill our hearts with wonder.

We, the Cewsh Reviews Team, have elected to take a big ol’ kick to the balls on your behalf and review Night 2 here, giving voice to the agony that previously only 100 people in a high school gym had experienced. Savor our pain and avenge our deaths. Its really all that we ask.

So without any further ado, let’s do a motherfucking review.

IWA:MS King of the Deathmatches 2009 Night 1

IWA: Mid South Proudly Presents…


Welcome, cats and kittens, to yet another installment of the Jim Thorpe Award winning Cewsh Reviews. Tonight, we tackle what may very well be the biggest challenge of our short but magnificent reviewing careers. You’ve seen us review IWA:MS shows before, and we’re not exactly huge fans of theirs, but this is different, and by “different”, we of course mean, “worse”. We’re talking blood, we’re talking weapons, and we most exquisitely are talking the sweet, sweet language of the snark. So strap in and get your Incredulity Boots on, because we’re going on the world’s least exciting adventure, together.

And with no further ado, let’s do a motherfucking review, shall we?